When a friend lend you some money, then he don't pay you, how do you think?

Does the money mean that much to you to avoid talking to him? If i lend money i look at as a gift and do not expect to have it returned, if it is then thats wonderful, but i would never ruin a relationship over a small amount - if it were a much larger amount i would presume that they had a real problem that they need help with and write it off to experience. Maybe they have more going on in their lives that you are unaware of and as a friend maybe you should talk and see if there is anything that you can help with. Money may not be what he needs, maybe its some form of help with a drink problem or something similar. peace!

I have posted a discussion like this a few weeks ago. It has been a month and a half that passed since I lend one friend money and until now he still does not pay me back. Not even a single cent. The worst part of it is that he is avoiding me. Does not respond to my messages to him and never answer my calls. It surely a big lesson for me.

i have had this similar experience. well i didn't really lend him the money. i was actually tutoring his 2 sons together with other students. there was a bit of delay in paying for the first month fees although they did pay maybe 2 months later, although by then they owed me another months fees which they said would pay when the next salary came or something. i waited but nothing. a few months passed and soon, their exams came to a close and the school holidays were going to start but i have yet to hear from then. they also had their own problems i knew but who doesn't. so i called them and they said they'd be getting an advance salary as they were going on holiday leave soon. so i decided to wait till then. the advance salary came, and yet i still didn't hear from them for around 5 days. it felt too awkward to keep calling as i wanted to let them call me. in the end i had no choice but to call and i couldn't seem to reach them at all. then one day, i managed and he says that he can't pay me as he doesn't have money. he used them all paying debts. my husband was pissed off, of course. he was the one who recommended as he knew them. they did pay a few years before when i taught them but it seems it was too tough. but what i'm not happy about is, i told him, even if he couldn't pay the full amount which was $610, at least try to pay me half or even 100-200 as i was really in need. he said he'd try but never heard from him. i decided to leave it at that. also, if he knew that it was going to be tough for him to pay the tuition fees, he should have stopped. but instead he told me to help his older son just for a month during the exam period. it was hard for me to refuse as i did want students to do well for exams. it was not just monetary for me. but still, no money and now, he's gone for holiday leave and i'm sure i'm not going to hear from him. sigh i agree, money can cause a lot of problems. it is very awkward when you face them again. in fact, they should feel even more embarassed as they're the ones in debt but i too feel the awkwardness. i don't know how to behave anymore. we might chat with hi or hello, but it's not the same as before definitely.

Hi dear, Is is so bad, once they are in need, we helped them. Now it is their duty to payback once they are in a stable conditions. If they crossed the deadline, you can ask them. Still not paying on repeated reminders, do not help them later on and better to detailed friendship. If they are really in trouble and they are unable to pay in time, you can wait for some more time, and ask when they can pay back. All money matters are not handled properly, it will spoil our relationships. I have such so many people helped with such sums. Once they are not paid, I never asked them. In such a way I lost a lots of money. Also, major amounts also lost because of my carelessness, where I cannot blame any body. Regards, Thank-s

Know what? why not create a contract when the payer should pay? so if the borrower wont pay you have something to hold on to? he must have the contract signed. Or just lend him just enough for you to forget about when he wont? When friends turn to PESTS.. I will just ask them to pay up, after that.. GOODBYE! know what I do? I will also borrow money from the person who borrowed money from me.. then there! I will get the money already. or really pest them to pay.

I think it should be a good news for you. You described your wife's friend as he and it should be a man. Won't you jealous your wife whom was so good with another man? ha! ha! ha! My parents did have the same experience as you. Because of Money matters, they lost their good friends. From the past lessons, I am not going to lend or borrow money from my friends anymore. If I really can not avoid lending money to my friends, I shall lend them a small sum of money. Those money should not be assumed returnable. I shall do the charity because of friendship.

hi phong, i think your wife did wonderful job. I did that once when my friend deny to pay me. You have to understand that if anybody is your friend then he/she have to pay money on time. If he is not paying money it means he is not respecting your friendship or just using friendship for this purpose in both cases he is not a right person to continue friendship.

I'm exactly in the same situation. 2 months ago, I lent some money to a friend whom I knew for about 5 months. It wasn't much also, $231. He told me that he wanted to use it to pay for his electricity bills as the electricity is going to be cut off soon. So I lent him. He promised to return it on the 12th of that month. However, delays and delays, he still hasn't returned to me. I've reminded him many times and recently, he went to settle his father's matters, which was very complicated, even I don't want to say it. He told me again, on the 29th of this month, he'll pay me back.

it haven't happened to me yet, if it comes,i don't know how to do.there are words :"if you want to break a friendship, just lend money to your friend."well, maybe you should take his finance into consideration, if he has money and doesn't want to pay back, the end of friendship will come soon. but we all do not hope so, that is awful.

If a friend borrowed money from me and never paid back, then he's never really a friend in the first place. I'll hunt his @ss and run him down and turn him to roadkill.

