Why do so many people want or expect all this help from FAMILY?

I find it very hard to rely on others i'm very good at doing things for and helping other people but not so good at the asking for and accepting help back although I am working on it. I'm very much a if you want it done do it yourself type of person! Like you though I have a core group of about 5 very close friends that I'm probably closer to than half my family just as close as my sisters mum, dad, nephews, nieces etc We go to each others family functions and as far as I am concerned they are part of my family. Blood means very little to me it's all about your relationships mum was adopted and dad was left in a childrens home so blood isn't always thicker than water. I think theres a fine line if you have a good relationship with your family/friends and all help each other out then fair do's but expecting your parents/friends to be your constant babysitter, handyman, bank or whatever is just selfish. At the end of the day you have to think what am i doing for them? and if it's not a lot and the relationship is very one sided you have to decide whether your satisfied with it like that. I'd be mortified but some people are just selfish and can't think of anyone other than themselves. We call those people meme's cos they are all me me me me me!

God created the family as the basic unit of society. If this is understood and families know His purpose, things can go smoothly. Families are economic, social, moral, emotional, psychological, protection support systems by design. I, for one, never wanted a babysitter except for family and even that was rare, cause I wanted maximum time with my children. From cradle to grave, family can be most beneficial; I know of so many who could have been cared for at home by a loving family rather than shipped off to an old age home to die more of a broken spirit and heart than anything else. The family, as God's basic support system, has been under attack for years now. Families are scattered, broken, overworked, and overburdened by worldly and distracting things that remove their focus from the love, comfort, and care they can afford each other, including financial help, if needed. Since Bible times, families kept close and provided covering for widows, orphans, etc. and still do in some societies today. I was blessed to grow up in a multii-generational family and it impacted me with the recognition of what the saying "Strong families make for a strong country" meant. There was always someone to turn to and strength in numbers. Love and respect for each generation was taught. Today many children do not even know who their families are, they're so broken. Obviously things can go awry for many cited reasons. But that does not negate the positive intent. It's great that you have good and trustworthy friends. We are interdependent people, again by God's design. He wants us to have a relationship with Him, and gives us family because "It is not good for man to be alone". When I was in school, there were courses offered in "Marriage and the Family". No one focuses of strong family relationships and how to build them anymore. We are told by those of a secular persuasion that there are "generation gaps", that families are a burden and don't understand each other. But just like marriage, we have to work at and cherish family relationships, like we work at all relationships. Our schools are offenders here also. I took off work one day to attend a field trip with my daughter; it was an overnight trip. Parents were deliberately separated from their own children and I was not supposed to see my own daughter for the whole two days! I did not know this would be the agenda and it certainly was disconcerting. Even in preschool, parents were told not to ask their children about their school day, as it was a privacy invasion. Of course, I did not listen, but look at the agenda of the school in doing that. In my opinion, mommy, "obligation" and "duty" are good things. They help build character and reliability and are indicators of the "agape" kind of love, more sacrificial and deeper than "emotional" love, like eros, even philos. In today's world, we do need to be guarded and careful in our relationships and make wise choices, as you mention.

Hi Mommyboo, I don't ask or expect a lot of help from either family or friends. There are times though that we all need a little helping hand though. I am always willing to help and as a result if I'm in a spot, I usually find that I have no problem getting someone to help me out. When my kids were small, my friends and I took turns watching each others kids.

Sometimes family is all people have and can count on.. and I do believe family members should stick together and provide for each other when they can because I think family is important. We help out my aging FIL as often as we can. I'll even send my 13 year old over there on weekends to help FIL get things done, mow the lawn, clean up a bit.. whatever he needs. In return we'll ask him to sit with the kids on occassion and he's more than happy to. If he's unavailable we ask my mother. We've only ever once actually paid a sitter to watch the kids.. and that was many years ago. As far as help beyond a babysitter.. well we have asked FIL for money help a couple times.. and he's also offered us money without us asking a few times.. then there's the whole moving in with him that we're doing now which helps him and us in many ways. But aside from that I haven't asked for help since the twins were born.. and back then I couldn't get it. I desperately needed it, and would ask hubby's mom to come over for awhile and just keep the kids occupied while I cleaned or napped or whatever I needed cause hubby worked 2 jobs so I was doing it all by myself.. she was always too busy.. once her excuse was actually cause she had to clean her house! It hurt me a lot because I had terrible PPD and really needed someone but we didn't have many people around at the time aside from his parents.

