An issue with my best friend of 7 years (Your comments are highly appreciated)
@jessielicious (30)
Philippines
October 25, 2010 2:09am CST
I have a best friend. We have been best friends for seven years (that is since High School). We have been open about everything to each other except our love lives. In my case, he is always updated with my love life and he knows all of my heartaches and he knows all the men that I have loved, but in his casem he would not spill the details of his love life; in fact, he has been single since the day we become best friends up to this day. He would tell me girls who are pretty in his hospital and some girls he tends to flirt around with but not with the real score. Because of that, I respected his silence.
One time, in a social networking site, he changed his profile picture. In that pic, he was with a girl. When I asked him about it, he said it was his college classmate. When I asked if he is dating this girl, he said "no". I started being suspicious about this. It's like, you have a picture together and you are not dating? It's not his thing to show pics like that, you know.
Then there were exchanges of "flirting" comments on his wall between him and the said girl. He said nothing about it. I just felt bad because we had a promise to each other that we will spill everything between the two of us but here he is, breaking what he promised me from day one.
One time, he left his social networking account open in my laptop. When he got home, I grabbed the opportunity to take a peek at his messages. And this is what I saw:
Him: Hey, you should post our photo as your profile picture too so that we have the same profile picture.
Her: Sure, I like it... But hey, I saw one of your friend, her name is jessielicious, her profile picture is the two of you. I am afraid that someone might get jealous if I will do your favor.
Him: Jessielicious? That is nothing. I think she did that for the purpose of making her Korean ex-boyfriend jealous. Besides, what matters is the one I am with in my picture.
Her: Aww, that is so sweet of you. Really? She just did it for that purpose? She's insane huh?
Him: Yes, that's how she is.
I really felt bad after reading this. First, I appeared pathetic in the eyes of the girl he is flirting. Second, he did not tell her that "Jessielicious? ah, it's natural for her to post our picture as her profile photo because we're best friends". Third, it is like she was important and I am not, after all these years! I really felt devastated. I sent him an SMS and told him what I discovered and said how painful I felt for what I have read.
He sent me a reply and he said: "So you were reading my messages? For what purpose? Both of you are of different brackets yet both are important. You just can't say that I used you after all of the years we shared together."
Two days after that, I said sorry for invading his privacy (which is what I am really apologetic of) but he still did not reply to me about it.
It has been four weeks now since it happened. I still feel bad that he is still stiff about this issue. I already asked for forgiveness yet he is still ignoring me. Yes, I invaded his privacy and I am sorry for it but hey, the pain I am feeling now is four times more hurting than he could ever imagine.
MyLotters, help me... Should I let go to a friendship I had for 7 years? T.T
3 people like this
10 responses
@meipan (746)
• Philippines
25 Oct 10
GIve him a space... i think.. the reason why he can't have a girl friend before and can't tell the details about his lovelife to you is because.. somehow, he had for you... then.. this girl came into his life.. he was afraid to lose her if he gonna make issue about you.. you know, sometimes girl are not open minded about best friends with opposite gender... and i think.. it's not an issue about their talkings in the inbox.. i did that sometimes too but there's no meaning at all...
anyway... i know that your hurt but it's not his intention but the problem is you know that you'll doing wrong but you proceed.. eventhough you ask forgiveness... he was still not comfortable to talk with it..
just stay foot there... and once he came back.. just embrace him with all your heart.. for he was once a lose sheep yet manage to back with you..
hope you settle the issue as soon as possible...
@jessielicious (30)
• Philippines
25 Oct 10
Thanks Mei... I felt somehow relieved when I read your comment. I was just hurt because he is ignoring me until now but I still commend him because he doesn't include my family in our current issue... Anyway, I really do not want to think that he is ignoring me now and he can meet new friend because he doesn't need me anymore. T.T And yes, I will embrace him with all my heart once he comes back. :)
@pratik87 (1927)
• India
25 Oct 10
none of this would have happened if you had not put your nose in his private business. he left his account and you snooped around so you can imagine how he must be feeling too. regarding why he did not tell that girl about you then it should hardly matter. i mean he might like this girl so might want to give her more attention and let her feel that she is the most important person for him. after all you are his best friend and should support him no matter what. and do you think just because he said one thing about you then everything between you and him is over? that is silly don't you think?
@jessielicious (30)
• Philippines
25 Oct 10
Yes, I already realized my mistake. Maybe I can't blame him afterall. Of course I don't want everything between us over... I love him so I don't want to lose him... T.T
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
26 Oct 10
Oh dear. That was a really terrible thing you did. You went against everything that a friendship is about simply because you are jealous. He probably knows you are this jealous and that is probably the reason he does not talk to you about his feelings for this girl. I think you maybe have lost your good friend here. All you can do is apologise and let him know you value his friendship and really be sincere...if you can't then you just have to be honest with yourself and walk away.
