Why do people Change??

India
October 4, 2010 10:41am CST
Surely and certainly you must have noticed it too. People over a period of time, Change! A person, whom we know long enough change from the kind of person whom we befriended initially. Sadly to my notice when people change they change from good to the other. It maybe due to the new facets through which the world treats you today that you change or simply it were the traits embedded deep inside you that made you to change of what you have "evolved" into. Whatever maybe the reason but when a known person change, it gives me a sense of bewilderment, making me to question my intelligence. Why do you think a person change? Do you know someone who changed in the recent times? Has he/ she changed to be a better person or the other-way round? Or is it that the person you came to know are just the same over the decades?
1 person likes this
21 responses
• India
5 Oct 10
Everybody changes…even you have changed from what you were a decade back, isn’t it? and maybe you don’t know, but even you might have changed from good to bad…it all depends on how we look at that change and how it affects us personally. You can never expect the same kind of innocence and selflessness of a college friend from your office colleague…even your college friend has changed coz their priorities have changed…we have to move on with life, that is the law of nature…one should not be judgmental about this.
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• India
6 Oct 10
My reply was never meant to be a personal attack… if your post was a general comment about people changing, then so was my response. Maybe you don’t know, but in English if a reply has ‘you’ in it, it doesn’t necessarily mean ‘you’ in particular… If however, you wanted only consolation and endorsement for your ‘bewilderment’, then you should have specifically mentioned so and not asked for diverse opinion. And as for being judgmental, maybe you should ponder over the saying ‘only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches’
• India
6 Oct 10
Look at your sentence structure and what does the 'You" in it imply. There has been responses which are diverse and varied but there is a manner in which you voice your difference of opinion. If you suggest me to take English lessons well, you need to learn manners for that matter!
• India
5 Oct 10
One shouldn't be judgmental, Hmmm... well thats interesting. One shouldn't be judgmental about which things huh? If a relation is getting sore because the person you knew has changed well, I shouldn't be judgmental, oh yeah you said it all maybe I have changed from a good to a bad person. I urge you must read the post and try to understand the content before running your mouth to make personal assaults!
• Philippines
5 Oct 10
People change and yes they do... it shows that everything in this world doesn't remain constant as how we want hem to be... everything thats in this cycle of life change at each generation showing nothing on earth is perfect...even humans .they do change to as what we notice with our friends ,even though we consider them close to our hearts, sometimes they are the ones to fail us...
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• India
5 Oct 10
I don't know why but your response had a visible tinge of sadness. Yes, people do change my friend, if they change to become more"Humane" it would be the perfect change I shall say and if they change to the other, it hurts that you called this person as your own once! Thank you rdramirezC
• India
7 Oct 10
• Philippines
7 Oct 10
;-D great time responding to you...
@ptrikha_2 (47071)
• India
5 Oct 10
Yes, people do change. They do it for various reasons such as : 1)Changing due to some strong reason, to achieve something critical or something which is important to us. 2)Changing due to compulsion- mental, psychological, or some other kind. Someone rightly said: "Change is the only constant in life."
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@ptrikha_2 (47071)
• India
5 Oct 10
I have also changed over time. My friends too. I recall the case of 1 of my friends. I stayed with him in a rented accomodation for approx. 1.5 years. After that also, we were regularly in touch via phone. Then, sometime around Oct 2006 or so, he stopped picking up calls. I do not know what was the reason. Some of our common friends too had this experience. I have seen even relatives changing, sometimes so much that it surprises.
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@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
6 Oct 10
I know exactly what you mean as ithas happened to me more than once, it is amost as if some peole arechameleons or lizards and change their persona to match where they are at any particular time. t has taken me a lifetime to find out how devious people can be to meet their own ends still do hot know why but I do know that we must not let it affect us so that we stop loving people or stop making new friends. I suppose t is true that some friends are only in our lives for a short time - not for a lifetime. Blessings dear Bodhi
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@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
6 Oct 10
Sorry for spelling errors!
