Married Life
By rockydam83
@rockydam83 (846)
Italy
December 3, 2010 2:07am CST
I got married about 5 years back and now my life is a hell. Now i want to leave my wife but i cant do so. I have 2 kids and when i ever i think about to leave my wife i got so depressed that what will be of my children and what will be of my silly stupid wife. In my country and culture peoples dont think good about females who got divorced and no one pays respect to them and its so difficult for them to get married again. So i think that if i have done so she would be suffering for her whole life ahead. I am badly trapped in this situation.
So how is your married life going on. what do feel about divorced females and what is your society's common attitude towards such ladies?
7 people like this
32 responses
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
3 Dec 10
Hi rocky,
I really appreciate your attitude of thinking about the kids and their future. Yes, they need both you at this time (I guess they must be small in age) and mother’s love is important for them. It is not clear what the issue is going on between you and your wife. But I felt you wish to do compromises for your kids. Try to solve the problem with the help of some elderly caring people. Otherwise you can have an open talk with your wife. Communication with your wife in a peaceful way can solve many issues. I think you can do it.
All the best to you and your family. 
1 person likes this
@rockydam83 (846)
• Italy
4 Dec 10
I have tried to solve the issues many times but it dose not work. Actually i got married according to my parents wish and i love my parents but now my wife has major issues with my parents. She wants me to get separated from my parents and even dont realize that she got married to me and living a wealthy life just because of them. She should be thankful to them and to pay them respect but her attitude is not good with my parents and i dont want to leave them. I feel so much about her as well coz one thing i love her and 2nd thing is if she got divorced she will suffer alot. Well thanks for your reply just pray for me.
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
4 Dec 10
Hi rocky, You are not only a wonderful husband but a wonderful son too. Your parents must be lucky to get you as son. Yes, ladies are selfish on their hubby but they should realize that before marriage 'he' was a son, a brother etc. If your wife can adjust and understand the importance of your parents, then your life will be like a heaven. Definitely my prayers are with you always. Be optimistic.
@2004cqui (2812)
• United States
3 Dec 10
Your culture is so different from mine. I couldn't begin to help you with that decision. Here in the states it's a common belief that staying married for the sake of the children or wondering what it would do to the person you divorced is wrong. Everyone will be better off with a divorce rather than a continuing "living hell". However, before you make that decision I want you to do one thing. Think back to all of the reasons you fell in love with her in the first place. Then sit down and talk to her about your findings, without any interruptions. Take her to her favorite place and have fun. Focus on saving what you have. If that doesn't work, you really need to get out. Give her a great big chance or you will constantly be thinking what you did was premature. Most people here look at single moms as hard working people. Why they are divorced is of no consequence.
1 person likes this
@chrislotz (8137)
• Canada
30 Oct 11
I am sorry you feel this way about your marriage, especially since you have two young ones involved. I think that every marriage can be saved if worked on. But that is the problem these days. People just give up and don't want to work on it. Marriages don't just work, they take work to be good.
When is the last time you came home from work with a bouquet of flowers for your wife, or even just a kiss on the cheek when you get home. Women want attention and if women don't feel loved they don't give it back in return. So if you show your wife that you love her she will show you back and then you will feel loved and show her more that you love her. It is a circle when you think about it. You get back what you put into it.
In my country, Canada, a woman isn't frowned upon when divorced. It is very common here and most women have been married and divorced at least once or twice. A lot of women in my country have several children from several fathers and that's not frowned upon either.
I hope you can make a go with it and work on your marriage because we all deserve some happiness in our lives, including your silly stupid wife, not nice by the way to call her names. No wonder she isn't showing you any love when you think she is stupid, you probably treat her like she's stupid too.
Cheers and Happy Mylotting my friend,
Chris
@rockydam83 (846)
• Italy
2 Nov 11
Thanks for reply and I agree with you that in today's world peoples dont work on their relations. Every one expects from the other half to take good care and give love but never tries to return this kind of favors. I am doing it and i will try my best to never break this relation. Pray for me.
1 person likes this
@chrislotz (8137)
• Canada
7 Nov 11
I will pray for you but you don't really need my prayers. It sounds like you are trying your best and that's all a person can ask for. Good luck.