Well, my trust with him will surely diminished or totally gone. In the first place he is the one who came and seek my help, he gives me promise that he will pay on that time so im expecting it already. If he didn't give the money on the exact day he promise, its just okay for as long as he's there and ready to explain why he never gave what he promised. But if he totally forget what he said and keep his distance too as if he's saying that I forget all ive borrowed to you, that's a different thing. Im there, to help you when you need me, I trusted you but if you break our friendship because of money, you're absolutely not welcome to be my friend any more. Have a nice Saturday morning!

I try not to get in this position of lending or borrowing money. Could it be that this friend is going through some money problems? However, if he can't pay it in a year, then do you really think he should still be your friend?

The feeling would be at first angry, of course. That's the expected feeling. Have you tried giving him some options of payment like installment? He might be really going through a financial problem, so it would be easier for him to pay through that options. But if you think there really is no way for him to pay, then forget it. Move on and let go and learn from it. Don't be angry, just think that one way or another, you were able to help him on those times that he is in need. God will reward you for that, and he will be punished by not paying too. Have a nice day!

I love straight talkers. If my friend takes money from me and say that he will return it after 5 weeks, then I expect the money from him after 5 weeks. If he delays then I will lose respect for him. But if he says that he can't tell you the exact time of return but he will return it, then the respect is still there. He didn't tell me a false promise. that is why the person is still a friend of mine. In your case I think you should talk straight to him to return your money because I think everything can be solved with talks. Maybe he is having a financial breakdown. Maintain the trust and respect that is very important.

I learned very early in life that loaning people money, no matter what they promise, is not a good idea. It can lead to very bad feelings for the other person and all kinds of problems. Ofcourse we want to help our friends but that is very bad thing to get into the habit of doing. It rarely comes out well.

I hate that, I won't lend money to anyone anymore. It makes me sound evil in some ways but I've had people cry me a sob story about having no gas no rent, no money and they need to borrow 20 dollars for something. I'm poor myself and so that takes a huge chunk of my cash even to help a person out. They always say they are going to pay me back but then they start to avoid me. After some time has passed they start being friendly again like they never borrowed money from me... next thing you know, they want more money. It's a viscous cycle and I have to protect myself and my money because there isn't much. I have started offering actual help to people that want money. If they really need it they will take it. Oh, you can't afford to take your kid to the daycare this week? I'll watch him/her. Lol it's my part to help out, without being down the cash and out the friendship.

A pleasant day to you Phong1040572, Indeed, there are times friendship truly ruins when an amount of money enters into that relationship. I remember those time when one of my closest friends borrows some money from me. I gave her the option - payable when able - but, to my surprise eventhoug she has the money and has the capacity to repay back her loan to me, she always avoid to discuss it. And when the time, I urgently needs my money back, she shouted on me and told me that, "it was only a small amount and why I could not sleep", and when I heard it, tears slowly drops out from my eyes. Thinking, what I have done wrong to be treated that way. Yes, it was just a small amount, but, during those time, that amount will be a big help. Since, I give her enough time to pay me, I am thinking, she will remember to repay the money that she borrowed from me. But, she completely avoid doing it. And now, the friendship that was created and build during those time was completely wreck. I was not angry to her however, situations and consequence teached me to be strong. Experienced thought me. And that, there are some people who really tend not to pay or repay their loan and tend to avoid paying though they are aware that they should.

Yeah, owing (or lending) money can be a real relationship-breaker. Somehow things get awkward (especially if it's quite a big amount) and then you stop having the same warm and casual chats you used to. But I think it depends on how you look at it.. is the money owed (or lent) more important than your relationship? I guess you also have to understand the context, i.e., why he hasn't paid up in the first place. Back in college I lent a friend some money to help pay his tuition. He never got to pay it back, and I was tempted to bring it up whenever we encountered each other, but I just thought hey he must be having money problems still and I don't want to end up nagging him and making him shy away from me. It turns out he didn't forget after all. Couple of months after graduation he did pay me back. Even treated me to drinks while he did so. But I guess it's a different case for different people...just try to investigate why he can't pay yet and maybe remind him (but not in a very nagging manner) in a very subtle way if you find out he has the means to pay you. Hope this helps.

Or just.. lend an amount you are willing to loose if the person wont pay anymore. I do that. When someone borrows from me, I will just lend him an amount I can forget about and not whine about when the person wont pay up. Its hard not to loose respect with people not paying up on time. I would rather be given a notice of not being able to pay up for the meantime than disappear from me and leave me thinking if the person still have intention of paying or will disappear forever. Someone asked 10,000.00 from me then, I just offered 500.00. its an amount that if she wont pay up, I can cheerfully forget about it. I was just a student then, so where the heck will I get that amount of money? She disappeared after that.. and we have not seen each other for years now. Had I lent her... what part of the world will I start looking for her then?She borrowed money from my bestfriend then a sum of so small,P20.00. But she did not pay up. Its ok. But if she was not able to pay that from my bestfriend... what more at the amount of P10,000.00? I also took that as a hint with people. If a person could pay back a small amount from you, then you can be complacent that they will have an intention of paying you up a larger amount, but if the person could not give back the small amount.. what more if we are talking about thousands?

i also experienced the same event, even almost 3 years, and the saddest part is that he included one of my cousins, but i try to understand his situation because i know he was exposed after the deception that makes a messy family situation