To Parents and Children, On Favoritism... what do you think?

I think anything can happen in families. Sadly there are those parents who purposely favour one child over another and that is downright abusive to the kid which is lacking the attention. Sometimes well-meaning parents will inadvertently pay more attention to the child who is sick or troubled and although their love may be equal it is not how a child will see it, as you say. Favouritism is very damaging in my view, not only because it will affect a child’s esteem but it creates resentment between siblings which can last a lifetime. I am no parenting expert but I think that in the case where more attention needs to be given to a particular sibling parents should not only make time for the other but communicate to him or her that it is not because they are loved any less.

Being a parent is tough especially when you're the mother. As a child I have long been questioning in my mind why does my mother favors the other siblings than I am. It is somehow unexplainable because I dunno how my mother really felt about me. Just the other day I joked with her because she is giving rice grain to my younger brother for free while she charged me hahaha and her reasoning is unacceptable. Although sometimes it hurts me that way, but I used to tell myself hmmm maybe they needed it more than I am. Maybe parents do have favoritism, but parents surely have equal love for their children and probably they have reasons for this so called "favoritism". to the children just don't take it against your parents for we are one family and we should love and help one another.

Some parents seem to favor the weaker child, and some just have a favorite. My mother favors my brother, but I was my father's favorite. My mother talks to my brother twice a week (he lives out of state) and she won't do anything on the days he calls in case she misses his call. She is always saying "Billy says", and never pays any attention to what I tell her. In fact she will admit that she doesn't listen. My father on the other hand used to take me everywhere with him (he is deceased) and spent little time with my brother. My grandparents favored my brother over me because they said they didn't know how to deal with a girl and liked the boy better. I have no children but I had four cats and although I loved them all, I secretly liked one more than the others. I tried not to act like it, but I think it is only natural to have a favorite.

Hi chiyosan, for parents children are equal. They give love to everyone equally. But taking interest on each child will be different. Because they will think much about the spoiled child or the weakest child. But we should not misunderstand their love. They keep more interest on the children attitude, because all will not be alike. Sure father will have favoritism on the first child because of the more attachment with the child since that child is a first issue. Have a nice day.

yes, you are right.in my family even if we are grown up but the favorism is always there.perhaps i will feel the jealousy inside me when i was a kid.but now, i don't care about it anymore.as long as they know i love them very much and via versa, the less or more need of attention is no more.

I have also read about favoritism.But i think that parents cant be like that as they love all their children the same way. However, as you have noted, some children are given more care. But this cannot be said to be favoritism.

Unfortunately, favouritism does exist. My father did it and my in-laws do it. It's disgusting and petty, but it does exist. Throughout my entire childhood, my father would constantly put my sister before me no matter what. Whenever she did something wrong it was "cute" or funny. If I so much as tripped over the furniture, I was severely punished, sometimes beaten. My in-laws treat my husband like absolute dirt and they cater to his younger brother's every single want. His parents took in his brother's pregnant teenage girlfriend and kicked my husband out without a cent to make room for her. They've supported them both and their child for years and refuse to help us in any way. His parents didn't even come to our wedding.

Hi Chiyosan, That is real true. I always thought my mother favored my younger brother over me and my other brother. It really seemed it. Once I confronted her and she was shocked. She told me that she just never felt we needed her that much because we were so strong and ok on our own and that she was proud of us but my younger brother struggled and needed her. it was true. I have 4 girls and they all have told me that they think I favor one over the other. Not true at all but I'm sure in their eyes it may have seemed so at times. I do think there is favoritism in some families because I've seen it. I would say that in most cases it is the sibling rivalry more than anything though.

There shouldn't be favoritism shown between family members. Children should have the same love and respect for both father and mother. In return, parents shold not show more love affection for one child over another. bitterness and jealousy can creep into a relationship before you know it. Favoritism is not something that should be encouraged. it can lead to heartbreak and resentment. Families should have bonds of love, not rejection.

