Husband with many internet lady "friends" and phone friends

I agree with comment 2. I am a man so I would like to talk in a man's view. I'm quite direct person so if you can't stand for it. Please just skip reading or if you read just don't overthinking because it's only just my opinion. 1. You gave up all your guy online friends doesn't mean he needs to give up his. However, I think it is ok for you to have guy online friends. Now, you have one again. It's me! See? It's really ok to have a male online friend. 2. If you dare to love, don't scare to hurt. Love and hurt are together. If you feel bad just speak out and let him know. (in request tone, not order.) Men don't like women to own them. Talk with reasons, not temper. 3. Love is trust. Why did you choose to stay or marry him? I'm sure one of the reason is Happiness, right? If you keep worrying something you don't know about it, you will be always sad. Stop it. Trust him until you found out you got cheated. Live happy everyday.....I don't recommend you to stay worried everyday while you stay with him. This is not a reason to choose to stay with this guy, right? So....should you be worry? The answer is NO. Have a good day! :)

I am with my boyfriend for almost four years and I know all his friends and what not including the ladies. I would not be comfortable if they called him and chatted for long but I trust my boyfriend. I would only be concerned if he's hiding it from you and if he doesn't let you read the conversations if you happen to come in the room and see it. I think if you both trust each other then it should be okay but I would want to talk to him though.. to see if you both can make a compromise.

ladylily29, I just cannot help but contribute a little from my limited confines. First of all, I feel that you should clear your closet and ensure that you do not keep any "rags" of your failed relationship(s). You see, whatever happened in the past is history and as all relationship breakups are multifaceted, you just cannot use the past or worse someone elses' as a yardstick. The pasts are lessons for us to learn and we need to have closure. Remembering them is just unfair to your current relationship, marriage, your husband and most of all to yourself. Trust is really the issue here and it is really fragile. But, mutual communications is always the solution and most of all helps strengthen a relationship. So, I do not think anyone should "drop" friends online or offline just to ensure trusts or even think that it will gain anything from our partners. Mutuality just do not work like that. I think another important thing to recognize here is that, we must know how to set boundaries outside our marriage or relationship where it sets apart or draw a margin between our casual and serious relationships. So, in this light I hope that you are not setting boundaries in your marriage when it should be otherwise. Lastly, there's nothing wrong to be fragile or show your weaknesses but you have to let them motivate you to share openly, so that your husband will have a chance to understand and most of all know how to support your weaknesses. It will also motivate him to open up to you. So, friends will always be friends and you do not need to give them up for anyone's or for anything's sake. Besides, you will never know just when you will need them or otherwise. Take care and have a nice day.

yes you should be careful^^ sorry to say this but even he had internet friends woman well he could like talk with them only sometimes and not like everyday. but sometimes yes bcs i can say that i have good friends boys in internet that even if i had a bf i wouldnt want to let them go bcs they were sweet to me but sure i would message them only sometimes and wouldnt let my bf any had doubt that is only him i want. actually my ex bf the boy i still love now we met online only yet and he knows i have other online friends but he trusts me^^ and i trust him too. try to trust your bf but be careful^^

I, personally, wouldn't feel very comfortable with my husband, or boyfriend for that matter, being friends with a bunch of random females. Especially befriending new ones while you guys are together. It's one thing to have an old girl friend that he still keeps in touch with through a marriage, but making a bunch of new ones seems wrong to me. I'm not saying you should worry about him cheating, but I definitely understand why you would and the way you feel. I'm sure you gave up a lot of male friendships when you got married just because it didn't feel right to you or because you didn't see any point to have them anymore now that you have your own husband. Why doesn't he feel the same way? I feel that if he was in your shoes, and you were having guys call you and making a bunch of new male friends, he's feel the same way. I would try to not worry too much about it, though, until he really gives a reason for that. Good luck! I hope you figure out this stuff and find the courage and words to talk to you him about how this makes you feel. He IS your husband after all. :)

I think you two should sit down and talk about how you feel. And most importantly try to trust eachother until the other persons gives you a reason not to trust them. Try not to relate this relationship with the other relationships you have had in the past. That was a different time and different people.

Hi Ladylily, Not knowing your boyfriend, this is impossible to answer. I am a woman and I have guy friends and I would never, ever cheat on someone that I am with to be with any of them. In fact, most of them have relationships of their own and our friendships never were anything other than just friends. I have been friends with them for a long time and would not want to give up the friendships and would think twice about any relationship that wanted me to. That being said, they are all very respectful toward anyone I am in a relationship. When I am seeing someone, they don't call the house as often, they would not randomly stop by for coffee without calling first, etc. They are considerate of HIS feelings and want to get to know him so that he KNOWS that they are not a threat. I do think it is disrespectful for these women to be calling your house and talking for long periods of time and it is just as disrespectful for your husband to encourage it. He should be introducing you to them and including you in their little circle. My very good friend, Don was in a relationship with a woman who at first felt very threatened by our friendship. I made a point of getting to know her and reassuring her that she had nothing at all to worry about.

Hi, From my opinion, your husband still can keep in touch with those woman mates,but make sure he is not going over that boundary since he has married with you and he has to respect you too. If he choose to flirt with them,then there is no point to marry such man and I believe you also don't want to be such man in your life. Of course, it is hard for you to control his movement,but try to trust him for once and be extra careful on his movement. If your husband really love and care about you, he should know what to do. He should have quit from those internet woman and go on with happy life with you. Actually both me and my husband got to know each other through internet. At that point of time, I did not know him well,only few years later,then we got chance to catch up again,then we went out together and slowly the chemistry built up. Then we went out for dating and it took me about a year to accept him as my boyfriend and we were dating for more than 3 years before we got married and build a family. Have confidence on yourself and takecare!

