I'm grouchy lately
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
United States
October 11, 2010 9:07am CST
I know I'm not the most domestic of a Mother. However, I do expect some help around the house even if I only work part time. But sadly that's like talking to myself. So when I come home and find things like dishes unwashed & shoot not even in the sink am I to be pleased?!?!?!? I ask my kids to pick up their dishes, empty them, and put them in the sink. I gave my DD2 til the count of 10 or to sit in her room... she choose to sit in her room! We can't help Mom... heaven forbid even putting our shoes in the box by the door after school is too much. Keeping our things off the floor.... oh no can't do that either... it's the "maids job" is the attitude I get. 
QUESTION WHAT MAID!?!? Oh I forget it's mom's job to follow everyone around with a garbage cart w/ cleaning supplies on it all day. But yet when I yell at the kids for not helping and doing their part at home no matter how little. I ask them if they do this junk @ school? Do you dump your lunch tray on the floor and walk away? Do you leave your supplies all over your desk & floor? Of course not. When you are at Grandma & Grandpa's house do you make a mess there & not pick it up? Certainly not. Grandma brags about how such wonderful helpers they are! MY KIDS HELP?!?!Seriously?!?!
And when I ask why is it acceptable to be a slob at home? My 7yo replied, "because it's home" WELL that just steams me! I don't understand why they disrespect their home so much?
Then I come home from working and my spouse has left me a plate from dinner & helped out as much as the kids. And I'm supposed to be all sweet on him? For what? Damn he was raised by a neat freak & minimalist. I was raised by a mom that was the complete opposite. Sure I've improved my standards since being on my own compared to my Mother but he is 1000000000000000000000x better at this than I am and goes faster than I do but yet unless theirs company coming over forget it.
So why don't I have a right to be a grouch? why can't I yell at the kids for the mess? and lack of being responsible for their things? All I want to do is 
And anyone I ask advice to on this asks me "What's wrong with you?" "why do you let your kids get away with such things?" Fine I admit I was raised infront of a tv & by a slob. However, I do ask them to help. I've tried incentives like a new beta fish if they earn enough stars for good behavior, home work, & help around the house. I send them to their room when they don't help. I unplug the tv and password protect the pc. I don't know what else I can do to get them to respect me & their home!
QUESTION WHAT MAID!?!? Oh I forget it's mom's job to follow everyone around with a garbage cart w/ cleaning supplies on it all day. But yet when I yell at the kids for not helping and doing their part at home no matter how little. I ask them if they do this junk @ school? Do you dump your lunch tray on the floor and walk away? Do you leave your supplies all over your desk & floor? Of course not. When you are at Grandma & Grandpa's house do you make a mess there & not pick it up? Certainly not. Grandma brags about how such wonderful helpers they are! MY KIDS HELP?!?!Seriously?!?! And when I ask why is it acceptable to be a slob at home? My 7yo replied, "because it's home" WELL that just steams me! I don't understand why they disrespect their home so much?
Then I come home from working and my spouse has left me a plate from dinner & helped out as much as the kids. And I'm supposed to be all sweet on him? For what? Damn he was raised by a neat freak & minimalist. I was raised by a mom that was the complete opposite. Sure I've improved my standards since being on my own compared to my Mother but he is 1000000000000000000000x better at this than I am and goes faster than I do but yet unless theirs company coming over forget it.
So why don't I have a right to be a grouch? why can't I yell at the kids for the mess? and lack of being responsible for their things? All I want to do is And anyone I ask advice to on this asks me "What's wrong with you?" "why do you let your kids get away with such things?" Fine I admit I was raised infront of a tv & by a slob. However, I do ask them to help. I've tried incentives like a new beta fish if they earn enough stars for good behavior, home work, & help around the house. I send them to their room when they don't help. I unplug the tv and password protect the pc. I don't know what else I can do to get them to respect me & their home!3 people like this
10 responses
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 Oct 10
I don't have the answer to this one. My sons picked up after themselves and eventually learned to cook. But because I was teaching at school I had a household helper for five days a week. She basically did the washing and ironing and cleaned house and this kept things going. Also, my boys had many chores but they were all farm related and they were kept very busy by their father.
My daughter was neat and tidy like my eldest son who is still a neat freak. So she loved to clear and dust from an early age along with me at weekends. Later she learned to cook too.
Every Sunday was mother's day as my husband and children did all the cooking to give me a break.
