how to forgive...

Hi beve, welcome to mylot We are human beings, it is common to for us to do mistakes, that may hurt people, telling sorry is so formal, but that can never cure the hurt feeling, better we should be careful not to do mistakes.. I never had any love affairs, so no question of hurt or disappointed in lov, but I can never forget the persons who have hurted me in other ways LOL.. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings LOL. Professor ‘Bhuwan’. . God bless you. Welcome always.

First of all I would like to say that the task you're up to is really a difficult one. To forgive a person you need to go beyond all human limitations. That's why they rightly say, 'to err is human, do forgive is divine'. Forgiving someone needs strength beyond measure. How to get this strength? This is necessarily a mental strength that you gain from wisdom. But first of all you should analyze the situation. You have to understand that everyone, including you, has weaknesses. Everyone as a human being makes mistakes. Read http://www.bukisa.com/articles/348782_why-do-people-behave-badly to learn about the psychology behind bad behavior. You have a certain limitations, so has everyone else. So you shouldn't be mad at someone for something that you yourself possess, that is the weakness. Different person reacts differently depending on the situations. The cause of all these behaviors can be traced back in one's social background. You need to understand that none has the power to hurt you unless you yourself allow them to. Someone may attempt to hurt us, but what if we just refuse to get hurt? The more you meditate on this idea, the more flexible and forgiving you become. In reality, you never get hurt, it's just your ego that gets hurt in it's collision with the external world. Let go of your ego. Read http://www.bukisa.com/articles/412942_how-to-let-go-of-ego and try to follow the instructions given there. As your level of ego reduces, you'll find yourself more relieved and composed. With ego going down, you become more indifferent to external factors. None can infiltrate your castle unless you have a unnoticed weak spot on it's outer wall. Strengthen your own castle, reinforce your own senses. That's the only thing that can make you invincible.

I think the best way to forgive is to try and put yourself in the shoes of the other person. To try and think of things from their perspective and what they might have been thinking. Of course that is something that is really hard to do when you are torn up by the things that have happened in your life. It is hard to think of things in an unbiased manner and try and return to the things the way are. The best healer is time when you really think about it. Over time, wounds tend to heal, at least somewhat. Of course, if it is a really deep wound, it is going to take a lot of time. It is just best to step back before trying to think of it beyond what happened. Then when the time is right, prepare to make that first step to mend what has been broken. Hopefully there can be some bitterness eliminated, although that might be too much to hope for.

Forgiveness is very hard, especially if the other person is unrepentant. I been hurt deeply by a family friend, and am still dealing with the consequences of her actions, and probably will be for ten years. If the person is repentant, it'll be easier to forgive (though I admit not easy!) but I suppose in either situation/scenario what's done is done, so how are you going to deal with the situation is the only thing you can do, since we can't change the past. Time is a natural healer, but it all depends on how self-aware you and the other person are. For example, if you keep dwelling on it, it'll take longer to heal. However, if you take step to correct the problem, at least on your end (I done this in my own situation) then Time will heal more effectively. It's not a sin to hurt, it's a natural emotion. To push it down and bottle it up will only make the situation worse. Your emotions need to heal,, so letting it out is healthy physically and emotionally. *hugs* hope all is well, sis :-) Hang in there.

When I am trying to forgive someone I first try to think of what it was that they did to hurt me in the first place.I think if it was intentional or if they were having a bad day and just blurted out something without really thinking before hand about what they were about to say.I forgive just about anyone that does something wrong against me as long as they feel truly sorry and apologize to be up front and admit they they did something wrong.I have no bad freeing about those people , its the ones that never apologize and continue to treat me in the same manor even after telling them that they are upsetting me and doing something that I find offensive or wrong or both.

I tell them I forgive them and then I never talk to them again. That way they can never say or do anything that makes me wish I hadn't forgiven them and if we bump into each other in the future, we will still be on good terms. I normally find it very easy to forgive people though, as long as they apologize without a I am a bit of a grudge holder though, so these approaches may be tailored more specifically to me. Also, the specific context is also very important. I feel that it is far easier to forget about things than stress about them. I would much rather forget. However, if the thing the person did wrong to me, then I can carry that anger for a very long time. I guess I am not really qualified to give you advice on this, but I can give you perspective, perhaps. Good luck =)

That's a tricky one! For me, first of all I have to choose to forgive, because it is a choice. Then, I think you have to make sure you aren't going to throw this thing back in the persons face if you have an argument in the future. I definitely think you have to work out how the betrayal has made you feel. Maybe write a letter - but not necessarily give it to the person - which can help you to identify specific ways in which you've been affected by their actions. Good people do horrible things sometimes, then regret them later. So I think it's important to point out to them how they've hurt you, but acknowledge that you know they're a good person usually. Also to allow them to apologise and make it up to you in some way. Finally, keep reminding yourself that just because this person has behaved badly once, it doesn't necessarily mean they will again. Good luck. I hope it all works out.

The best way to forgive a person is when you can help the person change and see the change in him

I think forgiveness is always good, especially when the thing the person did to you does not hurt anymore... We all do mistakes, and most people do actions that they regret themselves... but the problem is sometimes they feel guilty about what they did, and they want us to forgive them... they are usually careful not to repeat their actions...thus forgiveness is always good...^^