You shouldn't be worried about this. As you've said, they're just friends. You may aggraviate the problem if you overreact cuz it'll give him ideas you don't want to. Chill out.

I think you should be worried because he should take your feelings into consideration. Obviously he isn't doing that right now, and while I know it's hard to change some habits or give up friends, he should at least be showing you that he's making an effort to cut down how much he does it for you if he truly loves you.

Hi dear, You may be aware that such things are depend on person to person. From your explanation, he has several online friends especially many of them are females and out of which few are in contacts also. Like him, even I have a hundreds of female friends in various network sites. All are good ones and decent ones. That is why I told you all these are depend on the person who is in dealt with them. If he is only for just friendship, it is ok, now you need to evaluate his nature and behaviour based on his overall performance. If he is so much for of girls, he may like for more close relationship with some of the females out there. But we cannot predict only because he has online friends. Give him more love and attention by which you can bring closer to him. Also, you can openly ask him whether he is more interested in other girls or is it just like a time pass or fun. From his expressions and the way he talks, you can make out what is in his mind. After all, it is about a girls and boys and which has attraction in all respects. As being a good wife try to understand him and I think an open discussion and more love from you can resolve this problem to an extent. I know, none of the wife would not like such a situation around her h/b. That is the reason why most of the man do all such things without knowing by anyone, especially their wives. You don't go for any arguments and all, but nicely find out what is his intention and is he really in touch with them. Only your performance and timely behaviour can distract from such other girls and friends. All the best, Thank-s

When I hooked up with my ex bf, I told him to delete all his female friend's contacts and that he should not contact them anymore. He was furious and asked me why. I didnt tell him the reason but told him I would do the same as well. Though he did it, I knew he wasn't happy at all because he had lost his freedom. When I'm with my present bf, I don't have such problems at all becauE he took the initiative to do such things and never ever asked for fairness. Note the difference between them, I realize who is the one willing to commit and who is taking our relationship for a ride. Though I know love is based on trust, but they have to treat us with equal respect as well, when we are going to do the same for them.

hmmph well kinda hard to answer well but I wanna join in this kind of conversation.I met my bestie in the internet through other site then we added each other in Facebook. We never seen each other irl.He was my friend for two years now. He was my mentor and he is a very good person, we also fight but he knows how to patch things up with me when he done me wrong and likewise. I think it depends on the person. You can let him have a friend but be sure that his friends lives/resides far away from your country and most especially people who have no chance of traveling. Well why did I say that, because some women will really take time to travel just to see your hubby, and that will be a bit dangerous. Most cases of cheating will stem there, meeting up especially if they are consistent chat mate. We know that emotions will always be there because frankly we tend to open up to the people who rarely knew us and that would be a bit of disadvantage of having a lot of internet friends, because if they just live nearby your hubby can pretend he is sick but he is just going to meet up another girl he met in the internet or he can say that he is just going to a business trip but it isn't true. I think trust should be the foundation of your relationship. If you trust him and give him all your love I dont think any women can separate you both. He will cheat but he will come back to you.

Ladylily, I really don't think this is something to be concerned with you said that you met him online as well. You can't expect him to stop talking to woman online that are his friends because he is now married with you. My wife and I have an understanding. She has access to my facebook and my email and all this. If she feels that there is something going on that there shouldn't be she is more than welcome to check out my stuff. As far as lady friends on facebook or something just go ahead and ask him who they are... if he doesn't have a valid response or anything then there really is no need for them to be there. But if you see him going through pictures and you ask who he is looking for and he can tell you like a friend that lived down the street from me or something. Then you shouldn't really be worried about anything. People feel more comfortable talking to people on the internet. I think that as long as you trust him and he is willing to let you look around and see stuff openly not try to keep it all hidden then there shouldn't be a problem. My honest opinion is your are overlooking the fact that he comes home to you at night. As long as when he is in bed with you he doesn't act like he is sleeping with other people smell like he has been sleeping with other people, or anything like that then there is no issue. If you start to notice changes in his behavior then you may want to do a little bit more investigating. Typically when people are cheating there is something that is going to change. It could be a tiny little detail but something usually does!

If I were in your shoes I would surely be bothered too.And I do believe that most women are more devoted in relationship than men.Like we can easily sacrifice important things and people in our life for the sake of our marriage.Well if your husband is honest enough to let you be aware of his conversations and topics with his friends especially with the ladies then I think the best thing you can do right now is to increase your trust on him.Give all your best as a wife and his partner in life that he will say to himself he will be the foolish man ever if he would still cheat on you and lost you.

You should not be worried unless he starts hiding things from you. He may simply get along better with women then men in general. No one should have to give up any friends when they get married- male or female- unless the friendship is not healthy to begin with. I strongly suggest that you start marital counseling with your husband as soon as possible. If there is cause for concern, counseling can help the two of you get through it.

I think you should have talked to him about your views on this issues before you marry your husband. Just be confident and it doesn't mean that your husband will cheat you because you were cheated before. Focus on your relationship with your husband and trust him. Develop an open relationship with him.

My friend had that problem too. Her husband constantly told her that they were nothing but just friends. My friend and I don't understand him. Later on, my friend talked to her husband and he understood her. He took a break. He tried to strengthen his wife's trust and so he tried to avoid contacts with his friends. Now, they are good even if he still have his female friends. He does what he do openly and even get my friend involved in all his activities. As for being a woman, we normally feel this insecurity since you have that previous experience. But I guess, there is nothing to worry. We just sometimes exaggerate things and it leads to an unhealthy relationship.