I think though that you need to have a serious talk with our husband and the two oldest children should be more responsible from now. Ground rules need to be set. I do hope that someone can give you good advice on this.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (161010)
• United States
11 Oct 10
It is important that you have age appropriate chores for your children, however, even a three year old can put clothes in a hamper, and dishes on the counter. I do not know how to get them motivated, unless your husband respects you and tells them it is important to do what you ask and that he expects that of them.
@GardenGerty (161010)
• United States
11 Oct 10
I lived with adults who did not help, and I was working 50-60 hrs. a week. I had a health issue and did not return to work. I still would like help. Hubby has one night a week when I am gone, he is SUPPOSED to cook and do the dishes. He only wants to mess with the cars. If nothing else he is out polishing them. He will continue to be chewed out by me. He does not even take his dishes off the table. My adult son takes his dishes off the table and rinses them. I need to just assign some stuff to the son as well. He will assist me in some things. Hubby is learning that at least if he helps with the yard work Saturday morning we can go do something fun in the evening. In your situation, I would not send your daughters to their room as discipline. It should be a fun and safe place for them to relax. I would give the daughter the choice of doing the work or sitting in a straight backed chair watching ME do the work. I would also, possibly, give them a choice of chores. Suzy you can do the dishes or take out the trash or scrub the toilets.
You are all part of the family and you should all be responsible for chores.
1 person likes this
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
11 Oct 10
I know one of my big downfalls is being consistant. But I've made lists and said these are thinks you kids can help with. I want you to pick one and do it for me. Well the lists end up torn down off the wall. Same with things they need to do to get ready for school. I know my kids are only 3, 5, & 8 but they can do some helping beyond when they feel like it.
I have said that as well it's part of a family to help out so we have a nice home to live in not something always in disarray. But you know too it's being responsible for their things. Like they leave markers all over the place w/o caps & crayons on the floor. Well the markers dry out so they get tossed. The crayons get stepped on and end up trashed as well. Then they don't get any more and I tell them if they have a project to do in school I will not be going out to buy them new supplies and I have told teachers that too! I can't afford their wasteful behaviors.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Oct 10
okay heres what =my mom did one time after telling me to please pick up my clothes and clean the crap off the floor I had just tossed there
as I walked in from school; a basket came out and plpp plop went my clothes and rubbers cap school books and jacket . she locked them
in a closet and pocketed the king. when you clean your room and
so the dishes I will let you have your things back. if you do this
again you will have to wait a day. again two days. it worked I did
my chores and got my stuff back so I could do my home work. I saw
her point too."So just devise a basket to pick up anything tossed on the floor that belongs to them and set a time on it.
also try the dirty dishes trick my mom did when I had not done the dishes. she took the dirty plate and plopped my food onto it, that did it,no no I yelled I will wash the dishes,mom thats unsanitary. drastic times need drastic measures.also try ignoring the whole thing, let it look disgusting and I bet they w ill plead to clean it up.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Oct 10
typos galoree plpp should be plop the king should be the key sorry
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
11 Oct 10
I feel your pain.. I think most mom's do. Ricken Fricken gosh darned kids!!
All of mine have chores.. each is responsible for their own room plus another room of the house. The oldest gets the kitchen, the 7yo boy gets the bathroom, the daughter gets the living room. Basically they have to do the minor organizing like picking up toys, dirty clothes.. sweeping the kitchen taking out trash. I don't expect them to dust the TV, or wipe down the stove and counters.
They know their chores are to be done the moment they get in from school.. but do they do it without being prompted? No! Once prompted do they get it done quickly so they can move on to better stuff? No! They'd rather do a bit, then play and wait for me to yell at them again. After a few hours of yelling and it still not getting done.. I'm ready to really flip out! So once dinner's on the table I say "If chores are not done you may not come to dinner". Once they come in the kitchen I go and look at their chores. If it's not done to my liking they're pulled from the table to finish their chores before returning to their dinner.. then usually they're sent to bed directly after dinner for not following directions.
So this is honestly a daily occurence in my house. Do you think a single one of them has learned yet that it's easier to just do their 5-10 minutes worth of chores as soon as they get in so they can get on with their lives? Nope.. they'd much rather frustrate me and get sent to bed early without being allowed to do anything they want.. aside from procrastinate.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Oct 10
I wish that I had advice that I could offer to you, but alas I don't because I am in the exact same situation as you are in. It seriously takes an act of God to get my daughter to help me with anything in the house. She is a slob and I won't even go into her bedroom because I can't get the door opened wide enough to get in there. My husband does help occasionally but he seems to think that I sit around watching Soap Operas all day while he is at work and this isn't the case at all. His parents taught him to be better at keeping house than my mother did, but still it seems like the only time that he will even put five minutes into cleaning is when it is Sunday.
