When a relationship breaks up, who suffers more?
By vijayanths
@vijayanths (7877)
India
October 26, 2010 12:09pm CST
is it the man who suffers more when he breaks up the relationship? Or the woman who experiences more pain. Of course it depends on the man and the woman. But in general on an average who suffers more, the man? the woman?
My opinion is that the woman suffers more usually than man.
But in my case It's usually I who feel more, lol....
How about you?
8 people like this
32 responses
@johnpillai (2082)
• Germany
26 Oct 10
The suffering and the pain are same for both. only the way of expressing differs. men always have ego problems than women. so they seldom accept that they are worring for that. But they let their heart get sick. they easily give their mental health.
women cry for it and try to ready for another life though it is difficult. I know so many have failure in love affair. They don't die for their love failure. when the parents push them to marry another person, they got married. But after their marriage they play their wife and mother role very well. that is the beauty of the women. I don#t know whether i am correct. lazy to rub it. when it is wrong critiziation is welcome.
I only know about my husband. In our break up period he lost his mental health. and it took many years for me to bring him back for his normal position after our marriage.
2 people like this
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
28 Oct 10
hahaha, you are too concerned Johnpillai. In India usually parents of girls have this fear to get them good math-good boys so that their girls will have good life in future. These days girls are so modern and liberal I also pray like you that my sons should get good girls in life. We are in the same boat,
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
27 Oct 10
Do you think it is 50% by 50%? Hi, John pillai, I think many break ups are initiated by men. So mostly women who suffer and experinece the pain more than men. It's because women are more emotional and they give more importance to love, relationships.
@johnpillai (2082)
• Germany
27 Oct 10
There are two kind of break ups. Break up in between husband and wife. Break up in between lovers. When a husband cheat the wife, the pain of the wife... I have no words to explain it. But imagine, if a husband is cheated by a wife he may also get pain. men also have heart. I believe this. now my son is only 7. Believe me. I pray to God, "Oh! God, please give a good girl to my son." I don't want my son to roam about with brocken heart.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
dear anna,
Generally women are open for admitting the suffering and pain.
Men usually are silent and emotionless.
But definitely men are not stronger when it comes to emotional sufferings,they just know how to carry and hide it.(becoz they're man and known to be the stronger s*x,but i bet they also cried in silence)
Being a woman myself,i admit i cried for it (i hate that feeling)
I want to be loved forget the heartache and heartbreaks 
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
26 Oct 10
Yes, men do feel a lot when there is a break up. But who feels more? I think definitely women. Women are more serious about relationships than men. They give more importance to relationships than men. Of course in some cases man feels much more than woman too but that is definitely exceptional.
2 people like this
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
27 Oct 10
Hi, vannie, do you mean that one who has been more dishonest suffers more when the relationship breaks up? In general who suffers more? Who undergoes more agony and pain?
@vandana7 (100256)
• India
27 Oct 10
Hi vijayanths - glad that you asked. I would have been surprised had you understood that one sentence from me.
Ok - Case 1 - A loves B, and B loves A = result - successful relationship - not gonna break.
Case 2 - A loves B, but B loves A's money - result - failure of relationship - of course since B loses the money and also has to face shame or whatever - then B is the greater loser, but hey - B was also more dishonest, wasn't it?
Case 3 - A loves B's monies, B loves A's looks - both suffer equally - needless to add that this can be a real success or real failure - yeah this one can succeed but the case 2 is the only one which is truly failure. That is because even if A remains in the relationship, he or she would suffer forever. In case 3, both know the scores. So they might just play it logical and make it work. Arranged marriages come under case 3. BTW - looks is just an example, it can be a whole lot of other things other than love, and monies.
Ok - Case 1 - A loves B, and B loves A = result - successful relationship - not gonna break.
Case 2 - A loves B, but B loves A's money - result - failure of relationship - of course since B loses the money and also has to face shame or whatever - then B is the greater loser, but hey - B was also more dishonest, wasn't it?
