will you still help your ex-lover?
By asliah
@asliah (11137)
Philippines
November 10, 2010 7:59pm CST
i dont know what to do,my ex-boyfriend is in province now for three months, we dont have communication to each other. but, what if he will return and ask for a help in terms of financial to look for a job here in my place.he dont have any relatives here in my place.what should i do?
2 people like this
15 responses
@annawen86 (545)
• Indonesia
11 Nov 10
consider to his behavior, my friend.
why you broke with him is the reason to help or not help him.
if he is a cheater or lier, then dont help him. but if you broke with him because you have different character, you can help him.
we cant trust someone that has already hurt us. if he's looking for your help for his financial then, he's only using you for his benefit. i guess, a nice person will not looking for help from other people. i myself will never ask for help to my exboyfriend. eventhough i'm alone in a new city, i will do it by myself. i will not ask help from my ex boyfrined.
@free_man (7330)
• United States
11 Nov 10
Hi Asliah and welcome to my lot. I don't know did you break up in a clean way? Or did you both fight and split everything when you broke up? If it was a clean break up I might help but if it was a mean break up then no I wouldn't. I don't know your situation from the break up. If this guy is a user no if he will help you get through like paying you for a place to live yes I would. But only you know how this guy is. If he is a loser no but if he is responsible yes. You got to take into consideration how he treats you first.
@free_man (7330)
• United States
12 Nov 10
Hi Asliah. Your welcome my friend. Just a bit of warning if they fight while you are with them they will still fight when you try to help them. I know I have been with too many men (sucmbs) that like to hit me. The last was my ex I was with him almost 13 years and he would beat on me all the time. I don't know why I stayed with him insecure I guess. But I knew everytime the full moon would come out he was going to hit on me. I thank God for sending me a good man that don't hit on me any time. Instead we study Gods word and get things done in our lives that don't include violence.There are still some good men out there that would love to have a great LADY like you.Please Don't waste your time on scumb.In the long run you will see he won't appreciate it anyway. I know I have been there done that and it never works out. These kinds of men think there isn't any woman good enough for them.
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
11 Nov 10
I would still help out an ex-lover. Just becaause the love is gone, it doesn't mean I would not still care about them.
@Joe_Black (253)
•
11 Nov 10
Can I ask why your heart says yes whilst your brain says no..?
I think the answer will depend on your answer. =)
If you broke up because your brain realized he is bad for you, but you still loved him, then don't help him unless you're strong enough not to fall in love again. If you broke up because your heart got hurt or ran out of love for him, then helping is fine as long as your heart has recovered.
And helping people in general makes the world a happier place. =)
@taz_dolly (93)
•
11 Nov 10
It not bad helping ex-boyfriend as long as you move on it to your relation but can i ask you this to you did you ever feel guilty to your self if you do try to help him but don't hope for nothing ok
@ganeshprabhuk (1722)
• India
11 Nov 10
Theres nothing wrong in helping a ex-lover . you should help him/ her keeping humanity in mind. only thing is intentions should be clear.
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
11 Nov 10
hmm well if the two of you departed in good terms then why not? unless you still have feelings for him, you better think about it. but if you have a boyfriend, you might seek his permission first. or if you are single, then why not? what is holding you?
@jennbart (1330)
• Philippines
11 Nov 10
Nope! we did not part as friends and he did some really nasty nasty thing to me which it will take years before I can forgive him. We no longer have communication and I do not care anymore what will happen to him. Its how bad the thing he did to me. So I think, he can ask someone else to help him with that. I wont lift a finger for him.
@aeiou78 (3445)
• Malaysia
11 Nov 10
For me, Money and Love are two different things.
You should protect yourself especially about money.
As his girlfriend, you should just provide him the most basic demand likes place to stay and 3 meals a day only. Other than that, he has to take care of himself.
If he fail in doing so, what can you expect to have a future with him?
In Malaysia, there were many cases about money and love.
The man approached the lady just because of money. After finished out all of the saving of the lady, he disappeared.
ha! ha! ha! Watch out.
But I hope not all of the cases are the same.
@rog0322 (2829)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
11 Nov 10
By all means, help him. At least, to the best of your ability but don't try to stretch your resources to the limit because of him.
Just define the boundaries between you and him. Remember what caused you to fall apart and never make the same mistake again.
@shengkay (16)
• Philippines
11 Nov 10
Hi asliah!
Oh well, it depends..you know him better than us..if you think he deserve your help, then go..if he is that trustworthy to lend your money i dont think there is a problem with that.
BUt if he does something stupid during your relationship with him, like he's a cheater and the like..dont help him..hehehe..
@marifel86 (111)
• Philippines
11 Nov 10
It depends on how close he was to you.If both of you broke up and are still friends,i think there is nothing wrong with you lending him money. But since you've mentioned that both of you haven't had any communication, i think it would be odd if he would just communicate with you out of the blue due to financial constraints.