• India
6 Oct 10
Hey dear Cynthiann, It happens to me a lot too, sometimes can't help the fingers slipping, so no need for apologies there. There are people indeed who can change colors so fast that it does give an impression, making you to ask Is he a "human" or better if he were a Chameleon. Yes, that shouldn't let us stop loving people or even making new friends. I shall adhere to your advice my dear friend. Pray things are bit brighter there for you now. I was shocked to know about the loss of your friends and the burglary! Stay blessed my sweet friend!
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
4 Oct 10
hello dear bhai, People changed for a reason,and you cited some good reason. Personally i changed a lot. I used to be soft hearted before,i cried easily,with movie scenes or TV scenes,or when i saw people around me who looks pitiful. But lessons in life teaches to be a tougher one,a strong person and to realize contents of life. I did not change from good to worst,nor worst to a better one. But i can say that,i can face the world with smiles eventhu my heart is breaking,i can laugh thu i am financially broke. I am not a pretender,No,it's not being pretender but,it's being true to myself. In what way crying can help me then when i am down,or,does crying or depression could pay my bills? Changes in ones personality depend on how someone uses it,or how you changed yourself from good to better or maybe the best and not from good to worst. Well,some people changes from good to worst,and that is the fact. Have a good day always dear bhai.
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• India
4 Oct 10
Dear Didi, Let me first thank you for your thoughtfulness. I am glad that you have been brave facing the odds which life poses us from time to time. I can just tell you something which another friend of mine always advises when I am down and out, that nothing is permanent and it is just a phase. You know when you put up a brave face and still smile when things are against you, many a people who come in contact with you will be inspired. Keep up the good work! You have a wonderful day too!
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
9 Oct 10
dear bhai, We learned a lot from other people,from our loved ones,from every situation. I learned my lesson well,and i never regretted having those lessons in life. Thanks for the br mark dear bhai and have a great Sunday
• India
10 Oct 10
Gotta go a long way Didi! Hope you had a wonderful weekend too!
@DoctorDidi (7018)
• India
31 Oct 10
People change because change is the law of nature, but obviously it is welcome if the change is good for the person concerned. As with age, a man becomes more and more matured by the different phases of life he has gone through, he gathers different experiences and out of all these he changes himself to get more positive results for him. You may easily treat it as an example of 'struggle for existence'.
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• India
1 Nov 10
Hi Doctordidi, I like your name . Yup, as you have said it might just be that poor old Darwin's theory. If the change is for the betterment then it is ought to be a welcome change. But sadly and surely enough people change from being a simple innovent person to the crudest one more often than not. Won't you agree?
@amanca (91)
• Italy
5 Oct 10
You're right, but you have to separate the kinds of changes a person does. There are changes that a person does because of life experiences that changed his/her mind, character etc...Moreover, there are also changes from the person you knew and the person you actually know right now. Those kind of changes (the last one I wrote) are not properly changes. A person (most cases a teenager or so) are very complex. The way a person is could be perfectly natural or faked, and sometimes, in particular moments or after they get used to you they reveale their real personality. A personality that neither they knew to have, a personality that with the time is going to be stronger or deep. You can notice signs of their real "nature", but they are so small that sometimes you don't pay attention. Sometimes (this happened to me) a person who is very nice with you, after staying with other people completely changes and becomes an a*s. That's the life... I think we should pay attention to those little things...Moreover there are masked personalities to mask sadness, weakness, fear etc... that in particular moments break because no one can fake his/her nature for ever. I don't know what else to write. Human mind is complicated...
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• India
5 Oct 10
You have said it all and you have said it beautifully. A vry valuable lesson you shared about the little signs to watch out for. Fortunately I do. Sometimes I am right but there are times too when I go completely wrong to interpret those little signs. I am sorry to know that you knew someone who caused you the hurt and anguish. My friend request to you is on its way!
• South Korea
5 Oct 10
Well I think almost all of us has to change specially if it is for the good..but maybe some people might think that changing character is no good.. but whatever happens everything we do depends on our choice and if its for the good of everything then Im on it...
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• India
5 Oct 10
Thats the spirit Princess. If you can evolve from an ordinary person to a better person and if thats what change is all about then one must surely CHANGE! Beautiful thoughts with a beautiful response!
@llbo1981 (1237)
• China
30 Oct 10
There are many reasons to make some one change in daliy life.For example,a person becomes rich or poor,all of them maybe change.The main problem is that their thought in their brian is change.So many people change around me.
