How do you deal someone who has an attitude problem?
@totallyundecided (3190)
Philippines
October 10, 2010 3:41pm CST
First, I would like to say that I am not the person with the attitude problem. LOL
The thing is I have this friend who has a low self esteem. We do have a lot of things in common but she's more than myself when it comes to low self esteem - worst is her attitude problem. We were just starting to get to know each other and we do hang out mainly because of our common friends
Whenever we have discussions that would make her feel that I know more in the subject than hers. She would say like, "Bear with me because I am not that smart." Well, I don't find it weird first but then those kept coming whenever we get to talk serious discussions. Then one time, she was having a hard time trying to understand a word, I - as her friend explained. And then she said, "Is that how little I am to you. Like am i really that stupid not to know?" And I, trying to keep my cool, said, "No. But i was telling you because I thought you don't know understand. I was explaining" And I said that in a reassuring tone that I am not belittling her. And she said, "I really feel stupid talking to you." And she walked out. WOW.
I was like. "What?" I don't know what to say anymore because if I do - she'll say that she is this and that and I am better. She's making a fuss on everything I say. I know I have low self esteem also but hers is worst.
Then one of our common friends told me that she's always like that so I was adviced to "go with her flow" just to avoid any more misunderstandings. And I was being told too that she's righteous in the wrong way. OMG. Toxic.
It's a frustration really.
Then one of our common friends told me that she's always like that so I was adviced to "go with her flow" just to avoid any more misunderstandings. And I was being told too that she's righteous in the wrong way. OMG. Toxic.
It's a frustration really.2 people like this
13 responses
@savypat (20216)
• United States
11 Oct 10
Attitude is one of the hardest things to change. Any change must be made by the person and there is little outsiders can do to help. We all face life with the protections we have set in place. And a poor attitude works for many, one reason is that others give up on someone that feels that way. The best you can do is stand by, keep your advice to yourself and just lend a hand when asked. Remember that at the base of negative thinking is fear and remain kind.
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
Thank you, savy. Sometimes, I wonder how you always help me. With your words, with your presence here. Thank you so much for always giving me good thoughts from you everyday. You are really an angel, savy. I wish I am as wise as you so that I could be of help too when someone needs my advice. I am very grateful. 
@SlevinSlide (19)
• Romania
11 Oct 10
It's not an attitude problem. It's a self esteem problem.
Take care, these persons can mess you up pretty badly, because of their need to bring people to their own level (by making them feel guilty, most of the time). Don't go with her flow. Be relentless. You don't need people like this around you, but, if you decide to cope with them, don't allow them to change you. Keep them around for entertainment purposes.
No, YOU CAN'T CHANGE THEM.
Here are a few responses you could give her:
"Bear with me because I am not that smart."
"OK, but don't abuse my patience." (on a cocky & funny tone).
"Is that how little I am to you. Like am i really that stupid not to know?"
"No, you're enough to get me to explain."
"I really feel stupid talking to you."
"That's your problem."
or
"Well, I feel really smart talking to you." (the same cocky & funny tone).
The point is this: don't argue with them over their perceived stupidity, but don't approve. It's useless to argue, because they'll insist that they're stupid. Don't approve or you'll turn them into enemies/feel guilty later.
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
Hi, slevin. She has a self esteem and attitude problem at the same time but I didn't include our other dilemma with her because I might make a novel out of my discussion. 
If only I could also share my/our common friend's experience with her, you will not be surprised. I sort of kind of expect some of these moments with her but oh well, I don't want to be dragged down with her problem. All we know is we're treating her well and that there are really times where she would act or say words that would make us raised our brows.
I'll try to follow your advice. It seems that you have been more acquainted with these kind of people than I do. Thanks so much, slevin.
You're sly as the fox, hope you'll accept my friend request. And welcome to mylot, too. Cheers!!
If only I could also share my/our common friend's experience with her, you will not be surprised. I sort of kind of expect some of these moments with her but oh well, I don't want to be dragged down with her problem. All we know is we're treating her well and that there are really times where she would act or say words that would make us raised our brows.