I once watched something on television and apparently, favoritism does exist whether the parent/s deny it or not. They'll always favor another child over the other. When I heard that, what I felt all throughout childhood and until now has been confirmed XD I always thought my dad favored my brother over me. Whenever I watch television in our living room, he'd ask me to leave right away when he gets home so he could watch television. On the other hand, when my brother is the one who's watching television, he wouldn't ask him to leave and just let him stay there! I always thought that was unfair _ So yes, favoritism definitely exists.

In one family there is no such thing as favoritism, but is tailored to the needs of each, if there are parents who buy something good for her sister while her brother were traded in as they may be the sister was not needed and if the goods are traded in her sister goods and sister do not then maybe his sister and vice versa does not require that the goods are bought for his sister. I think in one family so there is no such thing as playing favorites are all the same just different course requirements.

well some experts says that “There’s no way a parent can love all her children exactly the same because they are all different human beings and inevitable elicit different reactions from us.”

Parents do their utmost to treat each child as the individual they are. This can mean that each child is treated differently but does not necessarily mean that the parents are favoring one child over another. Children in the family view this individual attention as the parents favoring one child. Children in a family fail to realize each chid has a different personality with separate care requirements, attention needs, even requiring different basic needs. My experience has proven that as the children mature they realize their differences, appreciate each other as individuals, and are grateful to the parents for encouraging and nuturing each as a separate indivudual.

It might be true based from my experience and from what I have seen from my grandparents. I think favoritism is a normal human action, however I think parents must have to make a conscious effort not to show favoritism amongst their children to avoid issues between the siblings.

I suppose in some cases yes what you are saying is true but I know that in my case that is not what happened. My sister and I are 14 months apart. I was my parents oops and so my whole life went that way with my sister being favored. I remember one time crying to my sister about it a few years back and she said that mom actually told her that she always favored my sister over me. That hurt just hearing what I always knew was the truth! But you know what it made me a stronger person I can stand on my own to feet where as she is almost 30 and still living with my parents.

I think it is very difficult to answer this question. Good parents will surely do exactly what we expect (they seem to care more to the one needing more), while the bad one will do that because they only give values to those who have specail values and seem to ignore those who do not. So, let me limit my point of view to the good parents. It is our task as children to learn to be mature, to see everything from many angle. My younger brother, inf cact, does this. Because I am blind, so my parents will mostly pay attention to me more because they have to guide me walking, they have to record my school materials, etc, as my younger brother which is normal does not receive it. My brother thinks that is no roblem because I need it, and my parents will surely do the same if he is the one being blind.

You are absolutely right. The love is equal,if a parent gives more attention to any particular child/kid in the family,it is becoz that child needs more attention and care. But the parents love to their kids is totally equal,it is just misunderstood sometimes by other kids. And,any kid/s who has this kind of thinking will fully understand the reason once they had their own kids. It's natural,though sometimes create a little problem in the family,but can be handled too. I had 3 kids and i can say that i loved them equally,and i never favored anyone. I always try to be justice enough in everything mistakes they've done,and give them credits with their good deeds. It's not easy to be a parent,a mother or a father. It takes all emotions and mind to have a good relationship with each kids. And it takes a whole lifetime for a parent to take care of their children.

there are some parents who treats their kids fairly. however there are some who do not treat them equally.. of course parents need to give more attention to their kids suffering from autism, cerebral palsy, or any disorder that affects the normal way of thinking.. :) unfortunately, favoritism really occurs, although not all but to some..some parents tend to compare their favorite son/daughter to their other kids even disgracing them..Some of my friends are suffering from these. I even witnessed an incident where his mother often talks about my friend so bad, like "just beware of my son, he's so dumb", "good for you that both of you get along well, he's so stupid unlike his sister. An achiever. I'm so proud of my daughter. Unlike that fool" It is so heartbreaking for him to hear those statements. good thing he didn't know about these incident (or that's what I know).. So favoritism is really happening..

Hi Chiyosan!. Its another great discussion. I don't think there is favoritism among child in family. I think every child in the family has different personalities who need different handling. Like me I don't like to yelling by any one because its will make mad too. So if my parent has a problem they will talk not yelling. But thats was not they way in handling my brothers. Have a nice day and hoping to hear from you soon.