How to heal this hurt?
By siemensLot
@siemensLot (54)
Indonesia
October 31, 2010 12:48am CST
At the age of 13 years, I fell in love with my classmates. It's was wonderful. I love her even she was not pretty, not tall, and don't have beautiful hair.
My parents don't like her, but I don't care. I love her, and she love me, that's enough. Suddenly after 9 months, she was cheating me. Oh God it's so painful, and the more pain is she had an affair with my best friend. And I broke up with her, I am really disappointed with her, I hate her.
Now, after more than 10 years, the pain was still there. I always had a negative thinking to all women and could not believe entirely to my friends.
How to heal this hurt? Thanks for your reply.
3 people like this
15 responses
@nero_ocelot23 (435)
• Philippines
31 Oct 10
It has been ten long years siemen. It's time to free your heart from pain. There are really things in life that we can not change and our only option is to accept them. Life is a matter of acceptance too siemen. You can not move on or achieve progress in life if you don't know how to accept things that are not under your control. She chose to be that way, she's happy being that way. Be fair to yourself. It's about time to think of your own happiness. Not all women are the same, it's just happened that you met the wrong one. I know you learned a lot from your relationship with her. Just charge everything to experience. Let go of your feelings for her whether its hatred or love and open your heart for another. Give yourself another chance. Often times, we have to meet the wrong person first before ending up with the right one. Thank you.
@siemensLot (54)
• Indonesia
31 Oct 10
Your comment really touch my heart n soul Nero_ocelot23, thank you.
And thank you for all who comment on my discussion, very appreciate that.
"often times, we have to meet the wrong person first before ending up with the right one" Nice quote!
@nero_ocelot23 (435)
• Philippines
4 Nov 10
You are welcome siemen. I hope it will be one of your guiding principle to move on.
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
31 Oct 10
Perhaps there is still bitterness in your heart my friend. Let it out. Move on. It has been 10 years. You just need to forgive what your ex did. Do not let hatred burn your heart. Love again.
The hurt is still there because you love to nurture it. You are thinking of the cheating of your ex gf and your best friend. Do not allow that pain ruin your ife forever and hindering you to love again and trust women. Women are not the same. Just open your heart to possibilities.
@siemensLot (54)
• Indonesia
1 Nov 10
"Just open your heart to possibilities"
I quote your comment as a nice quote. Thanks maean_19, I will not allow that pain ruin my live forever.
@ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
31 Oct 10
For me pray to Jehovah God that he can cure your feeling's now so be try it.
@snowhybiscuis (1882)
• Philippines
31 Oct 10
I have the same experience too. Because of it, I got a trauma. Thus, I don't want to marry and I don't want to fall in love. They said time will heal it. Yes, it was indeed healed after 10 years. But when somebody gave me another hurt, I remembered the pain and it still hurt when I remember the experience. I am now afraid of getting into relationship. Anyway, it does not matter much anymore since I have my family to think of, my service to community and my job.
@siemensLot (54)
• Indonesia
1 Nov 10
You had the same experience too? Are you sure? Waa.. happily too hear about some one else had a same situation with me, so I don't feel so weak. I think you can also read our friend comment in this discussion, very helpful.
@bokal2703 (802)
• Philippines
31 Oct 10
I guess the pain that you feel right now is not just because you lost the one you love but also because you were betrayed by her and your best friend. First of all, in order to move on, you must learn how to forgive. The hatred that is in your heart now causes you not to liberate the heartache. If you try to let go of the anger and tell yourself you have forgiven her, then you'll be free from such pain. And please bear in mind about individuality of human being...the fault of one, is not the fault of all...there are still many women out there who are sincere and are worthy of loving..you just have to give yourself and those girls the chance...good luck
@siemensLot (54)
• Indonesia
1 Nov 10
Yes bokal2703, you right. not just lost my love but also betrayed by my best friend. You got my point dude. oohh.. I still can remember that day, It's felt like hit by a train. OMG.. This pain hurt me so deep. I will try dude. To forgive and forget. Thank you for your wish.
@siemensLot (54)
• Indonesia
1 Nov 10
Hi Apxoht, I wanna ask you, how long you can get back to your normal condition? Thanks.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
22 Nov 10
First you have to understand not all women will cheat on you , And a Real best friend would Never , Ever sleep with your girl! These two A$$holes weren't friends and they deserve each other.It will always hurt.but try to remember , not All women are like her. There is a woman out there who will treat you right. Just try , try to keep your heart open and she will appear. Good Luck.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
31 Oct 10
Hi siemensLot, Once a person has been hurt it often becomes difficult to trust again. Even at thirteen, I'm sure it was very real to you as it was your first love.Today you are more mature than you were at thirteen and so are your friends.You must now put the past behind you and learn to trust again. Do not try going through life without trusting others, if you do you will have a very unhappy life. Blessings.
@akkibomb007 (520)
• Virar, India
1 Nov 10
Donot think of her because mostly 90% girls do the same thing.
@queenatiuk (81)
• Malaysia
1 Nov 10
When you feel you are ready to open your heart again, find someone else to be with. Make sure that this person is not a replacement for your ex, but that you appreciate who he/she is for her true self. This is a great time to find someone else that has the attributes that you perhaps thought your ex didn't have. Say to yourself: "My next boy/girlfriend will be someone that enjoys gardening just as much as I do and won't laze about on the couch all day". By focusing on these aspects you will ensure that you find someone in the future that you can share interests together with and therefore further guarantee your happiness.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
1 Nov 10
Honey only time and or another interest will ever truly heal and mend a broken heart. My best advise is to keep as busy as possible and try to keep your mind so busy that you do not think about it too much.
Sure you will always remember the pain but as time goes by it will be easier to cope with. Good luck to you.
@xenachinah30 (597)
• Philippines
31 Oct 10
hi,maybe its not hurt that you still feel now its the psychological effect that affects your way of thinking with relationship.you are a man you are stronger than women so i know for sure you will still overcome it.maybe the wound healed already but what you feel is that until now you can not accept that she did that to you that is why you can not forget that that is why you think that until now you are still hurt where in fact it is not.
@siemensLot (54)
• Indonesia
31 Oct 10
Hi Xenachinah30, you said it's a psychological effect, the problem is in my mind right? No one to blame, just face it. Thanks dear.
@helmyxyahya (88)
• Indonesia
1 Nov 10
Your classmate is your first love?? It's hard to forget "first love". Because your love story begin at your first love, so your memories with your classmate always saved in your brain. I think you should communicate with him again. Maybe can "reduce" your pain
@shenglaj15 (44)
• Australia
1 Nov 10
I think after 13 years, you may call that love... because you accept all of her imperfections... and you don't care though your parents do not like her. I have known a story like that.. but in your case what i can advise is to definitely move on... maybe you are still hurt because you do not let go or you see them very often and you are jealous... take time to leave all your memories together... take time to meet new friends .. take time to meet someone.. healing is a long time process.. you just have to accept it and move on.. prayers will be a lot helpful too.. when you are in the process.. you will be surprised of someone knocking again on your heart... come on, life is short and live it to the the fullest.. do not live on hate and grief.. forgive her.. and the rest will follow.. .
@moonLighTsong (30)
•
31 Oct 10
Well i gues 1st love is really painful because you get to compare your past experience, sometimes it makes you wise but the bad thing is that if you become bitter.. i can't blame you if you think that all women are the same but i'd like to ask you one thing, was it worth it the fact that she cheated on you?
Maybe that incident happened so that you will be with the one you really deserve to love.. (^_^)v
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