Why do men let women use them?
By Tiaridakdyl
@Tiaridakdyl (114)
United States
October 8, 2010 3:05pm CST
As the mother of five sons, I worry about the quality of relationships my boys are exposed to. One thing I have seen over and over that I can't stand is seeing women use - openly and obviously - the men in their lives. It's in my friends, my family, strangers we overhear or see in public...
What I mean is that women so often act as if the men are their servants, talk to them as if they are only worth what they can give the woman. I know the statistics are horrifyingly high about abusive men and yes, I've seen that too. But men like that are obviously mental cases, ones that have no human/adult control over themselves. Some women are like that too, toward men and children. But I'm talking about long-term, loving, laughing relationships. I'm afraid to let my boys meet any other couples anymore! Seems like every time we start being friends with someone, or living near relatives, we see women like this and men that just put up with it as if they have no self-respect at all. It's hard to convince my kids that that is NOT how they should expect to be treated anymore than they should treat a woman they love like that when that's what they see everywhere.
Even little girls annoy me now, I see these traits in them. What is this, the natural female character?! I'm not like that and I'm female! It would be nice to be able to point out good things in relationships for my boys to see instead of always having to mention that what they saw wasn't 'very nice', wasn't the right way for a woman to talk to and treat her husband.
Why do women do this?
Why do men let them?
2 responses
@cajimenez (452)
• Philippines
8 Oct 10
As a mother to your five sons. I guess you should let your sons have their own way on how to deal with their personal relationships with women. It's natural for you as a mother to care. But try not to intervene . Let your boys make their own decisions in their lives. Let them grow up to be a man . About your question why do men let women use them. No matter what the reason , it's their choice.
@Tiaridakdyl (114)
• United States
8 Oct 10
Actually, as a mother, it's my responsibility to bring things to their attention and/or answer their questions about relationships. I would never send my boys off floundering when I could give them information and the benefit of my experience. I also believe I should teach them to give and receive respect.
HOWEVER...if you're talking about interfering mothers-in-law, I agree. Most of my boys are grown and have made their choices - they didn't choose (or allow themselves to be chosen by) women like that. They're each different, of course, but just saying "it's their choice" is not what I see any mother saying! That's like saying you don't give a damn about your own child! Once they're adults, yes, it's too late. But while they're under your care, if they keep choosing friends who treat them poorly, it's a paren't responsibility to find out why and help them make better choices.
Let them grow to be a man? That's not a man.
@cajimenez (452)
• Philippines
9 Oct 10
Well said then. Yes it's a mother's responsibility to guide and give information. Time will come that your boys will make a decision for themselves . That will be beyond your control. If they made the wrong choice or decision , they need to learn from it. By learning from their mistakes will make them a man .
@fannitia (2167)
• Bulgaria
8 Oct 10
Don't worry and try to see the world with other eyes. As a mother of boys you think that women use men. But if you were a mother of five girls? In this case I see your post like this: "Why men use women?" I have one girl and sometimes I criticize her boyfriends. Once she said: You've never liked my boyfriend! It was a mistake for my part to speak like that. Children need to feel free.
@Tiaridakdyl (114)
• United States
10 Oct 10
They need to feel free? Yes, to a point. But until they've learned the things you try to teach them, before they know enough to make good choices on their own, they have to be guided.
It would be very frustrating for a teenager to have her mother always complain about her boyfriends, maybe you would do better to just listen and find out what it is about him that she likes? And you can notice what it is that you dislike - is there a pattern? It doesn't hurt to tell her what you see but, true, it has to be seldom and very carefully done! (I used to be a teenage girl myself! :-)
What kind of using do you see men doing? I don't mean teens and casual relationships that are only about the physical or prestige, I mean in adults and young adults in real relationships? I always told my boys that they should only be with a woman who is happy when they come home. And that they should be glad when she comes home. I've seen so many that act like the person they 'love' is irrelevant until they need something done. How hard is it to smile and say, "Hi, sweetheart!"
