I'm about on my last nerve
By ElicBxn
@ElicBxn (63652)
United States
November 16, 2010 8:10pm CST
You ever had one of those days, weeks, months... whatever that it just seems to be piling one thing on the next?
You ever find yourself so strung out that things you normally care about you can't find enough interest to care?
That you are beat, but when you lay down, you can't sleep.
That you lay there with an empty head and there isn't even room for thoughts to go spinning around in there?
Well, that's me right now.
Yesterday was, in a way, the last day of my former life and the rest of my life will have to be different.
I've mentioned to some of you what happened, but in fear of having this discussion deleted I won't mention it again.
I just kind of want to know that I'm not alone.
Have you ever had those kinds of days?
14 people like this
30 responses
@GardenGerty (161080)
• United States
17 Nov 10
I have had weeks, months and years like this. I have seen some of your discussions and I know some of what you are going through. I think I missed the one that has gotten deleted.
3 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (47761)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
17 Nov 10
Gilda Radner once said, "I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next."
My condolences. Your mother will live always in your heart.
3 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
17 Nov 10
Oh Elic! You DO have your hands full and from reading your discussions, I'm wondering how in the world are you doing all that and keeping your sanity?! Then I think back on the times when my life was so full of 'things to do' that it seemed never ending. It's still that way but not nearly as bad but still, I wondered how to keep myself going during those times. I'm not sure if you're a Christian or not but I am and so I left it up to God to give me the strength to carry on and He did.
2 people like this
@ElicBxn (63652)
• United States
17 Nov 10
Well, you know how it is, you just keep putting one foot in front of the next and eventually you will find yourself moving in the right direction, even if you weren't sure how you could even breath your next breath. I know that this pain will abate, and honestly, I might be surprised at how quickly, or at how it sometimes lingers. I just have to move forward because they don't allow us to even stand still do they?
@tudorm (85)
• United States
17 Nov 10
Hey i am not sure what are you're going through,but i have those days too.Somedays i don't want to talk to nobody,i am being craby to my kids and don't even answer my phone.The next day i am fine like nothing happened.I guess is part of depression.I think we all have days like that no mater what is going on in our life.Praying and crying works for me.It may not work for everybody,you can try.Good luck and take care.
3 people like this
@ElicBxn (63652)
• United States
17 Nov 10
I'm not a big crier, the roomie has known me for 26 years and today was only the second time she's seen me cry. I hate to cry because it gives me migraines...
Oh, I am depressed, I have good reason to be depressed. And I don't plan on trying to "tough it out" but I have to find time to go to the doctor.
2 people like this
@rovered777 (649)
• United States
17 Nov 10
Elic, I hope you get better real fast. Losses like the ones you experienced are unbearable, and you really should follow what you want to do in times like these. Be yourself and let time cure your wounds. You seem like a responsible person, and I think you have the strength to endure situations like these. I hope your days become brighter, and your love for writing will progress. Hope to see you here again!
3 people like this
@lynnymac (105)
• United States
17 Nov 10
this may sound trite, but i've had those days...we all have. i find meditation works wonders. while you meditate imagine you are on a bench, in a beautiful garden. you look down a path and someone is walking towards you. it doesn't neccesarily have to be god. maybe someone who has crossed over who you need to talk to. he/she will sit next to you. don't talk...just listen to what god or your loved one has to say. i hope this helps. bless you.
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
17 Nov 10
once in a very great while
WIll be like that Sat.
have a memorial service to go to for a friend that just passed and we have grand daughters birthday planned at 5 that day to late to change birthday party.
SO we have to go clear across town be there at 1 pm and then back here to pick up the pizza for party by 4.30 and so hope no early people to the party unless it happens to be my son and family will leave 2 at home to great them.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (63652)
• United States
17 Nov 10
yeah, people die most inconveniently don't they? I think in some ways mom had been ready to go for a while.
My brother first suggested next Tuesday for the service to kind of "allow us time to arrange it" but when I said no, then everyone else jumped on, understanding that it just wasn't going to happen on my birthday.
So, instead, we are going to do Christmas/Thanksgiving and birthday on that day.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
26 Nov 10
Gosh Elic, I'm so sorry. I seem to have missed your Mom's passing but I've read this discussion and I'm so so sorry for you.
And right near your birthday too, how horrible for you my friend. Now I'm thinking of the early morning phone call I received to tell me of my Mum's passing and I can so relate to what you are going through...it's hard to believe it will be nine years in January, it seems like it was just recent. I still think about her a lot.
You are a good person and you have many friends, including me who think the world of you. You are such a kind and generous lady and the love of your friends will get you through this. Take comfort from imagining your Mom holding you lovingly in her arms and allow yourself to be sad. Sending you hugs...
And right near your birthday too, how horrible for you my friend. Now I'm thinking of the early morning phone call I received to tell me of my Mum's passing and I can so relate to what you are going through...it's hard to believe it will be nine years in January, it seems like it was just recent. I still think about her a lot.
You are a good person and you have many friends, including me who think the world of you. You are such a kind and generous lady and the love of your friends will get you through this. Take comfort from imagining your Mom holding you lovingly in her arms and allow yourself to be sad. Sending you hugs...
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
17 Nov 10
This time of year I think many of us feel this way to no avail. Just when you think things were looking better they are doing just the opposite. It's so hard. Sometimes even harder when a partner or spouse can't see why you are bothered, upset, or blue ect over such things.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Nov 10
Some things don't ever heal, I guess, but hopefully they gradually hurt less...
