My Father In Law is a hoarder!

My boyfriends mother lives in another state and man is she bad about hoarding so much "junk". Tell me why a 70 year old woman needs 4 couches and 6 love seats. No one can tell her to get rid of anything as this would upset her. Some of the stuff is more lob sided than the leaning tower. Each summer I go visit I am amazed as to what more "junk" she gets. It is so ridiculous that you can not comfortable walk around in her home as it is so cluttered and ridiculous.

I am a hoarder, married to a hoarder, raised by hoarders, with a son who is a hoarder. I have breakthroughs of wanting to throw stuff away, and my dad, now that he is in a non hoarding environment, does not hoard any longer, he gives stuff to us. I am helped by the fact that we can put stuff in a reuse section at our dump for others to pick up. I also pack things away for awhile and then if I do not use them, it is easy for me to give them away. Perhaps he would let you put stuff on freecycle, like the bed frame.Or sell the linens on etsy or e bay. The stuff that is really nasty, it depends on what it is made from. If it can handle a good washing, put it in the back of a pick up and take it to the car wash. Years ago my sister "gave" me a gas stove that was nasty, and that is what we did with it. Really dirty items that are washable, take to the laundromat and put in and industrial type washer, and wash them all at once so it does not drag out. Does the house have an attic? Pack the linens away in boxes, like fruit boxes from the store, and put them in the attic, it will actually help a little with insulating as well.

If my mom wouldn't shoot me I would add photos..but sometimes her house only has walk spaces through it. I try to keep it up and all but it is a lot of work and it seems she doesn't like getting rid of nothing even if she hasn't used it in 20 years. Stuff that has no value..or papers and stuff old keys no clue what they went to, clothes, and if she doesn't have at least 50 bottles of lotion I will eat a bottle..she keeps buying it laying it down loosing it in the mess and ends up buying more then I find it and put it all together then she once again moves it hides it or whatever she does with it when she gets company over for a few days.. because she hates when they touch her stuff she gets almost paranoid anymore about it. And Mad if you suggest getting rid of it..which I have talked her into some stuff going..but still tons more.. I had it all upstairs and the downstairs stayed pretty much cleaner but she had my nieces and nephews and little sister help her bring it all back down recently so she could go through it again...cause she needed to find something..instead of her going up..she brought it all down..so now only walk spaces..last time I stayed 5 days getting all that stuff upstairs and lost 15 pounds from all the going up and down stairs..lol but it was a killer on my knees and back..I sincerely hope he will allow u to get rid of it. You know he probably forgot half the stuff that was there and if he hadn't seen it wouldn't even remembered it there so maybe wait till he is gone before trying to toss things out again..and make sure it is in bags or covered..so he isn't crawling into the dumpster getting it out. my mom blames never having nothing while growing up and now feels she has to surround herself with stuff to make her feel like she has stuff..it's a mind thing.. I know.. I have a cluttered middle bedroom and all my closets full..but I try to not let it get to out of hand..and mostly my problem is trying to keep stuff on hand so I will always have it if I need it. But I really need to go through and do what they call a Clean Sweep and if I have done a year without it I guess I don't need it..lol..but it is harder letting go then just doing it.

Nope, I don't know any. But I do recall last week's episode of CSI (which I did not watch). There was this piece at the end that R replayed for me. Something about two different kinds of people. Some people live for the experience, and others relive the experience by having things around them that remind them of it. So maybe your father-in-law doesn't want to get rid of those things because there are memories associated with them.

yes i do. ME! anyway, you are going to stir up a lot of resentment if you start that right away. you need to figure a way to store it until you talk to him more about how to get rid of it. it took me 2 yrs to decide i could let go of my hubby's clothes! Then i gave them to people in the family that could use them. maybe they just told me they could use them? anyway, why not find out if some of the older stuff is worth something? also, you could be throwing away things others could use with a little fix up. your fil, has lived in an era where people dont just throw things away. they either fix them or give them away to someone that will fix them and use them. btw, why dont you have a yard sale? just throwing stuff in the garbage is not logical.

I have to admit that when I heard about how much you were going to have to clean around that house, I thought "This does NOT sound good!" I'm not sure I could live somewhere that formerly housed 20 cats and all the mess that goes with that. As far as what you are going to do? I don't know there is much you CAN do except get ready to live in the middle of junk. Hoarders are not easily changed. Have you ever seen the shows on hoarding on TLC? It's a psychological problem that takes therapy to fix. The person also has to WANT to change. I have a friend who is handicapped and grew up in foster home situations that were always very temporary. In fact, one time she went to school in the morning and was sent to a new home after school. All she had with her is what she had brought to school that day. I think in reaction to this, now she is a hoarder. She doesn't even see herself that way at all. She thinks everything is fine but it's not! She takes anything that is free and often takes items that others would deem unusable. I've seen her "rescue" broken ink pens. I think she has given things human characteristics in a way. She feels sorry for those unwanted items. She does the same thing with extra food after church events. She is a tiny little thing, has quite enough money to live on and yet takes home tons of leftovers. People feel sorry for her, but if they knew how she keeps all that old food sitting around..... I saw how much of a psychological problem this is when her apartment building was going through renovations. She was told to move her things out for the work to be done. She was beside herself with fear! She didn't want them touching her things! It was all that she could talk about for months leading up to this and months after. Very sad. Good luck with this move. I hope you have not bitten off more than you can chew here. Sounds like quite a challenge.

