Newbie needs love advice. :)
@melissa882211 (23)
United States
December 3, 2010 12:38pm CST
Hi! I'm new here. My name's Melissa and I just turned 22 in November. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months about a week and a half ago. There's a lot to the story, but, I'll only get to the parts where I actually need advice on. I'm having trouble letting go...Yes, I know it's only been a week and a half and it's normal not to be over it, but I just want this feeling to pass and to have some kind of closure with this.
One of the reasons I'm having trouble letting go is because I feel like not only could I change his mind about this breakup (yes, he's the one who did it), but because he doesn't seem positive. It seems as though he's sending mixed signals. Saying one thing and then acting a different way or doing something else. But, I'm also still in love and wondering if maybe I'm just playing tricks on my mind and trying to convince myself that a part of him still wants "us".
We "broke up" a couple weeks ago but we continued being around each other and talking about trying to work things out. We officially broke things off and stopped seeing each other and whatnot about a week ago. Thanksgiving. Since then, we've talked several times through email, text, over the phone, and once in person. There have been times where he was the one initiating the conversation and times where I was.
He says that he hates that we have to do this, but he still feels that we HAVE to. We had a rough couple of months where we didn't get along much. He said that I did a lot to hurt him and he started losing faith so breaking up was the only thing he felt was right anymore.
The thing I can't wrap my head around, is that if I were really done with someone and just didn't want anything to do with them, personally I wouldn't call them, write, reply or anything for any reason at all because I wouldn't care enough to. It doesn't matter what the reason, I just wouldn't talk to the person. He does.
I wouldn't act jealous still or like I had some kind of say so in what the person did because I broke up with THEM. He still acts this way.
We got into a fight last night over the phone and he said that we were done, that was that. And to just not talk to him anymore and to leave him alone. So, what else can I do but respect what he's saying he wants.
I guess what my question is to all of you more experienced wiser mylotters, is what's your take on the situation? If he tries to contact me again, do you think I should answer or just let it go? Any advice or opinion on the topic is appreciated. Thank you guys! :)
2 people like this
8 responses
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
3 Dec 10
Not a very easy situation here, sweetie.
Seems both of you still love each other, but both are to stubborn to give in first.
No offense.
Now you have 2 choices here.
Either you let go completely.
Get him out of your life.
It won't be easy.
OR.
Just sort out your differences, respect, trust and love each other.
That is the choices you have.
Luck.
TATA.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
3 Dec 10
Pleasure sweetie.
Do keep me up to date, okay.
Go take him by the hand or ear.
Sit down and talk.
You have to do this to know where both of you stand in this.
I am sure things will work out.
Remember life ain't moonshine and roses.
Volcanoes always spew, but that makes any relationship worth it.
@melissa882211 (23)
• United States
3 Dec 10
I plan on keeping all of mylot updated with this. :) He already knows I don't want this, but, I think I hurt him too many times or let him lose his faith too much that he's too scared or stubborn or whatever you want to call it to care. I guess only time will tell. :/
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
3 Dec 10
First of all, welcome to mylot melissa, I hope you enjoy this place as much as I do. Now for your question, that is tough. I do want to point out that you are still young and I know that that probably doesn't make a difference to you right now, but you do have many year ahead of you. Considering what I have been through and learn over the years, I'd say just keep moving forward and if he tries to contact you, remind him that he didn't want any contact and that you are trying to get on with your life. If he seriously wants to try to make it work, then he should say so and if he does, I suggest you give it at least a day or two to ponder on it before giving him an answer. If he pushes for an immediate answer, then there is a problem, for if he really loved you, he would give you the time you need..I hope that helps..
@melissa882211 (23)
• United States
3 Dec 10
Thank you. And I agree. If he really wants to make it work, he'll make it known. Until then, I'm living my life my own way. Thanks for your advice. :)
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
4 Dec 10
Hi Melissa,
Welcome to Mylot!