@Lore2009 (7378)
• United States
26 Oct 10
I wonder what you think of him. Why is it so important for you to keep him? I think it is unfair of him to not state what he is looking for in this friendship but I do think that invading privacy is the last thing you should do to anyone, especially your best friend. You say that your feeling is hurting more than he can imagine but you have put that on yourself and to expect him to understand that is selfish in my opinion. If you told him that you want to know every detail of his romantic life and he has agreed to it, then that is his wrong but if there was no agreement to begin with then he is free to do what ever he likes. And if he was not being truthful for you, you should let him go because that is not what a real friend is about. It seems like there's a lot of lack in communication. But all in all, people change and the number of years is just a number of years. It doesn't validate the quality of the friendship. Best thing to do is find yourself and see what you can do with your life with out friends. By doing this, great people will come your way. Good luck.
@toniganzon (72281)
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
Were you ever possessive of him? If the answer's yes, that may be the reason why he couldn't get a girl for himself. Others might have looked at you as a couple so he could never have a real girlfriend. And basing my answer to the facts that you've pointed out, I think he really felt that you were using him somehow because he wants to blame you for not having his own girl. I may not be correct but that's how I see it.
@annejhealyne (18)
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
Talk to him personally. Make him realize you were really sorry for what you have done. Don't give up on your friendship. Though, you really invaded his privacy, and that is a real foul for most of the men. Give him some time to think, anyways, time heals all wounds...
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
26 Oct 10
Hi Jess,
I don't think that you should give up on your friendship at all. Seven years is a long time and the two of you should value the friendship enough to get over this. You apologized and that is about all you can do at this point. You might try getting him a friendship card letting him know how much you miss the friendship you shared. Thing is that you can't keep bringing it up how much he hurt you. It's only going to keep things going. It could be that he may have been interested in this girl and did not want her to feel threatened by his friendship with you which would explain why he told her that it was to make your ex jealous. I don't think it really made you sound as bad as you think it does. I would let it drop and don't snoop again. Good luck.
@donnaphipps (145)
• United States
25 Oct 10
i dont know. its hard to say. i can see why he is mad. you read his mail. i would be mad too if that was me. but you apologized.. and really meant it. i dont see why he is ignoring you. sometimes you have to let things go though. if he is acting like this then he didnt think your friendship is important than what you thought. have you tried to contact him or have you just left him alone these past 4 weeks? maybe you should just leave it alone for a while. if he really considers you his best friend he will talk to you eventually. he wouldnt just leave you alone. if he doesnt call you or anything then he didnt really consider you his best friend,, and in that case i would tell you im sorry. it sucks letting someone go that you have known for so long. sometimes, thats just the way it goes though. good luck. i hope you two get to be good friends again.
@monsterfishlover (222)
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
The way i see it you have a feelings with your best friend. Not just the usual love we have on our friends but something more special like what we have in a relationship. Am i right?
But anyway, yes you made a wrong move reading or invading his privacy. But not all situation this is applicable. I have known a lot of people who have best friends that when in comes to privacy they are very transparent as if no walls separating them. Very open in everything, you name it they are very transparent. AS if no privacy at all. Well for me i think that should be what best friends have 'coz that's the true meaning of BEST FRIEND, the "best of the best", the "only one"..
So i guess the mistake that you had committed is such a simple and a very light one. I guess your best friend is just making this up just to cover what he did, what he said and maybe he just don;t know what to do since you already know what he did behind your back.
Yes you were right, you are the one feeling the true pain here. Maybe not just four times but maybe hundred times compare to what he really feels. You were the one being stabbed at the back not him.
I think you should stay off with him for a while. Stop sending him messages. Try ignoring him, show him you were hurt most. Show him he should also pay respect and say sorry what he did. Stop showing him that you are under, that you can't live without him or even do anything just to get him back.
Believe me if he really cares and love you like what you do then he will come back. But if not then it is time to let go. There's only one reason for that, he really used you after all. Don't be fooled again.
@stardrifter (21)
• United States
26 Oct 10
It sounds to me to be so much more than just a friendship. If you have to go and read your friends personal messages, then you are crossing that line of trust. At one point in time you trusted that you and this person were good friends. When you felt that you weren't in the number one position with this person, you confirmed it by going through their personal messages. To me that sounds like a woman jealous of more than just a friend, but more a boyfriend, potential lover? And I think you will just have to be patient and wait for that person to make the decision to renew your friendship. And if that doesn't happen, then you must count it as the cost of learning an important lesson, and that is, if you consider someone to be your friend, then they are worthy to be treated as you would like to be treated. And if that means giving them their space, and trusting that you are number one in friendship, then you will have to have faith in that, and let time and circumstance prove it out, or prove it otherwise. Also, considering that some people can't be honest with their true feelings about someone, finding out that their loyalty to you isn't what you had hoped, then maybe it is not such a loss, if loyalty in a friendship is important to you.
