Does absence makes the heart grow fonder or wander?

While I believe that love goes beyond mere absence or presence of the other, I also believe that there has to be a physical manifestation of this love in order to produce a lasting bond. By manifestation, I'm referring to any observable activity done to convey one's love to the other. When there is absence, the physical manifestation is almost completely lost or rather limited. For me this is the reason why love is "weakened." But even if there is presence, this bond may still be weakened if there is no manifestation of this love.

It can certainly make and or break a relationship for sure, depending on the length of departure. The longer the time the more people venture out into other interests, thus then causing distance to the hearts ponders. My boyfriend is away now for 2 weeks at first I thought Who, hoo I am free as see we live alone, so after the second day I have been going nuts. This is only temporary and not quite the same relation to your topic, however I have wondered if it were longer a bit of strain could be cause as he is after all surrounded by so many interesting actors and all. At any rate my heart is pounding for the day I can meet up with him as I will be flying out there in 2 weeks. But my moral here is that our absence is a short one and I miss him so much. If I new per say it was going to be longer a year or so I don't know bingskee I would have to keep myself really busy as I believe I and or he can be distracted in life and lose some of the zest.

This all depends on the kind of relationship. if it is strong enough, the absence will make it even more lasting. if the commitment really isn't there, time apart and distance could make the feelings disappear.

Hi bingskee, This happened with me on practical terms. I was working on a project and had to move out of station for 6 months. We were seeing each other and we had already realized that we were in love. As I needed the money I had to go and during this period, we used to stay in touch with each other over the Cell Phone. I cannot say that we were absent but physical presence was not there. Now we are married for about 4 years now. Now About your question/article - Yes, the love grows but with lesser people around. The days are tough and separation just causes things to go off the mind for a few minutes maybe but it does. Different people have different versions of love and going by that I fail to understand their theories. My theory is quite simple - When you really love anyone, neither any distance nor any other thing can come between. If it does, re-think - it is not love... anything else. I believe so because I feel that love means sacrifice and devotion. Cheers, theSids.

I think absence makes the heart wander. Distance makes one fall into temptation of cheating.

I think it depends on how deep the love of the two persons. Even if they are apart from each other and if they are faithful to each other, there love can still workout even without their physical presence. Perhaps the key on keeping the relationship strong is to keep an open communication.

Personally I think it often depends on the situation itself, and how long a person is going to be gone for. The heart, especially when in marriage should grow fonder to where you yearn just to feel their touch and have them back with you, but many times too many people often let their minds wander outside of the marriage looking to fill that void forgetting the commitments they have already made. Personally I would think there are other ways instead and keep yourself ready for them when they return.

Hi. bingskee. I think that absence does make the heart grow fonder. In certain cases, the heart can wander too. It may wander when a person is not receiving the love that they desire from their partner. It grows fonder when two people that really love each other are willing to wait on each other. Absence usually makes the heart grow fonder, but it can make the heart wander when two people are no longer connected anymore.

I think it depends on the person and the time frame. For me, it first got fonder... then, that fonder creates the wander because the physical lacks and I needed it replaced or something there.

It depends on the couple. You have to be dedicated to making your love work for it to grow stronger. Lots of people mistakenly think that love just happens to us. Lust just happens to us... we have to work at love and culture it in our lives. I think that is part of the reason there are so many divorces in the world today because people fall out of lust and think they just fell out of love when obviously they were never in love in the first place because if they were they would know that this was just a low point that needed to be worked on.

Depends on the relationship, the people, and the length of time. Some people have very weak superficial relationships. Such as, you are very pretty, and I'm in love with how pretty you are. That's a very superficial relationship. So being separated will likely weaken the relationship more, since it's not built on much. However, if you have a deep relationship, where the two people are really in love, then sometimes being separated can make both people see how much they really care for the other. But lastly, if you are separated for a long time, then that can weaken even the closest of relationship. A guy I knew had a girl friend for years. Finally he started thinking about marriage, and maybe really starting a family. He decided he wanted to break up with this girl, and date for awhile. It was a risky move in one sense, but it actually ended up being the best thing for them. As he dated other girls, he realized just how much he really loved his close friend. After 3 months, he called her up, asked her out for a date. Now they are married with many children, and are very happen. The separation showed him what he really had, and just how much he really wanted her. But... on the other end, I know guys that disappeared for years, and when they came back, she had moved on, or he had moved on. Absence, can dry up a relationship too. So it all depends.