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• India
30 Oct 10
@asxenon (1440)
• Malaysia
5 Oct 10
I do happen to know some people changing for the better and others changing to the worst. Anyway, usually it is the environment and our minds that control change. People might change when they feel what they are doing is not bringing them to the place they one. Some become greedy and some even betray friends and family in order to get something they want. Anyway, if we believe in ourselves and instill good values to our beliefs, i think nothing much can change you but yourself.
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• India
5 Oct 10
Thats what I actually meant, Asxenon. Its all within us, what we "actually" want to be. Situations, circumstances work-pressure are all second fiddle. The person who has caused the change is nobody else but yourself. Thankyou for your wise and thoughtful post!
• Philippines
5 Oct 10
I don't know why people change. Change rely on certain surrounding, environment, people. These are significance for someone to change. One may change on the manner how a person lived in certain environment. One may change in an overnight process and can easily be influenced directly with other. The more a person accustomed and adapt on it.
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• India
5 Oct 10
Yes, external factors and environment plays a crucial role to cause a change in a person. But won't you agree that a person changes because he wanted to change, its his own inner beliefs and will that caused the change he always wanted to happen. Give it a thought please!
• Philippines
5 Oct 10
.....based on my opinion,The only important and permanent in these world is that change..Every years in these world there is change not even the things but you as a person change... For me the person change not because of there attitude but because they choose to change by there own..You must notice that the person change for example when he/she go to abroad or somewhere far away that they go back things have been changes there attitudes,lifestyle and so on..So it's his/her wheel to change....
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• India
5 Oct 10
Hi MJNMendezbalC, you said it very aptly the only thing that is fundamental, is "Change". People do change over a period of time. Thanks for the response
5 Oct 10
I don't feel I have changed. i don't want to change. I just want I have been more mature, intelligent but not older. I think people's nature is good and honest. But for some reasons such as living situations, they have to change to adapt. I don't want my relatives and friends change much. Because when they change, I will feel I don't know them and It seems they don't like me anymore. I won't know how I should treat them. But if they change, I hope they will be better and always happy.
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• India
5 Oct 10
Welcome to MyLot! i must say that your feelings and thoughts are very much what I personally feel. People whom I know shaould be the same atleast with me. But if they choose to change they must change for a better person. How simple and meaningful, pity things aren't as simple as that!
• Canada
30 Oct 10
I think we all change to fit in to our surrounds and life we are living. For example, in my 20's I was partying it up like a mad man until I met this girl online. After dating for a bit I moved in with her and she had 3 almost full grown kids. This is where I started to notice how I acted was not that far off from the way her teenagers acted. So within months I noticed my speech was changing, thought processes where totally different and I started feeling different. That was 6 years ago and now I'm basically a ready made father. So I think it all depends on the people you are around and the situations your facing that depends on you changing.
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• India
30 Oct 10
That must be quite a change Krizz. yes, I agree that the situations in which we are and the daily challenges which life throws on us has a lot to do with our behavior and thought process. It is an interesting thing which you shared here and it got my curiosity to the hilt, that being single and then getting married with someone with grown up kids, it must be very challenging to you right?
@academic2 (7000)
• Uganda
12 Nov 10
Change is absolutely bewildering, especially when it comes form a person who used to be so good to you! I met a friend of mind with whom we were so close, but this time he was quite well todo, and when I waved at him, he looked away! It was unbelievable!
• India
12 Nov 10
Thats so rude of him. grrr...
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
5 Oct 10
Why do people change? It is because they are forced to change. As we mature from being a child to an adult, we ought to change. When we behave the same way , we would be ridiculed by others. Similarly when an adult changes his behavior from what he or she was all through the years it is because the person has been made to change on account of some changing circumstance. If you feel that someone is changing her/his behavior with you analyze what you have done to the person . It can also be because someone is influencing the person. If you have not provoked this change in the person at all, think of this-- There is one important factor--you may not have been aware of the side in this person’s character and it comes to the forefront now, when it perceives some threat to their existence/survival/ or something. Or it demands something of you that you are not prepared to give and this person is aware of it.
