is listening to your spouse a bad signal

MOst men hates arguments. They hate listening to our sentiments. They would stare at the TV hearing nothing while your tonsil almost jump out of your throat. If this is the case, face him and ask for his time. I know for sure he would listen. Only that be reasonable in your complaints since men hate complainants. especially if you are complaining about something they can't do about. Often times, we are not actually complaining. We wanted to voice out our sentiments but they understand it that way. hey think that when you say something negative about a particular thing, they think (there she goes again!). Keep it cool.

I think for every relationship either inside marriage or not, when conflict is beginning to arise, i think silence could be best. That both should stop speaking immediately and avoid each other for the mean time. If still the next moment both still can't speak, maybe a letter could be a way of telling partner what the other party wants. And if still fighting can't be resolved, i suggest both should see an adviser. The earlier, the better. Good luck. :)

Well, for me. Think of a marriage as a two connecting hotel rooms with adjoining doors. Openness in marriage is keeping both doors open all the time. This type of openness comes from a willingness to share one's heart. IF your partner closes the door to his room, you can't open it. Only the person on the other room can open the door. Bottom line, there's nothing you can do to get your spouse to listen if he doesn't want to listen. You cannot force him also to listen to you. Just my 2 cents

Hi, Most of the men at certain stage in life are like that. in those days women hardly opened their mouth, they agreed to all the views of their husbands, they cried in silence, but today we are taught to fight. arguing is not wrong but healthy argument is required. women are more tolerant than men, so we need to choose the right time to have our say. don't worry these are passing clouds. they say angry men are very good at heart.

Hello, I'm married for 18 years so I hope I can share a little wisdom based on my experience. First and foremost, marriage is not a battle or a contest between husband and wife so there should not be "accepting defeat" scenario. Argument is unavoidable but the goal is not finding who's right or wrong but finding who has the better solution to the problem. Listening is VERY important and it doesn't mean you at the disadvantage when you do. Many times it is wiser to listen than to talk. In marriage, understanding, respect, and grace are important ingredients especially when the is argument going on. This is easier said than done. I've been through a lot of crying in my early years of marriage but I tell you, it's worth it. What you sow, you reap. I have a husband who upholds more on principle and reason. I'm more into feelings and emotion. It's hard to argue when you are coming from different point of view. But I learned to be patient and tried to understand his point of view. It learned how to swallow my pride, to be quite and more prayerful. If you're married before God (He's the author of marriage), He'll be there to give you all the strength and wisdom to preserve it. I learned to know the timing when to say sensitive issues, and to say it the way more acceptable. It's not easy but if you believe that marriage is a lifetime commitment, then it's worth the investment. Invest love, tears, humility, self-sacrifice in your first few years. You will enjoy happy and lasting marriage for the rest of your life. Marriage is a give and take relationship. Better to do the giving first before the taking. I suggest you invest on good books that will help you more on this. Thank you for sharing. You did the right thing by asking help from others. I hope I help a bit. God bless and I hope things gets better soon.

I think he is just pretending and actually he is listening to it but on the other hand he is enjoying your situation. Dont ever think that you said some thing and it is ignored, it is listened, may be the answer to it ll be late but in reality he ll listen to it For you it is good not give arguments and any other thing when he want from you, just tell him that this is your problem or you need this thing for this purpose, tell him or remind him one or two times, and it ll be accepted with out argumentation...:)

Both spouses should have equal say in any relationship. With argueing a lot of the time only one person side gets heard. Argueing by itself should be a route less taken. I understand that the conversation gets heated, but try and be the bigger person without saying that you are being so. Remember that things are always saw from two different perspectives, no matter who one thinks is right when it comes to argueing there is no winner. In fact to begin with it should not even be a competition, in marriage it is a 50/50 deal. If the other hurts guess what you do too, if you're being accused guess what he is too. Marriage is hard, but we all work hard to make it work for a reason. I always say if there was enough to get you to the point of getting married then something there is defintately worth working at. It's like an adventure that never ends, or a wonderful date that never ends. Now it can rain on a date, but it doesn't last forever. Act like it's your first date again, and rekindle the feelings and you'll have the love that you need to get past the arguements. Listening to your spouse is not a defeat, but a win on your part. You've overcome your pride to listen to someone who could not love you more just for who you are. It's like learning to love all over again, only neverending...agape.

I have found that if I wait until I am calmer and have had the chance to gather my thoughts, I can get my husband to engage in a conversation easier. If I just bombard him with accussations and make him feel inadequate through my words or actions, he is less likely to talk at all. There are many times when he will tell me that he is listening, but, it feels more like he is ignoring me than anything. When this happens, I have learned to just look at him and say, "Well, I guess this isn't a good time to discuss this." and I just stop talking. Normally, when I say this, he immediately begins to pay attention and engage in conversation with me. There are times when I have gotten to this point and have felt like he is paying absolutely no attention to me at all, and as a result, I decide that even if he does ask me to talk right away, I will tell him that I no longer want to talk at that moment and we will try again later. When our arguments get to the point that one or both of us is losing their cool, we try very hard to walk away and cool off before resuming the conversation. As far as listening is concerned, I feel that in a relationship, it is extremely important for both people to really listen to the other. I think that is shows a lack of respect for the other person when you don't listen. It is like telling the other person that what they have to say is not important, their feelings are not important, and you don't care about the issue at hand. I may not always like what my husband has to say, and he may not always like what I have to say, but, when we listen to each other, we end up walking away from the conversation feeling better and being able to resolve the issue. One way to get someone to listen to you and not have to worry about being interrupted or ignored is to write the person a letter. Chances are, the person will read the letter, thus listening to you, and the message gets through. Just be sure that if you do decide to write a letter, you say what you really mean and it comes across the way you intend it to.

In order for an argument to be solved each of you need to listen to hear what they feel. If you don't take the time to listen to understand your partner's feelings and they don't listen to your feelings, you won't be able to solve the problem. It will come back again and again, until you both discuss the problem by listening and talking with each other.

Hello,Madhavi.:) Here's what I realized about men, they don't want to listen especially when it is an argument about them or certain issues about the marriage/relationship. For them, it is a stressful thing to do and they do not want that... My husband acts that way, too, especially if he is at fault that's why there's the argument. I used to talk and vent out my anger on him but it dosn't help because he seems ignoring them. So now, I don't talk and if he does something I don't like, i simply ignore him. Silence however doesn't mean that you are believing or accepting defeat. It could be that you are not interested to listen more alibis and lies and a lot of nonsense things the other person is saying. Silence is one subtle way of saying 'shut up!' If you two love each other, there's no argument or misundertanding that you can not settle. Both must compromise. meet him halfway, then.:)

I does not know the sure shot solution but one thing I must recommend you that please don't share your problems for sometime with your husband if he had not shown any interest in your problems.Implement my advice for some time who knows it may work.Never show your feelings to those who are not giving any respect.Never waste your feelings.OK! ONE THING MORE YOU CAN DO IT THAT YOU CAN ALSO STOP GIVING RESPECT TO YOUR HUSBAND'S PROBLEMS.SOMETIMES IT WORKS.

Hi Madhavi In this world each individual has his/her own views on a particular issue,debating does not help anybody in leading a happy and pleasant life. In order to lead a blissful married life it is better to understand others view and their opinion.Listening to spouse is a positive signal for a happy married life. "Listen it costs you nothing" Think and tell your spouse the ifs and buts in a friendly tone. Cheers