My step daughter is starting to Pi$$ me off! For what I dont know....
By dloveli
@dloveli (4366)
United States
November 23, 2010 6:43am CST
Me and my honey have been together for almost 7 years. I went into the relationship fully knowing he had two children,a son 20, a daughter 21. I also have to children, two daughters 23 and 15. I have always been loving, giving and way more understanding than he was towards them. There have been tons of issues with their mother, his ex. She has had 4or5 other kids.She has swindled the son of out his inheritance. She has never had a great relationship with her daughter. She still thinks she's 16 herself. My fiance has even had custody of them when they were younger. The welfare system found out she was still getting money for them and told her she had 48 hours to go to Puerto Rico to get them. SO she did. After that they only got to talk to my fiance when they needed something. When we first got together I could see he wanted a relationship with them. I encouraged his mother to give them our number. Eventually we got in touch with them. Everything has been ok.Its clear to see that his daughter is a little loose. Every six months she's literally living with a new guy. And the son has been arrested for threatening his girlfriend and her mom. He was just released to halfway house. I spent 2 months trying to get him released early as a surprise for thanksgiving. FInally his daughter said she would come with her boyfriend(he's a second timer.She lived with him twice maybe a keeper?) and bring her brother. I finally confirmed it and told Alex (my man). Now Yesterday I sent out emails and texts to all invites to see who's coming. She calls me and says "Yea me, lenny(her boyfriend), Alexis(son), and my dog!" I replied what dog? I never even knew she had a dog. I told her the dog was a no go because I have two small dogs that wouldnt be happy, I have a cat, Im also expecting 20 guests, and they were supposed to sleep over so we could go shopping on black friday. She got an attitude and said well maybe we'll just pop in and out. I had volunteered to help with the homeless on thanksgiving we do it every year. I will get home about 3 or 4 and would be having my dinner around 5. They are coming from another state that's at least a two hour drive both ways. If they were to come they wouldnt get here until 5 or 6 and we'd be in middle of dinner by the time we'd actually get to talk to them and visit it would be 7 or so. And we are ending it early to try to get some rest before we get up to get shopping. We are leaving at 1 am. This is a tradition we do with my younger daughter. She calls be back and says She didnt realize I was having my kids and other guests. Are you serious? my daughter lives with us( 15 yr old). My other daughter is here daily. She is just trying to make everyone miserable. So now she's not coming because she couldnt bring a huge dog we never knew she had. Now my honey wont get to see his son. Im sorry I told that I was upset and that I thought she did it on purpose. I think she was looking for an excuse not to come. She is coniving my fiance says but I try to be unjudgemental. Its hard enough for step parents. She calls me mom when she wants something. Needless to say yesterday I was HEY. Am I wrong to think she's being miserable. I give her everything! Her father wont even give her money. Whats your take on this. Any step parents out there have something to share?dl
1 person likes this
8 responses
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
25 Nov 10
Yes.. I have two grown stepkids, although they are basically like mine because I raised them since they were 11 and 13. Anyway, I think as adults, people need to begin realizing that the world does not revolve around them. When people are traveling for holidays or inviting company, or deciding where everybody wants to go, there has to be give and take. I was just discussing that very thing with a friend of mine today. Obviously, the young couple who has pets and 5 kids SHOULDN'T be the ones who have to travel 3 hours and visit 3 different homes for turkey, right? Perhaps the grandparents in their 50s should be the ones who travel, because they have neither infants, toddlers, or possibly as limited funds as a result. I told my friend today that if all of our family lived within a mile of our house, I'd give two scenarios - either WE could host dinner at our home and everybody could come and bring a dish to share, and they all come to us - OR we would choose ONE place we traveled to to have dinner. We would not be driving 3 hours all over the state just to get together with family and/or friends individually. Not happening. We have a 6 year old and although she travels well, I do not think it would be fair to her at all to go traipsing around for hours JUST so everybody gets to see us. Again, I'd say 'come here, or we choose ONE place to go visit. If you want to see us, you are free to go THERE'.
I think that your daughter should have ASKED about the dog the very first time it was even discussed that she and her boyfriend/fiance were coming to see you. It's only proper to ASK. My daughter, the older one, happens to have pets too, and we told her she couldn't just come home and leave them here lol. She got kind of mad at me, but my husband is gone around 11 hours a day and I volunteer at my daughter's school, so I'm not even home a lot. My house would be torn up immediately by puppies if I had allowed her to bring them all.