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
18 Nov 10
I'm sorry u are having such a bad time. I don't know what happened but i hope it gets better for u. U just have a big adjustment to make & it will take time. I'm assuming it was something to do w/your mom. GOD BLESS.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
19 Nov 10
Time is all that will help u accept this & feel better. I hope u do soon. hugs.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
18 Nov 10
i WENT back & read & saw where your mom had passed away. I'm so sorry, elic. I know how sad u must be. Hope your sister got there in time to see your Mom. Wish i was close by but since i'm not know that u are in my thoughts & prayers. BIG HUGS.
1 person likes this
@cyrus123 (6363)
• United States
17 Nov 10
Oh, yes! I've had days like this! I think we all have. You tickle me the way you said that yesterday was the last day of your former life and the rest of your life will be different, lol
! I'm sure it wasn't funny, actually. You must have been very tired. It just seems like there's always so much to do and not enough hours in the day to get it all done.
! I'm sure it wasn't funny, actually. You must have been very tired. It just seems like there's always so much to do and not enough hours in the day to get it all done. @cyrus123 (6363)
• United States
17 Nov 10
Elic, I'm sorry! I just read the above comments and I didn't know your mother passed! That must have been one discussion I missed. I didn't mean to laugh in my above comment. Please know that you have my condolences and I'm going to pray for you.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (63652)
• United States
17 Nov 10
No, cyrus, I had hoped to phrase it in such a way to bring a smile - maybe a sad smile - but a smile to my face. Oh, maybe not today or next week, but I know who I am and this is how I feel.
You know that saying "Today is the beginning of the rest of my life"? Well, for sure, Monday was the end of the part of my life being my mother's daughter. Oh, I'm still her daughter, but I don't have her here to hold her hand and tell her that I am.
1 person likes this
@cyrus123 (6363)
• United States
18 Nov 10
Oh, okay. I know just how you feel because I went through that when I lost my mother in 1997. She had alzheimer's and one stroke right after another. It was when she first started getting alzheimer's that it was like I was losing her. She just wasn't the same person any more. She and I used to watch television together and I really miss her when I'm watching it.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
17 Nov 10
Elic
You are going through a lot right now and no you are not alone I for one am with you in my thoughts and Heart
Yes I have had Days like that many a time so no you are not alone on this one either
Please keep me updated Sweet
Big warm Hugs to you
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (63652)
• United States
17 Nov 10
I think the cats are getting tired of being grabbed and squeezed!
I know I've been blessed to have as many years with my mom as I have and to have had such a wonderful person as my mom.
I'm glad she's not suffering anymore, because until the last little bit anyway, you knew she knew how much she had lost.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
17 Nov 10
You are not alone, I have felt like that at times in my life--it is emotional exhaustion and you just need to give yourself time. Or see a doc like Mentalward suggested. I wish I had done that, I would have dealt with my situation much better and not made some rash decisions.
Be patient with yourself. Cut yourself a break, treat yourself as if you are physically ill and build yourself up. Don't make any important decisions for awhile. I hope you get some sunlight in your life soon.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (63652)
• United States
17 Nov 10
thanks, dragon, I may well be calling my doctor
at least I'm not sick so I am trying to take enough care of myself so I don't get sick
in some ways this is a blessing, we all hated seeing mom so deteriorated, now she's back to her old self... I wonder if they have golf courses in Heaven...
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
18 Nov 10
My husband calls that state "too tired to sleep." I've heard others use the same terminology.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
20 Nov 10
Oh yes my friend...I can relate. I sometimes feel so overwelmed that I can't handle another thing and then lo and behold...bam..something else. I have so many things to get done within this month that I don't know how I will ever get them in. I always seem to manage though. I do seem to manage but I feel like that my quality of life is constantly threatened. I can barely fit in the things I love to do and when I do have time..I'm to tired to want to do them anymore.
1 person likes this
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
17 Nov 10
I am soo sorry for your loss. I guess you were right about your birthday not being a good sign. There is nothing I can say that will make you feel better, but know that you will in time. It might help if you just start a discussion even if it is deleted, at least you can get your feelings out or vent or whatever you need. If it is not deleted, you know you have a lot of people who care about you and would help you in anyway possible, and that should help also. Why do you think it would be deleted?
I lost my father almost 40 years ago and I still miss him, but you get used to life without them. There are big changes to go through, some for the good and some for the bad. Some of the details of your everyday life, may make a difference,sometimes just knowing that life goes on is a help, even though right now you probably don't care about anything!@ElicBxn (63652)
• United States
17 Nov 10
I lost my dad almost 27 years ago (it will be on the 24th) so I do know about the loss. I dreamed he was alive several times, tho I have dreamed my friend Elaine was alive a lot more often.
In many ways, mom's going has been a blessing, she knew at times how much she had lost.
I think of her with dad or playing golf, surely there are golf courses in Heaven - right?
@xiaoanorincess (237)
• China
18 Nov 10
yeah,I do have this kind of situation!it's just simply like you don't know what to do ,you don't have a future ,you don't know to whom can you tell such kind of things!But just sometimes!I don't know what happened to you,but what I'm sure is that you are not alone ,you have friends and families who care about you!but the question is that you don't want to find them at present!so just go,I'm sure they are always be by your side!
cheer up!
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (63652)
• United States
18 Nov 10
I've always been a mama's girl and, while we've been losing some of her steadily for the last couple of years, we lost her all together on Monday.
I've had family and friends gather round, I've had communications from people I haven't heard from in some time, and many have already lost their mothers. I know if it comes to it, I can, and will go to the doctor for anti-depressants. I just know that I will be having to find a new "orbit" because the sun of my life has gone to the Son and I will no longer have that responsibility and joy in my life.
Responsibility? you ask, well, I'm the child who stayed in town to help mom do things like cut branches from trees and change light bulbs. Even after she no longer needed me to do those things, I would visit her frequently. Making sure she wasn't alone for certain "anniversaries" and things of that nature.
