Pretending to be married...
By maezee
@maezee (41988)
United States
October 4, 2010 9:57pm CST
This is my current phase. I am so anti-social with meeting new potential guy love interests that I decided that I am "pretend"-married. Yes, you heard it right. I'm pretending to be married! I bought a faux-diamond ring a while ago and found myself putting it on my ring finger, when I work with guy co-workers who are notorious for flirting, when I go shopping, when I go out with friends. I tried to psychoanalyze myself about this decision, and I decided that I am avoiding being in another relationship. Or any relationship. I am pretending to be married to avoid meeting new people.
How horrible is this?!! Why do you think this is? Obviously, meeting new people, especially guys, dating, and doing all that good stuff is essential..But it's so much worrkk!!
Do you ever feel like being single and "mingling" is too much work, so you find a way to totally avoid it? What way do you use? (Or am I totally crazy, and the only one doing this?)
I know this is not going to get me any happier any sooner, so I don't know why I do this.
What do you think?
2 people like this
15 responses
@goldeneagle (6745)
• United States
5 Oct 10
the best way to get hit on and get a date is to put a wedding ring on your finger LOL
@mrscallands22 (2851)
• United States
5 Oct 10
LOL that is sooo sad, but soo true!! Guys do seem to be more attracted to women who are already taken. Whenever I am single (which was a few years ago before I got married), I had a hard time finding someone I liked.. But as SOON as I became in a relationship or married, men flock to me. But... it's all about what type of person you are. They know they could never deter me from the love that I have for my husband... so they eventually stop trying...
@goldeneagle (6745)
• United States
5 Oct 10
the same is true with men as well. When I was single, I would often have a hard time finding a date, but now that I am married, and I have a ring on, I could get at least one date with another woman per week if I wanted to...
@lynlypiochy (706)
• Philippines
5 Oct 10
From what I have noticed, men are like children. They want what the other guys want. If you're taken, be prepared to fend off guys.
@zoey7879 (3092)
• Quincy, Illinois
5 Oct 10
No offense intended, but I couldn't do it.
I'm relatively a hermit, and when I'm single I never really "put myself out there".
But I don't know why it bothers me - I've told men I was a lesbian before so that they'd leave me alone!! LOL!!!!!
And it can be work, especially if you've been jaded from previous bad experiences!
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
5 Oct 10
I guess there's good and bad sides to your 'pretend' marriage. It is nice to go out and not have to deal with guys flirting with you or trying to hit on you if you don't want it. Plus when they DO flirt with you or hit on you it helps you get a good idea of the kind of guy you're definitely NOT interested it. Anyone who hits on someone knowing (or thinking they know) they're married is definitely not potential relationship material. And sometimes it's just fun to pretend and see a different side of things. So as long as you aren't doing it because you're really, truly avoiding meeting people altogether and think you're actively keeping yourself from being happy then it's probably no big D :)
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
5 Oct 10
Maybe you do that because you afraid in getting a relationship of afraid to men.
You have a good reason I think why you that things. But always pretending like I don't know if you get better in the future...
You should be in yourself, my friend. Do not pretending to be a married, because someday they though you are really married and men afraid to love in that case
@bounce58 (17385)
• Canada
7 Oct 10
Yes, I don't think this will make you happier any sooner.
Actually, I think this strategy works for guys. Remember the Seinfeld episode? Some guys who are looking for extra marrital affairs use the ring as a magnet for certain kind of girls.
But...
If you are doing this to focus on some other goals you have in life, I reference your other discussions, and you think any relationships right now is just going to be a distraction, then it might just work.
Goodluck!
@wollivierre (687)
• United States
5 Oct 10
maybe your waiting to get your life together or you are waiting to be ready for the right guy or time maybe. that's what i think
@chiyosan (30183)
• Philippines
5 Oct 10
oh i have not done this.. but i thought of doing it so that people would know that i am engaged. buying a cheaper ring just so i don't get to misplace or let someone rob me of the jewelry my bf bought me.
Well we have our own ways but i think it still won't stop people / guys from wanting to hit on you so long as they find you attractive. :D
@samson1967 (7414)
• India
5 Oct 10
Oh!!That fake marriage ring can protect you from mental distortion from unwanted Guys. In India married females use ring on their leg fingers, and they certainly receive a special respect from male members when they wear ring on their leg fingers. Ring indicates that female is already booked for some other guy. There are some desperadoes who dont spare even married females.
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
5 Oct 10
There is absolutely nothing "essential" about being in a relationship or looking for a guy. If you don't want to be bothered, then you have every right. If and when you are ready to look for a relationship, then that's your decision to do so. You have no obligation to be entertainment for other guys nor do you have to always be looking for the next relationship.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
5 Oct 10
Hi Maezee,
I have heard of women doing this. I am single and I love being single. I have never gone as far as to pretend to be married though. I am open to dating but i don't go actively looking for someone. If someone asks me out and I don't have any interest, I just tell the guy that I'm seeing someone whether I am or not. I know way too many people and if I tried to pull off the "I'm married" one, well, it'd never fly.
@gracefuldove (1668)
• Malaysia
5 Oct 10
Well, to thy own self be true so says William Shakespeare. So if you want to avoid all those riff-raff coming up to you have relationship, perhaps you are going it the right way. After all false pretenses are just harmless white lies too!
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
5 Oct 10
In a way, you'Ve curled yourself up and start to build a shell around you. I suggest you break that shell and start to mingle with people again or you'll forever be stuck inside that lonely shell.
@kodukodu84 (1569)
• Malaysia
5 Oct 10
I do the same thing as well, though I'm engaged but most of the time my fiance is not with me, I often get disturbed by a guy that I don't even have an interest with and it irritates me really bad. They said until I prove I'm married then they won't believe I'm married...ew! I can't be bothered. It makes it so much easier for me to walk around, go to work, shop, when I behave like I'm married. I told my fiance about that and he said it's a good idea and I have right to do that. Well unless if I wanted to flirt around with those guys, but like I said, I'm not interested.
@brankasfile (102)
• Indonesia
5 Oct 10
I think you got panic. Several women I know such thing as you as. But this way only hide something that only you know.
@mrscallands22 (2851)
• United States
5 Oct 10
I can say that.. I have never heard of anyone doing this. This is a first for me. I can understand why you would feel like not putting yourself out there again for fear of being let down... but you can't go your whole life like that. Pretending to be married might sound like a good idea initially... however, in the long run it can be damaging. Not only to yourself, but to those around you as well. You mentioned your co-workers.. what if they were to find out you were not really married?? Do you know how much more tension would be in your workplace than ever before? And it's unnecessary. If you don't feel like dating is the best thing in your life right now... then don't date!! If someone approaches you and asks you out, simply say no. What can they do?? Absolutely nothing but accept the rejection and try the next female they may find attractive. That is something that I just don't see any good coming out of. Hope that this helps.
