I realized that I don't really know my father

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Two weeks after my father's death, I heard people who tried to comfort us and support us from recovering our loss talk a bout my father. They had a lot of things to say about my father. Some of them talked about how funny my father was in the workplace. They talked about my father's famous joke. Many of them also said that my father was one of those who gave the best advice. There were stories told about my father. One of those surprised me... the time when my groom did not showed up during my supposedly first wedding... I thought he left because he did not care about me facing the shame. I learned that he got drunk and was not ashamed to cry for me. I was told that he left because he does not want me to see him fall down. It crushed my heart when one of them showed a picture of my father and I while we're on a bike. I see my father as a serious and strict man. We are all afraid of him. We cannot tell him our problems. I only remember him as a man who reads the news during breakfast, watches the news in the afternoon, drives the car during family outing, reminds us to behave while on vacation and knocks on our door when my sister and I stayed late at night to talk about our crushes. I realize that I never really know my father. When I was asked about his favorite meal, I have to ask my aunt about it. I thought my father is a stone... until tonight, I opened my father's wallet... tears filled me when I saw that there's only one picture found there... our family picture when I was still twelve years old. At the back of it says - the three women and one man of my life (3 women= my mom, my sis and I_ one man - my brother). I never thought he is that sentimental. And guess what, I saw the letter I wrote to him ten years ago. In the letter, I asked him why he could not understand me... At the bottom of the letter he wrote, I do understand. I miss my father... I wish he did not keep his thoughts to himself. I wish he learned to express his love to us. I wish I saw his smile. I wish I heard his laugh. I wish I knew he loved me so I did not have to carry this hatred before he died. I wish... I really wish I can turn back time so I can change things by not wishing that I'll have the perfect and funny father, instead, reflect if I had been a perfect daughter to her. I love you Papa.