One should never depend on others for happiness
By zandi458
@zandi458 (28102)
Malaysia
October 27, 2010 9:41am CST
I wonder what does happiness mean to many of us here? Is it being in love or living in an unblemished relationship or just living from our day to day existence that gives us true happiness? There might be other things that creates true happiness in our life but for sure we can't depend on others for happiness. According to the words of the wise man "He who expects to secure satisfaction in life from others is worse than the beggar who kneels and cries for his daily bread."
Life can sometimes be very unfair to us. We might have everything in life but the one thing that is missing is true happiness. I really don't know where my life leads me to. I am a stranger in my own world. I might be a miserable person that don't deserve a sympathy but I don't wish to live a miserable life for the balance of years I still have in this world. The children that come out from my womb have left the nest and never update me of their present life. The man that I call husband quit being a protective husband and is enjoying his life with his buddies. Life is just full of friction and change. There are no stars which we could trust. There is no guiding light. But life have to go on..despite all the odds. 
7 people like this
22 responses
@keeponit (45)
• China
7 Nov 10
I am of the same view with you,Zandi,as you clealy point out that one should never depend on others for our happiness.True happiness is something that comes from our inner world,it can begin with simple,small things in life,such as sunshine,air,dew,rain,and even every breath that we take,etc.We should be grateful to God for the beauty of nature and what he has given us.When you feel unhappy,just think of the people who are still suffering hunger or homelessness;the people who are disabled by nature or in accident,but they refused to give up,tried to change the condition they were in,and finally created miracles to make life livable.Maybe we could not do as good as what they did,but there is no excuse for not trying.Hope you will come out of depression soon,and find your guilding light in case you lose your way.Above all,strong belief might lead you a happy life.(that is my view)Why not choose to live happily,cause life is short.With optimistic attitude to face up every single one of tough problems,then you would be happy.Just try to be positive.Cheer up!This too shall pass!
1 person likes this
@BOWENO (1)
• China
28 Oct 10
i think happiness depens on ourselves because you could find happiness everywherr in you live. You become aware of that you are in the quickest queue while you are waitting in line you feel happy. One of you client smile to you when you feel tired after work.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
28 Oct 10
Hi Boweno, It is my pleasure to welcome you on board. I am glad to have you in your maiden response. Hope you enjoy your stay in mylot. You are right in what you say here, happiness comes from us and it is how we view things in life that leads us with a happy disposition.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
27 Oct 10
You seem to have reached the impass that most of us face in life. You alone are responsible for your reaction to life. Happiness begins with very small, simple things. The Sun rise, the colors, the feeling of breath in your body. Just the ability to get up each morning. If you have pain then the thankfullness that you are able to feel that pain. This all may seem to simple to easy but this is where your awareness of self begins. As long as you focus on what you don't have your are doomed to be unhappy. You must change these old habits by forming new ones that over ride the negative ones. Once you take charge of your own mind set no one can take this away. I love to make lists, this helps my mind focus on gratitude not on unfulfilled wants. I love people, that doesn' give me the right to expect the same to be returned, let it be enough that I can love them. This is a growing time for you put your energy into making it positive. Blessings, you are not alone.
@online4survival (49)
• India
27 Oct 10
I agree with you, happiness isn't something that comes from big deals in life, it is the inspiration that comes from small things that happen every day in our life.
Expectations and success are selfish views of happiness and things we get in return from others is not happiness (that's what I feel) its only pleases for few moments.
@alottodo (3056)
• Australia
29 Oct 10
Hello zandi sorry you sound quite depressed. It is true we are the ones who make our own happiness, happiness come from withing, sure the people around us contribute to our happiness. I know we have children and they grow up and go that is part of life, but none the less when all leave home the feel of loneliness can be quite overwhelming...but take heart zandi you are lucky you live in your own country with your fellow people. Life sometimes seems unfair but we still can find happiness in little things we do every day. Cheer up my friend! best of all be your own star,trust yourself and the guiding light will shine for you and spill over to those around you.
@Memnon (2170)
•
27 Oct 10
I suspect that you have reached the 'going nowhere' stage that I am currently at. I would wish that corporations stop seeing fit to do their best to make our lives more miserable on a daily basis by their pursuit of ever increasing profit.
We seem to live in a society which encourages rich people to make themselves richer still by throwing others on to the scrap heap: and that, if by doing so deliberately they get richer quicker, they should accelerate that pace..
