What is your own definition of jealousy?
By ellebj
@ellebj (784)
Philippines
November 22, 2010 7:21am CST
IN relationships, jealousy seems to be a bad word. but why are we really jealous? but relationships could never escape from jealousy.
for my own understanding, jealousy is when you feel like you are taken for granted. it occurs when you feel bad to your partner because you are like invisible to him. you are there but it seems that you are not. it is when, you wanted to be sweet to him but he is enjoying to talk to someone else and not minding you. it is like, you seldom talk, and when you start talking to him, he would not mind you and and for the long hours of staying, he would not care talk to you and when you say "goodbye/goodnight, i have to go" he won't even mind.
but some would say, jealousy is when you are doubting the love of your partner.
anyhow, jealousy could be something bad and something good. jealousy could not be felt when you don't love your partner. that is why, jealousy is the justification of love/feelings.
however, there are some instances that jealousy became bad because it entails doubt and mistrust.
i think, for jealousy could be bad or good depending on your timing and reason.
how about you, what is your own definition of jealousy?
4 people like this
18 responses
@voldrox (7191)
• India
22 Nov 10
That is a good question.
Well, this question is really meant for me, thanks. 
Well, jealousy is something when you feel, when your partner is not able to give back to you the way you give them. Yeah, like you said, the taking for granted thing really gets me upset. My jealousy is not insecurity. I don't feel insecure with my girlfriend, i am pretty strong on that point. But yeah, sometimes it does make me feel jealous when she would not reply me properly, because she is busy chatting with someone else. I don't know if it's good or not for a relationship but as you know, anything in excess isn't good and so i would say being jealous all the time would only end it.
Well, jealousy is something when you feel, when your partner is not able to give back to you the way you give them. Yeah, like you said, the taking for granted thing really gets me upset. My jealousy is not insecurity. I don't feel insecure with my girlfriend, i am pretty strong on that point. But yeah, sometimes it does make me feel jealous when she would not reply me properly, because she is busy chatting with someone else. I don't know if it's good or not for a relationship but as you know, anything in excess isn't good and so i would say being jealous all the time would only end it.1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
22 Nov 10
Hi Ellebj,
Welcome to Mylot! Jealousy can be all of the things you mentioned depending on the relationship. I don't know as it always means that you love the person so mach as you need to have proof that he loves you or you doubt his love. I don't see jealousy as being a good thing for any relationship. Mostly it is a sign that something is not right within that relationship, I think. It is a sign to pay attention to why you are feeling jealous and do something to correct the problem or maybe it is time to move on. Jealousy is not a positive feeling and it can tear apart a relationship especially if it is unjustified. It's not healthy. If you really love someone then you trust them 100% and jealousy would not factor into that.
@RONDOLAWE (774)
• Indonesia
22 Nov 10
a fairness and humane if a boyfriend or a jealous lover with her partner, if a person does not experience jealousy sure he does not love and love towards their partner
1 person likes this
@4everHeather (57)
• United States
22 Nov 10
No one can escape jealousy. If you are dating or married at some point in the relationship we all will experience it. I know if I was dating a really hot guy and some girl comes up to him looking like Beyonce, of course I would get jealous, but I wouldn't lose control, cause if he truly loves you, it would be up to him to say, 'Sorry, I have a girlfriend' and walk away. Now on the other hand there is what I call unhealthy jealousy. Unhealthy jealousy stems from insecurity or wanting to control. A lot of the time these types accuse their partner of cheating when they gave them absolutely no reason to suspect that they are. So that's my definition of jealousy when it comes to romantic relationships.
1 person likes this
@louievill (28851)
• Philippines
22 Nov 10
For me jealousy is nothing more than an excuse for peoples short comings . No need to be jealous about anything if you have confidence in what you are and what you do, have a nice day1
1 person likes this
@ganeshprabhuk (1722)
• India
23 Nov 10
Jealousy can be good or bad depending on your reasons and the usage. It can be taken as wrong in relations but other forms it can be good. Jealousy can also be compared to possessiveness which can be stating ours.
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
22 Nov 10
Jealousy in relationships is about two things. Insecurity and trust.
If you are insecure about yourself, you might start thinking that your partner could find someone better than you. And you will imagine him cheating on you. That's jealousy.
If your partner is a flirt, you might imagine him cheating on you at every opportunity. That's jealousy.
