being used

Hi figurativeme, I, like you, probably would feel bad after saying something because that is how I am. I hate having to cut someone off like that. Still, you weren't wrong and you really have no reason to feel bad. Your niece is old enough to have 4 children and yes, it is very difficult raising them on your own but she needs to budget her money and not always be relying on you. And the brother? How old is he and why is she taking care of him also? Sounds like she has enough on her plate without an extra one. You are very kind to help her out but when you are feeling used then it is time to step up and say something.

well two things here, first of all she need to tell her brother to get out and find some kind of job, and pitch in. or he have to leave.. second next time she calls you, you need to tell her no from now. if she is having trouble because of her brother and she's not refusing to do anything about it then its her fault. and i would tell her i dont mind helping you for the kids sake, not your brother, and i would ask her why she only call when she needs help. to really throw her off tell her you be more then happy to take the kids to make sure they have what they need. she'll get upset and most likey never call you again

If you feel being used then stop helping. There's a fine line between being gullible and voluntarily helping. You should recognize that line for you to know when to stop extending your help.

Does she have a job? and how old is her brother? is the brother studying? if she keeps asking for help, maybe to me, ok fine.. but I will tell her, since she have 4 kids to feed, she must make a bigger effort to make money, because if you don't tell her that then she will assume that whenever she needs money, then she can just ask you for it, then that will makes her lazy. She must realize she have 4 kids and she cannot just live by asking for help all the time. I think you shouldn't feel guilty at all but what you need to do is to advise her and make her see the biggest responsibility apart from asking all the time.

if i am in ur situation i will never feel guilty...i continues 2 helping her family... bcos they are my relations... so dont worry for it

first i would do the same thing you did and two i would not feel bad about it sometimes you have to say whats on your mind so it doesn't stress you out.

I will tell you from personal experience, I am a college student in a similar boat as her. I don't have any children that depend on me, but my girlfriend and I are living together and trying to get through college. Even after cutting back on the things we don't need, getting rid of cable, etc., we are still struggling with bills and looking for second jobs. All of this on top of school and things can get very stressful. So we have gone to our families for help numerous times, but lately everyone has been struggling, and a couple of them have done the same thing as you. To be honest, I took their words as a wake-up call. Their advice was probably more valuable than the money they had been lending me, but there are always things you can do to lower your expenses and places that you can go that will help you out. You shouldn't feel guilty for expressing to her how you feel about the situation, especially if it has been going on for some time and she has only been calling you for financial help. I am glad my parents and other family have told me that they are concerned and think I should look into other options, as doing so has helped me strive for more financial independence. Trust me, you are not the first person to express your concern while being in that situation, and communication like that usually brings family closer together.

Why isn't she working? You did the right thing. She's not setting a good example to her kids. If she's desperate, offer to take custody of the kids and younger brother. :)

I feel bad for the kids. First: if the brother only goes to school on Sundays, he needs to find a full-time job or she needs to kick him out. How dare he take food out of the mouths of 4 kids so that he can be lazy? I worked full-time and went to school part-time so that I didn't need to depend on anyone. Second, where are her parents? Why aren't they helping her and her brother? Third, if you feel she is not spending money properly, do not give her money, EVER. If you have the money and you want to help the kids, tell her that you will pay for childcare so that she can get out there and find a better job, or work more hours at the one that she has. Tell her you will give the money or cheque directly to the daycare/babysitter, and that she will not get the money. If you ever feel that the children will suffer, then go shopping with her, and pay only for things that can be used for the kids, not for her. Buy clothes or school supplies for the kids, and keep the reciepts so she can't return them for money to buy stuff for herself or her brother. I don't envy the position you are in. Good luck.

Hello figurativeme, As the Aunt, I guess you can extend any help you could give her. If you feel like being used up by helping her, maybe you can control a little. Try to say no sometimes so she wouldn't depend on you. If not, genuinely help her and don't think about it. You have a good heart so don't ruin your good deeds by having unhealthy thoughts about your niece. She might not be able to go to you when she doesn't need you since she might have felt so sorry that she has to ask some favor from you. How old is she by the way? Anyway, if you feel that she's really in need, you can help her to your heart's desire. Nothing's wrong with that. You don't ask for her to give you something in return, right? That's so noble. May you continue doing your noble deeds! I hope I've an Aunt like you! ^_^ Happy mylotting!

well in relations i tend to help as much as i can. since i am a student i can't help anyone financially but i help my relatives children in studies. actually in summer holidays they generally come to me and i would teach them the whole syllabus but i always felt proud doing so and there was not even a single thought of guilty.

its is being used to be a good friend who still dependent to her but there was a time when you to your friends to have a money balance to your financial help,.so that you can work your own business to being a good,.but you can understand why do you mean that is a lot of .,.,.,

It's ok to extend financial assistance to someone especially to your relative. But helping your niece to the extent that she would become dependent and abusive is intolerable. You should tell her to get a good job for her to sustain her needs as well as the needs of her 4 children. You shouldn't feel guilty about it. What you did is right. She should earn for herself for her to be independent and mature. If she can't do that, then the future of her children might be at stake. She needs a good advise.

I won't feel guilty. Some people is like that. They sees you when they need something that you have or can do. When they have what they need you stop existing to them until again they need something else.

i want to share you this quote Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.