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
28 Oct 10
I might be lucky in some ways but that hasn't given me a license to happiness. I wish I can rewind the clock and use all my sweet and bitter experiences to seek for a better paradise on earth. No amount of money can buy happiness, it is just being illusive for me.
@webentrepcoach (1)
• New Zealand
28 Oct 10
Hi Zandi, I am really impressed with how you practically view the situations you described. I totally agree with you that Life must always go on.. so we have to accept and cope with all the odds that come our way. Constant change is what makes life exciting and wonderful.. One best thing that I learned in life in my 52 years of living in this beautiful and wonderful world, is that all odds that come my way are positive challenges that provide me the opportunity to be strong, become a better person and appreciate life more. I am seeing it in how you deal with what you have just described, that you are going on with your life, despite all the odds.. that is awesome..that's the way it is...you're so inspiring....Thank you and wish you all the very best in life...
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
28 Oct 10
I have lived as long as you have for 52 years.
. We have come quite a long way to savor the bitter sweet of this roller-coaster life and we are seasoned enough to face any challenges that comes our way now. A little bit of adjustment should see no problem in putting back the sunshine in my life. 
. We have come quite a long way to savor the bitter sweet of this roller-coaster life and we are seasoned enough to face any challenges that comes our way now. A little bit of adjustment should see no problem in putting back the sunshine in my life. 
@derek_a (10873)
•
28 Oct 10
To me true happiness comes from being content with whatever is so right here and now. This doesn't mean not doing anything to increase the quality of life however, but just being satisfied with whatever's going on and getting into the "game" of life but focusing on doing what is really necessary in life. The future then will take care of itself. If desire to change things comes into the equation, then this can produce frustration which is the antithesis of contentment. _Derek
_Derek
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
28 Oct 10
I read a book written by the Dalai Lama once and I had one of those what Oprah calls ‘light bulb moments’ when I read that one of the ways to happiness is to focus on what you do have instead of feeling depressed because of what you feel is missing from your life. That line of thinking and the knowledge that happiness will not come solely from others or from owning a lot of ‘stuff’. You cannot control other people. Your husband and children will not react to life the way you would like them to but you can still make the choice of fulfilling your life with what else can make your heart sing and be happy.
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
28 Oct 10
Thanks paula...your words are very inspiring and it has a far reaching effects in me. I am so blur and do not know what I am up to sometimes. I need to talk my heart out and the only person I am talking right now is my aged mother but she is half deaf and she can't possibly understand me well in her partial deafness.
@kawalnarang (1095)
• Trinidad And Tobago
28 Oct 10
Keep praying,,,,,,,,,,,sometimes the BIG MAN tests the patience people have.You are wiser than many,the fact is the lord knows what is the best for you or everyone else He created, and He never GOES WRONG.
@mira91 (985)
• Singapore
28 Oct 10
I like the quote you posted. Very meaningful indeed. I think that your statement that one should never depend on others for happiness is true in the sense that you cannot EXPECT and DEMAND happiness from a certain someone. People can't give you happiness. You can't will yourself to a state of happiness, you just simply feel it. It's either there, or it isn't. With that, i think that people who seem to have found happiness when they are with a certain someone that they love, is possible. Sometimes you just do not expect anything from anyone and then suddenly this person seems to make you feel happy and blessed, and i just think that's beautiful. Life is always changing like you said, so i guess we must all try to keep up with ourselves. Perhaps, you should take some time out to do something for yourself. Make yourself happy again, whatever that may be. Only you would know what makes you happy. Best of wishes. :)
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
28 Oct 10
Hi mira91, life is so uncertain. Today I might be down and out and looking up for the lost hope but we will never know what tomorrow brings. I always feel that as long as there is one single fellow creature who I can console by kind words, who I can enliven and cheer up with my presence, one that I can help with any worldly possession, however little that charity maybe, I will be happy to create smiles on others. But to depend on others for our own happiness is almost impossible to get. Can't be happy ourselves, then maybe happiness can be derived being a service to the human race.
@quita88 (3715)
• United States
28 Oct 10
Sounds like you've fallen in a rut. LIfe can be unfair but if you'll pay attention, life is still good.
Regardless of hubby, you need to decide if you want to stay in a restless marriage.
And,could be hubby is feeling pressures you don't realize too.