Case 3 - A loves B's monies, B loves A's looks - both suffer equally - needless to add that this can be a real success or real failure - yeah this one can succeed but the case 2 is the only one which is truly failure. That is because even if A remains in the relationship, he or she would suffer forever. In case 3, both know the scores. So they might just play it logical and make it work. Arranged marriages come under case 3. BTW - looks is just an example, it can be a whole lot of other things other than love, and monies.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
26 Oct 10
It is quite easy to respond as in my opinion the one that suffers is the one that was in love the most. I believe at some time or another if both can think about the positives of that relationship both actually suffer, but yet one would be too proud to admit.
1 person likes this
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
31 Oct 10
Hi hardworkinggurl, I do agree that the one who acres more will get more pains during a break up. So who cares more in a relationship? it's usually girls that care more than boys. So I think it's girls that face more agony during a break up, this is my opinion , though.
@wongchoiyee (7413)
• Malaysia
27 Oct 10
I agree because I feel I am in love and I have done mistakes now. How to mend a broken heart?
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
26 Oct 10
that depends of who loves the most in the relationship^^ in general, is true that we girls feel things very intensely but it also depends^^ there are relations where the guy is more romantic than the girl^^ and other ones where is the opposite^^ so i guess it all depends of who loves more in that relation^^ is true that we girls are more emotional, more sensitive but there are guys that are more sensitive than some girls. so yes i guess you are right that in general we girls suffer more bcs we cant move on so easy as guys do^^ but depends of the personality and also the feelings^^
1 person likes this
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
31 Oct 10
hi, sweetloveforeve it's true that in some cases it is boys that face more pains when there is a break up. It depends on the individuals and situations too. But in general I think women feel much more pains than men during a break up. This is my opinion.
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
26 Oct 10
i think its whoever felt the most for that individual.
if its the guy who cares more about the girl. than the guy will end up getting hurt the most.
if its the girl who care more about the guy. than the girl will end up getting hurt the most.
so it all depends.
it seems that guys get over girls more after the break up. because guys are always trying to play it cool. like there was no feelings ever involved.
but thats all fake.
anyway. this is my opinion.
good luck with all!!
1 person likes this
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
31 Oct 10
hi, keshia, I think you have done a clean research on this topic. Yes, it depends on the individuals involved in a relationship. As you have rightly pointed out may be boys can overcome the pain easily than girls. Love means a lot for girls than boys. Boys can move on quickly and look for another partner sooner than girls.
@jbrooks0127 (2324)
• United States
26 Oct 10
There are two basic things that would determine this.
1). How much each one had vested in the relationship.
2). Who broke up the relationship.
Regardless of who broke it up if you as an individual really did not have a vested interest in continuing it, you will not only not have pain but could actually be relieved.
If you as an individual have a great deal invested in the relationship and the other does not and breaks it up you will be the one most hurt. This is true regardless of gender.
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
31 Oct 10
Yes, I think I can agree with all your points, jbrooks0127. But I think usually it's women who vest more in a relationship and it's men who usually initiate a break up. That is why I said it's women who feel more pain during a break up.
1 person likes this
@jbrooks0127 (2324)
• United States
31 Oct 10
Well I know it use to be that way however I am not so sure it is universal anymore.
However you may be right as I have no statistics that tell me this.
While I do agree that women tend to have more invested in the relationship in the beginning, after a period of time, when the man is not really contributing to that relationship, that would change. When a woman falls out of love it is pretty permanent and there is no going back. In that case she would not be the one with pain.
I now know of three women this happened to. Unfortunately one of them was my first wife.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Oct 10
The person who didn't want the break up suffers more.
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
31 Oct 10
hi, dawnald, yes, in general that's true. it's also true that in some cases it is boys that face more pains when there is a break up. It depends on the individuals and situations too. But in general I think women feel much more pains than men during a break up. This is my opinion.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
27 Oct 10
I think everyone suffers when a relationship breaks up. We only see who shows the most emotion for it. Both men and women are equal to this task. We just expect the female to be the more emotional one and suffer the most. this is isn;t always how it turns out to be.@vijayanths (7877)
• India
2 Nov 10
Hi sender its true that both men and women suffer during a break up. But women may feel more as they are more emotional than men. They give more importance to relationship than men.
