Are you making healthy or unhealthy sacrifices?
By lumenmom
@lumenmom (1986)
United States
October 7, 2010 11:33am CST
Today I was reading an article about letting go of unhealthy sacrifice. It started out by saying don't be a martyr. Years ago, I believed that being a modern day martyr was a good thing and in the process I allowed many people to run over me and I sacrificed many things that meant a lot to me. Part of the consequences of that is the bad health issues and loss of income I face now. And guess what? The people that I did most of the sacrificing for have no more time for me. I am no longer a value to them. It is important to make the distinction between healthy sacrifice and unhealthy sacrifice.
Per the article:
"Unhealthy sacrifice is often perpetuated by an erroneous fear that your happiness is selfish. If you believe this fear, then too much happiness will feel wrong, bad, illegal, blasphemous and harmful to others. Is this really true? Here's what I believe: You can't get depressed enough to make somebody happy; you can't get ill enough to make someone else well; you can't get poor enough to make somebody rich; and you can't betray your heart to save someone else.
Healthy sacrifice is a different story. To be happy in a relationship, for instance, you have to be willing to sacrifice fear for love, independence for intimacy, defenses for joy and resentment for forgiveness."
How many times and in what ways have you made sacrifices that have hurt instead of helped you? If you'd like to read more of this article, here is the link:
http://www.oprah.com/spirit/10-Steps-to-Letting-Go-of-Unhealthy-Sacrifice/
1 person likes this
3 responses
@nilzerous1 (2434)
• India
8 Oct 10
Well your story is so common! People sacrifice a lot only to repent later on! But that's how the life is framed for many people. Someone needs to sacrifice while someone else will coin the benefits. But my suggestion is not to repent on things you have done for someone else. Never ever expect anything in return. My philosophy is simple. Give them until God stops giving you. So, I'll continue whatever little bit of contribution I can make towards the betterment of life of the people around me. I really do not think it as sacrifice. I think I am happy to play my role. And if God does not want me to serve anymore, He will let me know by stopping the resources I rely upon the most.
It might sound too personal! But I have seen my father who did his best to serve others. Obviously, he repented a lot later on. But now when anyone talks about him - I can see deep regards and respect for his thoughts. I feel proud to have him as our father. So, that is how life goes on. Just do what your follow your mind. It appears that God does not let you serve people anymore. Pray to God and have faith. Great deeds are often rewarded later.
@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
8 Oct 10
I do see your point and I think that's one of the main reasons I still give til this day. The thing is I try to carefully choose where and how I give so that I am making a situation truly better and not enabling someone with a bad habit. What I mean by that is I look for genuine needs and spend most of my time in those areas. Some people think their wants are needs and will attempt to manipulate you into fullfilling them. Others are crippled by not learning what things they can do for themselves because someone is always there to rescue them. I have sacrificed a lot of myself for several of these people and most of the time no real good came of it. In this process I have had to limit the amount of time I spend with people who try to use me. I still care about them and wish them the best, but I learned I cannot be their provider anymore. Instead I do more volunteer work at shelters, my daughter's school and churches that are very active in the community. That way I can truly give from heart and not expect anything in return yet I do see God's Hand taking care of me. Even though the struggles are still there, most are manageable, and the ones that seem unmanageable God gives me insight into what to do to make things better.
1 person likes this
@nilzerous1 (2434)
• India
9 Oct 10
This is the way to approach life! Thanks! You are following the path of bliss!
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Oct 10
ive made many sacrifices for my kids. especially 2 thats taken advantage of my generousity and concern for them many times. its gotten me to a point that i no longer have a choice as to where to live, etc. and no extra money left for things i want and need. so its been very bad for me and they dont really appreciate it. 
@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
11 Oct 10
As parenst we alwsy want the ebst for our children so it is very easy to sacrifice for them, even if it us in the process. also they do always appreciatte our efforts but we need to know it is ok to take care of oursleves, too as well as help them.
@Rallon (441)
• United States
7 Oct 10
Recently quit smoking (cold turkey), so I can safely say that I am making better choices as of late. I think it will take some time to reverse the negative effects that it has taken on my body, but I believe that I can make it happen. I am trying to replace that bad habit with good ones such as eating more fruits and veggies. I have some extra money in my pocket from not smoking, so I'm trying to throw that money at healthier choices. I am exercising more too, so that helps keep my mind off of smoking.
@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
8 Oct 10
Wow, I want to congratulate you on your decision and effort to quit smoking! I have heard it can be challenging but it is a great thing to do for your health. I also want to share with you something that may urge you to keep going. This is from an old podt of mine that I found to be fascinating. It is a timeline of the health benefits you gain the longer you go without smoking. It's like seeing how your body starts to repair itself right away. Here is the link to the website:
http://www.healthline.com/health-slideshow/quit-smoking-timeline
I wish you the best on your continued success!!
Sheila
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