Why do people Change??

My reply was never meant to be a personal attack… if your post was a general comment about people changing, then so was my response. Maybe you don’t know, but in English if a reply has ‘you’ in it, it doesn’t necessarily mean ‘you’ in particular… If however, you wanted only consolation and endorsement for your ‘bewilderment’, then you should have specifically mentioned so and not asked for diverse opinion. And as for being judgmental, maybe you should ponder over the saying ‘only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches’

Look at your sentence structure and what does the 'You" in it imply. There has been responses which are diverse and varied but there is a manner in which you voice your difference of opinion. If you suggest me to take English lessons well, you need to learn manners for that matter!

One shouldn't be judgmental, Hmmm... well thats interesting. One shouldn't be judgmental about which things huh? If a relation is getting sore because the person you knew has changed well, I shouldn't be judgmental, oh yeah you said it all maybe I have changed from a good to a bad person. I urge you must read the post and try to understand the content before running your mouth to make personal assaults!

I don't know why but your response had a visible tinge of sadness. Yes, people do change my friend, if they change to become more"Humane" it would be the perfect change I shall say and if they change to the other, it hurts that you called this person as your own once! Thank you rdramirezC

;-D great time responding to you...

I have also changed over time. My friends too. I recall the case of 1 of my friends. I stayed with him in a rented accomodation for approx. 1.5 years. After that also, we were regularly in touch via phone. Then, sometime around Oct 2006 or so, he stopped picking up calls. I do not know what was the reason. Some of our common friends too had this experience. I have seen even relatives changing, sometimes so much that it surprises.

Sorry for spelling errors!

Hey dear Cynthiann, It happens to me a lot too, sometimes can't help the fingers slipping, so no need for apologies there. There are people indeed who can change colors so fast that it does give an impression, making you to ask Is he a "human" or better if he were a Chameleon. Yes, that shouldn't let us stop loving people or even making new friends. I shall adhere to your advice my dear friend. Pray things are bit brighter there for you now. I was shocked to know about the loss of your friends and the burglary! Stay blessed my sweet friend!

Dear Didi, Let me first thank you for your thoughtfulness. I am glad that you have been brave facing the odds which life poses us from time to time. I can just tell you something which another friend of mine always advises when I am down and out, that nothing is permanent and it is just a phase. You know when you put up a brave face and still smile when things are against you, many a people who come in contact with you will be inspired. Keep up the good work! You have a wonderful day too!

dear bhai, We learned a lot from other people,from our loved ones,from every situation. I learned my lesson well,and i never regretted having those lessons in life. Thanks for the br mark dear bhai and have a great Sunday

Gotta go a long way Didi! Hope you had a wonderful weekend too!

Hi Doctordidi, I like your name . Yup, as you have said it might just be that poor old Darwin's theory. If the change is for the betterment then it is ought to be a welcome change. But sadly and surely enough people change from being a simple innovent person to the crudest one more often than not. Won't you agree?

You have said it all and you have said it beautifully. A vry valuable lesson you shared about the little signs to watch out for. Fortunately I do. Sometimes I am right but there are times too when I go completely wrong to interpret those little signs. I am sorry to know that you knew someone who caused you the hurt and anguish. My friend request to you is on its way!

Thats the spirit Princess. If you can evolve from an ordinary person to a better person and if thats what change is all about then one must surely CHANGE! Beautiful thoughts with a beautiful response!

Thats what I actually meant, Asxenon. Its all within us, what we "actually" want to be. Situations, circumstances work-pressure are all second fiddle. The person who has caused the change is nobody else but yourself. Thankyou for your wise and thoughtful post!

Yes, external factors and environment plays a crucial role to cause a change in a person. But won't you agree that a person changes because he wanted to change, its his own inner beliefs and will that caused the change he always wanted to happen. Give it a thought please!

Hi MJNMendezbalC, you said it very aptly the only thing that is fundamental, is "Change". People do change over a period of time. Thanks for the response

Welcome to MyLot! i must say that your feelings and thoughts are very much what I personally feel. People whom I know shaould be the same atleast with me. But if they choose to change they must change for a better person. How simple and meaningful, pity things aren't as simple as that!

That must be quite a change Krizz. yes, I agree that the situations in which we are and the daily challenges which life throws on us has a lot to do with our behavior and thought process. It is an interesting thing which you shared here and it got my curiosity to the hilt, that being single and then getting married with someone with grown up kids, it must be very challenging to you right?

Thats so rude of him. grrr...

Regarding the set of beliefs and values that were instrumental in your bonding with a person and the cause for the change in behaviour that threatens the bonding I can only say one thing Bodhisatya. You are still firm in your beliefs or values or whatever you are referring to.You forged a bonding with the person thinking you had similarities. Now you find a change in behaviour. THis is unpalatable as far as you are concerned.[Have I understood it right?]. If your bonding was based only on this compatibility then it is likely to get shattered and soon you will come to terms with it saying 'That is life! I cannot control another person's behaviour.People would be the way they want to be. There is no point yearning for the 'might have been's.'Once your mind is clear on this aspect then you have your peace.Your decision to continue or sever the relationship or mentally detach yourself becomes easier. Regarding the inital question I still feel these may be the answers- 1. THe person did not have the real set of beliefs you thought he/she had and that it did not have enough conviction.THat is why at the slightest opportunity it changed . 2.THe peron likes the change in himself and this gives him a sense of happiness[whether it is the right sort or not is not for us to judge; it is his/her headache] 3 Your initial judgement in assessing the true nature of this person has been slightly wrong or misguided.

Thank you Kalav for interpreting what I am feeling exactly at the moment. yes you have understood it absolutely right. Hmm.. Maybe I am a bit firm and rigid on my perception, but won't you agree with me if I say that when you have somebody as your best friend and then there are huge difference of behavior things Change and it is hard to accept that. Well, its a long story if I start to narrate it but your explanation and kind advice is invaluable. Thanks for being so patient and considerate.

Hi Kalav, As I had stated in one of the previous posts that I never meant the change that occurs when a person grows from a child to an adult. That is bound to happen and quite understandable, I guess. Now as far as your valuable insight suggests that a person has changed due to somebody else's behavior in order to protect himself from a potential threat, well my friend I must say that I would disagree with you on that. It is never like if demands something from me or from somebody else for that matter, and due to a possible rejection of the demand he may act in a changed manner. Let us say, you happen to know a person who has a particular set of beliefs and values, which were instrumental when you became friends, then suddenly maybe due to some external factors which you weren't a part at all caused this friend of yours to change from the person you knew. It could be your friend, your spouse, your children, your next door neighbor, your online buddy, your colleague, your Boss to anybody whom you know in different capacities. The visible change that occurred in his recent behavior, the change of his beliefs and values. The change which is so prominent now that has possibly shook the relation which you once had! Please do share your thoughts about it dear friend! Bodhi

Thats what makes me even more bewildered, what makes a person to change, so much so that it leaves you bewildered!

Hi Carpediem, This what I actually meant while I was thinking about the topic. People change due to changed circumstances. And when you know a person, close enough who has lost his/ her innocence it must be shocking to some degree. I happen to remember an incident as such where a girl had to suffer and lost her individualism as the situation demanded something else from her! Thank you so much for your thoughtful post!

hmmm I am further puzzled now! We have friends who change then we have friends who don't change but those who change maybe they are smarter because they changed from liking me previously and now not liking me at all. Lol, amazing response, buddy!

Your are bang on target with a sweet and precise response. Thank you Sweetpea, Nothing indeed is constant in this world of ours!