@jdyrj777 (6528)
• United States
4 Dec 10
Im so happy to hear that you are concerned of what would happen to your wife and children if you leave your wife. Sorry to hear you are not happy. Its true in many places that divorced women are looked down upon. Isnt there a way you can fix the things about your married life you dont like with out running away/out? The fact that you are concerned about her if you leave proves that you must still have love for her. Have you talked with her about your unhappiness. You need to work together to fix things. Its also true that things will not go ok with your kids if you leave. I give you much respect for standing up as a man to face things. I hope you do continue to do so. I pray that you two come to a better understanding. Ending in happiness.
Myself have been divorced. I had to raise my children by myself. It was not easy. Other man do not want to come in and clean up the mess left behind by another male.
@rockydam83 (846)
• Italy
5 Dec 10
Thats all i am concerned about (@ your last 2 lines) I still love my wife and i have compromised so many things for her and now she wants me to leave my parents for her and to stay someplace else and i cant leave my parents in their old age. The main thing disturbing me most is that she is not realizing that how much she will face being a divorced lady.
@jdyrj777 (6528)
• United States
5 Dec 10
Do you have brothers and sister that can also help with the parents? I understand your concerns about leaving your parents. She should be more understanding of your responsibilities. From my own experience i can say she will be sorry if she leaves you to be divorced. She should have understood your concerns about the parents before marrage to you.
@toniganzon (72517)
• Philippines
3 Dec 10
I'm sorry about what you're going through and I hope you can try to work it out with your wife. If it doesn't then I think you should leave her and have custody of the children if you believe you can be a good parent. I am a woman but I'd rather be free than stay in a marriage that gives me hell for the rest of my life.
There's no divorce in my country and even if we have, my husband and I are doing okay. 
@fl0rencia (414)
• Philippines
3 Dec 10
Hi rocky. That's not good to hear from you. Was the past 5 years really became hell for you? Have both of you and your wife consulted counseling? That's good that you have thought about what's gonna happen if you leave your family. You should really really think about it. Try to solve the marriage. Have you talked about it with your wife? What did she say about it? Is she really that bad?
1 person likes this
@ladylily29 (323)
• United States
3 Dec 10
I live in the US, and there is some that think badly of women that is divorced. It is usually older people. People tend to think if a woman and man divorces the man is ok and the woman is all wrong. Sometimes it dont even matter if the husband cheated or was abusive. I have been divorced three times and now married four times. My family thinks that I am awlful for getting married again the fouth time. My marriage now is so far get, though we have only been married since Oct 4th of this year. TIme can only tell if one can make it or break it. THis day and time there is alot that goes against a marriage such as the temptation of cheating. There are more ways to cheat now than there ever was. Now we have the internet where we can make friends and then before you know it there is flirting and other things going on. It really depends on the person I guess if they want to cheat or not happy in their marriage. I do believe a man and woman needs to be open and honest with one another and if there is a problem with the marriage, see if it can be worked out.
@rockydam83 (846)
• Italy
4 Dec 10
I still love her and cheating is never been an issue between us coz i am an honest person which she also admits but the main problem is that she dont like my parents now and i love them so much. She pays no respect to my parents and this kind of things hurt me so much. I wish you would be successful in your this turn.
@goldeneagle (6745)
• United States
11 Dec 10
It is more important for you to be happy in life. If she isn't making you happy for whatever reason, then you need to move on. It sounds to me like the reason you are still with her is because you are afraid she will be looked down upon in society if you divorce her. However, this is her problem to deal with. It is certainly not your problem, and you should not spend the rest of your life unhappy just because you are afraid she will have a hard time if you leave...
@rockydam83 (846)
• Italy
13 Dec 10
I cant just walk away by only thinking that its not my problem because i lover her. Hitler once said, dont love do only war because in war either you will live or die but in love neither you die nor you live.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Dec 10
okay silly st
upid wife wow rockydam you are angry because she does not get along with your parents, did you ever think of her side of it, that maybe your p arents are also not in love with
'your silly stupid wife. wow if I were called a silly stupid wife
I would gladly divorce you, what a thing to call a woman., Why on earth did you marry her if that's what you think of her? shes a woman and I would just bet you deep in your heart think of women as second class
citizens who have no rights but what you macho men bestow upon them If
your marriage is hell maybe if is for her too? get your divorce but if I were you I would let her have custody of your children. My marriage was great as the man I married thought I was a kind, loving woman,not a silly stupid wife. I never thought of divorce as we respected each other. no respect is shown when you c all her silly stupid.Our society here in the us is based on respect for women, married, single or div orce. we see wome as pretty equal to men. Maybe you should try some of that thinking for yourself.
