Would you choose a widow or a widower as your life partner?
By julianmac
@julianmac (396)
Malaysia
November 3, 2010 8:58pm CST
Hello,
My brother lost his wife in a terrible car accident about 2 years ago.He had been grief-stricken ever since.
So my parents came up with this wild idea hoping he will be happy again and forget the past.They got busy with match-making and their choice was a 27 year old beautiful school teacher.
Just as everybody starts to feel the excitement of marriage in the air the bride to be dropped the bombshell.She refused the proposal and her reason was my brother is a widower.
Besides being a widower my brother is a well-off man who have accomplished alot in life and a good looking one too.
What do you think? Would you reject someone just because he or she is a widow or a widower? Share your thoughts.Thank you.
3 people like this
20 responses
@shia88 (4571)
• Malaysia
4 Nov 10
Hi,
It is basically depend on individuals whether they are
willing to accept their soul partner as widow or widower status.
If they love each other, I don't think they will mind on that
status.
For me, I would say 50% I will accept and I must have special chemistry
with that man,then only I am willing to accept him as my soul partner.
If there is no chemistry and love and trust,there is no point to carry on
this relationship which has no ending at all.
1 person likes this
@julianmac (396)
• Malaysia
6 Nov 10
Hi Shia 88,
I agree with you all the way.I happen to have the same mindset as you do.Thank you for the response.Cheers!
@Gargi2010 (638)
• India
4 Nov 10
Hi
This the question of choice it will not happen everytime a man or a women is widow or a widower doesn't mind there are too many people believes in real love so, don't worried try to get match making with other your brother will definately got the life partner i will also pray to God.
Regards
@julianmac (396)
• Malaysia
4 Nov 10
Hi Gargi2010,
Yeah I suppose you are right.Time will heal everything and hopefully he will recover and be able to find solace in the arms of the right one.Thanks for the kind words andnwishes.Have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
4 Nov 10
My father was widowed two times before he met and married my mother so I guess being a widower and with kids is not issue as long as you really want to be with someone. In my opinion, there are two things why someone won't marry a widower and that is if he or she has kids on the previous marriage. Time is important and having kids will sure take away a lot of your time. Second is you don't really like the widower, because if you do there's no reason why you shouldn't marry the other person especially if he's well off already.
1 person likes this
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
4 Nov 10
Now this is amazing to read, as she knew he in the beginning he was a widower and why would her feelings change later. She should have upfront with him from day one saying that perhaps she just simply wanted to be friends instead of waiting until he had feelings for her.
Nonetheless this odd for me as when we chose a partner we chose them because we are in love, call me crazy but I normally do not consider a widower to be something outside of this word. It certainly wasn't because he hurt his wife in any way. So maybe your brother although perhaps hurt right now avoided a big headache. As this perhaps is an excuse for her to simply say she did not want to be married.
1 person likes this
@rinfour (250)
• Philippines
4 Nov 10
Personally, I do not think being a widow/widower is a basis for rejecting someone. However if I feel that the person is still not over his previous wife, then it would be a different story. All the best to your brother, may time heal his wounds and find the right person for him.
@Mitica8 (48)
• Italy
4 Nov 10
i don't have prejudices on who is a widow... to overcome the loss of a wife or a husband it's really difficult.. i know is a hard situation but if she loved your brother she'ld have remained near to your brother, even she would can to ask to him some time in more, but however staying together, if only she loved indeed it.
i don't understand because to be a widowers can be a problem
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
6 Jun 11
Wow!! This is a new one. What was the woman afraid of? His Ex wife passed on to reasons beyond anyone's control. It is not like your brother is divorced and would have an Ex wife who might get jealous and try to interfere. It seriously sounds like this woman has some insecurity issues which she needs to deal with, and then move on from there. Sounds like it is definately her loss not your brothers.
@djbtol (5493)
• United States
4 Nov 10
The fact that your brother is a widower may have only been part of the reason she refused. Maybe she did not want to say the real issues, or just did not know how to put it into words.