@msupert1 (44)
• United States
11 Oct 10
My kids have certain things that they have to do everyday, before they can go out and play or get on the computer. We all do things in my house. I cook my husband will help clean the kitchen after. It sounds like your kids do not respect you, and it seems that they are doing the same thing their dad does. If I were in that situation I would have a good talk with dad about what he does to help and make him enforce some rules for the kids as well. It is a team effort and it seems to me that there is no one on your team. Demand the respect or make your kids life miserable until they start helping. Your kids will realize that you will be in a better mood once they start helping.
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
11 Oct 10
They don't respect me or listen to me unless they want something. But I don't feel they should act that way I know they are small but they can do little things like picking up dirty clothes out of the bathroom, picking up their dishes, knowing where their school items are ect.
I've talked to hubby about this and I will have to talk with him some more about helping. I know he's commented about me maintaning the house after one of his whirlwind cleaning jobs, but again it's all put on me other than when's not "too tired" to help. I've been stepping up to the plate even moreso now that I have 2 kids in school and I can dispose of things that are no longer in good condition w/o a fight.
1 person likes this
@Christmas2006 (1661)
• United States
11 Oct 10
What I did with my kids in the fall was I made a list with all the jobs I wanted done and put a $ amount next to it, Now this was back in the 80's and those amounts were in the change. They did not include cleaning their bedroom but did include doing their own laundry, dusting, dishes (wash, rinse, dry, put away) each was a single job. They did our laundry and also towels, Vacumn, even moped floors!etc. picking up after themselfs was also included. I had amounts from 5cents to $1.00 for harder jobs. I had a change jar and when they completed the task they were paid then for it. They did NOT get an allowance, but this was their shopping money for Christmas to buy what they wanted. BUT if they didn't earn the money they didn't get it!!! This worked for me for many years. One year for Christmas I wanted the house cleaned before we put up the Christmas tree, I still had 2 teenagers home and they informed me that Christmas was about more then a tree and I agreed. I decorated my fishtank with ceramic Christmas trees and put some lights around it,(I think the fish liked it!) and then at Christmas I put all the presents in front of the fish tank!!!! The following year they cleaned the house on their own with no urgings from me. I came home one day and they said "we cleaned house can we put up the Christmas tree?"....guess they didn't like my fish tank tree!
@gdesjardin (1918)
• United States
12 Oct 10
Ahhhh, the joys of motherhood. I recently have been going through the same problem. I have to say, my kids are pigs!!! I don't know what is going on with them but lately they don't seem to care about picking up or cleaning anything. The other day I noticed all of the plastic little cereal bowls were missing. I had just finished unloading the dishwasher and there were none in there...where could they all have gone. I went into my oldest sons room and I found glasses, and plates and silverware...yuck! But, no bowls, my daughter had a glass, and one bowl. Where in the world could the other 10 or so bowls have gone. Then I go into my middle son's room...jackpot!! The remaining bowls were there, glasses, big tupperware bowls, oh my gosh!! All this stuff almost filled an entire dishwasher full. Well I waited until my husband and oldest son came home from work and I say the entire family down in the living room. We were having a family meeting...actually just mom ranting meeting. I expressed how appalled I was and that we could get ants or other little gross bugs if we leave dishes all over the house. I also told them that from now on they were going to eat off of paper plates and plastic silverware until they can learn to put there dishes where they belong. I further announced (because I was so mad) that the days of me doing their laundry was over. They needed to start to do there own (which they actually all normally do..but I was so mad). No, I normally have great kids, and I don't know if they are just going through a sloppy stage, as they never used to be this way before. However, I am certainly not going to allow this to continue. My husband and I are very laid back for the most part, and we give our kids a lot of freedom when it comes to certain things ... like eating in their rooms, but that freedom is now taken away until they can learn to respect their things and our house by cleaning up after themselves.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
11 Oct 10
Seems like this is a tend in most homes, oh how I remember it oh so well, I always new when the kids were home as well you could see it by the newly created piles. Does it get better nope, no matter what we do it does not.
Luckily I live with my boyfriend who is so self suffient that he does house cleaning, dishes and laundry, although I have to admit not very good at it, I do not complain because he does try. However, I keep telling him hmm, I feel like my son is back home and when he asks why I tell him because the socks and clothes are all over the place. I suppose when I yell from time to time it gets better but never seizes to amaze me though as it is routine.
You have the right to expect help, for crying out loud you are not out partying you are assistance with household earnings.
