Relationships bound for failure... How to help a friend get out before its late.
By chiyochan
@chiyosan (30183)
Philippines
October 12, 2010 3:39am CST
When you have friends and you see them with someone - someone you know who is not the type to get serious... would you inform/tell your friend about this and let her know she is just wasting her time with him?
I have this friend who have a foreign boyfriend, the bf is chinese and well i am chinese myself but i know for sure he is here for business, and he is most definitely just using my friend. He is pressuring her to marry him already though she just graduated from college and has barely started her career... Lately he is having problems with the government about his businesses,etc...
And from what i have known - He is just with her so he could marry her and be a "Filipino" and have all the legal rights to do business here...
Im afraid my friend might regret this - the guy drinks everyday and has been in an accident due to driving while he is drunk with his buddies(all foreigners). He flirts with every single ladies in clubs at weekend, He used to do drugs too...
So if you were me, would you go and do anything to just pull out your friend in this situation? Clearly he is not the man for her and i just don't see if there are really feelings involved here (for his part)....
3 people like this
15 responses
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
14 Oct 10
hello, chiyosan, i feel for you. i have had friends who were truly in a bad situation with their bfs or gfs. i believe, too, that we have a sort of responsibility telling them. if the friend will not take it lightly or seriously, or will take it against you, it is not your fault. at least, you did your part.
if you are set to tell your friend, i would suggest to tell her how you really care for her. make her feel that you are doing this out of your love and concern.
God bless.
@katland05 (136)
• Guam
13 Oct 10
chiyosan hi....
Yes, being a friend I would give her an advice of what this chinese guy is about & his intentions even thought your friend might be angry with you at first but your only looking out for her... If she has fallen in love with this guy she may be blind to your opinion of the guy she loves... Just be there for here & listen when she need someone to talk to... I hope she opens her eyes to what he really is up to before she says "I do" & regrets later in the future when she sees his true side... Sometimes it's better to show her some proof in person than just telling her... The night you know her boyfriend is going to the club, don't tell your friend what club you & her will be visiting... Take her to the club her boyfriend will be at & when you see him with other gals & to close for comfort show her what he's been up to... Better for her to see even if she will be mad at you, but later when she comes to her senses, she will thank you...
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
13 Oct 10
I think that in a situation like this, I would talk to my friend and voice my opinion. In the end, she has to make her own decision, however; I think that a friend would want you to be honest and forthright. If nothing else, you may be able to convince her to take things slower and not rush into a marriage that she may live to regret. DOn't be surprised if your friend acts a bit surprised, and maybe even a bit angry at what you have to say though, at least at first. In the end though, I am sure that your friend will take the time to think things through and make the decision that she feels is the best for her.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
13 Oct 10
Hello chiyosan,
The problem is,will your friend listen to you?
If your friend loves that chinese guy,i am sure you will be havinf hard time convincing her,worst thing is,your friend might accused you of ruining her relationship with that guy.
Maybe you can asks your friend to go with you and spy his bf.
That is the only way you can prove your sincerity of concern towards her.
I wish you all the luck the,i am proud of you being a good and true friend.
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
13 Oct 10
if you say that he flirts all the time with women there is bcs maybe he doesnt love your friend :( you should try to find out if he is serious with your friend or not. what if you send him a message in facebook or something pretending you are someone else asking if he has gf and like flirting with him just to see if he would cheat on your friend. that is a good way to find out his intentions. he seems not to love her for what you say but maybe this was would be a proof also that you could show to your friend^^ i wish he is faithful really :)
@brean_rhea (176)
• Philippines
13 Oct 10
that's the very good thing you should do for your friend, pull her out with that stupid bf of her....that bf of her is just using her....there is no reason for her of staying with that Chinese man, she will just waste her time and maybe also her career will be wasted too...
so go and help your friend out of that situation.