upid wife wow rockydam you are angry because she does not get along with your parents, did you ever think of her side of it, that maybe your p arents are also not in love with
'your silly stupid wife. wow if I were called a silly stupid wife
I would gladly divorce you, what a thing to call a woman., Why on earth did you marry her if that's what you think of her? shes a woman and I would just bet you deep in your heart think of women as second class
citizens who have no rights but what you macho men bestow upon them If
your marriage is hell maybe if is for her too? get your divorce but if I were you I would let her have custody of your children. My marriage was great as the man I married thought I was a kind, loving woman,not a silly stupid wife. I never thought of divorce as we respected each other. no respect is shown when you c all her silly stupid.Our society here in the us is based on respect for women, married, single or div orce. we see wome as pretty equal to men. Maybe you should try some of that thinking for yourself.@rockydam83 (846)
• Italy
5 Dec 10
I respect your views and all womens of this world as well. Maybe you are right to say all this becoz you have studied my 2 words about my wife. Now let me clarify you the situation. My marriage was an arranged marriage and my wife is totally illiterate lady, my parents choose her for me and i got married. I was quite happy and compromised so many things being facing our educational difference and she is enjoying a wealthy life now. According to our culture we live together with parents and i always asked her pay respect to my parents but she never did so and always insist on staying alone and to leave my parents instead of being thankful to them that she got married in much better place then her own family. I give her everything what she asked for money, time and believe me my honest love.
Now talking about my parents, they are old aged and they need me. My father never interfere with anyone's business but my mother a little bit crazy and everyone knows its common that old peoples are quite crazy like little kids. I accept her every condition and asked her to stay calm and respectful with my mother. she only needs to adjust with one lady and rest of everything is according to her wishes and thats really true according to her wishes. Why she cant adjust with an old lady in reward of my whole life love and everything for her. I love her and this thought constantly hurts that if i divorced her she will face tough life and i dont want to put her in troubles.
I accept i used bad words and i should not to call her as this but i was quite frustrated and angry over her. I am sorry to you as well as my wife also but please try to understand my situation as well.
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
22 Dec 10
I am sorry to hear about your relationship problems. It must be hard to be trapped in a situation between your wife and your parents. My culture is different from yours, but I would also find it very hard to be in a situation where my husband was trying to force me away from my parents. I love my parents and when they get old and need me and I will help them any way that I can. I am very lucky because my husband likes my parents and I also like my mother-in-law. In my country there are many divorced women and there are women who have been married twice or more. The society doesn't look down on divorced women.
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
6 Dec 10
Well, sorry to know about it friend.
Here in our country there is no such divorce. This is good for me because I am against divorce. I respect the sanctity of marriage but troubles not avoidable which makes the two person being suffered from many disturbances in life...
I don't know what is your problem with your wife. But I appreciate how you handle the situation and appreciate your standing in life. That you think about the consequences of divorcing your wife...
Talk to your wife and explain something that can help the situation being okay. You did not emphasize what is the problem with your wife and I know it's a matter of private matter...
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
3 Dec 10
I just wonder why you allow 5 yrs before realizing you are living in hell.
Okay,you said you think about your kids,and their future.
You are also concern about your wife's reputation once you divorced her,
this only means that you still love your wife.
Maybe you can still fix everything,if you have come to lived with hell for 5 years,maybe you can still make it for another 5 years.
By then,maybe your wife will changed and your life will be like in heaven 
Why not sit and talked this matter with your wife.
have a great weekend
Why not sit and talked this matter with your wife.
have a great weekend@rockydam83 (846)
• Italy
4 Dec 10
All i can say that i lover her and my kids and i dont want to lose anyone of them but she never understands me. I want to live with my parents and she wants me to leave them for her.
@AjaySinghBaghel (5506)
• India
6 Dec 10
I am sorry to know that your married life is not going good and you are willing to go for seperation. As you are already concerned about your childrens and after divorce life of your wife, you said that she will not get any respect, so just for your childrens and wife, can you rething and try to solve the issues, I am sure after so long you must have tried to solve the conflicts, just invest some more time, may be you will get the way.
