I Need To Know

True if you are not ready to hear comments from the other side of the coin, don;t start the discussion at all. If you want to hear only pleasant things, you should have entered a caveat at the beginning of the post such as "only positive comments please, and by positive those that agree with me." But really, myLot is about discussions, if don't want to discuss the topic, don't start one or don't join one. If the whole post is deleted it would be troublesome for the members that exerted their effort to help you. It is really a sad thing, given that myLot is generally a good community.

Absolutely and I agree as I remember the one particular person who was really rude, I in turn have thought about it from time to time and know what it means to listen carefully and pay attention. I have interacted with a great many members here, who not always agree with everything they read, these people are very loyal and if the initial poster would read very carefully they could actually see that they are getting good advice sometimes.

Thanks for responding. Basically I was a bit perturbed by the originator poster detailing in a comment box above me that she is asking to have the entire discussion to be deleted. There were several responses with great valid points, including the one where the original poster got all rude. My thinking is if you do not your life displayed then don't spew too much where you might get your feelings hurt. When I first started I did one personal post. I received well over 50 great responses as they all gave some great advice. I had one or two who were nasty to mean you know what, they do not live with me or change will ever change who I am, so I thanked them kindly for responding to my post and wished them well and I moved on. As my character took my whole life to develop and will not allow one online person change it. But that taught me that unless you are ready to hear the truth you should not post personal discussions on an open forum as not everyone is the same or has the same thinking. But I am very grateful to all members on here as I have great interactions daily.

"What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?" LoL, they bump their head and then no one can help them, as they get back up and beg for more thumping. It amazes me to see how many passionate opposers continue to fight on a daily basis, my first thought is geeze this person does not have a life. I can understand the relaxing part, but what does that have to do with the person intentionally asking for thumping. So my best advice is do not start discussions that perhaps you are not prepared to hear reality. As the one particularly that prompted this one was a member living off welfare and had the gull to come on hear and rant about other working people who cannot afford to buy expensive things like the member can. Well what do you think, hello, the worker pays bills and taxes towards your free money, so why do you think that you are able to buy the luxury that you do. hehehe.. it was quite entertaining to see the battle really. As the poster was in my opinion nuts to think that the world would agree and not a single ranter would slip by. LOL.. thanks for the laughs as I recall that discussion as not only did she request it to be removed the member also pick a best response. LOL.

I agree, HWG. The Internet should be 'water off a duck's back' to the Internet-user ... they ought to approach it with almost the same 'suspension of disbelief' that they are said to use at the movie-theater (except--instead of 'not actually happening'--the things are 'happening outside of one's own reality'---they're more like 'dreams' than actual action.) Of course, the line between realities here is less-sturdy than that between IRL and in movies---as seen by people using various social sites to bring about events IRL (reunions, meetings, parties, etc.)

Ms. Hately how dare anyone say you are lying about something you yourself have lived. That in fact is completely a personality issue on behalf of the other person. I am very active, as you and we can see the patterns on here and they are no exception to off-line people. I don't get that Ms. Hately, don't we all truly have a lot going on off-line to simply allow on-line members to take us out of character. Hmm.. have to wonder if they do not have much going on in their lives to truly cause ruckus. When it comes to these types of discussions, I find members can't see past the first sentence, if only the read the entire comment to it's entirety they would understand that there is something there that they could actually learn. You are a very valuable member I would welcome a response from you as you do share a great deal of wisdom.

I so agree krajibg, I am one that if an opposing comment is place on my own response and or post, I will re-read that comment to try and make sense from it. I find that there may be some ring of truth in that opposing comment and we are not so infallible that we cannot learn something new. However there are times that members views I cannot digest, but! As courtesy for responding I will thank that member for their point of view, wish them well and move on. No member online will ever change my character. It took me years to ascertain the character I own.

She is around sweetie, just a bit busy. Where are those i need to whip then?

LOL.. I will make sure to flag you down when I see the whip is so necessary. It is funny how a member started this discussion and when another member replied with the title of the post the member got all rude and nasty. Did she not know she was reading her own post. That discussion is going on my 2010 wall of shame. It was quite entertaining actually as the initial poster was truly upset with herself.

Yup and that whip of yours should be lashing out a bit more. I have seen a great many discussions and wondered now where is that whipping girl.

My thinking is that I have enough going on off-line, why in the world would I allow anyone to deter my character online. It does happen on any site, but also I think members need to think there started discussions a bit more before they start them and maybe not post their personal lives as if there is something there you do not want the world to see then do not post it. I see you are fairly new so a very warm welcome to you on myLot stevieboi19

yeah its true people need to realise what they are posting can be debated and they really should be more open to different interpretations. thanks I thought I'd give mylot a go its something to do in my spare time.

You will like here, as I really love it.