The only way to not feel jealous, is to have a total trust in your partner. If you have some very good reasons not to trust him, you should not be with him.
Some people will say that being too trusting always end up in being burn.
But the fact of the matter is, if he intends to cheat on you, he will do so, wether you trust him or not.
And in many cases, you end up pushing someone away by not trusting them. Because not trusting someone is an emotional insult.
@whyaskq (7523)
• Singapore
23 Nov 10
Jealousy in my definition is an expression of dislike for someone. Often, when one is jealous, one is often angry with oneself as one tend to have less faith in oneself. When one has less confidence in oneself, one feels insecured and hence dislike the other person.
@derek_a (10874)
•
23 Nov 10
Jealousy is usualy an insecurity that has been instilled in a person from a very young age. A jealous person has learned not to trust life or other people, maybe through a trauma he/she's experienced or may through other people letting him/her down. It can happen as a very young age.
It can be dealt with though, because as a therapist it has been a very common problem that people have come to see me with. A person has to learn to trust again. Sometimes this is easily achieved, but sometimes it is very difficult - but not impossible.
_Derek
_Derek
@gitfiddleplayer (10362)
• United States
24 Nov 10
Jealousy is when you want something that somebody else has, its not about protecting something you love, jealousy turns a hand into a fist. If there is jealousy in a relationship it has to do with mistrust. You can be jealousy of something that somebody has but its not about what you want, its about what they have.
@ftrazona (222)
• Philippines
23 Nov 10
I hate the thing of becoming a jealous person. I hate myself of being one. Why? That jealousy for me is too selfish. Yes, its because you love them maybe thats why you don't want their attention to be with someone else. But their right to socialize, it seems like I am depriving them to do so. :( I get jealous everytime they met someone else and I am left out. I don't have a partner yet and don't have any intention to have one because of being a jealous type, and I am afraid that my partner will then left me because of that. I am jealous to my friends, to my siblings to my father and mother and everything I have. I want them to be my own, just mine. SO, I was thinking jealousy sometimes made you selfish. You deprived them of their happiness to meet new people, talk and get to know more that certain people. Selfishness is bad. So I'd better change myself, and won't be jealous anymore.
@ellebj (784)
• Philippines
23 Nov 10
i feel the same way with you ftrazona... i hate being jealous... i hate the feeling but it is just there.. i think jealousy is really innate to us humans such that selfishness is part of our being... i think we are born with jealousy but each with certain intensity.. it is up to us on how to handle it, i guess..
@ansi09 (151)
• Tunisia
22 Nov 10
Jealousy is like salt in food, you can't have a relation without jealousy, the real question becomes, how much jealous you are ?
It's good to be jealous at sometimes, i believe that it gives a great push to some cold relationships, coz it makes one of the couple feels he/she still loved the same way they first fall in love.
Jealousy to me can be a great way for both man & woman to say, i want you more than any1 else, don't tease me again, i can't stand it, hahahaha :D
On the other hand, extreme jealousy is of course & no dout can destroy any love story no matter how strong it is.
I gess the negative stereotyping of the word " Jealousy " is what make this feeling itself not good or healthy for a love story, coz when you say Jealousy, all of your mind goes to the " Lack OF Trust ", well, i don't think so, Jealousy doesn't only mean lack of trust.
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
22 Nov 10
You just hit my definition of jealousy. It's definitely not a bad thing although it really feels bad when it occurs. Jealousy comes with a whole bunch of others like anger, contempt, fear, and others and with all these it seems that jealousy is like an a-bomb ready to ruin things up.
@letssstalk (285)
• India
22 Nov 10
Hi Ellebj
Truly agree with your words.. Their is lot of difference between feel Jealous and doubting someone. I told my love so many time that i am not doubting him but just feel jealous if He talk any other Girl. I think Jealous is important for Love relation ship but for....This shows how deeply we are in love..
Thanks
@starlight_starbright (810)
• Philippines
22 Nov 10
Hello there ellebj,
I think in the simpler sense, jealousy is a feeling on insecurity. We may be jealous of someone who are more fortunate than us. As for a relationship, jealousy is FEAR OF LOSING SOMEONE. We don't seem to understand why we feel this way but often times, we only feel this emotion when we are facing a threat of getting replaced by someone else, right? I guess is a natural feeling of being afraid that something or someone will be taken away from us.
