Is it any of my business
By Payout
@payout (3794)
United States
September 27, 2010 1:44pm CST
My brother is 17, and his gf is 18. I have a problem with them staying at my dads house. The problem is not of age because age is just a number. But that she does nothing or pays nothing to live there. My father is in a financial bind, right now. So its kind of hard for him to pay all the bills. I have 2 sisters that live there but they both give my father some money for staying there. I dot live there...but my sister's come to me about having a problem wit her staying there. My older sister asked my dad why does she(brother's gf)not pay ant rent? And the girl works...and spends all her money(smoking). And my dad tells her mind your own business!!! So is it any of my business to talk to my father, about her not paying rent. You must be thinking well she is just 18, that's right but. She doesn't help clean up, they both leave a mess, and hide food in their room. Isn't that called free LOADING. When they buy stuff they do not like to share, which I find to be selfish!!!! Am I wrong??? I believe when you stay somewhere(that's not home), you can help financially or at least around the house. Their both very dirty, and RUDE. Should I TALK to my father, or MIND MY OWN BUSINESS since I don't live their. Or should I give them a WAKE UP CALL??? You CAN'T LIVE ANYWHERE FOR FREE. BTW she just moved in with no NOTICE or PERMISSION!!!!
8 people like this
17 responses
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Sep 10
Well you can try, can't hurt, might help...
@payout (3794)
• United States
27 Sep 10
I don't think so. He probably said it to her to avoid any conflict between my brother and his girlfriend. Because my sister will snap. I think I should talk to my dad if not with my brother, Before my sister says something which wouldn't be any good. I see it if his kids have to pay rent why wouldn't she? She's not even his daughter,they have only been together on and off for 10 months. Thanks for the feedback :)
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
27 Sep 10
I think the best thing for her would be a wake up call. She needs to know early on that she's lucky to even still be living there and that your brother and his gf both need to be doing more to help around the house. She should atleast clean, if not give your father a little money. Your brother has the right to tell his gf she needs to do some stuff around the house. If I were her and moved in without permission and didn't do anything I'd be upset at myself. I can understand if she's shy and doesn't know what to do or how to ask, but if she feels tension, which I am sure she must, she should be doing something, even if the first step is to not be a freeloader, and stop hoarding and buying things for just them without letting others use it too.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
27 Sep 10
Your brother might partially be acting the way he is so he can impress his gf, that's just what comes to my mind. I hope that everything works out, and she either stays and straightens up or leaves. If she doesn't have the courtesy to help out, then that's not the type of person I'd want to be around.
@payout (3794)
• United States
27 Sep 10
Exactly how I feel!!! Everyone treats her with respect, and with good manners. It seems like she wasn't brought up with any. I believe its just common courtesy, to help and greet someone when you enter their home. My brother is just so rude, not sure where he gets it from, none of us are like him. But she is her own person, so I don't blame that on him. I see it as your not shy enough to scream, fight, eat, take a shower in someone's else but your to shy to help out. I just think their dirty, its sad they broke my fathers door down when they were arguing, that's the last straw. Thanks for your feedback :).
1 person likes this
@thedaddym (1731)
• United States
28 Sep 10
Since it is likely causing your father financial hardship then you can make it your business. If not and he is fine with it then it would not be your business, but as his child you have a right to be concerned for your father and his well being. You can't really make her do anything but you could have a polite talk to her and explain that your father is not financially well off and if she is going to stay there then it would be nice if she could pay a little bit for the expense of her living there. That's about all you can do.
1 person likes this
@payout (3794)
• United States
29 Sep 10
He isn't fine with it, he is always complaining about it. I find it to be my business, because am worried about my sisters happiness. Oh I can make her leave if I really wanted to, it's my sisters house not hers. Am very concerned for my father, but morevforbmy sister. I don't want get to be uncomfortable in her own home, or feel like she us a maid, she us in high school she has the right to enjoy her years as a teen. I will not let my brother girlfriend take that from her. Her patents didn't kick her out so she Dan go back anytime. If she wants to rake my brother so be it, he thinks hesus grown. Maybe her parents can give ger a wake up call. How would she like being in my sisters shoes. I believe no one would, jog even her. So she needs to stop being so inconsiderate and jest take her stuff and leave. Btw the orobkem isn't just money either, it's the fact that they don't glean after themselves. Thru like to cook but not clean. They like to take showers, but not take their loathes out of the bathroom. They like to eat, but don't like picking up. They like to wash clothes, but don't like to share the washer and dryer. Grow up kids, come back to reality, is what am going to tell them both. Thank you for your feedback :)
@shia88 (4571)
• Malaysia
1 Oct 10
HI,
Under this kind of situation,it is the best to have a good
chat with your father and also your brother.
