Why do Women stay with Cheaters?
By NoWayRo
@NoWayRo (1061)
Romania
October 11, 2010 8:18am CST
I just read an article on this topic, and it got me thinking.
The article claimed that 60% of men cheat, but 75% of women who find out about their significant other cheating are willing to get over it and continue with their relationships. (I don't know where they took the info from, but the site that published the story is relatively reliable. I guess the figures refer to the US, since that's their target audience, but it wasn't stated anywhere).
Among the reasons why women decide to stay with cheaters, the article listed:
1) Women are afraid of being single
2) Financial insecurity
3) Social and job-related problems (in the sense that women think their status might be affected if they are divorced, and this might cause problems even at work)
The issue is rather sensitive for me, because two of my friends went ahead and married their boyfriends, even after finding out they cheated on them, at least once.
So, what do you think?
Are so many women likely to forgive and forget?
Do you know any cases?
How would you react if you found out your significant other was cheating on you?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
11 Oct 10
That is the state of mind of women in every country, NoWayRo. Not only in US. I find cheaters in everyday life all around me. But sadly, all the reasons and some seem to keep these women married to those same men who cheated! Here in India, it is mostly for the sake of the children that the men have to be tolerated. And the position of the women without children is pathetic. But all said and done, the women do want the marriage to work. They consider themselves as well as considered by others as failures in marriage which they want to avoid.
Even though it is not easy to forgive, at least they try to forget for their peace of mind as well as for their childrens's. I seriously do not know how I would react if I find out that my husband has been cheating on me. I would be very very angry and hurt, but I don't know if I would opt for a divorce. Hope that does not happen to me. 
@NoWayRo (1061)
• Romania
11 Oct 10
Staying together for the sake of the children makes perfect sense to me; if the husband is a good father, then a lot can be forgiven. Nobody is perfect after all, and it seems to me good fathers are harder to find then good husbands :)
I guess what struck me about the article which made me start this discussion was that it didn't mention the two reasons I would find most obvious: children and love.
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
11 Oct 10
Yeah. Making emotional decisions without taking into consideration the future of the children is going to be disastrous for the kids as well as the mother. But the sad thing is most of the time, the husbands do not think of the child or the wife when they cheat. Why does the thinking always have to be done by the women in such cases? I am not telling that all men are like that. I do know of people who have been cheated by their wives. I am just talking about the wives who got cheated. Such a depressing state to be in.
And love of course, whether be it for the spouse or the children, makes us women stay with a person who treats us badly hoping against hope that he will change one day.
@NoWayRo (1061)
• Romania
12 Oct 10
Yes, and the worst thing is, this situation perpetuates to the next generation, through the children. I have a lot of male friends who have no problems talking about their fathers affairs, even with admiration, which makes me think, they're very likely to do the same thing and cheat on their wives after a certain age.
Just like you, I'm not saying that women are saints and they never cheat, just that I've never heard anyone talking about about his or her mother's affairs, if there were any.
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
11 Oct 10
You know I don't know if I would or not. I sort of did and then left later. Wonder what the stats are on that!I have been single now for 17 years and although I was fearful at first, I am more scared of being married!!lol
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
12 Oct 10
This is very true, we really don't know! Sometimes we have lots more grace than we thought we might! But other times we are far less tolerant than we thought we might be!
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
11 Oct 10
It is difficult to say why we may love someone. it's also hard to say why we would stay in a relationship where our partner is not faithful to us. They say that love can blind us. do we think we can change a cheater by staying with them? I think we just don't want to fail at love so we give the one who hurt us a second chance.@NoWayRo (1061)
• Romania
11 Oct 10
Yes, I agree with you that it's mostly a fear of failure, but it's interesting to think that the person who was cheated on is considered the loser. Normally, it should be the other way around, the cheater should be the one who failed at love.
Still, the numbers being so high, it doesn't seem to be a question of love entirely, I find it hard to believe that so many couples are still madly in love with each other (yes, I'm a cynic like that sometimes ;) )
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
13 Oct 10
if i knew my bf was cheating on me i wouldnt forgive bcs he was cheated and catch his gf and said he wouldnt cheat me ever. he was pretty bad with that story so. i trust him completely. he would be honest and say if he loved someone else. but if he cheated i wouldnt be with him anymore. im fighting much to be with him and wouldnt be no reason for him to cheat. im sweet, caring, we live very far and im saving money to go see him, i never enter in a plane, will risk my life to see him so^^ many good reasons that i love him so i dont think he has reason to cheat^^
@NoWayRo (1061)
• Romania
14 Oct 10
So true, when you make so many sacrifices to be with someone and invest time and effort to make a relationship function, there's really no reason to accept a cheating partner. I think your boyfriend is very lucky to have found someone like you, I sure hope he appreciates it.
