education
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Are you polyamorous?
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
United States
November 21, 2010 8:42pm CST
My husband and I are polyamorous.
[i]
Polyamory (from Greek p??? [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
Polyamory, often abbreviated to poly, is sometimes described as consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy.[/i]
Our own poly lifestyle stems from our spiritual beliefs and practices, but we've had the chance to network with so many people over the last year in various online groups that we know everyone has their own story. My husband and I are pagan and for us part of our poly choice came from our studies that led us to discover that we had an limitless supply of love to share. It was a wonderful first discussion as we started out monogamous and finally were able to sit down and speak with each other as loving open adults about how we viewed the world and those around us. I suppose in some sense it helped that we had been friends for ten years before ever living together and getting hand-fasted.
For us we are looking for something in the area of polyamory or polyfidelity but would never hold it against one another if something in the area of an open relationship presented itself.
What is your story? How did you meet? What is your current relationship like? What are your life experiences?
I hope to find more polyamorous people on Mylot and hope we can have wonderful chats and share information in the new interest category "Polyamorous Relationships".
Namaste-Anora
7 people like this
9 responses
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
23 Nov 10
Heyya Anora! I have great respect for anyone with enough comfort in their self and relationship to participate in the poly. I am not so self confident I suppose. I gotta a lot of love that I would love to share, but my partner had better not be sharing his
I'm selfish I guess. I was also invited into a relationship once that I pondered on because the requester was my bestfriend. I decided against it because I was afraid. Afraid of what? Several things. Losing my friend being numero uno.
I'm selfish I guess. I was also invited into a relationship once that I pondered on because the requester was my bestfriend. I decided against it because I was afraid. Afraid of what? Several things. Losing my friend being numero uno. 2 people like this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
23 Nov 10
Jen-
I think that is a real concern for a great many people regardless of being mono, poly, or platonic. We all seem to as humans to have this almost basic instinct to be the center of attention. I don't mean that in a bad way, it's just how we are. I mean if we look at children they are always center stage, and if they are not receiving positive from their parents and caregivers they find negative ways to receive the same attention.
I think part of the issue is that society has always put the spin that "all poly relationships involve one man and two women", and that is just not the case. When doing my presentation I came across an interview with a very highly regarded woman in Hollywood and New York theater who had two men in her life. She had a daughter from one of them but both were fathers to the daughter and both husband to the wife. Polyamory is such a large umbrella that it can pages to discuss all the facets, but that is but one of them. 
Namaste-Anora
Namaste-Anora1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
25 Nov 10
There is always more to things than a name or "type". I think that there are certain things that apply to any love relationship whether it is between one or many. They all have their ups and downs and they all have the potential of being wonderful or terrible.
I so agree with the point you raised about society and the expectations put upon those that live in it. I do think that times are changing as people become more educated about different cultures and lifestyles. Not everyone may agree with the way others live their life but just because it is different doesn't mean it is wrong. I think that love is so great that there is noway to truely define it. It can be expressed in a million ways.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
23 Nov 10
I am happily married; well I’m happy most of the time (LOL)! I do not ever want a ‘polyamorous’ relationship because I would not be comfortable with the idea of my partner being intimate with other women. To me it feels ‘wrong’ and I don’t see the point of both of us committing our lives to each other in marriage if we are not going to be faithful to each other. If marriage is not fulfilling enough I don’t think turning to a third party to be helpful at all. I would be concerned of the effect on my daughter should my husband and I date other people. Having said all that, to each their own….It sounds as though you are very happy in your situation and that is fair enough. People should live their lives as they see fit and not how others view it.
2 people like this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
23 Nov 10
"I don’t see the point of both of us committing our lives to each other in marriage if we are not going to be faithful to each other. If marriage is not fulfilling enough I don’t think turning to a third party to be helpful at all."
Paula,
I can respect your choice not to have a poly relationship. I wanted to focus on something you mentioned in between that because it really stands out as something that seems to be out there in society where poly relationships are concerned. I'm not saying you are wrong for sharing, just trying to help clarify for the others on this thread regarding polyamorous relationships. Most who enter into a polyamorous relationship are not doing so because they feel unfulfilled in their marriage, primary partner, or such. It is that they simply have a great deal of love to share and this is a very natural way to share it. Relationships of any sort that are successful are never solely based in the physical love, but rather in the combination of all facets of the relationship.
Namaste-Anora
2 people like this
@rogue13xmen13 (14402)
• United States
22 Nov 10
I only have one relationship. I don't believe in dating several men at once, and I don't believe in having a relationship with more than one person. I love the one boyfriend that I have. Anyway, I don't have enough energy for any other relationships.
1 person likes this
@rogue13xmen13 (14402)
• United States
23 Nov 10
I know some people who can do it, and have those kinds of relationships, but I am not one of those people. I just don't have the energy for it. Also, who could I love more than my boyfriend? I know of no one. He's the only one for me.
1 person likes this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
23 Nov 10
Oh, do not get me wrong about my primary partner. We are soul mates and very close. However, we personally have come to a point in our lives where we know and accept that we can love many people just as passionately as we love one another. Also, I should clarify we would never leave each other for another. We are committed to each other as a primary couple. 
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
22 Nov 10
Rogue-
I agree that all relationships take energy, and at times we can have those that drain us beyond belief. I have to say that the relationships I now have give me so much life that I am grateful to have them. As I mentioned the poly lifestyle is not for everyone and I think if you know it is not, it's best to avoid.