@nangisha (3496)
• Indonesia
27 Oct 10
Hi Vijayanths!.
I think if relationship breaks its usually both sides suffers but its hurt most for one side if relationship breaks because betrayal of other partner. Betrayal made you feel unwanted and not good enough.
If in marriage I think the most hurt one is the Children because they will insecure and feel there no safe place they called home.
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
2 Nov 10
Hi,nangisha, yes when two persons are in a marriage break up may cause many problems. If they have children there will be more problems as children will feel insecure when the parents separate from each other.
@melanierg (129)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
men and women for me are equal in terms of this, it just depends on whether it's the man or the woman who ruined the relationship, if it's the doing of the woman then the man suffers the most and if it's the man's fault then the woman suffers.
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
2 Nov 10
hi, melanierg Yes the one who ruins the relationship may suffer less than the other.Otherwise the pain will be felt by both men and women.
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
2 Nov 10
hi, jlov as you rightly said the one who loves more will suffer more too. Women may find it harder as they are very much attached to their partners emotionally.
@hellosunset (38)
• Romania
27 Oct 10
It depends how the relatioship ends. Bot of them can be guilty. ANd the both cand suffer very much.
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
31 Oct 10
Hi,hellosunset, it's true that in some cases it is boys that face more pains when there is a break up. It depends on the individuals and situations too. But in general I think women feel much more pains than men during a break up. This is my opinion.
@earnnings (1325)
• India
27 Oct 10
Both man and woman will loose the same. Relationship will be good when both share equal responsibilities and love. Even if there is a single controversy arise regarding relation or some other then both are supposed to resolve the issue sitting and chatting about it. If one is not adjustable with the other then there is no harm in breaking up if they do not have any children.
See when there is relation between a couple and they do not have kids then there might be no problem in breaking the relation desirably. If they have kids then there will be chances of spoiling the future of kids for your absurdness or desires.
anyways...for me both will loose the same percentage regarding relation. And sorry for you if you are the person who feel much about the relation which is denied by the opposite.
happy mylotting and keep smiling ^_^
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
2 Nov 10
yes, earnnings, both men and women suffer a lot when they break up. As you said if they had no children better. If they have children then they should think twice before breaking up the relationship. It may affect the children a lot.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
27 Oct 10
As you say it does depend on the people involved and the circumstances but generally speaking I tend to believe that men seem to take longer to move on and adjust to the break up. I don’t know if they feel more pain as such but what I’ve learnt in my life experience is that the boys are not quite as resilient as the females in terms to big changes and heart break.
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
31 Oct 10
oh, is it so paula? In my experience it is just opposite. May be things are different in different countries, different cultures, different life styles. On the whole I think breaking up is on big increase all over the world, it is matter of concern.
1 person likes this
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
31 Oct 10
hi, Absinto, it's true that in some cases it is boys that face more pains when there is a break up. It depends on the individuals and situations too. But in general I think women feel much more pains than men during a break up. This is my opinion.
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
31 Oct 10
hi, ebuscat, it's true that in some cases it is boys that face more pains when there is a break up. It depends on the individuals and situations too. But in general I think women feel much more pains than men during a break up. This is my opinion.
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
31 Oct 10
yes, that's very true hushi. Your mom is right. It is better not to get attached to your man too close so that if there is a break up you can cope with it better. In life nothing is eternal. all things change. So we need to adapt ourselves to the changes.
@sweetmary86 (822)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
both could suffer depends on who is more in love and who has better coping mechanism.
in my personal view, guys could easily find new romance bcuz theyre the ones who court and they can choose the girls they court on the otherhand, girls just wait
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
31 Oct 10
yes, sweetmary86, you are right guys think that they can easily get another woman if this relationship breaks up. May be that is why men take things easy and keep changing partners. I think this will increase a lot in future.
