Will You Treat Kindly Someone Who Has Betrayed You? How?
By jasonnaez
@jasonnaez (134)
Philippines
October 14, 2010 10:36pm CST
Somebody once told me that although friends/partners/espouses/business associates, etc. treat each other in a very considerate manner, friction is inevitable because of conflicting interest, hence according to him maintaining good relationship nowadays is difficult. I tend to agree in what he said because I for one is a witness to many good relationships gone awry including one of mine. I met this person several years ago and we instantly clicked and became close with each other. We hung out often, just talking crazy things over nice cold beer. Sometimes we would both share personal thoughts on various issues including family and business matters. We both helped each other in various ways and so it was beneficial for us. One day, I shared with him business "secrets" which I did not imagine would dramatically end our friendship. To make the story short I lost the bid because my "friend" failed to live-up to the trust. I felt betrayed and disappointed over what had happened. Although I can manage to interact with the person in a civil manner, in spite of what he did, it's just that the "magic" isn't there anymore. Maybe, the lost of trust and confidence now precludes me from dealing with him the way I used to. The betrayal simply broke the bond. However, I can see effort on his part to redeem himself and salvage whatever is left, but there is still a shade of bitterness and hatred in me which I find it hard to overcome at this point. I know these are bad emotions and counterproductive. If you are in my shoes, will you treat kindly someone who has betrayed you? How will you do it? Your thoughts on this is appreciated.
4 people like this
10 responses
@de_toya (2429)
• Indonesia
15 Oct 10
I never experienced this situation. I think my life is good enough. However, if I am in such condition, I will hate someone who has betrayed me. It's hard to forgive someone who has betrayed me even though he or she ask apologist from me. However, I am not never forgive someone. It's depend on how big mistake that he or she made that affect my life. If the mistake is not too big, I think I can forgive him/her. But if he/she make big mistake and affected my life deeply, I think I will never forgive what have he/she done to me.
@jasonnaez (134)
• Philippines
15 Oct 10
I guess you are right. The healing process depends on how deep the scar is, but still I pray to have the strength to forgive. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this and I look forward to have your valuable opinion on other matters as well in the future. God bless!
@ceasarette (145)
•
15 Oct 10
I can understand what you're going through, jasonnaez. I've been there and it's not a good place to be. I also consider betrayal as the ultimate end of relationships. Trust is really very important to me, and I can take almost anything as long as a person doesn't do anything to break that trust. I don't want to deal with that person anymore after he/she breaks my trust. I mean, I can still be civil, but that's it. No more hanging out, no more long talks about anything.
@jasonnaez (134)
• Philippines
15 Oct 10
I truly appreciate your valuable insights on this matter. Thank you for sharing it. It lightens the load bit. I just hope for a closure on this sad episode so that life can go on unhampered by pernicious emotions. I look forward to hear more of your helpful insights on other issues in the future. Best regards and God bless!
@jasonnaez (134)
• Philippines
15 Oct 10
I guess you are right on this. Thank you for your insights, I appreciate it. I hope to get more of your valuable opinions on other issues in the future. Best regards and God bless.
@gunagohan (3414)
• India
15 Oct 10
Your case is extremely a bit ahead of mine.
I too had been betrayed by my own friend once.
That was in my school days, i was studying 12th in that time.
3(Consider X, Y, Z) of us were walking in the street discussing about the extra time coaching that could teach and improve our grades.
one among us(X) knows some more about the place and he had told some ideas to the other friend(Y) . I didn't know anything about their conversation..X and Y were having some conversation the previous night about the extra coaching institute.
In that time my best friend(Y) had told to X , that he doesn't wanna include me in this institute, because he told, i would be talking always and spoilsport their studies.
So, X blinded me and he told some other things like the slots in the institute are full and only two seats are available , so he told me to walk out..I believed him, that there was no seat for me, so i walked out..
5 or 6 months later X and Y were having some conflicts and X came to me and told that Y was responsible for this, he told that y told not to include me, because i'm a nut job and spoilsport..
I felt the first pain of being betrayed by my own friend, but i never talked about that to him and he neither has no knowledge that i know about his activity.
This is really worse, i could ever forget this thing in my lifetime, whenever i talk to him, this activity comes in front and i minimize my talk.
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
15 Oct 10
I am always willing to give a second chance to someone. Even if they have hurt and betrayed me, I still make the attempt. I may not always forget the betrayal, but i can forgive it. @msandip (41)
• India
15 Oct 10
I have been a victim several times in the past, and in my case my "friends" never confessed their guilt. I do not believe in forgiving someone who is not even ready to confess the betrayal, and this might mean that this person can do a similar thing again in the future. If the person is really sorry, then he/she should have the guts to confess, no matter what may be at risk. I have severed ties with such people since I paid a big price for their betrayal. No matter how successful in life they might be, as far as I am concerned, I cannot forgive them for what they did to me.
@megamatt (14291)
• United States
15 Oct 10
Betrayal is something that is hard to really get over a lot of the time. There are times where even encountering this person who betrayed anyone is a bit hard to even see them. Depending on the level of betrayal, it would be either with distress, hurt, or just outright anger. It really does depend, as betrayal does come in many shapes and sizes.
After time, wounds might heal. However, it is going to be hard to be in the same room in the person for a while, much less treat them at a decent level. Perhaps one day, I might be able to see past any betrayals. However, it does take a while, to really figure out "why" this could happen. Of course, if we understand it, it does have the attack to make it rather worse. So yeah, in the end it really does depend.
@de_toya (2429)
• Indonesia
15 Oct 10
I never experienced this situation. I think my life is good enough. However, if I am in such condition, I will hate someone who has betrayed me. It's hard to forgive someone who has betrayed me even though he or she ask apologist from me. However, I am not never forgive someone. It's depend on how big mistake that he or she made that affect my life. If the mistake is not too big, I think I can forgive him/her. But if he/she make big mistake and affected my life deeply, I think I will never forgive what have he/she done to me.
@deriellevc73 (982)
• Philippines
15 Oct 10
to be betrayed by someone you trusted so much is an experience i never want to experience again. i have been to that situation and i would say, it had hurt me more than i cared to admit. i could have just breezed through such a situation if the one who betrayed me was just someone who doesn't count, but it has to be my bestfriend and it had hurt so much.
i am civil to him now since we both work in the same company and to let my emotions affect my hatred for him, is tantamount to being unprofessional, which i don't want to project in my kind of work environment.
i would do the same if i were in your shoes, coz you just can't automatically reinstate the trust you lost and its something that might never be regained.
@intrepidus (34)
• Canada
15 Oct 10
To me whenever I think of friendship, it is like that one ship that never sinks. I have faced betrayals before and one significant one would be what I went through about 2 years back. I have a cousin who is the same age as me and we are really very close friends. He had a girlfriend who was my very best friend. All the three of us always hang out together as a group. When I found a job, me and his girlfriend ended up at the same place. And both of us would have lunch and dinner together. After some time my cousin started to feel jealous all of a sudden that I spent more time with her than him and he actually started spreading rumors about me which eventually led his girlfriend to stop talking to me. It was kinda a very serious matter. I was devastated and was really hurt. I lost two good friends just like that. Even she did not trust me and trusted my cousin instead. At first I was extremely mad at him but after some time things dissolved. I never talked to him for about 6 months. He called me a few times and said that he was sorry and his girlfriend did that too. Then once we accidentally met in a supermarket, and somehow I just smiled and went to talk to him and her as if nothing had happened. The whole feeling of hatred just went away and I had trust in him again. Though I know it will never be the same again I believe that people should be given a second chance.