It sounds like he still has a lot of feelings for you and I'm sure he does. Sometimes we break up with someone because we truly feel it is the right thing in the long run for us and everyone involved. It doesn't mean that we don't care for the person or wish that it didn't work out. It just means the relationship is NOT working for us. It sounds as if this was as hard on him as it is you. I would say that the best thing to do at least for now would be to take time away from each other. That means no e-mails, phone calls, meeting in person....ZILCH! Give yourselves a few weeks off from each other and then see how you feel. Maybe once all the emotions die down then you will find you missed each other enough to work on things or you might find that you have moved on but can still remain friendly with each other. I don't see any of this happening if you continue to talk daily to each other. Good luck, Melissa!
@melissa882211 (23)
• United States
4 Dec 10
Hi, Sid. Thanks for your advice. I found yours to be especially helpful. I agree with the not talking thing. This sort of thing has happened to me in the past and I found that after not speaking for a couple weeks, things were way easier to handle. That night we got into a fight, a couple days ago, he told me to not talk to him anymore and to just leave him alone. So, I said fine and I wasn't trying to contact him. Then, as trite and immature as it is, he made some snide comment about me on one of my friend's post that I had commented on. KNOWING I'd see it. It makes me so mad. Not only is he acting like that in public and embarrassing himself, but he's going against, once again, what he says he wants. Which is me being out of his life. I just wish he'd make up his mind.
@visavis (5934)
• Philippines
4 Dec 10
Dear melissa,
Through your explanation you done your part and you and him trying to workout such relationship. In one relationship you never find perfect either from you or from other party having problem, so one point is in healthy relationship give and take is important, understanding and sacrifice our pride sometimes... In your case try to ask yourself first "did you still love him, care still him?" if these questions answered by your heartily you can know what is better asnwer when he call again. So meaning from your heart can answer your question, our is only suggestions, final decision is yours.... see you around
@melissa882211 (23)
• United States
4 Dec 10
Thanks, a lot. You're right. I really appreciate your advice!
@pancymavis (93)
• Philippines
4 Dec 10
Just let it go that is what only i think. but it still up to you just remember that every action that we made are having a consequences. but i still hope for the best of you.
@chelseabelle (197)
• United States
4 Dec 10
Breaking up is hard to do. If he's the one who wanted the break up you shouldn't contact him until he contacts you. Ask him if you two still have the chance at a future together and if he responds with a no, then you need to move on as painful as it is/may be you will eventually get there. You should listen to the relient k song called "let it all out" it helped me with my break up!
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
3 Dec 10
A long time ago a women told me that until I was completely ready it did not matter what others told me and suggested me to do with my ex-husband. He was so cruel and my insecurity wanted to keep my family together against all odds and all his womanizing.
So I live my life today, remembering what this woman said and as long as you are not completely ready nothing we say will convince you. This is not wrong sweetie, not one bit as the main thing here is that when you are ready to completely let go, if this is the case that you do once and for all. See when we leave our men and take them back they do not improve they actually take us for granted as they know that they will always be able to get us back.
So good luck to you sweetie and hope your decision is one you made and not simply to please him or anyone and that in the end you are happy.
@sunalightsky (1)
•
3 Dec 10
hi.
i'd like only you to listen to my advice and do your own way.
because no one can solve his/her problems but him/herself.
so i think every situation teaches us some lessons in this
world. the better students we are the happier we will be.
men are used to love by eyes (it's known) and women need another kind of attitude.
men aim to get women in most cases and they (men)try to
do as much as they can to obtain the woman.
first,i think you should respect yourself. second, i think no one can be happy
without a real love, which supposes sacrifice,forgiveness and readiness to lose
your beloved.if you try to have him clenched in your fist, he will squeeze through
your fingers and if you show him that you don't depend so much on him, his attitude to you will change i'm sure.i also would like to tell you that all problems we have are the result of the work of our imperfect soul. we should always be in touch with god (if only you believe)otherwise we are doomed to failure.we should pray for every success in our life and ask him to take us away from problems. and we should do it with a great belief deep in our heart. it's only my opinion.
@melissa882211 (23)
• United States
3 Dec 10
Thank you for your opinion. Everything you guys can give me helps and brings some perspective to me. What you said helps. Especially the part about squeezing him and him slipping through my fingers. I appreciate your input! Thank you!