Wow that hoarder is some serious stuff. My nieces grandmother is a hoarder. Her place is piled up with old newspapers, bags and bags of clothes, and just crap everyplace. to the point the apartment manager would not go in to paint or do anything because it was unsafe for them. not could you picture two little girls having to live there?? it breaks my heart that their mother doesn't want to move out of that place and have a better home for those girls!

I have some stuff I want to get rid of, like some furniture I don't like that we aren't using, and I hope to get rid of it soon because there is no place to put it except where it is right now and we plan to put our workout equip in the room, so I want it to go away. I try really hard to ONLY buy stuff I really like, so I can enjoy it. I don't see the purpose in getting something that I don't really like just to have SOMETHING - unless it's necessary like an air bed for a visitor or because you need to quickly get a bunch of folding chairs for a party or something. Then you look at cheap for a few times of use vs something nice that you'll hold onto, but in that case it doesn't MATTER that you intend to sell it in a yard sale within a couple months or donate it to goodwill!

The trash of one is the treasure of another.

Hey kats! That's a tough one! You're going to have a hard time trying to reason with him if he truly is a hoarder! I don't think he is though. That is a severe mental condition. He is just still upset about losing MIL. If there is anyway to get rid of the stuff or hide it or slowly trying to reason with him that would be the best approach. Trying to explain to him that the kids need the space so he "must" get rid of the stuff might work. You have to be extremely "tactful". Maybe if you "use" the kids (I'm sorry, but desperate times require....If you ever saw the program on Cable called "Hoarders" you would know that he really isn't one, believe me! It's just him trying to hold on to MIL and the past. Try using a different approach and maybe he will slowly let go of the junk!

You can not get rid of things simply because they are old and useless. sometime sentiments overrule practical life. Your father in law and you have a generation gap. Losing his partner must have been difficult. try to share his grief and console him. spend some time with him so that he realizes his importance for you and your family. This way he will definitely give up sticking to broken things gradually.

I do know people who are hoarders. ACtually my ex still hoards lots of stuff. I would hate it until we needed something and he'd say, "Hold on." and run to the barn, then come back with what we needed! But it wasn't like old dirty stuff in the house most of the time. I also have a friend, I have called her a "consumer" rather than a hoarder. She'll take anything it may sit forever before she uses it (if ever) but she always takes anything someone is giving away!!

Well, last week when we were cleaning our house I kind of felt like I was a hoarder. However, that isn't the case at all, it was more that the person that was helping me to clean saw everything as being trash and I'm not able to throw away my children's toys. That said, I think that it would be very difficult to deal with a hoarder because even though I will admit that I am a slob to a certain extent, I am definitely not a hoarder because I want to get the junk out.

My sympathies 'cause being a borderline hoarder I know how difficult we can be to deal with. We will rationalise a reason for keeping the most ridiculous junk out of thin air. You really need to get your FIL to sit down and discuss his reasons for hoarding with you - or possibly a therapist who specialises in OCD. Talk to him about why he keeps a particular thing (and I recognise it can be exhausting to talk about individual items when there are so many of them). Often there can be a fear of letting go of things because they represent some kind of security to the hoarder. Where people have grown up poor they often keep things "in case" and because they hate to see something they consider useful to be thrown away. Point out a thing is only useful if it is being used. If you are not using it it needs to go to charity or be recycled and then it will be used. Tell him not to feel guilty about whatever money was spent whenever. That money is just as "lost" if you keep the stuff or throw it away. Having the stuff hanging around will only remind him so better to get rid of it. Set a limit on the number of things that should be kept for sentimental value. If you have a digital camera you can photograph a lot of other things and set up a file on the computer so he can remind himself whenever he wants of whatever it is those things help him recall. It will take up no space in the house and he can still access those happy memories. It will take time, we don't become hoarders overnight and we don't get better overnight either. Have a look for some of the on-line support groups for hoarders and for the people who live with them, they often have a lot of information and provide an outlet for various frustrations. Good luck!

My husband is but thankfully just to a point. And his hoarding goes into a building behind our house. I will not let him bring all that junk inside. And he will hoard it for awhile...and then get tired of it and go through it all and take off four or five big truck loads to the local dump...and then start all over again. At one time he had over 300 winter coats!!