Problem with parents meddling with love relationships

@applejoy (145)
Philippines
November 22, 2010 9:37pm CST
I'm already 22 and i got a problem with my parents who are really conservative and pessimistic..my boyfriend and I can't go out of town and out of the country trips because they think we should get married first before doing that. They think that it doesn't look good..I tried to tell my mom about it and I don't know if she trusts me...I said just trust and I'm old enough but still she won't listen and allow me..I can't find the right words to tell them so that they'll allow me to go out of town with my boyfriend.. I'm so frustrated..please help..my boyfriend and i always do the same routine and it's so frustrating that we're doing the same things and we can't go out of town trips to have new special moments.. I think because of my parents, our relationship might be ruined in the future..I'm so sad.. I need help thanks..;(
2 people like this
7 responses
@chuyins123 (2112)
• Philippines
23 Nov 10
I understand that your parents love you so much that they somehow become overprotective to you. Treat them with respect, but I guess you can raise a statement to them something like "I need to make decisions on my own to grow up" I am mature than you think I am, things like those, it may hurt them, but it would make them think. You are not alone with that kind of parent. Are you the eldest? or some kind of a favorite child? Because parents would tend to be like that to you when you are. They might not have grasped yet that you are already a grown up. God bless you and keep the respect and love for your parents! :D
• Philippines
23 Nov 10
Don't be sad dear. And don't think that marriage is the solution. One thing I could say is, you have the same prob with my elder sis before, she thought marriage is the answer, she married at a young age of 23 to a man who doesn't have a stable job, they both promised to work and try to sustain their living, yet after marriage she got pregnant, and the guy still doesn't have a job. But the baby's already there, they have to feed her, so my sis looked for a job and make a living, but they're really having difficulties now to sustain the family. So, don't just think of marriage because of your problem. Focus on the good things about your life my friend. Don't always ask your self "what's wrong with me?" instead ask your self always and more often "what's good about and with me" recognize every blessing, sustain your relationship with your boyfriend as you love each other, and don't rush, God has a purpose, everything happens for a reason, just pray that your parent maybe awakened to the reality that you are mature enough to make decisions for yourself. God bless you, your family and your relationship! :D have a happy life!
@applejoy (145)
• Philippines
23 Nov 10
Sadly, I'm the eldest so this is really something new to them..and i guess that having decision for myself will never happen unless i get married and leave home.. I feel so sad..that can't be happy with my life cause my parents keeps on interfering..I'm even crying at the moment..so hard ;(
@applejoy (145)
• Philippines
23 Nov 10
thanks for cheering me up..I won't really get married early..and no worries cause my bf is financially stable cause he got businesses of his own..and he came from a well off family, having their own company..but its not my worry..my parents are well off too..so there's no problem with financial and all..the prob is i don't feel that our relationship will grow if we keep on sticking to the same routine..cause we can't even go out of town..i know you understand me..what should i tell my bf if the time came that he feels bored with the relationship cause we cant have those new special moments together..he's an outgoing person and is well traveled.;(
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
24 Nov 10
Hi Applejoy, I see that you are from the Philipines so I am guessing that your ways are very different there than here in the US. I am a parent and I trust my daughter so unless she gives me reason not to then I give her quite a bit of freedom. She is 16. I have older daughters also and I never dictated to them on these kind of things but offered up advise. Unfortunately, if you are living in their house then they get to make the rules and it doesn't matter much whether or not I agree or you agree. I think the only advise I can give you to solve this problem would be for you to save and get a place of your own. Then it would be your home and your rules.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
24 Nov 10
Try telling them that you understand their concerns and know that they love you but reassure them that they raised you right and they have no reason to worry if you went out. Not sure if that would help or not. I really think the only way to change the situation is to be out on your own. good luck!
@applejoy (145)
• Philippines
24 Nov 10
let's see..I should prove to them that there's nothing to worry about..its tough but I'm sure my dad can understand..unlike my mom..;[ thanks..