Have a talk with him and see what's bugging him .........and also tell him what is bugging you...
hang in there,
quita
@tintukm (1102)
• India
27 Oct 10
Zandi! The life always come up with lot of surprises and delights which rather turn out to be shocks or upsets. Happiness among all the living aspects of life is a difficult thing to find actually but not at all impossible I must say. As you clearly point out one can't depend on others for our happiness but at time we should as upon sharing the happiness the sweetness of it never decrease but keeps on creeping up and up.
Thinking different as you suggest you are and I wouldn't say its a bad thing to follow as to stand out of the crowd and follow a strange world for ourselves is the best thing possible in most of the trends that are been followed these days.
Life will go on and to find a constant but interesting path is what we all ought to do for the coming times of the life.
I would request you not to blame yourself for anything and get upset off life, credit yourself and family for the goods in it, the well installed motions of life can make the living come onto the desired track for ever. Not an advise but a simple thing I suggest all must follow. 
Thinking different as you suggest you are and I wouldn't say its a bad thing to follow as to stand out of the crowd and follow a strange world for ourselves is the best thing possible in most of the trends that are been followed these days.
Life will go on and to find a constant but interesting path is what we all ought to do for the coming times of the life.
I would request you not to blame yourself for anything and get upset off life, credit yourself and family for the goods in it, the well installed motions of life can make the living come onto the desired track for ever. Not an advise but a simple thing I suggest all must follow. 
@Cutie18f (9546)
• Philippines
28 Oct 10
Yes, I certainly agree with that. Happiness should never hang on one single person. We should broaden our horizons and try not to focus our world on one single person because this can be devastating when something happens. We should try to be at peace and content with ourselves, our environment, and others. We should not make someone our goal or our only source of happiness unless it is God.
@hushi22 (4928)
•
28 Oct 10
i was told to ponder this. but i think it is very difficult because somehow our lives are entangled with some other lives and how they are affects us just like how we are affects them.
for me happiness is when i see my loved ones healthy and happy.
but we are entitled to our own opinions. =)
hope you will be happy pal. take time to be. =)
happy mylotting! =)
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
18 Jun 12
Personally I can relate with this one, as all people usually eventually in time will hurt you. Especially your family, and many times your Spouse, and really close friends. The thing is what you learn to do with it, and move on from there. Most of the time it will be small things but even they can become Big things if we let them.
The Best thing when it comes to happiness, is allowing to build it up within ourselves. I know for me what brings happiness to me may not always for others, but with the Help of God and choosing to build on what allows me to be happy is what matters most for me.
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
27 Oct 10
Zandi! What has happened to make you so depressed? I guess you are missing your children and are going through the post menopause depression phase.Husbands normally do prefer their own company and we have to get our own activity to keep us occupied.You have your own business and it would keep you tied down isn't it? ARE you back to base?DId the holiday in Australia do you good? If your children don't update you, you phone them and ask them how they are.Request them to be in touch.Is there no child even living closeby?
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
28 Oct 10
Hi kalav, life seem to have shifted a bit for me these days. The Australian vacation was great but it was only for that short period that I truly felt I am a living being. Once I am back my daily routine run me down and everything seems imperfect. I have been shuttling up and down from my present resident to mom's place as she is quite old now and I want to be with her as much as possible. She has been a beacon in my life and this might be my only chance to be with her in her last years on earth. I don't phone my kids randomly as one is always traveling around the globe working and the other is staying with mom and only when am here I am able to see him and not always able to talk to him as he is always with his girlfriend. My two adopted daughters are with me alright but once they are at school I am left all alone.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
27 Oct 10
Hi Zandi, it took me years to find this out. I thought it took me to have someone who loved me to be happy. I found out the hard way that happiness come from w/in . Noone can make u happy & those that make u unhappy should not be worried about . I'm sorry yourfamily is like that by u. I can relate.
@wongchoiyee (7413)
• Malaysia
27 Oct 10
I disagree with you. Love should be cultivate in everyone of us and thus we could spread our happiness to others.
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
27 Oct 10
True happiness has to start with with your own heart. you can't depend on someone else to give it to you. 
@jhen_jkc (105)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
True happiness, they say, is much more that a smile on your face. It's a way of looking at the world. Let's say you lock yourself out of the house. If you're happy, experts explain, you won't scold yourself, kick the door, and fret that your day is ruined. Instead, you'll spring into action. You'll make a mental list neighbors or friends who have a spare key, or you'll call a locksmith. As you wait for help to arrive, you'll use the newfound free time to read the paper on your doorstep or enjoy a cup of tea at cafe down the street.
