A friend comes every day, but i don't want to feed him anymore
By Suggar
@Suggar (3606)
Bulgaria
December 13, 2010 11:02am CST
Hello friends, lately we have hard times with the money. I'm always putting some food on the table if me and my boyfriend are hungry and invite whoever is at home to eat with us. But last weeks i make home made bread and cook what we have left, we don't buy food for now.
My boyfriend and one of his friends decided to make a company. They don't have office for now and they meet at home. First days it was good, our friend was little shy when i served food on the table, he was just tasting it. But last days he always come in the late afternoon when usually we eat our lunch. It's bit annoying first - to face this guy every day, staying hours and hours in my home, second annoying part is that he always stays so long, that we have chance to eat only before he comes or after he leaves us. First thing is o.k., i can move in the other room and to stay my boyfriend and our guest to work here in the living room, but second thing is something much more than annoying - it's making me mad. Last days he see that i'm making bread at home, he knows that we have no money to buy food. He is coming around 2:00 or 3:00 in the afternoon and stay until diner time. I don't know why is that, but my boyfriend and his friend are never making plans for their meeting on the next day, the day before they meet. That's how we get up early, his friend is doing different stuff at home and he comes later and their deal is to talk for the time his friends will come at the same day he will come, not before that.
13 responses
@thanks1961 (7035)
• India
13 Dec 10
Hi dear,
So far so good. But now I think it is crossing the boundaries. As being a friend, he is limited upto the reception room and if required, till dining, when you all are having food.
Now I think you are exceeded the limit to say him good by to his visits and tell your b/f to remind him of unwanted visits. If he is not ready to tell him the fact, you can friendly adivise him, that you have limitations and he will understand it. If such people are not ready to understand from the circumstances, you need to open your mouth. Such people always deserve it and you need to tell the fact at the very moment now, such things are always treated as nuisance only.
Thank-s
1 person likes this
@Youreyes4Today (2356)
• United States
13 Dec 10
Well, during the next meal turn to him and say, your turn to make dinner tomorrow. You can bring whatever you want to cook and we can cook it here. Its an idea...
I know it is hard after you invited him that first time seems it just keeps going on and on. You may just need to let him know you don't have enough to feed him and yourselves everyday. Maybe if you all work together maybe it would be better.. Take turns bringing the food so that the expense isn't just on one.
1 person likes this
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
13 Dec 10
I cook enough for may be 3 or 4 people, but i don't throw left overs, just put them in the fridge so we can eat something tomorrow or later. Our problem is that we buy food when we have money. At the moment we don't know when we will receive money and I as home keeper am little worried how we will spend the holidays and the days before them, because for now we don't wait any money to come to us soon.
Thanks for the idea for the cooking. I'll try it or just will make the things that way, that we can eat before or after he comes.
1 person likes this
@SydneyHazelton (4586)
• Singapore
13 Dec 10
I know that in some cultures, receiving and giving guests food is part and parcel of being courteous and all. But when it gets to be too much, then there must be a way to stop the situation.
You need to talk to your boyfriend about this. Both of them need to find a place to hold their discussions, and the fact that they did not ask for permission to use your premises for that shows a sign of disrespect towards you.
When one of the responders said about not cooking, it was a fabulous idea. Another thing is to make yourself scarce for a couple of days. When he comes, tell him that you are visiting a friend or something. Leave no food at home for both of them, until they get the idea that you are no longer there to feed them. In fact, both of them need to be taught a lesson, especially when the food you are putting on the table is difficult to come by. You need to take action!
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
14 Dec 10
Last night i said my boyfriend, that we are not going to eat before the guy go home. And actually that's what we did, i waited them to finish their work, the mom of my boyfriend took his friend to drive him home with the car and then i made sandwiches.
Thanks for sharing my friend.
@SydneyHazelton (4586)
• Singapore
16 Dec 10
I'm glad both you and your boyfriend are taking steps together to work things out. It's great to hear both of you finding ways to solve your problem.
@louievill (28851)
• Philippines
13 Dec 10
Oh that's a real awkward and awful situation you are in right now. It's so hard to just shooo away somebody if food is the only reason and I know you were not raised that way,perhaps privacy is also becoming an issue. I agree with the other post, you have no choice but to tell it to him directly, one sudden pain is better than little by little torture that seems to have no end. I have one question Suggar, the company they put up is it already earning? or is it just in the planning stage? If it's not yet earning then that makes it worst
,good luck and hope you get over it
,good luck and hope you get over it
@jmimalabuyoc (37)
• Philippines
13 Dec 10
well that's really awful. i guess what you can do is to tell him directly about your problem with him, and i think he will understand you. he's not in a position to be angry at you, you know.. so thats my opinion, anyways goodluck.
1 person likes this
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
13 Dec 10
We just now offer him a little jar with a mustard to show him the taste, because it is delicious and we have around 4-5 more, we bought them long ago and we love eating it. I mean ... we show him that we like him, he is really a good guy, little annoying but a good friend, but still there are borders even for one friendship and the person has to realize how the others feel at the same time.
Thanks for sharing friend.
1 person likes this
@angeloglasser (134)
• United States
13 Dec 10
Well it sounds to me like your in a bit of a predicament the best advice I can give you is to first off stress to your boyfriend how you feel about the situation and tell him that his friend needs to start pitching in on food costs if he is going to be there everyday when you guys eat. Its one thing to feed someone once in a while but if hes gonna be there everyday then he should pitch in on the cost of the food your all eating.
