How long do you think a couple should be together before they get married?
By Azaerus
@Azaerus (820)
Philippines
November 14, 2010 4:09am CST
From what I have observed, couples of today are such in a hurry to get married.Some have only been together for a couple of months some even weeks, although some marriage are also brought up just because of unexpected pregnancies. Some couples choose to be more practical and choose to live-in first before marriage.
From my point of view, I am in favor of live-in first before marriage. For me it is better to try to get to know your partners attitude first not only when your outside together but also when you're at home. The way I see, you really won't know a persons attitude if you haven't tried living together. I have been with my girlfriend for more than two years now and I'm pretty happy living with her. I really do think I made the right choice of living in the same house with her. I get to know her better inside and out and we get to know the things we like and don't like to do. That way we get to change for the better.
Well I think marrying a person whom you've only been with for a couple of months is not a very good decision. In most cases, such marriages only ends up being divorced or annulled, in which case their children are the ones being affected the most.
In my opinion, getting to live and to know your partner longer is the key to a more successful marriage. Getting to know each other better, makes your bonding and love stronger.
6 people like this
28 responses
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
17 Nov 10
I am inclined to agree with you. I lived with my husband before marrying him. We moved in together after going out for around a year or so and, although our parents were not thrilled it was the right thing for us. We got married a year later. It is different for different people and my advice to any couple would be to give each plenty of time before getting married, at least a year, preferably two.
1 person likes this
@harry89 (2330)
• India
14 Nov 10
Well, there is no fixed timed needed to spend together for a couple before getting married. It may depend on person and their thinking what they want and it would be depending on their wish. Some people marry after few months and some takes years as everyone has their own level of satisfaction. Happy mylottin. Regards, harry.
@Azaerus (820)
• Philippines
14 Nov 10
Hey there, thanks for yur response.
Well I guess for others, that works, it's all based on the level of ones satisfaction. However sometimes, some people feel too satisfied with the person they are which ends up to marriage and then divorce. People get satisfied about almost everything and sometimes this satisfactory feeling ends up making a very wrong decision.
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
14 Nov 10
Although, I too like the idea of living-in first with my girlfriend, I am bounded by the traditional and religious belief that such act would be immoral. I do not believe it to be so but my parents and older relatives, who are mostly very conservative, would probably think otherwise. I am in a more than 8 year relationship now with my first girlfriend and I still think I'm not ready to marry because I haven't have enough to raise a family, financially and psychologically. I think that marriage should always be discussed first by the parties involve, the husband and wife -to be, so as to avoid unwanted or unexpected issues in the distant future. It is a sacred bond that should be honored by both so therefore it must be well thought of and very much prepared. I believe in love and I believe in practicality, by which both should go hand in hand.
@Azaerus (820)
• Philippines
14 Nov 10
Wow, let me congratulate you first with your relationships long run, hope everything goes well for you and your girl in the future.
Anyways, as I mentioned above, the way I see it there's nothing really immoral about living-in. I think some religious and devoted people are over-reacting about a lot of things. They have to realize that not everything is based on their beliefs and religion.
I agree with you about the marriage being a sacred bond and should be well thought of. A couple should always be thinking ahead and not just of the present. They should be really sure of what they're involving themselves because once they entered marriage there should be no turning back. Once a couple gets married, they should be willing to live and be there for each other no matter what.
@ifa225 (14460)
• Indonesia
24 Nov 10
i think one year or two is enough to know each other. the important is to know our partner personality.i need to see him react in a hard times, stress times. usually at that time, his true colors will reveal.
that is the time i can decide will i married him or not
@stanley777 (9402)
• Philippines
20 Nov 10
Yes there are lots of couples who want to get married ASAP. I don't really get why, they have all the time in the world and should not rush into things like marriage. They have lots of things to consider- if they are prepared- financially,emotionally, spiritually..etc..
@emerillus (467)
• Philippines
14 Nov 10
Not in two months time! That time is barely enough to know about each other. I've known couples who were together for three years and yet they broke up. I don't know what happened. I see your point in living in, but here in our country, living-in is what you call immoral, or something, but that is another discussion I think. Well, for me, knowing about your partner's attitude in different situations is crucial before marrying him/her.
@Azaerus (820)
• Philippines
14 Nov 10
Yeah, I agree with you. Here in our country, people are too sensitive when it comes with couples living in together. I just don't understand why they see it as an immoral act or rebellious way. There's nothing wrong with live-ins, it's just a way of being practical and getting to know your partner better. I mean how would you know your partner deeper if you don't know how his/her attitude at home, you can't really tell if the person you've been going out with is the same at home.
@34momma (13882)
• United States
15 Nov 10
It depends on the couple. but experts say that a couple should know by 18 months together if they want to get married, and should be married within 3 years of being together. Do i agree, i think there is some truth to this. but again, ever situation is so different.
@janne_panne (75)
• Sweden
15 Nov 10
Hi Azaerus!
This is a very interesting discussion. I have lived with my girlfriend for three years plus now without getting married. She is a pinay so some people have had issues with it being a sin and so, but then on the other hand we live in Sweden where people can live together for decades without getting married. Anyhow, both of us are happy living like this and we do plan to get married later. But, at the moment I both work and study fulltime and she studies. So we want to wait until we have more spare time (and money). I do agree with you though - I find it better to live together first and then get married. Why that is a sin to some I cannot understand.. How can love be sinful? I don´t love her less because we are not married. And one could even say that we now live together because we want to, not because we have to. Anyway, great discussion. Take care tol!
