My friend is unhappy

each pair of divorced children are victims of divorce. therefore as a couple we should try not to get divorced. if it can not and remain divorced, tell the children that this is the best way to do so the children were not hurt more deeply.

They should wait until they will be totally free from their previous marriage. They should totally open to their children so that their relationship wont be a burden to everybody related to them. They should fight for their relationship if they think they really love each other.

I have to agree with you. It is wrong to be in a secret relationship. That just puts way too much stress on everyone involved. She should back off and just be friends until his divorce is final and then take it slowly. Jumping into the deep end, a serious relationship, so soon after a divorce (his or hers) could be a big mistake. It could really hurt the children if they get invested in this relationship and then it goes nowhere.

I think she has to respect the man's wishes. I think there are many people that would look down on the relationship otherwise. I think there are many people who would like to do whatever they want to, but it is important to have good morals.

There is something wrong with a relationship that has to be kept a secret. But maybe it will work out for her. Children get hurt the worst during a divorce when the parents put them in the middle.

Hi maxi, it is a story of two broken heart. I think your friend should maintain only friendship with the man for the sake of her children. Children can't give the place of their father to other person. Your friend should give importance to the emotion of her children.

Your friend's children will probably be in a fragile state after her divorce, so her first concern should definitely be her daughters, whatever she decides to do. I think she has made the mistake of telling the girls to keep a secret, because that only increases the stress they must be feeling already. I also think she could be leaving herself out on a limb if the guy decides to stay with his wife after all...Not a good situation, and she and her kids are the vulnerable ones.

I agree with you. It is better to wait for this man to get divorced and therefore their relationship can be alright. Besides, she can use this time to see whether this man is suitable for her or not. Marring to a wrong person is already a mistake, and she shall be much more careful not to make the same mistake again. I don't know whether her daughters should keep secret to it or not. But perhaps they are not little children. It is better for them to make a choice. They may not be happy to this relationship because they will miss dad and hope they won't get divorced. If they divorced, they would think whether it's their faults. It has a negative effect on children. So when a relationship is not solved well, it is better not to involved into another relationship. The children need some time to adjust to it. I love China

I was in a situation similar to this one. The guy was very wealthy and was living in his own place when I started seeing him. He was in the midst of a divorce and had a lot to lose. I really liked this guy and still do. We off and on see each other to this day and it's been over 10 yrs. The kids should not be involved at all and should not be expected to keep secrets. My kids knew this guy but only as my friend. I never went out in public with him while he was going through this. I never saw him except for when my kids were all with their dad or grandparents etc. its not cool to involve the kids in these kinds of situations.

When I was dating, my rule was "one year after the divorce." I don't think people should date until then. They need to get over the divorce and then they can date.

If your friend and her friend are serious with each other, they should let the world know. that is if the man is really going for a divorce. keeping a secret is not te wisest move!!

maximax8, I don't suppose your friend could do anything as far as the timing of this current relationship is concern where I am sure, she did not ask for it. It is sad that her marriage did not work out and I can only go along with her that it is going to be difficult with 2 daughters to care for. Not knowing how and what the circumstances that led her to be with her man in this current relationship, your suggestion may be the ideal option if she does not want to complicate herself further and/or make the man's divorce proceedings go awry. However, it may not be the only option and she may end up being with the man at every possible moment. I suppose we would just have to play it by the ear here as her friend, because we do not live in her skin and incur the same karmic debt or consequences. It is really within her to evolve and resolve the issue. As for her children, I do not think they would be emotionally hurt unless your friend's divorce had been a bitter one where there were legal battles over matrimonial assets and most of all child custody. The latter is always the culprit where children are being placed in the middle of 2 keen parents going separate ways. So, I do not think they would be hurt but a little confused where they would be wondering what is so "wrong" with being open and honest with her mother's boyfriend. I would advocate that your friend to put their feelings as her priority and really listen with her heart what they have to say because this man will eventually become their stepfather where it is going to be messily hurtful if your friend does not prepare for this adequately. Lastly, I am going to play the devil's advocate and ask if the man is really going to divorce his wife or just leading your friend on? I am sure you are aware how pathetic shameful men can be when it comes to these affairs and I just hope that your friend really open both her eyes and see what her boyfriend is really about. If he cannot even make his current marriage work, then what makes him the right candidate for this one? I hope you will not feel offended here and I have to admit that I am uncomfortable for setting the above posers. However, I'd just have to say this because people have been falling blindly to the effect that they just do not know what hit them at the end of the day. Hope you got my point and have a nice day ahead.

