"I am so unhappy, with life and my husband" " I cry myself to sleep "

...Hi there Hatley, It is very sad to read some of the things that some women go through or of the relationships that they stay in for one reason or another, the children, the fact that they don't have a job, or the money to leave and start over in another space to really save their lives. If they are so unhappy that they cry themselves to sleep or worse that they are so depressed they can't think straight, it is an awful thing. They start to believe they deserve what is happening, lose all self-esteem and are lost. Their lives become meaningless and they sometimes choose to remain victims in a sordid case of abuse either mental or physical. They need help but to get help they have to feel that they need it and it can become a vicious cycle. The men in these cases love the control they exert and continue to treat them horribly. I remember "The Burning Bed" with Farrah Fawcett. Women who work stand a better chance of escaping the situation, but sometimes they too are caught up in the cycle of viciousness that tends to rob a woman of her self-worth. God bless the women to have enough courage to seek help and family support and hopefully to eventually leave to begin a new phase of their life. Everyone needs to have a positive attitude about themselves. Some men are very controlling and the women who marry them think they will change and are deep into the situation when they realize they were wrong. I think a woman should always have some money somewhere that she can fall back on if she needs too, therein lies a little door to freedom if needed. Take care.

Because some men insist on you staying home and once you have kids, theres no way you see out. some women like when i was young have no family willing to help. plus there are men that knowing they are strong and you are not will use that against you. its like being held hostage unless or until someone steps up to truely help. in a shelter its so hard to live and keep your kids calm with everything going on. hard to explain to people unless you have been there in that situation. my late husband could not understand it either. even though he knew my mom and family. he did not know how a man can be really cruel because he was kind and easy going. if id known the things he taught me earlier, i would never have gone through so much.

Hatley, You are amazing! I think that too whenever I read or hear stories like this. We are all responsible for our own happiness, well-being and survival. If it is going to work while the kids are in school then so be it. I worked at night when my husband came home so the kids did not need to go to a sitter. It got me out and around other people. It's not healthy to depend on others for our happiness.

No person should be that dependent on another. What will these women do if their husbands die or leave them? They need to be able to take care of themselves.

I don't think that there is just one reason Hatley. It can be cultural or perhaps the husband insists that the wife stay at home. It can be a myriad of reasons including whether work is available. My second son is married to a very bright lady who has her Master's in Mathematics and chemistry etc. Ultra bright. She is a career woman who really did not want a child but had one because my son longed for children. Although she does love their son who is now five - she does not have strong maternal feelings at all. Whereas this GS of mine adores his Daddy and from birth his Daddy has done everything for him including feeding, bathing, playing and all doctor visits. And now I've gone off the subject and my lunchtime has finished

You are really in a difficult situation, but before you act or do something to exert your difficulties try to talk with him and make a deal to it, no one can ever help yourself but you, don't make things bad and difficult, for the sake of yours and your children. Have a heart to heart talk, nothing can't be un easy if you open up your problem to him..

Some Women are scared to become independent, the reason more then likely is that the Husband does not want them to go to work because they do not like their Wife's to be independent, I have always been independent which is a good Job I know the Ex Husband did not like it much but the way he liked his Social Life I was forced to work I was forced to do a lot of things by myself because he could not be bothered but I am glad that I have had that independents because I managed on my own like I always did

Hi, hatley. I have to agree with bunny bon here. Most husbands really want or will insist the idea that their wives will stay home and be just an ordinary housewife. One of the many reasons why my parents separated before. My mom doesn't want to be dependent on my father's income since they were just starting their life together. When my mom got pregnant, she was scolded often by my father because she was pregnant with me and she still works in the hospital. My mom is a nurse and it's not that she's incapable of taking care of herself. And their arguments went on until I was born. My father had his mistresses telling them my mom was not a good wife blah this and blah that but my mom was a great wife to my dad. She served him well when he's home. She did any wife would do to make their husbands happy and my father was just consumed with his ego. Even if my mom work in the hospital, she's still managed to take care of me because she would often bring y lunch at school or snacks. Be there whenever we have school activities. Then my mom and I started our lives together because my father left us for another woman. I just hope that whoever is out there reading this, please don't be afraid to stand up on your own rights. If your husband or partner, somehow, traps you in a way like making you just stay home, then he doesn't have respect you at all. Even though you are married, it's not like you're bound for this certain kind of life. You have your own life too besides your husband/partner and your children and it's disappointing when husbands doesn't respect the wishes of the wives that they should have their own growth too with their selves. And it's not likely that you not attend to your responsibilities.

To quote Rodgers and Hammerstein, "you've got to be carefully trained"... We have expectations of our behavior drummed into us from an early age, and it's hard to break free.

when i get married, i never want to depend only on my husband. Life is getting more difficult so both of us need to work. But i also want to take care of my children. There should be a good time management for that.

