Life is s'h'ucks if filled with thought of self^^

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We had no money for my college fees, my father's business went down on fire, our youngest sibling died, we were practically bankrupt...I was so depressed because I was thinking of only me...how hurt I was to lose the brother whom I showered my affections, that I could not have a college education, that I no longer have enough money to buy my caprices...blah, blah, blah and yak, yak, yak...I was so selfish I did not see my brother and sister's pain, I did not see my mother's anguish, or my father's broken confidence...and I lashed my pain at them and would not help them at all! It would have went on if I did not chance to find my sister's diary...I felt so ashamed of what she wrote there, and guilt-stricken because all is true, she wrote this line which struck me the most "my sister is selfish but she loved my brother so much, and now that he is gone she only loves herself, maybe if I was the one who died she'll help my parents recover because she wouldn't mind me dead..." I did not change overnight, actually I tried to forget what she wrote and dismiss it from my mind, but it keeps creeping back to my memory...I took a scholarship grant for college and passed(it was not on a prestigious university but I had no money to go to the city and the test was only in the province), upon seeing this my father felt guilty and decided to go back abroad, and he was able to support me through college in one of the most prestigious university in Cebu. I have patched things up with my brother and sister(I did not mention the diary to her though) and though I still think of myself and what I want, I consider their needs first and I have come to realize that being a little selfless is liberating to one's soul^^