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
6 Oct 10
Regarding the set of beliefs and values that were instrumental in your bonding with a person and the cause for the change in behaviour that threatens the bonding I can only say one thing Bodhisatya. You are still firm in your beliefs or values or whatever you are referring to.You forged a bonding with the person thinking you had similarities. Now you find a change in behaviour. THis is unpalatable as far as you are concerned.[Have I understood it right?]. If your bonding was based only on this compatibility then it is likely to get shattered and soon you will come to terms with it saying 'That is life! I cannot control another person's behaviour.People would be the way they want to be. There is no point yearning for the 'might have been's.'Once your mind is clear on this aspect then you have your peace.Your decision to continue or sever the relationship or mentally detach yourself becomes easier. Regarding the inital question I still feel these may be the answers- 1. THe person did not have the real set of beliefs you thought he/she had and that it did not have enough conviction.THat is why at the slightest opportunity it changed . 2.THe peron likes the change in himself and this gives him a sense of happiness[whether it is the right sort or not is not for us to judge; it is his/her headache] 3 Your initial judgement in assessing the true nature of this person has been slightly wrong or misguided.
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• India
6 Oct 10
Thank you Kalav for interpreting what I am feeling exactly at the moment. yes you have understood it absolutely right. Hmm.. Maybe I am a bit firm and rigid on my perception, but won't you agree with me if I say that when you have somebody as your best friend and then there are huge difference of behavior things Change and it is hard to accept that. Well, its a long story if I start to narrate it but your explanation and kind advice is invaluable. Thanks for being so patient and considerate.
• India
5 Oct 10
Hi Kalav, As I had stated in one of the previous posts that I never meant the change that occurs when a person grows from a child to an adult. That is bound to happen and quite understandable, I guess. Now as far as your valuable insight suggests that a person has changed due to somebody else's behavior in order to protect himself from a potential threat, well my friend I must say that I would disagree with you on that. It is never like if demands something from me or from somebody else for that matter, and due to a possible rejection of the demand he may act in a changed manner. Let us say, you happen to know a person who has a particular set of beliefs and values, which were instrumental when you became friends, then suddenly maybe due to some external factors which you weren't a part at all caused this friend of yours to change from the person you knew. It could be your friend, your spouse, your children, your next door neighbor, your online buddy, your colleague, your Boss to anybody whom you know in different capacities. The visible change that occurred in his recent behavior, the change of his beliefs and values. The change which is so prominent now that has possibly shook the relation which you once had! Please do share your thoughts about it dear friend! Bodhi
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@jha907 (114)
• India
5 Oct 10
lot of factors affect human mind.sometimes its situation,money,expectation,pressure may be any thing.so you never know when a person will change.
• India
5 Oct 10
Thats what makes me even more bewildered, what makes a person to change, so much so that it leaves you bewildered!
@carpediem17 (1315)
• Singapore
5 Oct 10
hi bodhi - definitely people change over time. Job requirements, family circumstances and other relationships would have some bearing on how one behave, think and maybe even value over a period of time. But most importantly for some people, the underlying value one has should not change too dramatically. I have seen many people change - for better or for worse and sometimes due to the so-called 'loss of innocence'.
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• India
5 Oct 10
Hi Carpediem, This what I actually meant while I was thinking about the topic. People change due to changed circumstances. And when you know a person, close enough who has lost his/ her innocence it must be shocking to some degree. I happen to remember an incident as such where a girl had to suffer and lost her individualism as the situation demanded something else from her! Thank you so much for your thoughtful post!
@ADMaroC (76)
5 Oct 10
People change because for a reason.. we don't know what and why?..It inst constant..We have friends that do not change and do change but that friends that do change they are the people who change and aim for a better reason why.. but mostly they change because they don't like you or not..it happens sometimes..
• India
5 Oct 10
hmmm I am further puzzled now! We have friends who change then we have friends who don't change but those who change maybe they are smarter because they changed from liking me previously and now not liking me at all. Lol, amazing response, buddy!
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
5 Oct 10
Nothing is constant in this world but change. People change because of life's experiences and struggles. What we are now is because of what we have to go through and how we deal with it.
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• India
5 Oct 10
Your are bang on target with a sweet and precise response. Thank you Sweetpea, Nothing indeed is constant in this world of ours!