@applejoy (145)
• Philippines
24 Nov 10
I'm glad that you are one of those open minded parents around.. It's just sad that your parents doesn't trust you, truly that our ways are different but it somehow doesn't apply to the modern world..my parents are conservative and traditional..it's hard to cope up with such attitudes cause they tend to be close minded. My friends' parents allow them to go anywhere they want since their parents are open to these kind of things..I'm old enough to make my own decisions and take care of myself.. I don't even have to wait for their decision if its a no or yes. I already told them what I should do but still they act as if I'm still a teenager that every time I'll do something, I have to ask for their permission. I hope I could get my own place soon. That's the only way that they won't be able to meddle with my whereabouts. But for now, I should think of ways on how to convince them..thanks sid..if you have enough advices to give, please do. It would be helpful.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Nov 10
That is a hard place to be. When your parents don't let you breathe. Have you told them just this? Instead of becoming embattled with them, saying you need to live your own life, have you tried telling them the effects their smothering has on you and your love life?
@applejoy (145)
• Philippines
23 Nov 10
I haven't told them that my bf and i might break up in the future cause of what they're doing..true..they won't let me breathe..and it's like i can do anything unless i get married..and I'm not ready for that..i just want to enjoy life...I feel so sad that they won't even think of my happiness..
• United States
23 Nov 10
I would tell them exactly that last line. It will hit hard.
@applejoy (145)
• Philippines
23 Nov 10
I hope they will..but i doubt cause they're hard as rock. :(
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
24 Nov 10
A relationship between you and the one you love will never work as long as your parents will interfere. You will be caught between love for your partner and love for your parents. You don't want to have to choose between them. If you want a loving relationship to last, you have to make your parents understand that these choices are yours to make.
@applejoy (145)
• Philippines
25 Nov 10
Thanks..and i totally agree with you.. I know that my parents are just thinking whats best for me but they haven't thought what the effect would be..:[ I wish I could convince them that its time to let me go..they just have to be there to guide and help but not interfere.
• Philippines
23 Nov 10
Hello applejoy! I think your parents are just concerned with your welfare, they know what's best for you. If you really want to gain their trust, you need to have a serious talk with them, they might need just your explanation face to face and be firm with your stand, you can give a promise to them, one that you will of course fulfill and will not break. You need to let them see and show to them as well that you are grown up and entitled to have your own decision in life, if they see that you are indeed a responsible person, then their views might change. Good luck! Cheers!
@applejoy (145)
• Philippines
23 Nov 10
thanks..i tried with mom..but she's tough..true that I should make a promise..:(
• Philippines
23 Nov 10
your parents are just concern with you but as of your age they need also to give you freedom. Talk with your parents.Have you finished your studies?because mostly one factor that parents don't allow even if you are already at right age because they want you to finish your studies first and have better future...
@applejoy (145)
• Philippines
24 Nov 10
yes. I already graduated college...:[
@thuynhu (661)
• United States
23 Nov 10
Well if your 22 years old, you should be old enough to make your own decisions. You shouldn't let your folks decided for you. I know parents are usually trying to protect you from something. I don't know exactly what that could be. They maybe worried since nowadays everyone is having kids. Truthfully if I was you I would just go anyways, but its your decision you are an adult. I guess the only issue you may have is if you live with your parents and if you do I think it would be a little harder for you to be able to tell them that you are going. But you should try and tell them that you are at the age where you make your decision for what best for yourself. If you feel that you know what you're doing and trust yourself to not do something that you shouldn't (if you really want to wait til marriage) then only you and God really knows that you will wait. Your folks have to learn to trust you but if they don't let you go you can never prove to them that you are trustworthy. I'm sorry if I wasn't much help.
@applejoy (145)
• Philippines
23 Nov 10
thanks..yes, it is hard cause i still live with them..;( before they always tell me that I should have a special someone so that I won't be like my auntie who became and old maiden and she is very lonely now..If my parents will do this to me..I would be the same old maiden as my auntie..They became so overprotective when my bf came along..:(