Bumming Neighbors

It usually doesnt matter where you live. you are bound to come across a neighbor or two that does nothing but ask to borrow. you often know the favor will not be returned. It can be bothersome, but if it is helping someone truly in need, i don't mind.

If it's true that everything you've said on your post still doesn't make a dent on the handouts they're getting from you, then that must be the worst situation I've ever heard of from that kind of neighbor. I've never experienced that from a neighbor, but we'd experience that kind of thing from family. Usually about the same thing. When we first started out, my hubby and I used to live with his parents, so this kind of thing happens often. I can understand being a burden and as much as possible I try to supply for my husband, my daughter and myself even if we life in one of the rooms in their house. We have our own supply of shampoo and soap (one reason being their shampoo doesn't work for my hair), we buy our own detergent but use their washing machine. We pay for part of the bills and share food for dinner. To the point that we'd buy food for ourselves and use the fridge for the food. The next day we'd find out that the food we've budgeted for the next two weeks had already been used up. So I hated having to live in a cramped space where I can't do what I really want to do, worry about having to use up their food or their things, get into squabbles over groceries or who's supposed to buy dinner, or who hasn't paid their part of the bill, and I urged my husband that we move out immediately. His parents, trying to help us move out quickly found a house we can rent, and two months later we were living on our own. So now we have everything we need, plus a nanny for the baby. Sometimes my husband still asks what his parents are having for dinner and has some sent over, or asks for whatever. I don't really say much about it, but I do mind when he gets into a squabble with his parents over this kind of thing and then he starts sourgraping about all the help he used to give them.... Anyway mine is a long and tiring story.. I guess I just wanted to rant about it..

I've never had a problem like this and perhaps its because when someone drops in looking for an item to borrow, Its always just the time I'm thinking about using it myself. "Well. isn't that a coincidence? I was just about to start cutting the grass!" or ,"I was just thinking about washing the car with that pressure washer!" then just smile and say," Isn't that a Great day!"

Hi there Angel, Yes, I had that problem in the past and then I discovered that the problem was really ME. I had my daughters to raise and I did not owe these people a thing. I don't mind helping someone out here and there but when they start looking at me as their human grocery store then that is overboard. These types of people will never be there for you if you were to need something. You need to learn to say NO. Once you do and stick to it you will feel so much better about your life. Remember that you owe it to your own child to put an end to this. Every single thing you donate to these people costs you money and that is money that could be put away for your child. The phone? Why should you pay for a phone they get to use it for free?? You don't owe them a thing. I know it is hard but what is the worst that will happen? They won't be your friends?? They aren't your good friends now as it is. A real friend would never mooch off of you this way.

I can not believe that anyone would do this. I suggest, anytime they ask for something, make up some story about how you were fired or had to take a pay cut, or that you sister is too sick to work so you are helping her financially, and you have no money for any little extras, in fact, could they lend you some instant coffee so you have the energy to go job hunting? I'm sure if you start asking for something from them every time they come around, they will soon stop. If you can't say no, then lie and tell them your phone was disconnected or something! I am so glad I don't have neighbours like yours!

If you have had a hard time saying no, and your list is just to long to post here, then you have done a good job of establishing yourself with your neighbors as a person who can't say "NO!" Well one way to deal with not having to say no, is to start charging for your services. If that doesn't seem practical, then you should demand something in trade. For example, the next time someone comes to your door in need of a diaper, you might explain that you are now implementing the barter system, and if they have something you want or need, then you will be able to make an exchange with them. So, they could perhaps bring a coupon for dollars or cents off on your next purchase of diapers. Or maybe you need a cup of sugar in exchange for a diaper. You could sit down, write down what the most common demands your neighbors make of you, then across from the demand write what you will accept in exchange, then post it on your door for the neighbors to read, then all you have to do is STICK to it. Maybe you could charge a dollar in exchange for so many minutes on your phone, the possibilities are endless! Good luck :)

I have had neighbors like this as well as in-laws. In the end, I just had to start telling them no, even when it was very hard for me to do so. I have always been one that will not let a child go without if I can help it. My opinion has always been that it is not the child's fault that the parents are selfish. My husband is the same way. Others knew this too, and as a result, they would begin asking us to "loan" them money for this or that "for the kids". After a few times of finding out that they didn't actually need the money for what they said they needed it for, I got to the point of going to the store and buying the items they said they needed rather than handing them the money. This stopped a lot of my problem with that issue. When it came to someone always wanting to use our phone, I had to simply tell them no after a while. I didn't mind helping out once in a while, but as time wore on, I noticed that they were ALWAYS at my door for something, so I had to put a stop to it. The only way to so that was to start saying no and sticking to it.