Since his girlfriend is staying there with you guys, she has the right
to help in cleaning and also at least pay small amount of rental.
It is impossible to let your father to pay all the bills. It will be
a big burden for him.
It has to be firm while having the chat,so that this problem can be
solved at one go.
Once this problem is solved, everyone will feel happy staying together under
one roof.
1 person likes this
@payout (3794)
• United States
2 Oct 10
I agree under the situation, it's best for me to talk to both of them. Your right she is obligated to help clean and pay some rent, but she is lazy. His financial problem is not great right now, but what makes things worse, his the burden they are putting on him. If they were more considerate the utility bill wouldn't be so high. They leave the lights on and the ac on, even when their not there. It's so rude how they take out, and don't even bother to ask if anyone wants to order anything. But when I go over there, I buy food for everyone. I try to treat to everyone, the way I would like to be treated. I think tomorrow am going to talk to them, if not today. I hope for his and her sake they understand. If not "SHE IS OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!
@jagjit273 (1754)
• India
28 Sep 10
The thing is brother that she is not only your brothers girlfriend but your fathers too.so if u live at another place you take your sisters to your place , if you wanna save them from any kind of hazards.Because your father and your brother will not listen to you now, I know you want to repent, rebel, but do not do voilently and aggressively, Just do it calmly and wisely.Save your sisters first, Let the 2 dogs fight for one she dog
1 person likes this
@payout (3794)
• United States
29 Sep 10
Well yes i will take my sister if necessary. But they both will know how I feel first. They can't just kick my sister out, or make her feel uncomfortable and think it's ok. Oh and am not a child so I wouldn't be aggressive, my brother probably would be. But that's why there are cops. Am not a child so I wouldn't call it reprint or rebelling. I have my own place I just want to make sure they know how my sitter feels. I will talk to them calmly, at least I will try my best. Thanks for the advice :)
@pokumon (644)
• United States
28 Sep 10
I don't think your brother should be paying rent because he's a minor and I feel like his girlfriend is staying there as a guest. But she needs to learn how to behave as a guest and at the very least clean up after herself. I think your father would approach them about rent if he really needed it. Sometimes parents don't like to their children to know how their financial situation actually is and prefer them to think it is worse then it is so they don't put further strains upon it. I just don't think your father wouldn't speak up if he really really needed it. I think more at issue is how they treat other people and that their lack of respect needs to be addressed.
1 person likes this
@payout (3794)
• United States
29 Sep 10
Well am not saying he has to pay rent but he can be considerate. Btw his girlfriend is not a guest, because she never was welcomed to stay there. A guest is a visitor to whom hospitality is extended, and she was never invited to stay. You couldn't call her a visitor because she lives there now. A visitor, comes sometimes and visits dissent stay. Especially with outvany permission. He does need help with his bills, that's why he ask my sisters for more, but he doesn't ask my brothers girlfriend. I just think they are both selfish. My father is just trying to avoid any kind of conflict my brother. Btw your right about the issuevon how they treat people and their lack ofvrespect. They have none what so ever, both disrespectful teens. But thanks for your input :)
@GardenGerty (160949)
• United States
28 Sep 10
I am not sure what to say about this, as your dad has allowed it, and he is an adult and can make these decisions for himself. It is rude and a shame that your brother and his gf take advantage your dads good nature and hospitality.
@payout (3794)
• United States
28 Sep 10
It's not that he has allowed it. It just doesn't want to have a violent confrontation with my brother, he can be bipolar. And your right it's rude and a shame they take advantage of him. I know how my brother is so am not shocked, but is gf just looked different. I guess you see a persons real color when they move in. Who would of thought it would come to me talking to my dad. As I said before it's just common courtesy to help around the house. Well am the voice if reason. So hopefully when I talk with them, everyone is calm and understanding. Thanks for all the advice :)
@meenneixz (668)
• Philippines
28 Sep 10
You should talk it with your father, and of course with the presence of your brother. Just to clear things out and for them to realize that theres no such free thing in this earth. But if your father insist and he wanted them to stay with him in his house.Then that the time that you can do nothing.