I'll try to follow your advice. It seems that you have been more acquainted with these kind of people than I do. Thanks so much, slevin.
You're sly as the fox, hope you'll accept my friend request. And welcome to mylot, too. Cheers!!
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
11 Oct 10
Hi sweetie.
I always gave up on people with low self esteem until i saw my niece have the same problem.
What a rude wake-up call that was.
It took me 2 years to get her going.
All you have to do is not talk about things that can confuse her and make her feel "stupid", if i can put it that way.
You are the one who will have to start working on this girl, whether you like it or not.
Make her feel important, it sound like a low thing to do, but it really works.
You just have to make sure that the others do that as well.
You have nothing to loose doing this, okay.
Just get her going and she will come around, eventually.
Luck.
TATA.
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
Hello, saphy. Yeah. WE all have this plan of confronting her but we're just looking for the right time. Also we have second thoughts because she might take it the other way - making us all feel that we did something REALLY bad and she's good at turning things around - making it look like our fault.
I'll try to talk to our friends about your suggestion. I wish we all have the patience to survive this "challenge".
And you will survive it, i think.
@aaronfyzeon (1920)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
I really don't understand but people with low self esteem are usually humble people. They are usually shy and would not really want to mingle with others because they feel that everything they say are not the right ones. They would just go with people who they really are comfortable to be with coz they have proven that they understand them.
The only thing that makes sense is that the thing you stated that she is having an attitude problem. People with that kind of attitude are really hard to deal with. Try telling not to talk to her and just keep your mouth shut when she is talking to you and if she asked why you were giving her the silent treatment then tell her frankly that you might say the wrong things and she would not agree on it because she is always right in everything. also tell her that less talk, less mistakes. That way she would think that she should change her attitude then. It is lucky for her because you are still there to be with her and have you as a friend because people with those kind of attitude don't really have lots of friends at all. Goodluck dealing with her.
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
Hi, aaron. You'll be surprised to know that there are also people like my friend who has low self esteem and acts that way. 
She is a good friend but there are really times where she can be sooooooooo frustrating. And we're all adjusting just to avoid misunderstandings.
She is a good friend but there are really times where she can be sooooooooo frustrating. And we're all adjusting just to avoid misunderstandings.
@SinRealm (558)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
First you try to understand the person, make it seem that you are siding with them. Then when you find an opening, that is when you say your part of the story.
So it goes like this. Ask her why you think she's dumb, then tell her not to worry about these things, once she calms down. Just tell her that you're not one to hang with dumb people. You make friends with her and she wouldn't be your friend if she couldn't keep up with you.
I kinda can relate, I've got a friend with an attitude problem. Problem with him is that he thinks too highly of himself. We have to lower his level. Opposite of what you have to do.
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
Hi, Sin. That's what I am trying to do now. Hear her first then me. LOL. It's a hard effort and a real test of my patience.
As for yuor friend, good thing he has you and your other friends as your anchor or else he would have been shipwrecked already. LOL.
As for yuor friend, good thing he has you and your other friends as your anchor or else he would have been shipwrecked already. LOL. @harlequine (3)
•
11 Oct 10
i also have a friend who have attitude problem but it's the opposite of your friend. she's very talkative and outspoken. she usually talk to much that always!! always get her in trouble LOL. but i love her. she's like a sister to me. people have different kind of personalities. we just have to accept them the way they are.
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
True. I wish I am also as good as you, harley. That I would somehow embrace our differences. But hopefully, I may learn how to accept her as she is.
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
11 Oct 10
This is a question I ask myself all of the time because I am often dealing with people who have attitudes. It's gets to a point where I just ignore them, and tell them to get lost. I tell them I'm not going to deal with it anymore because I dealt with enough crap in my life.
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
True. LOL. I wish I could say the same to that person, rogue. She's really testing my patience. 