HI Hatley Your rightIts not wrong for a woman to be independent even if she is married with children, I thank God for my husband he has never tried to hold me back from being me or having a career first off I wouldn't be attracted to a man who behaved controlling marriage is not a slave sentence its a union and should be treated as such . I swear some men just have way to much testosterone circulating in there bodies Thats why I feel its a good thing the Women's Movement came along when it did can you imagine how those women must have felt ? I worked at night and my husband worked during the day so that we didn't need a sitter we shared the bills and the rearing of the children we made decisions equally and still do to this day after almost 25 years of marriage,we also make it a point to consult each other before we make major purchases and we go over our household budget together Also a woman needs to get away from the kids sometimes , ...a person can only watch so much Sesame Street and Blues Clues I went back to work because I needed some adult coversation during the day I gave up my career to stay home with the kids but that was MY choice he didn't ask my to do it but was glad I did and he has always appreciated the money we saved and knowing that the kids were being taken care of by me instead of a sitter So in short HATS OFF TO STONG WILLED WOMEN!You can be empowered without being what some people call a B*LL BUSTER

Hi Hatley What you are speaking of is true no doubt, working women need not depend on the husbands particulary for petty things like say, cosmetcs, many feel to ask family members for money, another thing, they can use their earning in any way they like.. But i know many greedy husbands, who have working wives, the grab the money always from the wives, well my daughter and daughter in laws aew highly qualified, but they don't work, i mean , they don't do any job to earn.. Thanks for sharing. Cheers. Professor. .

Woman has the right to work. They also have the right to do what they want. Man and woman are equals. So work to attain a better life.

I have four children. My children father left me when I was pregnant and I give thanks to the Lord that I was strong enough to continue my job as a mother. I went to School, College and I worked for some time, but my third son needed me and I decided to stay home. What ever you choose that is what you can be, depends on you. However, me as a person decided not to work and taking care of my kids because I believe that the father have to be responsible too. When I worked the money I made was not enough to support my kids so I decided not to struggling myself and make the father to help me with the responsibility. I am not depending on him, but It won't be easy for him to let me do this alone. They are his kids too.

I also think woman should not be too dependent and try to work at least part time jobs while their children are at school. One of the way to make more woman work is to get more and more online jobs which they can do from the home. Small umbrella jobs with 2 to 10 women under one umbrella can be started in order to get jobs for women. This is common in our place. Jobs like tailoring, making different dishes including pickles, jams, and other eatable things, different craft jobs, etc are done in different places in order to make women self-sufficient.

We are always opening same topic with my love regarding this matter. We agreed that noone really going to 'stay' home... in other words, no one will become dependent. She really doesn't want to become a housewife, so the agreement would be, we will both work for our future.

You are right. I grew up in such a household where my mom put up with a whole lot of things she shouldn't have because she was dependent on my father and she refused to do anything to help herself but instead sat around and cried every night this of course eventually just grained even more on my father which caused him to behave even worse. I grew up hearing about things my dad did and being sickened by how my mom just lived with it and cried every night. I decided early on that I would never be dependent on a man. I think that is what makes me a work aholic. I do stay home with kids and I am happily married, but I run an online sales business and I write on several sites on line. I am lucky I do have a good man, but if he were to ever change I would not leave myself trapped in a bad sitation like my mom did.

HI Hatley, I too have felt trapped and lonesome even with a husband who worked, is a veteran and we had a farm, and I too worked. I don't know... it's hard but in the long run I've learned I need the security of a home and a man who does take care of me. Working was never been a problem but we had the farm and when hubby got sick all the chores of cows and horses, buying feed and taking them to the vet really got to be too much. Those times have changed tho. we are both invalids in our own way. I look back over those years and realized I wasn't trapped at all. I think women in general want a life they never had and the laid back life of a family gets boring and women start feeling like they have missed something. Now, as age has crept up on me I realize just how lucky I am... thanks, quita

Culture plays a big role on why there are a lot of women who end up like that, married and yet sad and miserable. A case in point is my mother, she really wants to study but my grandfather is against it claiming that women will just marry and end up and up taking care of the kids. True, she got married and just ended up taking care of us. But there was a time when we are so hard up that my mother has to do errands just to make ends meet. During those times, i can hear her blame her father that had he allowed her to study, she could have had an option for a better paying job. to think that schooling is free. My mother learned her lessons that no matter how hard life is, she and my father did everything just for me and my siblings to graduate college. My sister, is a certified midwife but still, she ended up as a full time house wife since she needs to take care of the kids, the good things is, it's her choice and she can't blame our parents for the kind of life she chose. My wife's father is no exception too, my wife said that when she was in college, her mother kept it a secret from her father that she was going to school and just made an excuse that she went to the city to live with relative and was even angry when he find out about it.

Hi sweetie. Love that avatar. It's sad to read of women that have such sh$tty lives and to worsen it most of the husbands, just love making it worse. I will always be independent, married or not. I just wish there is something we can do to change their lives,you know. Women really deserve better lives in today's society. TATA.