Don't be yourself, be someone else.

There is a hidden trap within the statement to be yourself. This trap is that sometimes being yourself is an excuse that cuts you off from growth. Instead of taking responsibility for who you are and striving to evolve that, you can avoid doing the work by saying that those aspects are just part of the real you. Anything that cuts you off from experiencing a greater quality of life is bad advice, no matter how popular it is. There are many experiences I wouldn’t have tried if I had stuck to the idea that I had to remain true to myself. As a shy and quiet child, speaking my mind would have definitely been something outside my boundaries. Today, I love delivering stories and ideas here on mylot. If I had stuck to the mantra of ‘be yourself’ I probably would have excused myself out of a wonderful experience. Although some of you may think that this is a misinterpretation of the original intention of the advice, it is an effect nonetheless. I have seen many people use the excuse that they needed to be themselves to avoid taking up many opportunities in their life. People who missed out on relationships, activities and experiences simply because doing so wasn’t ‘being themselves’. The other aspect of this problem is that sometimes it is necessary to ‘fake it’ outside your comfort zone in order to transfer those traits to the ‘real you’. So even if you are normally very quiet and boring, you might have to start going to events and become enthusiastic and spontaneous so you can internalize those characteristics. In this case ‘being yourself’ is limiting you.

The final problem I have with the advice to be yourself is simply that it assumes that ‘yourself’ doesn’t need any improvement. I haven’t met or heard of a single person on earth devoid of the need to improve. It is this need for growth that gives life meaning and I think it is ridiculous to assume that the answer to fix all flaws is simply to ‘be yourself’. There is no artificial barrier separating your good from your bad traits, they are part of the whole. Similarly, there is no separation between the real you and all other behaviors. When you act like a jerk consistently, you are a jerk. Although it isn’t good to give yourself a label like that, you need to own those behaviors instead of just dismissing them. Instead of the advice, ‘be yourself’ I think the proper saying should be, ‘be your best self.’ This is really what most people intend when they say this saying. This means be yourself, but without all that lying, sarcasm, shyness, negativity or other traits people don’t want to ascribe to the ‘real you’. Your personality needs to evolve as you do. Don’t limit yourself by defining a set of characteristics that are the ‘real you’. Every personality characteristic of myself that I wanted to shift I have, so I believe strongly that you have a lot more control over your personality than you think you do. If there are aspects of your personality that are limiting the quality of your life, change them.

Being yourself is in no way inherently limiting nor mean that you do not grow and develop as a person. Doing things just because someone else thinks you should is not a positive thing, either. If you would like to use the phrase "be your best self" then go right ahead. It is far, far more accurate than saying "it's always better to be someone else". Being true to yourself is not about staying inside a box, nor does expanding yourself mean doing things you really don't have any interest in doing. Being shy and scared to do or say what you want is not "who you really are". It's an effect of being afraid of what people will think if who you really are. Being unafraid and unashamed to do, think or say things that reflect your true self is the real meaning of being yourself. If you feel personally limited by being a quiet or "boring" person (boring is completely subjective), then it is who you are to learn how to be more gregarious and outgoing. However, there are people who do not have any interest in going out to part of being spontaneous and there is nothing wrong or "limiting" about them choosing not to participate in such activity. No one ever has any right to determine what is best for someone else to do with their lives. Your life is your own and no one else's.

That just means you are stuck as to what you want to do in your life. Or you already have decided what you will do in your life.