if your relationship is already strong and God is between your relationship then it wouldn't matter at all. i remembered when i stayed for 10 months in Dubai away from my partner and our relationship was already in its third year it was really devastating for me.. being away from him and my family and friends but though it made our relationship weaker when i got back we resumed our relationship and now its stronger and we're in our sixth year on february... but i don't suggest for couples to be apart for a very long time... we're only humans and sometimes even if we do love our partner we could end up hurting them because of our weakness... but if its just for a few days like your partner will go home to his hometown for just a couple of weeks, then it makes the heart go fonder... for me it applies...

It's dependent on the couple whether they can actually love no matter how far apart they are from each other. I suffered from a former long distance relationship but still, I think if the right man comes along and that we truly love one another, then the distance is nothing but a trial for us...and one that we'll gladly overcome.

While reading the other responses to this discussion I realized that there's not just one type of absence... Of course there's the obvious physical absence, but then again a couple can be together physically and yet one (or both) can be emotionally absent. I think that while physical absence can be so apparent and have very immediate effects (physical longing, possible doubts on the relationship/self, the start of a wandering eye), the impacts/causes of emotional absence are far deeper and harder to determine. I believe this is the reason why some people cheat even when they are still with their partners. I think this deserves deeper discussion (another post, perhaps?) Assuming that you are talking about the physical type of absence, I suppose it will have to depend on the foundation of the relationship, the commitment of the partners involved, and the amount/type of communication the couple when they are apart. I guess commitment is dependent on the foundation/quality of the relationship. If it has a strong foundation, and it is clear on both sides why they should/would like to maintain their relationship despite the separation, then they would commit to [developing the] relationship even if they are apart. This is where communication comes in. Of course if you'd want to maintain a long-distance relationship you'll find ways to establish contact and communicate because of course, communication is an important aspect of any relationship. Without it you'd be out of touch with each other, grow separate lives, without knowing what the other feels or goes through or is thinking (even about the relationship itself). Just my two cents' worth. All learned from experience (first and second hand) :-p

I would likely say that it depends upon the two people involved.. and also perhaps how long the separation.. but even then, it still would depend upon the people involved.

If absence is for a long period of time, then I belived this would make the heart wander and drift on to something else or somebody else as it would adapt to being without the partner. This is a natural way for it to go as the mind would naturally gravitate towards seeing life as more relaxed and comfortable. If we are missing a person all the time, it will not be very pleasant the mind will transform this feeling into a happier feeling. _Derek

Most of the time, in the absence of the other, love wanes. Otherwise, there's a constant communication between two people who love each other. But if the silence persist and the distance becomes so big, you lose the feeling. Being together feeds the relationship. The communication strengthens understanding and relationship. If commitment is weak on one side, there is a stronger likelihood of losing what you've shared with the other. Both sides should exert effort on sustaining the communication. In the bible, there's this teaching that the husband and wife should not be apart, otherwise they both agree for a certain period of time. But after which, they should be together again. It's because husband and wife are joined to be with each other. If they are apart, it should not be taken to long. Lastly, the commitment and being guided by God's rules would help two people stay loyal to one another.

I think that if the love was really true..no matter what happens even if the partners are away from each other the relationship will not change or it can even grow..as long as there is true love,faithfulness,communication,and trust,I think there would probably no problem.. though I still really don't know what might happen..I'm experiencing that kind of hard situation right now..'coz my relationship with my gf is in the "cool off" state..I will see what will happen after it.. :| hope you're doing fine though.. :)

i think it depends on how much you both love and trust each other. Sometimes to be apart can be a struggle but although maybe tempted to stray if you didn't then when you next see your partner im sure you will make up for lost time. It makes the heart grow fonder knowing you have some "me time" and you have never strayed. To stray because a partner is away shows lack of love and trust, major weakness. This destroys relationships, so i guess it comes down to how strong your relationship truly is.

when we talk about only two people.. when they are apart from each other for sometime.. then they start missing each other because they are away from certain daily activities which they do.. like fighting.. going for movies etc., though they fight out of stress and irritation the true love always will be underneath.. so when there is absence one person the love between them gradually increases..