how to work things out after a major fight
By nikramos
@nikramos (698)
Philippines
December 5, 2010 7:36pm CST
taking from the discussion i had about him asking me for sexy pics, now i really wasnt able to stand whatever happened and whatever was said that i decided to take time off without him. its been 3 days since i told him i dont want any communication for the next days so i can think things over. i told him i know what i said, i wont take them back and i never regret having said them.
in the hopes of wanting to make things work with him,im thinking what i should do. to my surprise im not missing him yet... and there's not one thing that came in mind to convince me to finally speak with him again. maybe im still angered, im not sure. but in my heart i know i really want to patch things up with him. he told me last time we spoke that nothing changed and he still loves me and will wait until im ready to speak with him again.
i want to be back with him as soon as possible but i think im not ready yet...
i want to know what should be done at this time.
maybe he caused me too much hurt that at this point it wont be easy for me to forget.
how do i make things work out with him now?
3 people like this
5 responses
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
6 Dec 10
You mentioned he hurt you, so my suggestion.. I do see that you want to get back together with him but you are not ready.
So again, my suggestion is that you do not initiate the getting back together, allow him to come to you, then this way there is room for conditions within the relationship.
This would be my advice as from my own personal experiences, I can say that I never allow the time for my ex-partner to realize the severity of why I was upset and simply getting back together after I tried to stand my ground, he sort of took me and the relationship for granted, and never truly understood why I would be upset.
Good luck, this won't be easy if he is stubborn and does not initiate the getting back together intent.
@nikramos (698)
• Philippines
6 Dec 10
but i asked for time to to be away and think so shouldnt it be me would go back to tell him we're ok? because he said he will just wait until im ready to speak with him again...seriously i dont need any explaining from him now and i just want some quiet time away from him...
im stubborn, he's more stubborn. so this is what happened.
2 people like this
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
6 Dec 10
A women told me this years ago and I have never forgotten her words, I can hear them every now and again. I was having so many problems with my ex-husband, long story, but he was no good at all.
Any ways the woman told me that nothing anyone would tell me would ever convince me to leave him, and that nothing I did was ever wrong. She said that when I was ready I would make the decision and let him go. She said never leave him if you are unsure as you will be going back and forth and that my ex would take me for granted and never understand why I was always so upset with him.
She is right. Do you know it took me 12 years to FINALLY, let go of this so awful person. But you know one day I said I had enough, and well I never looked back.
Moral sweetie if you want to get back together with him, absolutely no one has the right to try and tell you, that you are doing the wrong thing. You will know if you need to let him go for good. When you do you will never regret as you will know in your heart and mind that you tried your best.
Just one piece of advice though, please do not allow the back and forth to go on too long, you will blink one day and huh, 12 years will go by and then you can't get them back.
I so wish you good luck with this whole situation, but let me tell you, I FINALLY.. LOL, have a good man, I did not think it was possible and or that love would meet me one day.. So it is possible for anyone.. 
1 person likes this
@nikramos (698)
• Philippines
6 Dec 10
aww...
was having mixed feelings with your story.
had a thought that saddened me and i couldnt convince myself that i deserve to be treated badly. not only has it happened once and there's a whole lot more beyond our story that made everything hurt a lot like hell for me.
i just hope the higher being would help me get tired of everything and finally make me decide whats good for me because as far as im concerned, im all about giving ourselves another chance. and i know if my mom knew of everything, she wouldnt approve, not a bit.
i just want peace of mind really... but i told myself after all the thinking i'll be doing for the next days, this will be the last time that something as bad as this will ever happen again. if it happens that he does something that will awfully seriously upset and hurt me again, i wouldnt think twice breaking it off with him.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
6 Dec 10
nikramos as you are not actually married to him and seeing he
has tried to push you into something that was not for you, I wou ld let him cool it for awhile. He has not shown the deep love that would stop him for making you do anything you disliked doing; let him suffer
for awhile and he may get the idea he was in the wrong.
1 person likes this
@nikramos (698)
• Philippines
6 Dec 10
i hope he can admit for once he's wrong.
i just want him to realize what wrong he did.
i want him to miss me and realize how much i mean to him.
but then i fear that he wouldnt- which is something im not ready for when i decided to take some time off...
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
6 Dec 10
Having a fight with the one you love can leave you feeling discouraged. You don't want to leave things the way they are. You don't want this bitterness and anger between you. it could destroy what you have together.Anything you can do to bridge the gap and get back to where you once were is a step in the right direction, You don;t have to do something huge and grand. the smallest endeavor could bring you the greatest rewards.
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
6 Dec 10
Hi nikramos,
Things are getting a bit simpler here and I am happy for you. In my view there are two things that you should always remember - 1. You are an individual first and have your own Identity. So you have to be the way you are. (that said, it means No if you dont want to do a thing that doesnt come easily to you or if you dont want to do it). 2. The importance of someone in your life is true but there are times when you cannot fulfill each and every desire of the one whom you love.
These said, the simplest way to start afresh is - forget everything that has happened and go back to start afresh. If this discussion comes up again, tell him your reasons and he should accept them (in case he is not having any other intentions).
Remember - You Cannot Satisfy Everyone Around on the Planet and there are times when you have to Say A NO. That helps many a times.
Cheers,
theSids.
).
Thanks for you appreciation, and I am happy for you. @nikramos (698)
• Philippines
7 Dec 10
i was taken aback by how your words were delivered. very clever. and sincere.
i can sense that if you were to tell me all these in person, you might make me tear.
i had the liberating feeling that somehow i know what i did is right.
thanks thesids. this means a great deal to me
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
6 Dec 10
nikki you need to be direct with him and asking him what he wants to do. you already showed you love him, you already waited for him more than a year right? sorry im not so sure about the exact time you are waiting but that is too long. you are so young and for last days we talked 3 years waiting for him is too much. he has to stop giving excuses and be with you or be with his stupid nonsense life but at least you have the right to have a guy besides you that loves you. if he really do love you
when he sees that he loses you if doesnt go to you then it means he really loves you but if he cant leave his life behind then it means you are not his priority. love is about mutual sacrifices and cant be always you sacrificing yourself to understand him. he also has to understand you. so you should be direct and ask him or he be with you or he be with his life and is up to him to choose. you already waited enough time nikki so no regrets for you. and if he lets you go it just means that he never really loved you bcs we cant let go someone that is our true love. thats for sure.
@nikramos (698)
• Philippines
7 Dec 10
ouch!
i know exactly whats happening but i choose not to entertain the idea because you know what, i just want us to be ok... im tired of arguments and this is not something i dont want our relationship to be filled with.
it just makes me sad. and everytime i remember what he told me when we fought, i feel like i want to shut myself in a room and just cry, it just means im stil not ready to speak with him. i plan to get back with him when im over the hurt.
