We have a clingy, among other things, 4 year old!! Help before I pull a Britney!

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Hello Mylotters! I was wondering if any of you have honest-to-goodness advice about weening a 4 year old away from Daddy. Let me explain. We have a household of 7 kids, two adults and a dog. For the majority of the time, I have 3 of mine here and he now has custody of his 4 year old. She has always been clingy, and plays the "cutesy" card with the baby voice and all the annoying jazz that goes with it. I try really hard to ignore it, but the fact is, it drives me up the wall. She doesn't listen to me, she actually has bitten my 7 year old, hit me in the face with the broom handle and thrown her shoes at me. I spoke with her dad about this and he thought I was just picking on her until she bit him. We are trying to get all of this under control. I told him that I can no longer keep her when her mother or he isn't here, so we opted for daycare. Well, here we are about 4 weeks later, and I am stuck with her. She constantly tells me she loves me, (yeah she does, when she's about to do something horrible) and then hits me with her best shot. I try to correct her with time out, the corner, giving her toys a time out and everything under the sun. When he calls or comes home and asks how she's doing, I don't lie to him. He becomes defensive and baby's her and pets her and tells her "daddy knows how mean ro-ro is." Trust me I haven't even began to be mean. I am at my wit's end. I don't know where else to go. Right after he says that, or calls me a name---and he's caught her--she will mock a face at me or stick her tongue out or "haha ro-ro daddy said you're a c--t". That just happened the other day. He said that he should have corrected her but it was funny. Ummm....Maybe I am a bad parent, my kids are mortified by how she acts and they are upset that she never gets punished except by me and my 7 year old just asked why they aren't allowed to go into public when she's here. She said she felt like they were being punished because of how she acts. I don't know what to do. She follows his every word, movement and even sits outside the bathroom while he's doing his business. I stopped the whole sitting in the bathroom while he's in the shower thing because that's just gross, no matter what the child's age. Help please! I can't take it anymore.