The next thing I would discuss with your boyfriend and his friend is setting up some sort of schedule for them to work on their business that way you can plan your day a bit easier. For instance if they are going to get together at 3pm everyday then figure something along the lines of 3 to 5 or 6 every night. That way you always know when to expect him to be over.
Also you shouldn't have to be relegated to a different room its your home they should work out of a spare room or something along those lines so that you can enjoy your home.
I can tell you from past experiences that you and your boyfriend need to step up to the plate and nip this in the bud because its only going to get worse and will eventually lead to relationship problems especially if you two aren't on the same page about his friend and what hes doing.
1 person likes this
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
13 Dec 10
Thanks for your advices friend. We love our friends, we really enjoy when someone comes home, we spend great with them. I don't mind to go in the other room, but i do mind to share my food every day with that friend of him, which is my friend also, i like him, but i find it bit insolent he to stay so long at home.
I mean... he knows exactly what is the situation with us, because the apartment we live in is his sisters apartment, so he really knows what is our situations with the money. But being friendly with him many times when we shared our meals, he just learned that our home is friendly and opened for people, who are close to us all the time. And now my boyfriend's mom bring us some meat balls and other stuff from meat. And i just got mad because he stand up from his chair and started to stare at us, what my boyfriend's mom was putting out of her bad and give to us. That's what made me really crazy and i wrote my boyfriend that i won't feed that friend anymore.
Me and my boyfriend got great relations and we share everything with each other, so i can tell him everything. I'll have to discuss with him to make plans with that friend earlier than the present day they will meet. That's how everything will be done right, for me.
1 person likes this
@Christmas2006 (1661)
• United States
14 Dec 10
I read through all your response and there are some good ideas here for your problem. I think the first thing that you need to do is be in agreement with your boyfriend about the problem. You have never said how he feels about this. If he isn't going to support you about not feeding the friend, then you are fighting a loosing battle, as you will be struggling against both of them.
I have never had the problem like you have stated but I use to have a neighbor that was constantly borrowing a cake mix from me, with the promise that she would replace it, she never did, just kept borrowing. I found out she did not like chocolate cake, so the next time she wanted to borrow, I only had chocolate! That solved the problem. So in your situation, find out what food he DOES NOT like and fix that a couple times. Good luck.
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
14 Dec 10
Thanks for sharing friend, for me it's bit annoying when he watch me cooking whole day long and at the end all of us sit and eat everything. He said it alone, the day before yesterday, because half a day i baked bread to make sandwiches and at the end the result was not so big - i mean only 10 little breads, which is not a lot, for all of us.
My boyfriend is that kind of guy, who never knows what we have for lunch, breakfast, diner. He always ask when he is hungry - what shall we eat... Even if he use the fridge or make himself alone something, he never notise how much is left after his eating so .. i'm the one, who make plans for the meals at home. I always know when and what we have for cooking, eating, something, which can be done fast, something, which needs more time for cooking and i feel good about that, i take it as my responsibility... So after a short conversation last night everything is o.k.
@JudgeIronFist (2472)
• Singapore
14 Dec 10
Well I think you should tell him about what you feel about his actions. Most importantly, tell him that you have no money and it's a burden to feed one more person as more money has to be forked out. I know it's hard to say it directly what you want to say but sometimes in life, you have to voice out your unhappiness so that people will be aware that, oh, what they are doing is annoying and troubling other people. It should work if you tell him about it.
@cicisnana (772)
• United States
14 Dec 10
My boys have a friend who doesn't have much family or even other friends. He does have a grandfather and that is about it. He spends a lot of time at our house and sometimes it seems as if he will never leave. I try to have sympathy with him but sometimes it's hard when he stays for 5 or 6 days without leaving. Sometimes I just have to say, "James, it's time for your grandfather to come after you for awhile." He will call his grandfather and he always comes to get him, but he is always back a few days later too. But at least it is a few days of him being gone.
@kodukodu84 (1569)
• Malaysia
14 Dec 10
Well sounds like you really need to discuss this problem with your boyfriend because looks like his friend is more of trying to take advantage and take you guys for granted at the moment. He may is trying to save his own expenses for food by eating other people food everyday, but it is not fair for both of you and your boyfriend. Good luck and have a nice day
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
14 Dec 10
Hello friend, this friend of us lives with his mother, so they have cooked food all the time, i'm sure. He doesn't want to save expenses for sure, he always got some money in his pockets.
Here it is, 4:16 in the afternoon here and he will come around 5:00, which means that he will stay around 5-6 hours, exactly to diner time. This time i will cook, but won't serve for one more person. It's annoying and insolent. When he brings food next time with his visitation, then i'll put on the table something i've cooked on the next day.
Thanks for sharing friend.
@sweetmary86 (822)
• Philippines
19 Dec 10
i hate those kind of people. good thing i dont have friends like that i stay away from those kind of people. i do share food with my friends but not everyday. that is where it gets annoying. your friend should be sensitive enough and shouldnt abuse on your generosity. it gets annoying when its too much.
@aodoerfer (113)
• United States
13 Dec 10
Is he inviting himself? That seems very rude. Talk to your boyfriend and ask him to have your meetings elsewhere, and if he randomly shows up, pretend you're not home. I'm sure after a couple incidents like that he'll get the hint about not showing up uninvited.