Thank You for sharing.
@dollarman007 (78)
• Philippines
3 Dec 10
I married about 9 years. I got court marriage. First 2 years i think same like you. I am always disturb from my wife. When My first baby born after that my mind thinking is going to change. I try to understand what my wife wants and also I share my wishes with my wife. It takes time but finally i am succeed after 2 year struggle. My wife is satisfied and feel very happy to live with me whole life and also me too. If your married life is going in bad way there must be a communication gap between you and your wife. You must built a very close and clear communication with your wife. This is the best way to live long as you want. I also recommend that its is compulsory that you share all things with your wife and your wife is also share anything she has in her mind. When your communications are in high level then there is no way to think about it that you wish to divorced you wife. Your married life entire changed. In this part of world, where i live. Women status in our society is very low. The major factor is commonly women stay at homes for whole life they don't have permissions to do work outside after marriage there are about 5% women who's husband agree to give permission do work outside. But If you have a good understanding with your wife then whole world is equal for you and your wife. Your understanding will help you to built trust. Divorce is always a bad way so try to avoid this way always.
@rockydam83 (846)
• Italy
4 Dec 10
I married her because my parents wants me to do so. You belongs from pakistan and can understand the circumstances. I married her to make my parents happy by fulfilling their wish. Now she dont want to live with my parents and i cant imagine to live without them. I lover but she is not ready to understand my love for my parents.
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
4 Dec 10
Rocky dont let it depress you my friend. You are not alone in this plight. We all have been in this situation in one way or another. Relationships sometimes dont work out. However, you are in a quandry. My parents got divorced in my twenties. They had separated throughout my childhood. I remember how I felt. Children are VERY aware of whats going on with their parents. Dont underestimate them! Staying together may be the worst thing you could do. Some couples end up being better parents when they are apart. I understand the cultural bias towards divorced women. Talk to your wife. See how she feels. Does she want to be married? Can you two work it out? How does she feel about getting divorced and the rumors that come with it? After you two get really honest with each other, I think you'll be better equipped to make decisions pertaining to your kids, your wife, your marriage, and most importantly YOU! Good luck and please dont make any quick decisions. After all there are children but there's also you to think about. Depression is no joke! Deal with it head on. Face it and dont let it rule you... Happy MyLotting dl
@Ritchelle (3790)
• Philippines
4 Dec 10
in my culture the situation is the same as yours. but that doesn't mean that just because divorce is allowed in a country married life is easier for those people. it's either the one who gets custody of the children oftentimes fend for them with the other spouse hiding or evading child support. sometimes because it is easier for them to get married again they end up with the wrong spouse that if worse comes to worst their children are physically or mentally abused by the non-biological parent. sometimes it also seems like they got themselves another child to take care of.
they say happiness is a state of mind. it is. unless you can make yourself happy without hurting anybody then no one can ever make you happy.
@funkeyguhl (1743)
• Philippines
4 Dec 10
hi there rockydam83, what if you try and talk to your wife? Be open about the things you see that is not making your relationship work, see how she reacts on that. She might be able to point out some issues that both of you might want to work out.
Getting divorced is a big decision to make and I think it is harder with your culture (I have a few co-workers that are from your home country). In a relationship, you should always try and make it work. You should not give up easily.
Hope this helps :)
@nangisha (3495)
• Indonesia
6 Dec 10
I think situation between your parent and wife must put you in hard place. I think you should tell your feeling to your parent and your wife. Especially your are in decision to divorce her because you can not hold it any more because you can not life with out your parent. Are you the only child in your house and why so hard to life without them. You can always visit them in week end or buy a house in one complex so you don't feel leave them to far.
I think your wife just wanna to have her own space and to raise her children in her own way. Its not fun to have no freedom in your own house.
@kaduna500 (53)
• Nigeria
4 Dec 10
Please let her go and find another responsible one, let her learn her lesson and don't care about her future since she refused to give you happiness so, find your happiness somewhere else, take good care of the children.
@titchy1231 (732)
•
5 Dec 10
well ive never been married yet. was with my ex for 12 and a half years which was way too long. stupidly i had 2 kids with him and the best thing i did was leave him. he treated and spoke to me like a piece of dirt and nothing i did was good enough. i am just so glad i never married him.