To me she sounds like the typical young adult... not even THINKING about anybody else in the equation. Sometimes it takes awhile for people to get over that hump. I know we like to think that ends when the teens end, but it's not true, sometimes it spills over into the 20s and lasts.... she just wants what she wants and right now she doesn't care that she's 'being miserable' or that she's put you at your wits end. Just take a breath, maybe leave it alone for a day, and when you're feeling less emotional about it, you'll be able to figure out what you want to say better.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
25 Nov 10
Mommyboo You said it all! You know its funny because my hubby is always telling me not to play into her games. I just thought it was a dad being a dad. She never even mentioned she got a dog. That's a pretty big deal. I talk to her at least onece a week. I honestly think she never had any intentions on coming but she didnt want to be the "bad guy"(for lack of a better word). Within 15 minutes of the final decision, she posted on face book that she and her mother were going shopping for thanksgiving. She is doing a typical kid thing. Blaming the stepmother and playing mother and father against each other. Oh well life goes on... I must admit that I was hoping they would come. Alex would have loved t6o see them. Now Ive broke is heart. He would never tell me but I can see he is upset. Thanks for your response. Happy Eating! dl
@eurekafemme (5877)
• Philippines
24 Nov 10
It is difficult to discipline a daughter who did not come from you.... Much worse, as old as your step daughter. She has her own mind now and sadly, a rebellious mind at that...
It is no doubt why she has that kind if attitude and behavior. Most children from broken families are a little too difficult to handle because they have a lot of hang ups and issues.
I'd like to say, be patient with her and try to understand her but I don't think this will work. It seems that you have been very patient and loving to her and her brother long enough. She is already abusing your kindness and generosity.
The best that you can do is talk to your husband about her, not in a way, that will hurt him but only to make him see the situation so that he can deal with it properly, with you, of course.
Goodluck, dear. :)
@carolscash (9492)
• United States
24 Nov 10
I would just tell her that I was sorry that she wasn't coming and that I hoped she could make it next year. She is not a child and should not have to be treated like a kid. She is old enough to know that your daughter would be there considering she is 15.
She sounds like a spoiled brat and so I wouldn't worry about it much.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
24 Nov 10
hi delovli it sounds really hard trying to b e a goor stepmother to a 21 yr old girl whose not being very cooperative at all. I couldunderstand her attitude a bit better if she w as fifteen
as it would be teen angst but at 21 a girl should be more mature and not
stir up trouble like that. I think the old saying you can choose
your friends but you are stuck with your relatives is pretty true.
Maybe her mom could be to blame too
as she might not have been all she could be for the 21 year old daughter.
as she might not have been all she could be for the 21 year old daughter. 
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
23 Nov 10
Well, I can't speak on the dog issue because growing up everyone brought their dogs with to grandmas and they all slept in the kitchen upstairs whilst we had dinner. Just sort of the family thing because we are all dog lovers and wouldn't just leave our dogs uncared for. However, I can understand not having the room.
I don't know about the entire day after shopping issue though. I don't do the "black Friday" crazy shopping stuff. It's just simply a mess and I don't care to be a part of it.
It's too bad that things could not have worked out better for everyone involved. I'm sure that deep down she really wants to spend time with her family.
Namaste-Anora
@saigonwarrior (1331)
• United States
23 Nov 10
You tried. I would just tell her that you are sorry that she can't make, she will be missed, maybe next year and forget about it.
She is an adult, no one should be expected to take someones pet in for the holidays like that unless it is approved beforehand.
I would say just forget about and enjoy your holiday. If their father isn't trying then
there is your answer. He is happy with the circumstances. Things will come full circle and his children will want get in touch with him as they grow older.
I would send both children a card to let them know that I was thinking of them from time to time (the father) just so they know.
Good luck and bless you for helping the homeless!
@visavis (5934)
• Philippines
23 Nov 10
I think you done your side being a woman of your partner who care for his other siblings. I think they uses you to get something favor only for them... So I suggest don't give anything and discuss the matter with your partner.. I hope your situation will settle very soon.. take care... see you around
