Is my way correct?

Hi John, I fail to understand why parents tend to mix money with studies of their kids. My brother too did the same with his kid. Maybe I would understand this when I have my kid but I dont see the connection yet. It would have been been better if you would have promised something useful to the kid. I pointed this out to my brother who was hesitant at the start but later the trick worked out. I told him to start giving the boy some chocolates or some ice creams or even some games that he can play with and now both are happy. When money gets involved, the kids would really never know how difficult it is to earn that amount these days. But their wants would keep increasing. Also when they have money, you cannot keep an eye on their expenses all the time. But as the matter is over for the time being, and both of you seem to be happy, it is time to move on. Hope you find my suggestion useful in the near future.

Hi, Rewarding our child is one of the way to get them motivate and listen to what we want them to do. Of course, you have to stay firm while making the decision. Since she has shown up a good result in her study and you have promised to give her some $$ as the rewards,then you have to fulfill your promises. But you need to explain to her that rewarding her with $$ is a way to motivate her to study and it is also for her goodsake in future. Bear in mind that she should not take this method for granted. She has to know why you are doing it for her.Let her know that by studying hard, she will have good result in her study which will make her have better future. Don't always let her in once she started to cry. You have to stay firm while handling your child. Crying is always the method for child to ask for something that they really want. For me, sometimes my son will cry when he can't get the thing he wants and if I know it is not good for him,then I will drag him to corner and explain to him why I refuse to get him the thing that he wants.

Johnpillai! I am writing this because you have sought our opinion. Children have to study and go about their duty because they have to do it. THey can get any marks; it is not relevant. THey should essentially work to their capacity and a duty must be slowly converted to a labour of love.Offering money, a prize, an incentive is something I am against. You can buy anything for her, you can stretch yourself to your maximum buying books for her every now and then. But this must just be part of a routine and not given as 'you get marks ; you do well this time; you get 90or 100 percent in Maths ; I will give you this' type of exchange. THis is equivalent to a bribe. THe child will work only based on expectation of a material thing in exchange. On the other hand, you work with the child and gently inculcate an interest in doing well , then the child would start having self-imposed targets in higher classes. Oncce the child is used to praise and kudos it will get addicted to it. WOrds of praise would and should do wonders. Money should NEVER BE OFFERED. I would suggest you stop this practice, make her do the homework and daily lesson everyday because she is doing momma a big favour[this is exaggeration but it cannot be helped and slowly let her know how important performance is. Talk to her as though she is an adult and work with her.

Ohh hello there Well see you promised her rewards and she wanted it immediately .I don’t find anything wrong In it.But if you are going through financially difficult phase then you need to sit with you daughter and talk and explain her through what your family s going. Sometime children are total unaware of problems family is going through and they keep demanding expensive things.But if you talk with them they do understand it and cooperate with parents.

For me you didn't do anything wrong or right either. I just how we try to encourage our kids nowadays and it is a gamble. Sometimes it work out well and sometimes it it back stabbing us back. In your case it sure back stabbing you back. Do you change your approach or will you try to settle it the other way round? It is all up to how your child can accept the change and how she will react. I certainly didn't advice you to stop rewarding her because it will only discourage her in her study and might think you trick her. Maybe you should seek how you can spend more time with her and try to talk her the importance of study and how she didn't need to be rewarded by you because there is a greater reward waiting for her in the future if she study well. Good luck in trying a new approach.

being nice 2 ur children can never be wrong, i think u´ve done the right thing

I don't know if it was right or wrong, but we paid our children for good grades. Our son wasn't interested, although he was the smarter of the two. He was too bored with his classes to be bothered with grades. He traveled down a rocky path for a while but eventually turned out OK. I think it did make our daughter study a little harder. She turned out OK, too.

If i may not mistaken,your daughter needs companionship. See how she asks you to go with her with her shopping. See hoe her grades being affected with friends around. She needs your attention,more attention than ever. I am also a mother of 3 kids,1 girl and 2 boys. It's not easy to be a mother and father to them at the same time. but i managed to be their friends as well. Being their friends,it will be easier for me to handle each situation. I play with them,talk with them and had some chit chat and jokes. Listen to their musics,learn their ways too. in that manner,they can confide their inner feelings to me. Then,they don't need to resort to their friends when they needed someone to listen to them. have a good day always

As a parent I don't think that you should have to drop everything that you are doing because your child is demanding your time or your resources. You see, I think that an important lesson that children need to learn while they are growing up is that the world doesn't revolve around them. I know that at times that might be stressful to you, but if children don't learn these kinds of things when they are young then they will expect everyone to bow down to them when they are older and that can cause a lot of problems.

Hi Johnpillai, i can relate to you, my daughter also was very diligent in her studies but lately she's just contented with a passing grade. She is in her last year in high school and her study habits has changed. She prefers watching anime' movies in her laptop or reading novels she downloaded rather than doing homework or studying her lessons. Whenever i remind her, she gets angry because according to her she will study her lessons after she's done with her relaxation thing. After the first grading period she was so disappointed of herself because she was not included in the top ten. I told her that it was the price of being so addicted to anime movies and reading novels the whole day instead of studying her lessons. I also told her that being the class president she should be a model by staying at the top of her class. I think she has learned her lessons because i can see her doing her lessons now but she is still going back to her "relaxation" once in a while. I don't want to give her money or some things to motivate her because i want her to realize that making good in her studies is a responsibility to herself.

In my opinion,it is not a good idea to give money to children for high marks.You should be strict sometimes,or you will spoil her.

Getting anything she asks is not a Bad deed , but getting at that moment will be wrong because she may understand the problems finance later since she got everything at that moment itself

I would be more worried about the sudden change from always getting good marks to getting lower ones. Is something else going on that is affecting her marks? Like being bullied? In regards to your question of dropping everything to take her shopping right away, perhaps you should have waited to help her understand that the things you need to do are important as well, and that she is not the only important one, but I don't think doing such a thing once will spoil her.

You are right but you should deal with some toys or some playing goods (favourite)with her, not money. She is only a child, not a mature girl.You should not deal with her with money.

Hate to say this... but it sounds like you're being manipulated. This is typical of a child your daughters age, they often employ emotional blackmail to get their own way. She knows you don't want to see her upset so she cries to get her own way. Of course, there is no easy way to combat this. Maybe instead of bribing her to perform by offering incentives you could withdraw privileges if she doesn't do her homework. For example: no homework = no tv or computer or no visiting friends. As much as some people say we shouldn't punish children because it's bad for them emotionally, that's how the world works. You don't fulfill work responsibilities you lose your job etc. Life is full of responsibilities and if we don't fulfill those responsibilities the consequences are usually negative.

Parenting is not an easy task I feel . It is also different for different parents, one can never learn or go by another parents' experience.I feel that giving incentive once in a while is alright , but it may not be a good idea to make a practice of it, since such things teach children to develop a habit of emotional blackmail....But going out with her to buy something for her is really nice, who else does she have ? I feel that we have to be there for all their needs, unless it is impossible to do so, in which case make them understand ... I go out shopping with my daughters most of the times and enjoy it too...all the best and have a great Sunday

I think you did right by giving her a little incentive but I think she was wrong with all the pouting about wanting to go this minute. You should have made her wait on that one.

I am a daughter not a mother but I know that my parents tried this on me too. It worked out for a while but they realised it was not the best thing to do. Why? Well first of all, we all want something in return for the things we do but we shouldn`t get used to this lesson in life because not everything in this life is based on give and take. You are the parent, you are in control and if you give her everything she wants then she will be in charge. And once she realise this than it can only go one way: the wrong way.