I just don't like that situation at all - I wouldn't want to get involved in something like that..Ever! Your friend is in a sticky situation. "Married" is "married" in my book, and I feel like if she had feelings for this guy, she maybe should have waited until he was legally free - so it wouldn't feel like such a secret to keep. Although, if the husband and wife are separated anyway - why should she even be keeping the secret to begin with? Unless the husband doesn't want to hurt the wife's feelings..But that would make no sense because they're getting divorced, I'm guessing feelings will get hurt on both ends. I guess whatever makes your friend happy. I just sincerely hope that the husband in question will actually get divorced from the wife and make your friend happy (it doesn't always work out like that in real life, but I'll cross my fingers). It's got to be so stressful to be in that situation.

Well, for me I think your friend must think about what her actions might bring to her daughters. She should what she is doing before it could have a big affect on her children. Your friend is lonely and she needs someone to make her happy. But she should also consider greatly about her daughters. If she really loves the guy then she should wait until he is really free from any marital bonds with his previous wife.

I have a friend in a similar situation and what he is doing is telling the girl that he will not get physically close to her as long as she is married. This is good because giving in to the one who is married, gives them a reason to not follow through on the divorce, which is what I believe this girl was doing to my friend.

I think you are right with your suggestion to your friend. I believe getting a divorce is stressful and keeping something not easy to accept will make things more stressful. I think your friend should wait till the man is free. As for her daughters, keeping a secret is difficult, it is stressful too. Also if they are being asked by other people, they would start lying. And I believe that is not good too. So tell her to make things right for the meantime. Do it for her children. Do it for herself. Patience is a virtue. If the guy was really meant for her, then waiting is a good thing minus the sins.

..your friend goes with the flow of her life..she will married the new one,.. ..no its not right cause its not good to keep secret in a relationship.,many experience that.. ..some children will understand but mostly will be a spoiled one

She's wrong in dating a married man! Your friend must break with him. You know that if the wife from the guy discovers and get a psycho trauma this can end on the court, don't you? Unfortunately, this can be illegal and it's a violation of the church's ways. The church disincourage us from dating with a married person. It is pure ironic to your friend to date with a person of the church, being that the church disincourage this. Now 'bout the children what happens is that if they are new and the man stays with them the entire day, that would affect the psycho of the kids. Your friend entered a horrible circle that follows: YOUR FRIENDMANWOMAN **************||| **************CHILDREN If your friend breaks with the man, the man will be sad, what would affect in both woman and children too. If the man breaks with the woman, she would be sad and would affect the chiildren too, now, there is no escaping, it's my theory, if **************************************************1234 *****************************************************||| *****************************************************56 ******************************************************| ******************************************************7 1 is related to 2, 2 is related to 3, 2 and 3 are related to 5 and 6, 3 is also related with 4, 5 and 6 is related to 7 and 7 is related to 1,2,3,4,5 and 6. READ THE ENTIRE EXPLANATION.

I cant say if it is right or wrong what she is doing but is wrong making her daughters keep her secret.They are learning wrong by keeping the secret i believe. I have always been told "It is better to tell the truth about something that you are doing and get in trouble than it is to keep it a secret and regret it later". This saying came from my mom.I know it may not make sense but here is an example, my brothers kept it a secret that they were smoking, so when my mom grounded them. Not because they were caught smoking but because they kept it a secret from her. So i learned to not keep secrets from my mom and my brothers.I also believe children get emotional hurt by divorce because they are that,children.They are more succeptable to emotional pain at younger ages but adult children can also get hurt emotionally.I believe children can suffer just as much as the divorcees. That is my belief.