Must parents put a blind eye?

I would guess that if a parent sees their grown child behaving in such a way as to cause itself harm, they would feel the need to warn the child of the danger. I think that there is a point where anything they say will cause the child to do exactly what they don't want them to do, so care should be taken with advice to not do that.

I believe it is fine to voice your opinion, but you have to be aware that they don't HAVE to listen and the decision is ultimately theirs. I think it is fine to voice your opinion to your grown-up children because you would with any other adult you were close to (or at least I would). I am a grown-up child, rather than a parent and I have done things that my parents haven't agreed with and I have no problem with them verbalising that they don't agree with it but ultimately I have made my own decision.

Hi Eileenleyva, I have 3 children that are grown. I think as parents, we do have to let them go and grow and we have to trust that we have raised them right. We also have to understand that they are individuals and we are not going to agree with every thing they do. So I do think we need to use some discretion on what we speak up on. I don't think we have to turn a blind eye. I think it depends a lot on the situation really. I don't think it is a good idea to verbalize unsolicited opinions and wisdom onto them all the time. I mean we've had at least 18 years to impart all this wisdom onto them. Continuing to do so after they are grown and on their own probably won't be seen as helpful by them.

Based on what I've experienced in my own adulthood and also what my brother has experienced in his adulthood, I would say that the role that the parent will play when their children are adults really depends on the child and the child's situation in life. For example, I know that there are things that I am not an expert about and because of that I have turned to my mother many times and asked for her advice. Because of that, she is free to offer her opinion to my husband and I on many things. My brother and his wife on the other hand, do nothing but fight when my mother offers advice so she knows that with them, she needs to keep her thoughts to herself.

Hello there eileen! Although I've never been married and still in my early 20's, my parents have always taught me this and it really gave a big impact on my life, which is the clarification that even though we're all grown ups, they still have the obligation to speak up if they see anything wrong with what we're doing... I admit when I was still in my teens, it's really annoying how my actions were always questioned. However, their persistence on giving me advices on life has brought me to a conclusion later on that it's not them who wanted to be bossy and stuff, but it's because they care, and they really want me to have the best in my life. So that's the point I guess, being parents they still have the responsibility despite the fact that their children can already make decisions on their own but they can't deny that their parents know them better, more than they could have imagined so for me, parents should never put a blind eye on their children regardless of what age they are.

Parents should advice their kids. I'm a kid. I think that advices of parents are good for us.

I'd venture to say it should be somewhere in between the two! Perhaps leaning toward the keeping quiet however. I guess I feel if we provided guidance in their upbringing, they'll make some mistakes like all do, but will be and do ok. Unless it's something way serious and needs an intervention..

Hi eileenleyva, I have three grown children and I only give advice when they ask for it. Granted when they were nineteen and twenty, they came to me more often than they do now, and when they were that age I may have offered some unsolicited advice as well. Even when asked I make sure they understand that this is only my opinion and that the final choice has to be their own. Probably I'm fortunate in that they usually followed my advice. I'm sure that situations sometimes arise that are different from anything that I've had to face, in which case I may have done things differently. Blessings.

I don't think any of us ever get too old for good advice from others. I have always been one to speak my opinions so if i thought i needed to w/my grown childfren i would. I think it's the way u go about it that's important.

As parents, I think in your eyes your child is never a grown up. instead of contorling their situation, talk to them as if you would talk to a friend, I think they would appreciate better

I'm not a parent, but I think I would appreciate it if my parents spoke more of their feelings to me, as a child. They don't have to give me advice or what is right, but if something is bothering them, I'd like them to communicate it to me. Do you think this is possible as a parent or would parents just instinctively think of the "right" things to say?

Hi eileen leyva: I think that parents are wise because they have experience on life. When kids have grown up they can do whatever they want, that's ok but it's always good to hear what our parent have to say. That's what I usually do. If the boys just don't what to listen, if I was a father I won't say anything more on the subject because it's their right to take an advice or not even if I don't think that doing this would be the best choice. I think that our parents should be heard when they have something to say about a situation. ALVARO

Well speaking from the child's point of view I know the parents have to voice their opinion. I don't understand why but my parents always told me when they didn't like something or wanted something done different in my life. Of course they were right and I was thankful they told me their feelings and to this day I still want them to be able to voice their opinions about what they see happening in my life.

Well,eventhough they are in a legal age already it doesnt mean that you cant tell them that what you see isnt right. As a parent, you have the right to tell them your thoughts, but in a right way. Just guide them, they'll eventually see that you love them that's why your giving a piece of your mind.

Between the two of us, my husband and I have 6 grown children ranging in age from almost 40 down to almost 20. If we see or hear about something that concerns us, my husband or I will speak up about it, whether our opinions are asked for or not. Most of our children have children of their own and, if they are making bad choices, that impacts on our grandchildren so that gives us another reason to speak up. Just because your children are grown does not mean that you cease being their parent.

Hi Eileenleyva!. I think as a children I can say you can interfere but with correct way and speak to them the way you speak to you friend. I think what ever my mom said and maybe we are not always agree but thats not make us stop loving her because she is our mom. Merry Christmas to you and family.

Hi dear, In fact I don’t know how to comment to your topic. Few things what I fee is that we should be alongwith them just as a shade to their behind. Wherever they go, whatever they do, we should have to be with them. Though, we are around, let them do whatever they do, and let them speak, tell whatever they feel. But just being a guide we can be around them. In whatever age, if we are there just like a magnetic field, without touching them too much, they will enjoy the freedom and at the same time we will get their love and also. I am having my son of 14 years and daughter of 11. Till date, we all are good friends and at the same time having a great relationship with each other by our own positions. Just now my daughter phoned me that both of them got 1st prize for their working model exhibition in the school. I appreciated for that. Even though I guide them properly, they have done all background works and everything by their own. If we guide and love them with its own way, I think we will never lose our children in whatever age they are. Understanding each other is the basis. I have noticed so many children with variety of nature. The parental relation is having much influence on the character formation and many other things. Many parents have their complaints and cries about their children. Perhaps they are trying to do the wrong things at the wrong times. Thank-s

Hi Eileen, Always a delicate art, the art of parenting. What makes it more delicate of course is the changing ages of the children. What was an effective parenting strategy last year is now outdated and has no hope of working at the best and create massive conflict at the worst. The keyword now, when they are young adults, is tact and even extreme tact. Assuming you still have a relationship of respect, there is no reason that your children will not respect any suggestion as long as it is very tactfully put. If you are clever enough you can work the conversation so that they are the ones asking you for an opinion or help in a situation. So get your imagination working and conversation skills and do a lot of question asking rather than presenting opinions. That something that is not correct in their lives will gradually come to the fore during your skillful conversation and they will be the ones realizing it and asking for help. If you have 'trained' them through childhood anyway, they will know what they are doing wrong eventually while you both talk around the issue and come to the realization without you having to say directly. Good luck.

Im so happy to see that you are still with your kids while they had their own family too. I think you raised your kids like how you want them to be. Right now you walk in different ways. And its normal to see the things that you think went wrong with them. I suggest that let them do whatever it takes. Them when they ask for an help give them an advice. But its quite serious thing so you must tell them as soon as possible before its too late. Im so happy when my mom told me a lot of things about her. What happen to her when she was young. What happen to her in college days and so on. But still i respect all her opinion and follow her. But sometimes i answer her back to tell her my own opinion.

I think it's best that we be open with one another. This is what communication is all about. Part of loving someone is talking to them and trying to steer them in the right path, if they're really doing something wrong. These things still apply even if we're older!