1 person likes this
@payout (3794)
• United States
28 Sep 10
Your right I need to clear things up with both of them. Am just trying to make sure my little sister is comfortable there. She is also a minor, and because she is a girl I protect her more. If my father doesn't handle the problem I would have to ask my sister if she would like to move in with me. Its not fair that my older sister has to pay rent but not his gf. Well I think it's sad is gf should at least help around the house that's common corteousy. I don't think my brother can control her to that point and if he does they just both have to leave. I see is if my father allows her to stay there he his chosen them over my sister. And I wouldn't agreecwith that, I would be very upset. But thanks for your feedback :)
@elmiko (6630)
• United States
28 Sep 10
well you know what i think your 2 sisters to have point and a reason to ask your father why the free loader can just show up and stay there when they pay their own way. why is she getting special treatment? why should your sisters mind their own business when their the ones helping him out by paying their way and she isn't. what makes her so special?
1 person likes this
@payout (3794)
• United States
29 Sep 10
Exactly what I think, why should she get any special treatment. She is not even her daughter. I believe they have the right to give their opinion because they pay bills there. And free loader is the word, she like a leash. She isn't special either, maybe to my brother but if that's the case they can move out. It's not like she is dumb, she knows she's is abusing my fathers hospitality. But she doesn't care, she just wants to smoke her life away. She is a spoiled brat, from her parents. But my father us not anything to her, so if she wants to act like a princess she can move back home. Am not dealing with her and my brother anymore. They just have to go if try don't budge. Thanks for your input :)
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
28 Sep 10
Hi. payout. I think that you should voice your concerns to your dad. When I was living with my grandmother, I helped clean. When I stayed with my in-laws I cleaned up their home a lot too. I think that when you are staying with someone, a person can at least help out. Being lazy and not chipping in is very mean. It is nice to help others out if possible. Your father should not have to put up with his son's girlfriend just using him for a place to live. She should attempt to help out even if she has no money to give. I have done this without a job and I am sure that she can too, with a job. There is just no excuse.
If she wants to just do as she pleases, then she should think about finding her own place to live. Here she can free load all that she wants to. Why not? It would be her own place. She should stop using your father like she is. Hopefully, he will realize that her son's girlfriend is just trying to get what she can get out of him. Someone needs to stop her!
If she wants to just do as she pleases, then she should think about finding her own place to live. Here she can free load all that she wants to. Why not? It would be her own place. She should stop using your father like she is. Hopefully, he will realize that her son's girlfriend is just trying to get what she can get out of him. Someone needs to stop her!1 person likes this
@payout (3794)
• United States
28 Sep 10
That is a great example you gave. I've had others live with me and they have always helped. I see as everyone is grown up, so everyone needs to pick up after themselves. If you want a maid, pay for one. I think when teenagers or grown ups don't pick up after themselves they show how dirty they really are. It's sad they can cook, put not clean up. I was taught you clench while you cook. She is not lazy enough to get up and get things or go out. So why should be lazy to puck up her bf room or the house. If they would pick up after themselves there wouldn't be a problem. But my sisters are not their personal maids. If they feel they don't need to help, they can get their stuff and leave. It's sad she doesn't even clean up after there cat, it's like if she thinks she is a goddess or something. If she wants to continue being a princess, then she needs to go back to her parents house. And if he wants to move out, with her so be it. Maybe her parents will allow it, or tell them to grow up too. Thanks for your advice :)
1 person likes this
@ThirdMillion (604)
• United States
27 Sep 10
I can see your frustration for sure. Not a great situation for your father but in my opinion he must be ok with it or he would tell her she had to leave. I'm sure your father is a reasonable man and there must be some reason he is ok with it that maybe you don't know of. I certainly understand how frustrating it would be to see someone that appears to be taking advantage of your father. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to talk to your father about it but I'd approach it with ease because more than likely its frustrating to him as well. Best of luck with it.