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
12 Oct 10
Help her get out of that relationship. It is of course too rude to intervene with your friend's personal issues especially about her love life, but it is more proper to save her from any future problem with her bf. You have all the facts. Let her know as a concerned friend.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
13 Oct 10
Sadly, when one is in love we are far more incapable of thinking or listening right. Most especially that your friend is obviously gullible because of her innocence. Perhaps you could help her by showing her the bad side of the person. Instead of talking about it, why don't you accompany your friend in one of his drinking sprees and show her that he's flirting with other women?
Anyhow, regardless what we really say, or how we want to stop a friend from regrets, we can only advise and can never force someone to do something they clearly don't want to do. The earlier she wakes up, the better for her. But I guess you could just be a friend and be there when the going gets tough.
@eurekafemme (5876)
• Philippines
13 Oct 10
What can you do , my friend, when your friend is blinded with so much love for him? She will not understand your pint of view. She will not listen to you because her heart knows nothing but love him with all that he is....
You did your part, I guess, by pointing out why she should move on with her life without him in the picture. It is all up to her now. There's nothing more you can do but to pry to all gods that you are wrong about this man she loves so much...
When she falls, do not ignore her and blame her. Just be there for her. That is the moment you need to show her that you love (friendly way) her and that you only care about her welfare.
She is lucky to have a friend like you who worries about her keepsakes...God bless you.:)
@janron29 (266)
• Philippines
12 Oct 10
Definitely, I would advise my friend not to get involve seriously with that Chinese guy. I will tell her everything including the real motive or reason for this guy to marry her. Her life would be wasted and be miserable if she agrees to marry him. Well, she still the one who decides. If you care for your friend, tell her the truth. It will be a burden to your conscience if you will keep the secrets from her.
@NoWayRo (1061)
• Romania
12 Oct 10
Well, I'd go ahead and tell her... but after having prepared myself for the possibility of losing her as a friend.
I can tell you my experience: I have two friends, both of them were involved in relatively stable relationships, and I found out that both their boyfriends were cheating on them (not just gossip, I had clear proof in both cases). I told one of them, and she told me to stay out of her life... we argued and didn't talk to each other for a year.
I decided not to tell the other one, who accused me of not having any respect for her boyfriend (which I clearly didn't, and couldn't hide it)... so we argued and didn't talk to each other for a year.
Eventually I got my friends back, but I came to the conclusion that it doesn't really matter what you do in such cases, it's going to come back to bite you anyway.
@florisatan78 (23)
• Philippines
13 Oct 10
Definitely, I would do the same to my friend who's in such situation. I believe that my friend's well being and safety is more important than keeping the friendship. That is what I do if she's my person. As friends we have a responsibility towards our friends even if it means meddling in their personal life. One day soon, she will see the wisdom behind my action.
Don't leave your friend now, she needs you more than ever.. be that person for her. TC!
@lynlypiochy (706)
• Philippines
12 Oct 10
Years ago, I was in a situation where my close friend's boyfriend courted my other friend. When the guy told me about his courting the other, I confronted him. I didn't know that he was serious with my other friend. At first, I thought hard, then I decided to tell on the guy when he asked me to keep it a secret. She was my close friend and he was fooling her. It was a good thing I told my close friend since my other friend said yes to him. I also confronted my other friend when I knew about the relationship and she just told me that she loved him. Look how twisted 'love' is. It was a mess at first but my close friend thanked me for telling her but she also told on me because I didn't inform her sooner.
@bupsypie1988 (65)
• Philippines
13 Oct 10
You should go and tell your friend about this.I know it is hard to convince someone who is deeply in love with the guy.But if you are really a true friend to her you must tell her even if she will be mad at you.At least you have been true to your friend.And do you want to see her suffering everyday if she will get married to that guy.Go and tell her everything.!!!!
@RONDOLAWE (774)
• Indonesia
12 Oct 10
hi there .. so hard to convince some our friends to not so close to some people like that or we can get some calling jealous for she or he do coz she or he get out side people ... and she or he can say we are so set to they but we are rigth after that and they say sorry to we are and i will try it even they said like that to me even more severe not become they friends again .. there are considering as a friend ,
just DO IT WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGTH .. GO FOR IT 