This brought instant memories of a member who a while back got banned from myLot. Although in this instance though it would not have been the reason for banning. But I remember it clearly, that a discussion starter, started a personal topic and one that perhaps should not have been placed. One had to be very open-minded to participate with sites, like myLot. Although I must admit that myLot is the most civil from what I understand. But anything we post we must always remember that not everyone will pamper and or agree with what one posts. Personally if I get to know a members persona and defensive sides I rather skip their discussions as I don't come here to add any stress then I already have offline. myLot is my second home away from home and I won't torture me this way. But anyways back to the topic, sadly the member was told the absolute truth and the member got very defensive, perhaps because it hurt. Rather then ignoring the response she chose to attack back, however the responder was not about to allow this either so it got a bit ugly. So what did the member end up doing, requesting for the discussion to be deleted. Tisk, tisk as the guidelines say we must carefully think things through and preview before we post participation here. So the bottom line is that how fair is that to the others who responded to the discussion? Not fair at all.

Normally they are not opposing discussions, but most times the poster gets defensive and causes the member to comment to come back and re-clarify, but by then the original poster is way too defensive and gets nasty. I do not ever enter debating discussions, as I will not allow any online members to change my character. But I am one of the members who gets points deleted simply because the initial poster decides they want the discussion deleted. Oh and vonmac.. I am so active I can't help but be under you most times. LOL

ahaha.. nice try vonmac.. too funny really.

@bis-keep on dancin my son!

ahem!

@Opal, I am very active on here and am able to see a great deal. I do not get it sometimes. I laugh so hard daily and anyone in the same room with me while I am myLotting knows how much I am enjoying myLot because of my out breaks with laughter. Reason why I laugh so hard is that most bickering on here is mainly because the initial poster reads the first sentence and then can't see past it. I do a great deal of reading and when it comes to some of the bickering, after reading the response there is some ring of truth there and if only the poster read it in it's entirety they would see that we are not so old to learn something there. When I get emails about discussion that were deleted, knowing they were not violations, it does upset me to think that they are deleting their discussions, so why do they start them to begin with. The discussion that prompted this it was clear that the initial poster got defensive and then became nasty. So the poster clearly stated I asked admin to delete this discussion. I was upset as I and so many other members poured our hearts out with some great responses and so now we lose our efforts just because she did not like a members response, not fair. Well it is members like this later that wonder why people do not respond to them. @getbiswa...I am smiling with your dance moves.. I so love your avatar.

hardworkinggurl- It's definitely something I admire about you is that you always respond regardless of your belief or thoughts on the topic at hand. In this particular discussion I've been watching others post and I think we need a gentle reminder that when a person decides to share their intimate life details online in a public forum people are going to respond. Some will agree, some will not agree, but every single one who responds will be giving their opinion. To become upset that another does not like your lifestyle, or to claim that someone shouldn't respond in the negative is a bit unfair. If one did not want comments about their personal life one should not have shared it. Now, in reading the discussion after I had already posted I noticed that you mentioned this was in response to someone who was asking admin to remove their post because they didn't like the direction the conversation had taken. I think I know which thread you are speaking about and I made my comments directly to that post that it was not just hurting the originator but all of us who took the time to post. I know that you are a lot like me and will post long responses because quality and quantity go together on this site. People need to keep that in mind when starting a thread. I also noticed you spoke about ranking members negative simply because one is mad at the response. Well, be mad all you want is what I say but don't break the guidelines and read them. The guidelines clearly outline that our rank effects our star number, and our star number is figured into their formula to pay us. To simply mark one negative because you dislike their point of view is wrong. If they were out of line such as using racial slurs or the like then simply use the report button and let their remarks be removed. Now, in the past I've noticed this doesn't always work. Sometimes for whatever reason threads remarks and all will stay up, but if you stay the bigger person these sorts of people are eventually seen for what they are and will fade away from the scene. Bullies seldom stay where there is no attention for them. Namaste-Anora

Oh Anora I see it everyday where a member posts a discussion and someone posts an opposing response. Personally the response most times is warranted, as my thinking is why do you spill your guts out on here then expect the world to agree, huh?? The guidelines specifically says, just because a member does not agree does not mean it is negative, as this makes for a great quality discussion. So rating the member negative actually hurts the poster's rating, if only members understood this. My thinking really is that a poster can simply not reply and or if the poster does and it gets out of hand then report the comment box as abuse. But why then remove the entire discussion, when many members have poured out their hearts applying great responses. I like your responses, because sometimes they really make me think of matters in a different life. We are all humans and not agreeing assists with learning something new. If I ever get a negative or unagreeing response, I always thank the member and wish them well, as courtesy not to overlook their response and then I move on.

Oh, thanks a lot There is another thing that I started as a tradition in myLot. Before I came here none used '@' to address participants. I kinda implemented from my earlier chat experiences. Now it's a great success. We all have styles. If any of it proves to be of great use, then it will become a vogue. I usually allow different, often opposing ideas to flow inside my mind. I know I may have some unfounded, fixed beliefs, which needs to be removed or modified. I am ready to learn from everything I see around me. Sometimes it's just a battle between thesis and antithesis where the most logical and strong one always survives.