Namaste-Anora
Namaste-Anora2 people like this
@celticeagle (168269)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Nov 10
I think that people should do whatever they feel comfortable with. I am too much of a romantic to ever be able to be a party to a poly. I have to admit I have a jealous streak. I can see where after afew years of a monogamous relationship where the poly might come in. I hope you find others who enjoy this lifestyle and enjoy times with them.
1 person likes this
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
22 Nov 10
Maybe this could erase the temptation of forbidden cheating, rather than hiding it with their partners, just talked themselves with it. or probably try doing it with their other friends that they feel comfortable with having an intimacy with people "they are comfortable and trust" with.1 person likes this
@celticeagle (168269)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Nov 10
Maybe it would spice it up for them.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
24 Nov 10
Sorry, but I don't think that a polyamorous relationship is something that is for my husband and myself. The reason that I feel that way is because of the fact that my husband can be a jealous person. However, that doesn't mean that I feel any differently about people that are able to have polyamorous or open relationships. In fact, there are actually some times that I wish we were able to be more open in our relationship. I've never cheated on my husband but I think that being able to have an open relationship would be good.
1 person likes this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
24 Nov 10
Dora-
It is good that you know your spouse's desires as well. Maybe at some point where you are both comfortable to chat about your wants, desires, and so forth you'll feel even closer and move into a new direction of your journey. And perhaps it will simply affirm what you have.
Namaste-Anora
Namaste-Anora
@beautifulBrooke (191)
• United States
22 Nov 10
My husband are not "poly". We are completely monogamous. Our reasons sound to be the same as yours actually.
"Spiritual beliefs and practices",, we are Christians and it is our belief (as according to scripture) that marriage is about 1 man and 1 woman. (i'm paraphrasing).
What's important is that when 2 people are married, they are on the same page when the issues that they feel are important.
Same spiritual beliefs, same political party, same parenting ideals, etc...
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
9 Dec 10
I disagree as far as everything you have to be on the 'same page' about. Political party? Really? My husband and I do not agree politically and we likely never will. Politics do not define anybody, nor should they. If your political slant interferes with your relationships or friendships, there is more wrong with you underneath it than anything. Also... spiritual beliefs. I'm not convinced that matters either unless one or the other of you is fundie and rabid about your beliefs. Beliefs are personal, and whether they are the same or not, as long as both parties RESPECT the other and do not attempt to convert, overly share, I don't think it matters much.
1 person likes this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
22 Nov 10
I agree that partners should always be honest with another about how they view their relationship and what they want out of their relationship.
Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
22 Nov 10
Yes, but not going overboard with it. I do chat with other people online and it is not in anyway detaching myself from the foundation of marriage. It is in fact making my relationship with my husband stronger as I learn from others matters about their relationship woes and many other things that might have slipped my attention in building a happy marriage. I am always interested in the way people interact with one another, how little things make or break a relationship. The beautiful thing about internet is that we are able to form a relationship without commitments. We are living in an era of dual existence - in the real world and in the virtual world. Anytime we can just take a journey to our virtual world to interact with others which in a way can release tension and stress of our everyday real life with our marriage.
1 person likes this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
22 Nov 10
Zandi-
Though I'm sure at some point in the future there will be an entire arena for the "online" relationships division that is not what being poly is about. We are not about "non-committal". When involving another party in a polyamorous, or polyfidelity we are just as committed to our secondary partner as we are to primary partner. This is not about "casual" relationships that can be tossed away, and they are in no fashion "virtual" relationships or "imaginary" ones.
It is very nice that you are learning more about your ideas about marriage from the formation of online friendships though.
Namaste-Anora
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
23 Nov 10
hi anora eldorath If you are both on the same page and happy
with this polygmorous so be it. I like a lot of other people here
would be very jealous and uncomfortable to have had to share my'hubby with any other woman. We both opted for an ordinary monogamous'nmarriage and what we had became really unordinary. As my husband from before our marriage loved me uncondtionally which not many people do, most people p;ut conditons in such as lose fifteen pounds and I will marry you,no he acceped me as I was, a bit hippy, and shy with pale brown hair almost blonde. I tried to change as I thought he would love me more as a blondebut no he had a fit. I lovey you as you, pale brown hari, shyness and alush figure dont change a thingl .so I did not and was more comfortable wih him than I had ever been with my own parents. so we were on the same page always and we stood behind each other.I have been widowed now for a long time. and I have seen new things and ideas come and go so am open minded, its just that nothing but monogamy was for me. Good luck and God bless.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
9 Dec 10
Hatley, you are truly blessed and I believe you were a blessing to him as well The best gifts come from people who love us as we are, faults and all, don't try to change us, convince us our path is wrong, or do anything but walk with us and hold our hands.
The best gifts come from people who love us as we are, faults and all, don't try to change us, convince us our path is wrong, or do anything but walk with us and hold our hands.1 person likes this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
25 Nov 10
You are most welcome. I could not add anything better as comments other than to give you to the best response because it was well said. We all just need to accept one another as fellow sentient beings. Hope you recover fully from your illness.
Namaste-Anora
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
22 Nov 10
There is nothing wrong with the primary partner, it is simply a lifestyle choice.
Namaste-Anora
