what your take on living in together?
By geonelynn
@geonelynn (369)
Philippines
November 21, 2010 10:48pm CST
please share your thoughts on couples living in together before marriage.
i have a friend whose boyfriend keeps on asking her that they should be together and since both of their parents are conservative, he suggested to live far from them without their knowledge.
my friend is hesistant since she fears her parents might be hurt by this and they might be mad. don't get them wrong, they are already in their late 20's but it is just that they still haven't had the funds of having a church wedding and having it means a big budget for both of their families.
the guy's parents are expecting a lot from him and they are not so much into the idea of him marrying at this time, that is why he plans of keeping this a secret from them for now.
now my friend is confused. she loves the guy, their love is genuine, no doubt. but right now she is just right in the middle between her love for her man and her family.
in all fairness to the guy, he seems he really loves her. but i guess he now can't wait to be with my friend after almost 4 years of a serious relationship with her. he is doing all he can to save and earn for their big day, and maybe he is thinking he would like to be here the soonest time possible, with earning or no earning!! LOL
i cannot say to my friend to just have it a go as my parents are a bit conservative also and i do not know what am i going to do if i'm confronted with the same situation..
please share your thoughts.. anything would be helpful..
thanks in advance. happy mylotting!
3 people like this
12 responses
@Xansus (946)
• Bulgaria
22 Nov 10
Well here is personal opinion .
Don't say random stuff like they are adults they can decide on their own , when it comes to family , your mother and father are unchangable , love comes and goes , parents don't .
But parents must not try to fix everything forever . Still i think you must make the mistakes on your own if you really love someone and want to get married , even if ends in desaster , do it , still they need to try living together , since there comes the real deal , you might love the person but you don't know how you will handle his daily life .
Anyway love can go on with only living together , you can marry later if love is still there . I don't think the most important thing in love is to marry but to be with the one you love , so marry can wait :)
1 person likes this
@switlyf (649)
• Philippines
22 Nov 10
hi geonelynn! personally my marriage didnt work out the way i want it to be. actually its much better to live with the person for a couple of years before getting married. if after sometime you know in your heart that you cannot live without this person and you know that both of you are emotionally stable, then go ahead and take the next step. thanks and happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
22 Nov 10
That is the problem when both of the families are conservative. If they have both stable jobs, then I guess they can consider living in for the meantime, especially when they are sure that they plan to get marry. Why not try to let them (parents) know about their plans? It is still more proper to let them know the idea than keeping it a secret. It will get worse when the time comes that they will hear that their children are living together.
I believe that marriage is sacred. However, nowadays, we need to be more practical now.
1 person likes this
@jessica4red (41)
• Romania
22 Nov 10
well, i think your friend should do what her heart tells her. i know it's hard to do something your family doesn't agree with but the thing is, the family will accept everything you do as long as they love you. your life is about your choices, you'll have to live with them, not your family. what i'm trying to say is: do what's best for your happiness. goodluck!
1 person likes this
@shattered (1728)
• Philippines
22 Nov 10
I don't understand why there can be no wedding before living together. And this is strange coming from the guy. If this was a proposal from the girl, I would say go ahead. You are both adults make your own decision. But since your friend happens to be confused, it appears that she should be given the situation.
If the guys intention is genuine, I would say he would offer a civil wedding before moving in together, with the church wedding to follow after they have the funds. If it is indeed only the funds that remain a problem.
But I don't think that is the case. If your friend is confused, it must be because she knows something is wrong, she may be in denial or maybe she just can't make up her mind.
Loving someone and committing to someone are two different things. Living with someone under the benefit of marriage, regardless of wether it is a civil or church wedding, is TOTALLY different than just living together.
In the former there is a commitment, a covenant or a contract at the very least. It shows the commitment of the couple to each other, against all odds. In the latter, you can walk away from the other person anytime, there is no commitment just a desire.
@rarcntvrx (98)
• United States
22 Nov 10
Wow what a feeling what a reality when We live together really Enjoyable day ever without marriage. Because if not marriage its so romantic mode, and feeling each other mind.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
22 Nov 10
If they can avoid having s'xual relationships, that would be all right, ;but if they are going to, I am against the idea. Even if they are in love, things can happen - for instance, he could die by some unknown cause, or get killed in an accident. I am not going with the ;he might leave her,' because as you wrote, they really love each other. I am hesitant about him wanting to keep it secret. I can understand the trying to save money and getting a house together because then the parents would figure, there is no s'x, there is his room and her room.
Why not a smaller church wedding?
@Lore2009 (7378)
• United States
22 Nov 10
I think it is a good idea for couples to live together before getting married. That way they will know if they are making the right choice before they make the final decision. But if my parents were important to me and my bf is asking me to lie to them, that would cause a lot of stress for me too. If she is uneasy about it, she shouldn't force herself. I think it is up to what is very important for her.
@shia88 (4571)
• Malaysia
22 Nov 10
Hi,
I did stayed with my boyfriend before we got married.
By staying together, we got more chance to know each other
better,we spent more times together and we got chance to
see each other everyday. ALthough our working hour is so much
different,but at least, we still have chance to see each other everyday.
Apart from it, we takecare of each other and we share our
sadness and happiness together.
But to some parents who are pretty conservative, they might not allow
their daughter to stay together with her boyfriend before they got
married, but lucky my parents are not those too conservative one,but as long
as I knew how to takecare of myself,then it is fine for them.
I have grown up and knew what is the best for me, I can make my own decision and
know which is the right path I am choosing to go on.
1 person likes this
@fourjems08 (550)
• Philippines
28 Nov 10
I used to disagree with this idea of living together before marriage, but as I become mature enough, I find it the best thing to do for a couple to "test the ground" first before going to marriage. This way, the couple will know and can decide if they are really compatible. I'm saying this because no matter how long your relationship had been with your g/bf, you can't really know the real person in him/her unless you live under the same roof. You'd be surprised to know that there is still something in him/her that you haven't known/ And when you do, decide if you can accept it or not and you can bear with it for the rest of your lives should you decide to get married.
@anneish (117)
• Philippines
23 Nov 10
if they are already in the right age i think the opinion of their parents would just be a second priority...
what important is their decision about that matters,.and as you said that they love each other, well then there's nothing to worry about,and i think they all have to do is to be responsible enough in all there actions.
@starlight_starbright (810)
• Philippines
22 Nov 10
If I were to view the situation, according to you the guy loves you friend genuinely? Then why can't he make a genuine decision of marrying her. What does an expensive marriage got to do in a couple who are destined to be together? If they wanted to be together they can have a civil wedding. There is no need to rush things of the really think that they are meant to be. If they wanted to get married and can't get married to church due to financial constraint, then the guy could formally ask for your friend's parents the permission to marry their daughter. The main point here is they want to live together, right? Then they must put things in place. Living together doesn't mean they will play house. They will be together and live as husband and wife without the blessing of their parents. You have also mentioned that there are lots of expectation to the guy that's why he and his girlfriend can't get married, right? Is the wedding that matters most? Have they thought of the situation after it? Living together makes no difference in terms of relationship. But in terms of responsibilities, there is. The only difference is they don't have that unbreakable tie that would make them hold on to each other no matter what. If they love each other, what's the use? People live together for different reasons but I think your friend and your boyfriend will be doing it for the wrong one....
