Should i return the purse to my MIL?

Though I don’t know your MIL yet I think she is stranded with a spoilt daughter (your SIL) whom she never taught to adjust or share or appreciate .. in other words, your MIL did not teach your SIL proper manners in childhood. Isn’t it so very annoying just how your SIL just created so much drama over a purse! As a DIL, you have every expectation to receive gifts from your MIL and she too is correct in gifting you and your SIL the same gifts…now if you return the purse, your MIL will feel all the more bad. I don’t think you should feel insulted in any way….after all your SIL never insulted you or your MIL did not gift the purse to insult you. Her daughter is spoilt and ideally she should have slapped her long time back to put her in her senses.

Kirti! Hullo ! How are you? I understand your plight and feel sorry for both you and your mil . Your sister-in-law seems to be slightly odd .I would suggest you talk o your mother-in-law in private [because she said that she had forgotten to tell you this she is aware of what a terror her dear daughter is and put the ball in her court.You tell her that it is not possible for you to lie.If she is a decent lady otherwise, do not tell her that she must not bring you anything in future[not because you want anything but because she may feel hurt].It is for her to handle that shrew of a daughter[thoroughly abominable] For this time--Give away that stupid purse. You are an earning member and you can buy what you want.

Hi Bamrahkirti, I understand how you feel and I'd probably feel the same way. Your sister in Law sounds like a spoiled rotten rude little brat that has a lot of growing up to do. Oh and jealous and impossible as well. Your Mom in law sounds like a very generous and giving person that has probably given that girl way more than she deserves thus creating the brat that she is. If giving the purse back for your MIL to give to the SIL would make the SIL realize and feel ashamed of her actions then I would say then do it. I'm not sure though. It could make her feel even more confident that she could get whatever she wants and whenever she wants it just by pitching a temper tantrum. It sounds as if you are close to your MIL. Why don't you tell her what you have told us here.

my brother in law is like this with me. the MIL splashes out on me and my hubby all the time, but not so much on my brother in law. The thing is though that myself and other half take really good care of my MIL. We're always visiting her and doing jobs for her so she treats us better in return. My brother in law isnt anywhere close to being as good to her as we are so this is why she does more for us than for him. If he doesnt like it, he knows how to change it. I think the same is probably true with your in laws. It was your MILs choice to give you that purse. I doubt you twisted her arm behind her back and forced her to get it for you, so you shouldnt feel bad at all.

If you return the purse, you will only hurt your MIL's feelings too. She obviously knows its a sensitive issue with her daughter, or she wouldn't have been concerned you tell her where it came from. Talk to MIL about gifting, and tell her not to buy you things if it will hurt or upset daughter. There tends to be a totem pole issue among women in families, especially when a new one (the in-law) comes along. It's the thought that counts, after all, so obviously your MIL thinks well of you. If giving you gifts causes you distress, tell her in a gentle way, but make sure she understands you appreciate her wanting to do nice things for you. Good luck.

Personally, I don't think you did anything wrong. In my culture, it is rude to return the gifts given to you. Just keep the purse, I don't think your sister-in-law will be happy to receive a hand-me-down anyway.

That's a sad thing to happen in a family. Even though I appreciate your mother-in-law buying things for you as a gesture of love and care, she should not hide it from anyone! What's there to be sneaky about and it's her daughter after all. Couldn't she have convinced her!? Anyway, since that's not happening, and since returning the purse would not solve the issue, I think, Kirti you can still keep the gift and tell her that it would be difficult for you to accept any further gift from her in future if the same continues to happen. I can completely understand you dear. You have always fought, have been fighting, and stick to your morale this time as well.

I don't think you should return the purse to your MIL, it will probably only make her feel worse. I think your SIL was being very bratty about the situation, I mean she a purse also. Maybe if you think that you have to make amends for the situation, you can buy or give your MIL something in return.

it would probably be a good will gesture although it shounds like she doesnt deserve it.

If you have a digital cameara you should respond to my discussion and put up a picture of the purse so we all can see wht this awesome purse looks like. I LOVE purses! That is sad that you and your mother in law had to go through that. What a jealous daughter jeez. I never get mad that my mother doesnt get my sister and I the exact same things. She sounds totally spoiled. It is very nice of you to be willing to give it to your sister in law but its not right. It was a gift given to you out of love and caring and giving it back to your mother in law wont make her feel very good. Dont tell her not to bring you things. If she didnt like you she wouldnt bring you things trust me. Be happy that she cares about you enough to bring you gifts and just ignore the sister in law. Next time just say something like A relative gave it to me. If she continues with what relative say why does it matter or something like that to let her know shes being to nosy.

Hello, No,i can understand you felt bad with your sister in laws behavior,but it's not your fault or your MIL's fault. Your MIL loves you that is why she give you those things,and giving it back will hurt her. Just keep the present and next time be careful not to let your sister in law saw those things. Have a good day always

I think that's terrible of your sister in law to act like that. If I was her mother I'd tell to grow up. If I were you I'd keep the bag, you need it right? I don't think it's nice of your sister in law to act like that.

I don't think you did anything wrong either, especially since she didn't tell you not to say anything. It was a gift, plain and simple. It sounds like your sister in law is really spoiled!

Personally, I don't think you should return the pursr to your MIL. In my culture it is very rude to return a gift especially from an elder. In my opinion, you just keep the purse and if next time your MIL bring you something, ask her first what she want ypu to tell your SIL about it. I don't think it is suitable to return to her because:- first, you might hurt a feeling of an elder who loves you like her daughter; second, do you think your SIL will be happy to receive something which is not meant for her at the first place? I personally think what is over let it be, just becareful next time.

Hi. bamrahkirti. If your mother-in-law gave this purse to you and you really like it, I think that you should keep it. Your sister-in-law will just have to deal with knowing that you have a purse. Why would she get mad anyway because she was given a purse by her mother too? I feel that your sil is very jealous because she does not want your mother-in-law to give you anything like she has too. She wants to be the only person that can have things from her mom and not you. Your mil may feel hurt if you return the purse back to her though, but if for any reason that you have to return it, just tell her why. I know that she will not think that it is because of her, but because of your sister-in-law.

Your sister in law does need to go for repairs to a mental institution. :) I don't see any point in returning the purse. This is because the atmosphere vitiation that had to come has already come. Whatever was spoken and heard cannot be erased. So even if you return the purse, it is not going to make relationships better. What you can do is - buy a nice purse like that for her on her birthday or on festival - and say that hey - we i.e., your mother and me, wanted to surprise you. :)

Sweetie, next time you get such a nice gift and little tantrum comes along. Slap her and make sure she get the point. She is spoiled and childish and need to be taught how to behave like a grown-up. I don't know how you can put up with this. Just don't give the purse back, okay. That is bad manners and she might be insulted. Luck. TATA.

Most indian daughters always support their mother and try to find fault with 'bhabi', just envy, it is better you return it or buy one new throw at the face.. thanks for sharing.. kalyani