If I were I single, I would not rule out widows. If I were to marry a widow, I would need some evidence that she had come to peace with her past and was really ready to move forward. Of course you still have all the usual issues about personality, tastes and future plans.
@SHAMRACK (8576)
• India
21 Jan 11
Dear friend,
Personally I do accept provided I feel we both could go well with all those family values like love, trust, affection and more than that understanding each other well. But if the other side do not like me, I hope not to go further, but if got chance I would make my side clear. 
@goldeneagle (6745)
• United States
4 Nov 10
I don't see why this would be a problem. A person can't help that something like this happened in their past, and it should not be held against them. I mean, it is like he asked for his wife to die in an accident, and there was nothing he could do about it, so he should not be punished for it in this way now. I surely wouldn't have a problem being with a woman whose husband had been killed in an accident if this woman was ready to move on with her life.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
6 Jun 11
Hi. julianmac. Welcome to myLot! If we both love each other and we are attracted to each other, yes, I would choose a widow. In reality, I would really not want to, but if I had the chance to, I would. If the widow, is still grieving over his lost spouse, then, I won't try to court him because I don't want to be his rebound. I think that this woman that your brother was dating was just not interested in being married to him. She shouldn't have dated him and then refused his proposal of marriage.
If we both love each other and we are attracted to each other, yes, I would choose a widow. In reality, I would really not want to, but if I had the chance to, I would. If the widow, is still grieving over his lost spouse, then, I won't try to court him because I don't want to be his rebound. I think that this woman that your brother was dating was just not interested in being married to him. She shouldn't have dated him and then refused his proposal of marriage.
@natnickeep (2336)
• United States
4 Nov 10
I would have to say this question truly depends on the individual situation. It depends if he is actually over the grief from the wife he lost. 2 years isn't much time. He shouldn't be thinking of marriage or trying to get to serious for a while. I think this was best for him. He needs time to settle his feelings. Maybe date a few girls and have some fun. Not worry about attachment. Maybe after 5 start match making. But if your parents will leave him a lone he will probably find happiness before then.
1 person likes this
@chhetp1 (467)
• India
4 Nov 10
I think getting disappointed because one of the lady has declined to marry a widow is not fair. Beside it, it could very well be that the lady would have declined your brother even when he was not married. Remember Marriages are made in heaven. I strongly believe that till the time, the fate has not decided, your brother will need to keep the faith.
Truly speaking, people have different preferences in life, Hence it is just a normal issue and should not bother your family. Cheers!!
1 person likes this
@onlinejobstreet (33)
• India
5 Nov 10
yes,if she fully agree to remarriage i will marriage.I interest to marriage SHE IS from POOR FAMILY or PHYSICALLY CHALLENGED PERSON.
@shaggin (72141)
• United States
4 Nov 10
Well thats pretty silly. If she was willing to date and fall in love with this man then why cant she marry him. Its not like he has changed he is still the same person she fell in love with. How sad for the man to lose his wife and then have the person he loves act that way. I never want to get married again after a terrible marriage. If I met a man that was widowed I would still date him I just never want to get married again.
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
4 Nov 10
It depends. If she has a lot of kids then i wouldn't. But if she's jessica alba then i'd take her in a heartbeat.
@redmaryjane (891)
• United States
4 Nov 10
I'm sorry to hear about your brother's loss. I'm also sorry to hear what the school did to your brother. This is so shallow of her. It's not like your brother is keeping another woman on the side.
Marrying a widower shouldn't be a problem. My boyfriend has a son. He found out that he has one when we were already together. That was 3 years ago and he and I are still strong. I guess this makes me tolerant enough to marry a widower if things were different. I hope your brother finds the right girl for him :)
@Leonita77 (11)
• Germany
4 Nov 10
Hi Julian,
I think it would depend on not just the fact of the person being a widow or not. I'd try to see the big picture and, if I still loved the person and liked the prospect of a life with him, I'd definitely go for it.