I'm not going to deny the fact that there have been a lot of times that members of my family have cared for my children when we were in tight situations (like when my husband had to have an emergency surgery). However, it really isn't something that I expect out of them, I just know that we are part of a family and they've never done anything for me that I wouldn't do for them if they were to ask. I have a harder time asking for help from my friends because though I know they would be willing to do it, I feel uncomfortable leaving my children with my friends for reasons that I don't think I can adequately explain.

Some people's families are just closely knit. It doesn't bother them to help each other out. But this does not explain everyone else's family. Some families are just like yours, living separate lives when you think you can stand on your own. It may be a good thing, it could also be a bad thing. It depends on the situation.

I figure that the people who really want to help are going to offer anyway. But I don't expect anybody to help. My mother-in-law loves to help with the kids, so we ask her if we need something. My mom didn't babysit, but she liked to spend time with them at family gatherings, so we got together, but we didn't ask her to babysit.

Blood is thicker than water... Family bonds are closer than those of outsiders.

“I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped.”Gestalt prayer/Frederick Perls This is one of my favorite quotes as of late because far too often people want us to live up to expectations and with that comes obligations. I do not expect anything from family or my friends. If I need something I ask, and if they ask and I can help I do so. I think one of the reasons why people tend to ask family first is because of generational expectations and conditioning. My family does not live in the same state but it was my sister-in-law who came up to help me move. Her reason, "That's what family is for". And to a degree I do very much believe that statement. However, I also agree that we need to be this way with everyone. We are all sentient beings and should we meet we should help if we can. Again, I feel not having expectations leaves us open to a great wealth. Namaste-Anora

For me because they are not independent one they want that all his effort is connected to there family.

When I moved out 8 years ago and I was only 18 that time, that was because I knew I can already be independent and live my life without relying too much on my family or friends. I don't often blindly ask for a help from my family because it was my decision to move and live an independent life, so before I ask, I do my best to solve my problem. It is quite hard for me to turn my problems to my friends too because I have a lot of friends but they also always want time to spend with their love one when they have free time. Then not only that, I can expect them to have just as much problems as I do. The most important thing is, once we decided to live our life far from family and some of our long term friends, make sure that we are independent and that we are ready to take the responsibility and the fact that we will have problems where sometimes we have no one to go to, so there we need the ability to solve the problems in no matter what situation is.

well i guess it is the proximity. both my family and friends help me. my family, like my parents, and my in laws have helped me in many instances. they have taken care of my child. it is not always though, as my husband and i are pretty much independent. but they do help. and i guess the good thing about asking for help is, the other person can just say no if they cannot or do not want to. and there's no hard feelings. after all, it was just a request. if the other person is unavailable, i just go look for another one who can. recently, i have made use of our household help (who is actually my mama's) and i would leave my daughter with her whenever i am not around. works well. so whatever works for you to get by. :-D

When I was younger I relied on family, just like most people who grew up with parents. At an early age I leared a way to give back, by doing things on my own. I think a lot of people expect from family memebers because, most of the time family memebers is the people who is always there to help, that's the meaning of family in my eyes. I don't want to offend anyone, or misdirect the message that I'm stating, its natural to seek any type of aid from the ones you are most comfortable with, and that is family.

People expect h from their family because Family is the one you can rely on. I know, in today's generation, people think that they can make up their life without the help of their family as they are now educated and good job,can take care of everything. But family is the one which supports you mentally and help you come out of any sort of decisions in life and that belonging is very important. Thats why people expect every help from family and they can provide everthing