If you wouldn’t say something to a person’s face...

Zandi- I know the feeling quite well and I've written many a column on this very subject for my advice column. I agree with what many have already said that when people behave in this manner they are simply cowards. A coward even in real life doesn't want to show his or her face when they are faced with accountability. Beyond this there is the simple fact that those who start trouble online simply have no lives and must make one for themselves. They are people with little to no self-confidence or worth and feel that bullying others online is the way they can make themselves feel important. I've seen it go as far as "group bullying" online and that is simply herd mentality, what the ring leader does the sheep do. The pattern though with most though with this sort of behavior is that if it is ignored the bully tends to disappear. Perhaps not all together mind you but they generally fade out because their tactics no longer work. In terms of people having a go I can understand passion. Sometimes people online feel so passionate about a topic that they respond with harsh words. I bet that in most cases that person would respond very much the same offline because it is a topic they feel passionate about. Others as you say can use a healthy dose of diplomacy but diplomacy is a learned skill. I would say that you can do best with these sorts of people by always responding with diplomacy in the face of their not so pleasant tirades. Namaste-Anora

I agree with your initial statement. We should not say things on-line that we wouldn't say in person. For that matter, if a person doesn't have the nerve to say something to someone's face, they shouldn't say it behind their back either. The difference between saying something behind someone's back and saying things on-line is, like you said, the internet is much farther reaching.

not right to put someone down you have never been face to face wih. Me I talk the same way hee as I do in person most of the time just a word or 2 but then thats all it takes to get thru what I want to say hugssssssssssssssssssss

If i'm not wrong, i consider this discussion has something related to your previous discussion about some forums and it's admin.. Yeah, this is true, i have seen many things like this online, i have met both good attitude persons and also some harsh . But those things are to be taken positively to improve our attitude towards others and earn a good image and show that we are good and concerning about others.. Online , this is a better gate way and has many constraints.... I have learned many things in both circumstances where i have grown a little bit from my childish behavior to show some adult or matured gentleness towards my friends and they react nicely !!!

It is a very critical discussion to answer. Our word and the reaction of the people. Responding this discussion I am in fear that whether my world does not hart you. At the outset I want to confess that I am very straight forwarded person. I never hesitate to say what is mind. It is right that there is a chance that our word may be felt bad by other. But I am not habituate to make any word suitable for other. Some bitter truth is there. Many people are not prepared to face bitter truth. But my personal thought is that bitter truth is more helpful then pleasant faltering. In this context I want to clarify that rude approach is not applicable anywhere. Many people think that straight forwardness and rude approach is same thing. But actually there is vast difference between rude approach and straight forwardness. Not only in virtual world but is real life too I am very very straight forward. I always put my basic interest on the root of any matter then to the pleasent way of presentation. I follow the basic rule that spice less curry is tasteless but more delicious than spicy tasty food. I feel that to make anything pleasant if we manipulate our world and present in a pleasant way and modify just to please other then on the long rub it harms to all. In straight forwarded world there is a chance of misunderstanding and miss interpretation but the final result is good. Miss understanding is mitigated with time. But wrong presentation to please other has bad effect for the life.

i agree that what you would not say in person you should not say online, it is the chicken way of doing things. We don't know how vulnerable people are online and anything could happen. Itis so wrong to criticise and hurt people, even those we don't know and have never and may never meet.

Hi zandi~ I know that we have discussed this in other variations throughout the years and agree that we both believe in being open and honest with people. I am the same with people online as I am in the "real world". I don't say anything to people here that I wouldn't say to their face. I try not to be rude, although actually, I think I am more polite online. As my close friends in the "real world" know I don't shy away from an argument at times! I have made some very close friends on the "Lot" that I care about and respect as I do my other friends. I don't have anything to hide so I don't feel a need to hide behind a screen and create an "online persona". What you "see", (typed)is the "real me"!Hugs, Opal/Leslie

Every negative thought you have broadcasts out into the world. Why would you want to add to this energy? If you consider kindness your major goal you will help yourself stay out of trouble. I can't say I have never responded to remarks with sharp answers, every once in a while things get away and my fingers run before my brain, but I try to control it.

I agree with you zandi. It is all too easy to become really ‘brave’ when hiding behind a screen and start mouthing off abuse and the like. It is a positive thing I think not to be judged on how we look or sound and to be able to express thoughts and feelings and be considered just by what and the way we write but to utilise this medium to be rude and arrogant has no excuse!

Well said Zandi. It is so easy to upset people with our words online without even realising it. A couple of years ago, we had to kick a popular person off our forum on our website as he upset so many people that they left the forum completely and never came back. The thing about this person is that he is so very passionate about what he talks about, that he cannot see the harm he is doing with his pushiness and rudeness online. He is not like this in real life at all. Perhaps because he can see the look on peoples faces and gauge their feelings better when he is actually with them.

We should never post anything online that we don't want read by the world. If it isn't something we don't want repeated, we shouldn;t say it in any form.

I would have no issue with posting my opinion of a political movement or it's figures, or similar. I would not consider other members of the same site though.

I agree. If we are not going to say it in front of that particular person, we should not be ranting about it online, hiding behind a mask. Nobody likes to be critized and yet unable to prove the coward wrong. When one is hiding behind a mask, they are taking advantage of the one they are unhappy with. By hiding, there's no way they can be found and be taken revenge against. I hate such people too and if they intend to put me down, I will make sure they show their true face before I response or clear up whatever there's need to.

Really very nice article, this shows the reality of some online surfers and chatters. This is based on actual experience and I also have this type of experience but the wordings which you used are really very good. There are people who are different from their real life and virtual life, in real life they may be very rude but when come online they looks very kind and soft hearted people. I agree with you, we should think first before our writing any thing, whether it is hurting some one or am I going to abuse, and before publishing it we should read it carefully. This way we can produce real and productive articles which ll present our personality. Writings and speaking always shows the personality of a person, in my view, speaking shows the present condition of a person but when it comes to writing it reveal us about past, present and future of a person.... Good article and really needs some good and productive comments from readers... Thanks for sharing beautiful thoughts....

you are so right zandi. just because someone cant see us gives us no right to hurt and abuse peoples feelings. i do try not to. as ive always tried to keep my Karma in tact. I really believe in what goes around, comes around, in real life and online, since this has become so much of our realality is on the net to

It's so true,, there are times even I write what I do not really mean to write,,Now I have learnt a lesson,,Thanks.Generally we take advantage of the statement that we all have a right to ,,Freedom of speech /writing,,it does not give us authority to write nonsense (at all),,also sometimes we do not understand the words/context,,my thinking is that this can cause a lot of confusion between (2) friends,,

Hello Zandi, Only thing i could say to those people are: COWARDS WITH NO "FACES" that's who they are, and that's why they have the balls to do so. but in reality and seeing in person, they are cowards, they won't have that courage at all. be careful not to exposed yourself too much, it's dangerous.some people can be too IMMATURE for internet use. Have a Great day