@tjades (3591)
• Jamaica
16 Nov 10
It would not be logical I think to assign a specific time frame for couples before they get married. The fact is that some couples will mature (relationship) faster than some. Some people spend a significant portion of their young lives dating and getting to know what they like or do not like in a partner as well as to set themselves financially and career wise. When these people decide that they now want to settle down and they find someone who suits their criteria then they really spend only a few months courting.
It all depends on the age and maturity of the individuals involved. Living together sounds practical as many divorced persons seem to recommend it before signing on to marriage but then there are those who find their ideal partner without living with the person first.
@dismalgrin (2604)
• United States
15 Nov 10
I am not a fan of living together before marriage. I have lived with three boyfriends before marriage and they all three got me an engagement ring told me that they were going to marry me... and turned around and left me with no explanation no warning... nothing. I don't think that men can really respect a woman that will play house with them. I'm a really good girl. Any guy would be only too lucky to have someone like me, but I am not going to make that mistake again. My current boyfriend says that he doesn't believe in marriage. That is fine with me, I can respect his choice and still love him with all of my heart... but I won't move in with him. If we live two separate lives for the rest of our lives that is just fine with me, but I won't be put in that situation again. It hurts too bad.
@RONDOLAWE (774)
• Indonesia
16 Nov 10
with a very logic-minded we must take time for a wedding and the couple started living together we got old and it's true today and almost instantaneous rush to get a marriage which is more focused into mistakes like getting married after the woman was pregnant out of to bear the disgrace better on wed and then are directed to maturity if they can accept their situation now and yet there is also a desperate act to abort the content of the existing road on her stomach and removes traces of error of their actions, which in the need for a relationship is right and ripe in building and also know our spouse is at least as long as 2 to 4 years ago married if indeed feel very fit, but many also fail for reasons not suitable and bored but it was all a camouflage for mendapatka girlfriend or a new partner but if they are old enough of course they rely on hunches, feelings and their relationships during this and no other, if there's a fight but it was to introspect themselves each to towards a more mature and adult
@Memnon (2170)
•
17 Nov 10
We have lived together for 12 years. We (and I know some relatives would) would like to get married at some point, but we could not run to that expense. We have a home to run, cannot afford a car, and are making do, but not with much left at the end of any given month. How could we justify spending thousands of pounds on a wedding?
I do know people who have hurried into marriage only to split some time later. This works for some, but I expect that most of us need the time to get to know each other first.
@craigy123456789 (1759)
•
15 Nov 10
This really does vary so much, everybody is different and we all think differently. I made the mistake of getting married after 12 months, big mistake, i only did it as she was pregnant, but we do have to learn from our mistakes. We rushed into many things, i didn't know her, we met in a nightclub and a yea later we were married. I now feel as though it is best to get to know someone as a friend, then have a relationship, aslong as that works well then look at engagement and living together, then if things are great look at a few years later and know that you are financially secure where you won't argue over money and then get married, it doesn't need to be rushed, good to make sure that you fully know the person that you are marrying, then hopefully it will turn out to be a great marriage. Only time will tell. If they are the right one for you then they will wait until your ready to get married. Both have to be ready and fully committed, otherwise you could quickly find yourself with a divorce.
@Lexielilly (173)
• Philippines
15 Nov 10
It really depends on your preparedness( although you cannot really say it all) and maturity of such major responsibility in life. Such bond can only survive if at the very start it has been protected with respect, faith and trust..
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
15 Nov 10
I personally believe the absolute minimum should be two years, one year dating, one year living together before getting married. I really don't understand the perspective that it's wrong or immoral to live together before getting married. It's just arbitrary and archaic to me. I would never marry a man without living with him fist.
I was with my husband four year before getting married, we lived together for two years. If we have been married at the time, I would have been utterly overwhelmed and I doubt the relationship could have survived.
@AnnieHouston (208)
• China
15 Nov 10
I think a year and a half is the best time for marriage. With a little mystery and a little understand, that's the power for them to keep on living together I think.
@mandy8611 (154)
• China
15 Nov 10
if a couple get married without knowing each other well, it will be a miserable marriage, they will have many problems in their daily life and maybe end up with divorce. so lovers should be together long enough to get to know each other well before marriage. but in our country it's thought as a bad behavior for a couple to live together before marriage, so it usually takes more than one year for a couple to be together before marriage. but in recent years, many young men and young ladies can not find a date when they are get 30 years old, their parents are worried about them, so they have to attend blind date under parents' pressure, if their parents are satisfied with the date and they think it's ok for each other, they will get married after a few months then have children.
@ankit_620 (496)
• India
14 Nov 10
well there isn't any rule or such for couple to get married after a certain period of time.
The best time for couple to get married is when they known each other fully, understand each other, share their problems and joys with each other.
Then is the time when they decide among themselves that they are happy with each other and are ready ro spent rest of their life with each other.
@ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
15 Nov 10
For me in the bible you must married first before you joined together as husband and wife so that the blessing is more to gave in your married and you not to commit sin.
@NicoZieg (591)
• Denmark
14 Nov 10
yes, Today many couples get married after they have been together for just some months. For me it doesn't make any sence, because you don't know if you love the person that much, that you want to live the rest of your life with him or her. I think you should wait at least for some years. About 2-3 years, and you shall have lived together in the same house in some years.
