I am losing a very sweet friend, please help me...
By dante_off
@dante_off (607)
India
November 11, 2010 5:51pm CST
I have a friend who was recently ditched by his boyfriend, with a reason that his parents won't agree to their marriage. This came from him after a long relationship. My friend always used to talk about him, she tells how good he is, how truthful he is, how handsome, etc etc. She was very deeply in love with him. And she went even to the extent of giving herself to the guy.
And after she got ditched, her attitude towards life has become very odd, she now behaves very rude all the time, even to her family members. She is now opposing every good around her, I am able to feel that a tremendous amount of hatred is silently building within her. I tried to speak to her yesterday about this, but she ended it with a big no to further her discussion over that matter.
I am feeling like somebody has hurt me very much whenever I am thinking about her, I don't know how can I make her understand. She is judging the rest of the world as bad with this incident. I know that she is presently feeling very lonely, but I want her to know and realize that I am always with her, want her to enjoy life without taking any harsh decisions.
I am missing that superb smile, that gentle talk, lovely face always with a positive look. I love her but can never tell her, she can't feel it with me...
Please help me, what can I do to make her understand and calm her down, I just want her to be happy and see her smiling from her heart all the time ...
2 people like this
9 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
12 Nov 10
HI Dante,
It sounds as if she is just really hurting right now. Respect her wish to not talk about it. She needs some space. Let her know that you are there for her if she needs to talk and then give her the space she needs. I'm sure in time, she will get over this bad experience and when she is ready to talk that she will be giving you a call.
1 person likes this
@dante_off (607)
• India
12 Nov 10
Ya thats what I am presently thinking, will give her some time and space. Will keep texting and dropping a few calls occasionally.
Thanks for your kind suggestion.
~cheerio~
@dante_off (607)
• India
12 Nov 10
Ya that is what I am trying at present, but as she is persistent with that thought she is unwilling to accept any new ideas...
Perhaps she just needs some time alone, but I am afraid because she might develop hatred within her and may try to hurt herself.
Thats why I always want to be with her.
Thanks for your suggestion and time.
~cheerio~
@katie0 (5203)
• Japan
12 Nov 10
i find you a really good friend for trying but after reading this, wow, your friends needs your help
i got away from everyone when i got depression, and i was really angry to find out later that i so hoped someone had the patience to help me through that but no one bothered
your friend is very angry and cannot see anything clear now, if you could just stick with this friendship a little longer, but you have to give your friend a space, like showing up after a while, like once a month you know
one day your friend will get back again, but when something hurts and one cannot comprehend one will push away everybody and most of the times don't even know why
1 person likes this
@dante_off (607)
• India
12 Nov 10
Ya I am trying my best to bring her back to normal and let her know the niceties of life. Planning to take her to lunch someday.
~cheerio~
@X16111984 (32)
• Philippines
12 Nov 10
yes little by little you are loosing her,but you dont need to feel hurt. you have to understand her situation. its too early to talk her bout her problem because she did not even want to talk about. the best thing that you need to do is to let her recall all of the best happening before she went in that attitude. Maybe you can use your old happy pictures then make a step or relate an example bout the pictures, then step by step your conversations lead to her present life but take note dont open about her problem, you have to wait for her to open. then that is the time for you to give her an advise. thats it
1 person likes this
@dante_off (607)
• India
12 Nov 10
Yeah, a very good suggestion. I will surely implement this, i even have a stack of images. Will ask her to have a look at them.
Thanks for your suggestions.
~cheerio~
@rebecca0106 (12)
• China
12 Nov 10
Try taking her to some parties, somethings that can keep her distracted. She may go mad and cynical for a while, but she will be fine if you let her know that you will always be there for her. She is questioning the world and herself now. She used to believe that she met her soul mate,that she would be happy ever after, but now her whole world is upside down. She needs to be told and asured that everything will be just fine, bitter sometimes, but still good. When she calms down, try talking to her about these whole things. She might be opposed to mention it, but she will talk, coz you are her best friend who she knows she can trust. After she completely expresses herself, everything will be back to normal..
Best wishes~
@dante_off (607)
• India
12 Nov 10
Ya thats what I thought at first, distracting her attention from that specific topic will help reduce her tensions, but she didn't agree when I asked her for lunch at a restaurant. I am now planning to organize a get-together of friends where she will feel a bit relaxed and acknowledged.
Well lets see, what it turns out to be.
~cheerio~
@dante_off (607)
• India
12 Nov 10
Ya but I am worried, worried for her...
Thanks for your time.
~cheerio~
@o2bnocn (2992)
• United States
12 Nov 10
Perhaps you could try talking to her again. Try to be there for her. Maybe try talking to her about the guy she is in love with. The only other thing that I can suggest is try to take a break from her for a while. Maybe she needs some time to herself to think about things. I don't know what I would do if my boyfriend was to ditch me. I am madly in love with him and I know I would need a good friend to be with me or a good family member. All you can do is be a good friend to her. Give her calls and text. Even a text a day might make her think about things differently. Text her that you are thinking about her. Or something that she might want to hear from you. I hope this helps and I hope you don't loose her as a friend.
1 person likes this
@dante_off (607)
• India
12 Nov 10
Ya I thought about it but I fear what would if she develops wrong ideas about life, and do something, so I don't want to leave her even for a moment. She's quite alone, ya I am calling and texting her everyday, we had a small talk yesterday.
I am thinking to go and meet her or even organize friends to go to a dinner or lunch, think that this will take those things out of her mind.
Thanks for sharing...
~cheerio~
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
12 Nov 10
you are so sweet dante^^ 
you really love her. why dont you say that you love her? you said that now she acts like she hates everyone. maybe thats bcs that guy broke up with her. so she needs to know that a boy can love her again. im sure that she feels she isnt worth of love. talk with her and tell her that you love her. im sure that she will start to look at you with different eyes and maybe will love you too with time. if he hear those words from you, her best friend, she will feel happy. trust me. i know about love issues bcs i already had probs so i guess im pro in that about being heartbroken. and i just wanted someone say that love me and i would feel protected. im sure that she feels the same way. she also needs to listen that someone cares and loves her. now is the time for you to tell your feelings^^ trust me she will be the same girl again 
you really love her. why dont you say that you love her? you said that now she acts like she hates everyone. maybe thats bcs that guy broke up with her. so she needs to know that a boy can love her again. im sure that she feels she isnt worth of love. talk with her and tell her that you love her. im sure that she will start to look at you with different eyes and maybe will love you too with time. if he hear those words from you, her best friend, she will feel happy. trust me. i know about love issues bcs i already had probs so i guess im pro in that about being heartbroken. and i just wanted someone say that love me and i would feel protected. im sure that she feels the same way. she also needs to listen that someone cares and loves her. now is the time for you to tell your feelings^^ trust me she will be the same girl again 
@joysantos (131)
• Philippines
12 Nov 10
I think you should not get tired of talking to her even though she ignores you. Be patient with her attitude and try to leave her messages or notes with regards to what you feel. You can also try to make her realize that it is not yet the end of the world.
@dante_off (607)
• India
12 Nov 10
Na I never get tired, she's quite depressed, even she was quite rude to me for 2-3 days now...
I can never be angry on her, instead, whenever I am disturbed, I just think about her and all my tension vanishes.
Thanks for your nice suggestion.
~cheerio~