The @ thingy is a great thing to have started, it certainly addresses and compliments. So thanks for that. Battles is something I simply do not participate with myself.

I have to admit, I do at times feel hurt by an opposing comment, but you know what I read it again to see if it is me being so sensitive and or irrational. I would never allow my character to change on behalf of a on-line member ever. If in fact the person opposing comment is negative I am one to Thank them for responding, wish them well and then move on. I gave the member the courtesy of having responded. I will tell you a secret; when I first started on here I always noticed your God blessing in almost all your responses, well my friend I learned something from you. That we are not that infallible that we cannot have our own opinion and still wish a person well with blessings. So thanks my friend for teaching me well.

See my friend I have enough offline to allow any online member to change my character. I have been through a great deal in life so why would I allow an avatar, upset me. Some of these members do not get that part

When I know in advance that a discussion is going to lead to negativity I never respond to those types of discussions. I am one that avoids negativity, online and offline. But then like you when I get emails that a perfectly great discussion was deleted I wonder why the member got the discussion deleted. I do not understand why members do not think their personal discussions through first before posting them. Surely they have to understand that in open forums, not everyone will agree and well sometimes there is something in that statement that perhaps may have a ring of honest truth. Members should truly take some of that into account and perhaps something new may be learned. But I have seen it way too much, instead they come back with yet negative defense. It is unfortunate but what can we do, move on and hope our wisdom can help others.

Absolutely surely we have to understand that online and offline we will not have everyone agree. I mean do we really get nasty and rude when a good friend offline opposes our response, I wouldn't think so, I think that if we value a friend offline sometimes we actually learn something. So you are right, opposing responses actually make for great detailed discussions. I have a friend on my member list here, who she and I go through long details when it comes to my discussions and or hers. We do not always agree. I think that she and I get along great as we both learn something from each others post. I have come to really respect this member, as I will re read her responses, and although I was a bit defensive in my thoughts, after re reading it there is truly a great deal of sense to her responses.

im glad you realized what i want to point out. its really okay for you to be defensive cause me too i cant avoid not to be defensive and it will really make the discussion more interesting to discussed!!

I don't think I saw this discussion you are talking about but I also think that it's funny that the poster got defensive over her own writing, LOL! I don't see how anybody can do that.

I feel we all some form of sensitivity to us, it is how we handle the opposing opinion. I also agree that it does draw some interest as if members would read the entire statement to it's entirety they might really see what the person is trying to say. I find that some members read the first sentence and get so wrapped up in their thoughts that they do not see past the first sentence. This is what prompted my discussion as I noticed in a discussion that the member did not say anything negative at all, the member simply stated a true fact and then the initial poster could not see past the first sentence. You want to know something funny is that the first sentence was actually the posters own title of the discussion. So funny, the poster got all defensive over her own writing.

Very well said and I so agree... LOL.. not just for the sake of the discussion but because you have stated it exactly how I have been feeling and sensing that things around here go at times. A great many members on here with that one line at the end, Do you agree with me? Already tells me that they only want agreements. Well I don't agree with everyone all the time. The only persona I actually agree with is me.. LOL.. I have seen so many members post way too personal information, not that it is wrong, but doing so do not expect everyone on here to agree. I can't begin to tell you the wars.. that have been created over it. Then after so many of us have responded, the member decides to have discussion deleted because they do not accept the truth. I read responses thoroughly and to be honest with you many times opposing responses have a ring of truth in them. Thanks so much megamatt, you have just answered a great many parts of the discussion that I needed to know. LOL Have a wonderful day.

If all we all simply listen carefully sometimes, there may be something valuable to capture from the opposing response. I remember one time a member was like so rude to me, I did not stoop to his level but instead have remembered what he said. It has replayed in my mind on and off and has made me re-think what perhaps I thought that I could be wrong. I also agree in order to survive in this society we must think clearly and pay attention sometimes.

I am one who always re-reads discussions/responses. A dear myLotter here has given me full detail on how people so jump to conclusions by simply reading the first line. I do not get it, I have enough off-line so why on earth would anyone engage in wars and flames online. Sometimes I wonder if they even read the full response. I have come to really appreciate even opposing responses as once I re-read there is some sense in there. Thanks for dropping by.

Oh I remember you of course, we have interacted quite a bit and I enjoy the back and forth as in off line life who speaks to a group of people then stares into space. LOL But yes, me too I do not get into debates.. I will never allow any online member to take me out of character, as I would probably be the one to fester and mull with it for days. See I am a very caring person and try to be helpful where ever I can. I have interacted with quite a few members here and find the interactions not only entertaining but learning experiences as well. I follow your rule as well.