please help me, i don't know what to do
By april_02
@april_02 (82)
Philippines
November 26, 2010 7:57am CST
this guy was my colleage at work.. we were working together for 3 years now & I love him for 3 years now. We were very close friends. And it came into a point that I cannot contain my feelings anymore and I confessed to him that I love him. He told me that all he could offer to me was friendship & he could not reciprocate my feelings. Its been 3 months now after the confrontation & we were even closer. Sometimes we spend 8 hours or the whole day together. Nothing changed between us. But when my officemates teases me to him, he gets angry and mad. He told them that we were just friends and they should not tease me to him. It hurts to know that this was his reaction towards other people. What does his reaction (getting mad) means? Does it mean that he really doesn't like me at all. IS THERE A CHANCE THAT HE WILL LOVE ME TOO IN THE FUTURE AND HIS FEELINGS WILL CHANGE TOWARDS ME? Should I continue hanging out with him? Do you think he will still go out with me if the time comes that he is starting to like another girl, or he will refuse to go out with me if that time comes?? Will that be an indicator that I have to stay away from him? What do you think? How could I help myself??? Thanks a lot! Hope you could advice me coz i dont know what to do now..
1 person likes this
7 responses
@fourjems08 (550)
• Philippines
26 Nov 10
Based on your story it is very clear that your guy friend doesn't love you the way you love him. Even after the confession you made to him he still didn't changed his feelings towards you. You have found a good friend because if he is not, he could have taken advantage of you knowing you had feelings for him. Better start learning to unlove him or you'll get yourself hurt deeply when the time comes when he falls in love to another woman.
@fourjems08 (550)
• Philippines
28 Nov 10
There are people who likes to be around with friends for many reasons. I have a guy friend back in college who visits me at night after visiting his girlfriend who is also one of our circle of friends. We talk until dawn but we are just friends. And the reason is because he said he wants to hang out with me. He's comfortable talking to me. There is another guy who also belongs to same circle of friends who wants to sit beside me in the classroom even and his girlfriend happens to be our classmate too. He goes with me wherever I go, he visits me home and calls me on the on the phone almost every night. No matter how I push him to spend time with his gf, he won't coz he said he wants to be with me. And I see no malice in these friends of mine when we are together. If I have feelings for them I would also be confused just like you and think that there is possible for us to be lovers. But I don't. I see them as real friends whom I'm comfortable with just like I'm comfortable with my girl friends. It could also be possibly the same thing with your guy friend. Do not expect too much. But I also see nothing wrong with your feelings. You can continue it and try to show him and make him feel how you feel for him. But ask him first if it's ok to express your feelings and tell him that you don't expect something in return (though deep inside you want him to love you back) and hope he accepts it. Then you can continue your friendship and maybe someday, who knows, he might really fall for you.
@Fireheart (683)
• India
26 Nov 10
It seems he clearly said that he dont love you and there is no use in trying again, if there is any love he would clearly say to you, but it seems he i not willing to share life with you, all you need to be is fulfill your friendship duties and no love, i once had the same situation in which one girl told me that she loves me even though she is been with me in my workplace as a friend i said no and that i can only think of you as my friend as it is, thats it.
@Fireheart (683)
• India
27 Nov 10
even i does that, hanging with my special friend apart from other friends that of course doesn't mean a think like love just a friendship likeness thats all. thats what i think.
@ganeshprabhuk (1722)
• India
27 Nov 10
I would suggest please speak to him and come to a conclusion. Just keeping to yourself will hurt you very much and by speaking you are clear enough to decide upon whether to continue or stop based on his response. At this point, please speak and take a clear picture of what he thinks about you rather than just hanging on for some more time. Also you say it is more than 3 years now since you are in love with him. Once he is clear than think as the circumstances arise.
@gracefuldove (1668)
• Malaysia
27 Nov 10
Well,let me postulate.What are the pertinent issues in this relationship. Looks like he wants to keep the relationship, "friendly". He also dislikes to be labeled. anyway,this person is definitely not ready for a relationship. He has a lot of growing to do. Have ever gone out with him on a working lunch? If you have you could know what his feelings are and whether he wants to grow the relationship further with you. If not,let him be.
Look for another person to love.
@sinaj292 (602)
• India
27 Nov 10
i think it is better to both of you to be a good friend for each other .... the other thing may lead to some problem with your life.... here you have to know this that it is not possible to live if both loving each other... then do you think think that it is an easy to live your life with the current situation.... so think .... and make a good decision with you life... this is one and only life .... so be alert.....
@toniganzon (72281)
• Philippines
26 Nov 10
When men say they are not into you, don't think that it means the opposite because it clearly means that they don't really like you. The reason why he hangs on to you is that he considers you as a good friend and he can't lose the friendship but can't go further with that. Maybe he thinks you're just one of the guys. The possibility of getting him to like you is very low and i don't want to give you false hopes. If you can stand being near him without getting hurt then do so, but if you think staying away from him will help you move on with your life, then stay away.
The decision rests upon you my friend but all I can say as of the moment is that he really is not into you!
@april_02 (82)
• Philippines
27 Nov 10
If I decide to stay away from him, I will stop hanging out with him, and it would mean depriving myself also of the happiness that I get whenever we're together. Would I be fair enough to myself if I do that? And do you think it would be the best thing to do, than to get even more hurt in the future when the time comes that I learn that he is starting to love another woman? What do you think?
Thanks for the nice advice.. =)
@ChibiCloud0921 (42)
• United States
26 Nov 10
well okay he doesnt like you but you two could still hang out together