@payout (3794)
• United States
27 Sep 10
Yes, everyone is frustrated with the situation. And my father isn't okay with it. I think he doesn't know how to approach my brother, he can be bipolar. Oh they know their taking advantage of him but they just don't care. They mention to everyone, and seem to be amused of the situation. Well I see it as she should have some respect for her elders. She clearly doesn't, I see it has like spitting on my father she has no courtesy what so ever. Which is sad!!! And my brother just worse. I think they need professional help. Thanks for your feedback!!! :)
@puccagirl (7294)
• Israel
27 Sep 10
I would definitely mention it, because it bothers several members of the family already, both you and your sister at least. But start off by talking about it in a nice way, since there might be things you do not know about... and see where that takes you... :)
1 person likes this
@payout (3794)
• United States
27 Sep 10
Oh okay so you think I should find out more before I say something. That's smart no one has point that out to me, and yes it is bothering more than half of the people living there. Oh and i will talk in nice way I don't think anything gets resolved when yous scream. Although I know he is going to flip out, am going to do my best to deal with the situation the best way I can. Thanks for the feedback :)
@Caitlin2009 (48)
• United States
27 Sep 10
defiantly talk to your dad about it, if he's already financially strapped then having 2 other people live with him is gonna make it worse, hell your brother is old enough to get his own apartment!
1 person likes this
@payout (3794)
• United States
27 Sep 10
Everyone thinks the same. I feel like am the voice of reason in my family. I kind of have given them hints to get their acts together. But it seems that they don't care, their just selfish. Am going to talk to my dad and if he doesn't deal with the problem then am going to talk to my brother face to face. Am tired of him thinking he is king or something, he can be a King if he wants but in his own place. I say he can get a job at burger king or something its not like he likes to go to school. Thanks for your feedback!!!!
@chrixopher75 (53)
• United States
28 Sep 10
This is a situation that is definitely jacked up, and I can see your concern for your family. Unfortunately there's not much else you can do besides express your feelings toward your father. If you calmly explain your concern on the issue and he's pulling the whole 'none of your business" angle, then unfortunately, you really have to leave him to it. If he wants to alienate his own family one by one, tan you kinda have to let him figure this out on his own but be ready to help him when he needs it.
1 person likes this
@payout (3794)
• United States
28 Sep 10
Your right the situation is jacked up and am very concerned for my family. I am going to express my feelings, and explain him my concers. They ALL need a WAKE UP CALL. Even my dad he needs to stop letting him run the household he's 17 . Not grown at all or mature enough to make decisions. If my brother thinks he is man enough to have a women then he can step up and take of her. They both need to grow up, with age you learn responsibility, they have not learned any. It's sad because I think they both can be Good people when they want. But they need to lose the attitude and the ruddiness aside. Thanks for your feedback :)
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
27 Sep 10
I am thinking 'the sisters pay rent and help out their father, but the son does not!" I mean to me that is worse then the girlfriend not helping out. Because I feel that if she saw that her bf was paying rent to his father, then she would think 'maybe I should help out.'
But I get upset when the sons do not pay board and room or rent because they need the money for university and only the girls have to contribute. That is why we did not adopt girls. My friend told me, of course if you had girls going to university, your husband would have let them not have to pay rent and I said "sure, sure!"
I do think your father should talk to the both of them. It would be better since he owns the house. But I guess he does not have any gumption.
1 person likes this
@payout (3794)
• United States
27 Sep 10
Well that's true he should pay rent too. But since he is in high school, he thinks he can live for free. He doesn't work, but I think he can at least clean up after himself. And his gf can at least clean up, if she doesn't want to pay rent. I think she should leave, she didn't have permission to move in or doesn't contribute. And if he wants to leave with her, then so be it. I see as he is a man and if he wants to live with his gf, then he should work. So they can live together, but in their own apartment!!!!!!
@payout (3794)
• United States
27 Sep 10
Yea I thought the same :). Well the only thing I worry about is what might happen if my father talks to him. My brother can be bipolar, he treats my dad very rude, and when my father tries to talk to him he blows up. To be honest my little brother can be violent!!! So what do you recommend me to do?
@mastermindskt (1050)
• Pakistan
27 Sep 10
one thing that what about your dad as he agree that she lives their or not if he agree that she can live there and i am responsible for my son and his girl friend then don't talk to him but if he upset from both of them then you can talk. happy mylot
@payout (3794)
• United States
27 Sep 10
No he doesn't agree with her living there. He actually is always complaining about both of them. I think he is afraid my brother will become physical. He doesn't want to have to call the cops on him. But that's I will make sure to be there when they talk. But if my father doesn't do anything. I will have to take matters in my hands and talk to my brother if that doesn't work. I plan to ask my younger sister if she would like to move in so she doesn't feel uncomfortable or have to deal with that anymore.