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Oct 10
hi otally undecided wow she must have some self esteem problems as most p eople would not be offended if they did not understand a work and asked you to explain it to them. I often did that with my own husband because i was always a bit better in English then he was. He was never offended as he was self assured and comfortable in his own skin.He was not stupid nor was I a brainiac either. we just had different skills. You really tried to make her feel okay a nd she refused to believe you. thats not your fault. she needs some mental counseling to get back her self esteem.I don't really know what to do in a situation like that. She needs more help than you can give her I guess. Perhaps you need to cool it for awhile then suggest she get some counseling so she can start believing in herself again.
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
Thanks, hatley. I just hope that every person is as self assured just like you and your husband because we are all here in earth to learn. Not to overpower someone.
Me and our common friends would like the idea of confronting her but we're looking for the right time. I hope it will be a success because all of us are starting to get tired of her.
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
12 Oct 10
I have no patience with people who have attitude problem. I am really impatient with comes to people who are so easy to get along with. Such as what you are discussing, I don't think I will ever find that person a right kind of friend. You know what when I noticed a person has some attitude problem, I would slowly withdraw until we don't get in contact with each other anymore. I don't think I would waste my time bearing with his/her attitude. No way! Life is worth living and I would prefer to enjoy my life together with people who are worthy of my time.
@maezee (41988)
• United States
10 Oct 10
I can be like your new friend here, although instead of sulking about not knowing something or trying to make the other person feel bad, I usually just ask for clarification from the person if I don't understand what they're talking about. For example, one of my bffs, a political science major (who LOVES it) always loves to talk about new theories and history and politics and things like that with me. Not that I don't like it, it's just I haven't had as much education as her, and I'm not currently in school, whereas she currently is taking 3 different poly sci classes. It puts her at a bit of a disadvantage. I'll sometimes say, "slow down there, buddy, i'm not following" but it's more like self-deprecating humor. And I don't think it should ever mean you're stupid just because you don't understand what someone is talking about, especially if it's something they specifically learned in school.
Anyway, what's the best way to handle this situation, you wonder? If she (or he) is your friend, you remind them that they are not stupid, and just ignore it. Perhaps try not to over-simplify things, even though you think you might be helping, just because I can see how it MIGHT be insulting (even though that clearly isn't your intention). People with low-self esteem.. (I fit into this category, sometimes), will hear what they are telling themselves to hear - take every little thing a person says too literally, too offensively, and because they see themselves in such a low light, they assume everyone else does too. So it's a complicated situation.
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
You said and explained it well, maezee. I guess it will always be up to me who will adjust to that person because if not - then I will forever be the bad person here. LOL.
@amyson (3498)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
well i can say that it depends on how upbringing of her parents it has something with how lapsed is the upbringing of the child they are usually belongs to type A personality they are aggressive,possessive,immature,spoiled brats and it can be manage by focusing on the reality and asking her why she acted like that?any problems in the family?are she neglected when she was young or she just want to seek attention by anyone around her.i think her family should know about why she behaving like this sometimes there are many factors considering why she has attitude problem.from then the family can adjust by loving and giving support she will be changed.
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
I haven't met her family yet but friends told me her family is okay. Because they have been to her house on her birthday. Though it's not enough to prove that her family is really good with their upbringing. I don't want to judge also.
@ceasarette (145)
•
11 Oct 10
I used to work with someone who has an attitude problem. She was able to hide the attitude behind her being smart and pretty and popular, but stay with her long enough and you'll be subjected to it. What really gets to me was the way she would always, ALWAYS contradict everything anyone says. She starts her sentences with 'NO', and she always had an alibi to everything. I found it very exhausting and frustrating to talk to her.
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
It's very toxic to interact with people like that. I know we all have our opinions but insisting that she's always right - really a different story.
@lynlypiochy (706)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
WOW. For someone who has low self-esteem, that is too low. It's like this person I know. She has so low a self-esteem that she also uses it as an excuse. It's annoying. We all know that she's fat and she has a low self-esteem but she always rubs it in our faces but she manages to make it look like it's the other way around.
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
And they all have that talent, making it look like we're the bad ones instead of us trying to help her. A complete frustration really.
A complete frustration really.